35. Millie

35

MILLIE

The next day, Nash and my mother ambushed me. My flight doesn't leave until tomorrow morning, but I wanted to spend the day hanging out with Leah. I haven't really been able to hang out with her since I've been home, and I wouldn't feel complete leaving her behind without a decent farewell.

"Millie, you need to tell the police about the man who kidnapped you." My mom breaks the silence. I still hadn't turned in Hayden, although I know if the police were to try and go after him, they would never find him.

I play with the ends of my sleeve anxiously in the living room. The fireplace is going, and it helps ease my nerves. No one knows I'm going to disappear again tomorrow. I have it all planned out already. I'm going to leave a note ensuring my safety and call them every other month to check in so they're not worried sick.

"Mom…why do you care? You've never cared about me before. It only took for me to disappear and for my father to die for you to realize you have a daughter who needs you," I quip as my frustration paints my tone.

My mother purses her lips and clicks her tongue.

"I love you. I know I don't say it often enough, but I love you both. You are my children," she responds while darting her hazel eyes at the both of us. Nash fidgets uncomfortably as he holds a book in his hand.

"Actions," I murmur as I watch the flames crackle behind her. My tone is bland but concrete.

"What?" she questions me, confused with narrowed brows.

"Actions speak louder than words, Mom. You say you love your daughter, but who still lives in the home you raised us in?" I ask, biting my lip.

Santiago .

"You say you love us, but when's the last time you asked us how our day went or showed up for anything, like picking me up from work when I didn't have a ride? Or show up to my high school graduation when I made valedictorian? Where were you?"

With Santiago .

"You say you love us, but growing up, who is the one that always came first before us?"

Santiago .

"That's enough!" My mother stands.

"All I ever wanted was to protect you from him, make you open your eyes, and be the person to make you realize that you deserve to be loved faithfully and kind. To show you that I'll always be your daughter. Why do you shut me out when I try and help you? Be there for you like you should be for us?"

"I will not be here to listen to this!" she pouts, grabbing her purse and starts for the door, but I keep going.

"Do you know that I'm scared all the fucking time? I'm scared because if I ever find someone who genuinely wants to be with me, and when they tell me they love me, I can't believe them."

Hayden and Cole pop into my head.

"I'm afraid to commit to a man because I'm afraid he'll cheat on me or leave me." My voice cracks as I remember all the memories of growing up and seeing my mom failing to find the one to show her that true love exists over and over again after continued failed relationships and that it doesn't have to always come from a man. It can come from various things. It can come from family…or friends.

Nash wraps his hands around my arms and tries to hold me from behind, but I gently remove his hands from me. She opens the door to my father's house, and I sniffle. With a tear rolling down her cheek, she stands and places one foot onto the porch.

"I pray every night. Every night since I was a child, you would finally leave Santiago, choose us, or choose yourself and chase a true happily ever after because I believe in them. No matter what anyone tells me, I believe in them ."

Again, Hayden pops into my head, and I hate myself for it. Hayden wanted me to have children with him. He told me one night that he would always ensure his children and wife were first. He was faithful to me the entire time we were together and promised to stay devoted to me, and I believe him. I consumed him from the moment he went to sleep until we saw each other on the next moon. Despite his flaws, he never beat me; he cared for me. He's afraid of the same thing I'm scared of.

Abandonment .

And I left him.

It hits me at this moment, and it strikes me hard. That Hayden still has me under his spell. I palm the scarred bite mark on my neck, pressing my hand on it, wishing I could hear his voice echo in my head whenever I strayed too far, like the concert or whenever I would take care of his mother's garden.

"You know…the man that took me is the only person that made me feel seen, heard, and—" I trail off, thinking about the way Hayden would touch me, hold me, kiss me, and look at me like I was the only person in our world.

Desired . Loved .

I can't say it. The way my mother and brother are looking at me right now, I don't like it. Nash furrows his brows, confused and disappointed, while my mom looks disgusted as her face turns slack.

I don't want to feel ashamed for falling in love with Hayden. He's a broken soul like I am. I can relate to him in so many ways…our trauma, but I cannot save him, and I cannot fix him. That conclusion of inevitable reality hit me when I found out he killed my father and lied about what exactly I am.

I look away from them and stare at the pictures of my dad and me on my first day of college above the fireplace. He holds me with his arm around my shoulder in front of the university mascot. He never smiles in photos, but he did in this one. I like to think he was proud of me. The familiar dull pain pulls at my throat and chest, and I let out a heavy exhale.

"How could you say that?" She shakes her head. "Goodbye, Millie." Mom closes the door, and I sink onto the couch where my dad used to sit.

"Goodbye, Mom," I whisper and silently hold myself.

"A series of animal attacks have resurfaced and left five people dead. Curfew was lifted when Millie Flores returned home safely, but now the Mayor is taking more precautions. We may have a serial killer in town, the same one police are after, and since Pete Flores' case remains unsolved, the entire town is on edge again."

I hear the news reporter as I walk to the kitchen. I cross the living room behind Nash as he sits where my dad used to be.

"Turn it up, please? I want to listen to this," I ask him, and he quickly turns, catching my worried gaze. He scatters for the TV remote and turns it off. Like I just caught him watching something vulnerable and wrong.

"Why'd you do that?" I try to reach for the remote, but he stands up and tucks the remote in his jeans. He stares at me, forcing his big brother smile like he's trying to comfort me.

"I'm still your big brother. I still need to protect you. I'm the man of the house now, and I say, TV rots your brain." He pulls me in and tucks his arm over my shoulder. He hooks my neck with his bicep, squeezing, and starts to nudge his knuckles into my head playfully.

"Stop, get off, jerk," I joke as I push him away.

We both stand there in an awkward yet warm exchange between us. It feels like old times before he moved away for college. He's trying hard to take care of me and distract me from falling into depression again. He knows I struggle with battles against myself. But I don't need anyone to do that for me. I can do it alone. He's trying to rekindle our sibling relationship but doesn't know how to. He breaks the silence.

"I'm going out tonight to study with some friends over a video call. I'm still able to do group projects from home. The professors and the university have understood our entire situation."

Nash starts to pack his things from the dining room table. He places his books in there and grabs his car keys. He heads for the door.

"I just paid off all of Dad's debt that shifted over to us, by the way. Like his house, the funeral…"

Cooper licks my hand, and I smile down at him and pet him repeatedly. "Wow, our community is awesome." I get on my knees just as Cooper rolls over to his back, his tongue hanging out happily, and I give him tummy rubs.

"Yeah. No kidding. One person made a one hundred million dollar donation. I put the rest away in a savings account."

Something pulls at me, and a lightbulb goes off. I immediately think of one person I know capable of having that much money and wouldn't blink an eye to drop that amount. I clear my throat and stand. I ball my fists.

"Who was it?" I ask in an accusatory manner.

"We don't know, it was anonymous." Nash shrugs and takes a bite of a Gala apple.

I stare at him pensively.

"When did they make this donation?" I pry further. I tighten my eyes and rub my lips together. I lean against the wall and cross my arms against my chest.

He starts to chew slowly like he's weirded out. He shifts on his feet. His dark black hair moves to the side when he blows his shoulder-length hair out of his brown eyes that try to figure me out.

"The night you came back home…" he sing-songs like he has no idea why I could be upset by this. I'm questioning him like it's a horrible thing because I know who gave us that money.

Hayden . It had to be him.

"Return it!" I stalk off toward my bedroom. My footsteps thud against the tile, and I'm seconds away from pushing open my bedroom door and looking for my own car keys so I can go to Leah's house.

"Umm, no? Millie, what's wrong with you?" he roars after me, but I can't face him because if I do, I may word vomit out of emotion, and I need to control myself. I tense up as Nash grabs my hand and pulls me back a little into the hallway before I can escape into my bedroom. Cooper stands on his two back legs and whines. He barks at the both of us like he's trying to tell us to stop arguing.

"Talk to me, dammit! It's been weeks since you've been home. You know something. You know who did this to Dad, and it's like you're protecting them! Is that why you don't want to say anything?" He accuses me. His forehead vein bulges, and my protective, authoritative big brother is back. The one that isn't scared to hurt my feelings or crush my boundaries.

"Back off, Nash!" I pull my hand away, and he lets me go.

"No! He's my father! We need justice!"

I want to scream at him. I want to tell him everything, but I must protect Nash from what I've seen and know. If that makes me a villain in his eyes… to save his life , then I'll be that.

"Please…leave it alone," I beg with tears clinging to my eyes.

He grinds his jaw and breathes heavily through his nose. His white shirt moves up and down as he tries to calm himself down. We stare at each other in the hallway. I have no words but beleaguered emotions that speak a thousand words when I don't have to.

He takes a deep breath, nods apologetically, and leaves the house. Great. This will be the last time I see Nash, and it had to be an argument. I get lost in my thoughts once again. I've come to terms with my father's death. It hurts. Our plans are dead alongside him. I feel partially responsible, but I try to push that out of my head. I know it was out of my control, but I can't help but feel like everything is my fault. I didn't ask for any of this to happen. I'm focusing on readjusting my future one day at a time.

I shake my head, passing by my dad's redwood wallpaper; I grab my keys and head to my car with one destination in mind.

I haven't told Leah anything. I didn't tell her I was showing up tonight, either. I've been so lost in my head that I forget where I am sometimes. Thankfully, I remember how to get to her house by memory and our countless hangouts before Hayden took me.

She still lives about ten minutes away from my house, in a neighborhood that's right by the mall. I park my car two houses down because it seems that Leah's neighbor is having a party and leaving nowhere to park in front. As I walk down the street, I can smell good old Texas BBQ and brisket being cooked in the distance, and it makes my mouth water. Country music plays, and I know it's George Strait.

I get closer to Leah's front door, walking across the front lawn to get there. I pass her bedroom window, and I get the same temptation to scare her by tapping on her window like I always do when I come over.

Grinning mischievously, I feel like my old self again—at least for a split second—because when I walk up to her window, her curtains are open, like she always loves to keep them. My playful demeanor vanishes when I'm holding up my hand to knock against the glass. I freeze like I've been caught in the middle of something I don't want to be in. I see my close friends together in a way that makes me go sick to my stomach, and I'm tempted to retch up my dinner.

I wish I could erase this from my memory. I wish I never came here. Because then I could pretend that my two best friends were still in my corner. But this is real life, and shit happens.

Cole is getting sucked off by Leah. His shirt is off, his triceps flexing hard as he tugs on her hair. He's fucking her face slow and gently. His eyes are on her mouth, and she looks like she's choking on him from how rough he's being with her throat. But she smiles like she's enjoying it through her gags. She's bare naked while Cole has his pants hanging down by his thighs.

They're looking at each other the way Hayden and I used to. Are they in love?

I tear my eyes away from her window, and my blood runs cold. I take off running back to my car, pressing the unlock button over and over again when I'm still a few feet away. I can't hear George Strait anymore, just my pulse thundering. I get in my car, slam the door shut, and peel out of her neighborhood. The entire time I drive home, I'm sobbing and gripping the steering wheel until the rubber pinches my skin from the friction.

I don't know why I'm crying. I think it's just from shock.

Every single minute I get closer to my dad's house, I hope Cole didn't catch me. There's no way Leah did because I could only see the back of her head. I don't need them to know that I saw that. They're free to do whatever they want.

What did I expect? I was gone for months. They probably turned to each other for comfort and did the cliche thing and started to fuck their grief out. But why am I hurting? Why do I care?

I never saw Cole in that way, anyway, but I guess it's the principle of feeling like they kept it from me that shocks me. Either way, how could they explain their relationship to me? I've been trying to heal. I'm an emotional person overall, and I guess I just wanted to say goodbye to Leah by watching our favorite Rom-Com movies and playing board games in her room until we got full on popcorn and snacks.

But things are different. I'm not the same person I was since I got taken the first time by the blonde vampire who broke my wrist. I'm not. But I'm determined to live the rest of my remaining life to the fullest.

When I get to my house, I run inside and lock the doors behind me. However, when I get to my room to try and finish packing up the rest of my things, the house phone rings.