32. Millie

32

MILLIE

I throw my diary on his desk, which slams against the wood. That's how he knew things about me. Things I've never told anyone! He took it from my room, invading my boundaries even further than I'd thought. He stares at it with guilt written all over his blue eyes. I charge him, and something wild comes over me. I slap him across the face hard.

"My dad is dead? I'm going to die? Is that why you want me to become immortal like you so badly?" I slap him again. His head whips to the side, and redness paints his cheekbones. His black hair hides the despair in his eyes and masks his scrunched nose with flared nostrils. "I'm sick, and you've known all this time!"

It doesn't do anything. He takes it and takes it with emotionless eyes, like whatever piece of sanity he had left in him isn't there anymore. I slap his chest and face again and again, and I'm sure it's hurting me more than him. The tender joints in my hand throb in pain, but it's not enough to stop me.

My father is dead? I'm going to die ?

What the hell is going on?!

"How could you! You killed my father! You told me that he would be safe if I went with you all those months ago! You monster! You fucking killed him!"

When I realize it's not doing anything to him, I grab the scissors he used to cut open my bandage when he took care of my wounds for me. I raise it to stab him in the chest but freeze. My vision blurs with hot tears, and my chest heaves with pure devastation.

"Do it. It won't kill me, but if it'll make you feel better…" He shrugs with a broken tone. "Do it." He grabs my wrist and tries to make me stab him in the chest. His grip tightens, forcing me to inch closer to wounding him.

My nose scrunches, and my eyebrows pinch together painfully. I feel a type of poison inside my soul, making me feel like I'm demented. The thought of putting a blade into Hayden's unbeating heart kills me. Even though he's everything I fear, I don't want to hurt him.

"No!" I drop the scissors, and they fall between us with a loud clang. "I'm not like you, Hayden! I never want to be like you! I want answers from you!" He looks at them like he wants to retrieve them for me and put them inside his own chest.

"I'm tired of thinking there's good in everyone! Some people just bleed pure darkness. I'm sorry that I thought I saw something different in you. You are irredeemable. I hate you!" I shout as my vision blurs, my throat rasps and scratches my words with animosity.

"I'm sorry, Millie. I know there are no fucking words to express the magnitude of what I've done. I… blacked out . I can't remember anything from that night. Just that I took you away and…fuck! I'm sorry! I hate that I don't remember. My blackouts are uncontrollable. You know I suffer from this! You smashed the lamp against me and I raged. I became blinded by wrath and depravity and—" He grabs my hand and pulls me to him, but I fight him as much as I can.

How can he fuck me like this, knowing he's a monster? How can he tell me he loves me when he's killed my father? How does he think I would marry him and never find out? I push him away, and this time, he lets me have some distance from him.

"I don't care if you black out! If you are seeking forgiveness from me, you're crazy! You chose to murder my father! I need to leave! I hate you!" I shout, seeing red. My heart has shattered. This is all too much. I feel like I'm going to faint and enter the same dreadful headspace I've been in since I was a child. Getting taken from Hayden… I can't explain what this has done to me, but I've forgotten about my troubled past when I'm with him because he chases it away when we're together.

"Don't tell me you hate me. Don't say those three words again! I'll fucking break if you do. Don't rip me apart by telling me that!"

I purse my lips together as my vision blurs.

"I. Hate. You."

I'm seething. I'm breaking. I'm drowning in his messed-up world.

Black tears start to fall out of the corners of his eyes, but I can't stop. He kept these horrible secrets from me.

"You said that you fell in love with me the moment we met. Yet you killed my father. He and I…we were fixing things! He was trying to be a part of my life and you ruined that forever! You don't kill the father of the one you love! I did what you told me to do!" I grab at my chest, seeking relief from my living nightmare but nothing helps. I shut my eyes tight as all the memories of my father hit me.

My dad is dead…this is unbelievable. All this time, I've been falling for my captor's lies. His lies were so wrapped up perfectly in a bow of our desire for each other. He's my father's murderer?

"I'll kill anyone who tries to take you from me, Millie. I don't care who it is. I'll. Kill. Anyone ." He admits it with no remorse and the darkest of tones I've heard him mutter.

He doesn't regret killing my dad?

I shake my head at his brutally honest confession. I know he's obsessed and would go to limitless lengths to keep me with him…but this? This is unforgivable. My situation is insanity.

"God, Hayden!" My lips twist into repulsion. "I'm sick? What does that even mean?! Tell me the truth!"

He's quiet, and finally, he can't look at me anymore. The lies, the deceit, everything is coming together like a map, and I've just reached the ending to my destination—the ending of our unstable relationship.

"Tell me!" I'm begging for the answers I deserve.

He starts to tap his foot, shaking his knee up and down anxiously.

"All Valkyries… are sick . They all die at the age of twenty-three from rare or mysterious illnesses. The book says that it can be from heart failure, tumors…or cancer. Whatever it is…it's incurable nor treatable."

Cancer ?

More tears fall down my cheek, and I grip my arms for comfort. I lick my dry lips, trying to process all of the information.

"That's why you want to turn me so badly?" I whisper, blinking slowly.

He nods, looking at me like he's being torn into a billion pieces by having to utter words he's been trying to avoid. Well, now I have what I needed to hear, and I don't know what to do but ache.

"Do I have cancer?" I ask him, but Hayden just flexes his jaw hard and looks at me with tortured eyes and a tormented soul.

"I just wanted to protect you from death…" he tells me instead of answering my question, his tone turning deep and husky.

"By keeping all of this from me? You think I was going to marry my father's murderer?! You're a liar! You wanted me for revenge…you want me for your powers! You want me to be your prisoner until you take me for your selfish ambition!"

"I don't give a fuck about the powers! All I care about is saving you and keeping you with me until the end of time!"

"Your father has wanted to kill me this entire time, hasn't he?" I interject.

Silence. Shame is written all over his beautiful satanic face.

"That's why he looks at me like that? With hatred?" I taunt for an answer. "He wanted you to kidnap me, didn't he? To beat King Davenport at his own game?"

He shakes his head twice; his face is full of sorrow. He plays with his ring, twisting it around his finger over and over again.

"Let me go home. I'm done…Hayden. I'm done . I want normal. You are not my haven, and I am not yours. I need to get away from all of this derangement and brutality…I need to get away from the Depraved Prince !" I shoot back with toxins fueling every vowel.

"No! I can't fucking do that!"

Finally, he snaps and balls his fist like he's about to melt down and grab me. He stalks forward, each step loud and indignant. He reaches for my face, his fingertips barely able to graze my hot, fuming flesh. He cups my face, harshly forcing his lips on mine. He kisses me as he presses his body against mine by gripping my waist tight, bruising me surely. But I'm too angry…too broken to feel anything else.

I contort my face and pull away by pushing against his chest as hard as I can, but of course, he doesn't move an inch. Instead, he allows me to break the kiss, and he shatters even more when I don't return it or match his movements.

"You must let me go! I don't want you!" I scream until my throat bleeds with pain.

"I love you! I can't!" he yells back at me, this time accompanied by that same horrifying vampire snarl that they all do when they're angry or hunting. It's so distinct I shiver every time I hear it.

"Ahh!" I shout, frustrated. I've had enough. I'm boiling over and impatient. I try to grasp anything that will get me out of this situation and away from him. I grab the scissors again and hold them to my throat so he understands the level of depth I'm willing to go to to escape him. Hayden stares and goes rigid. His eyes widen with excruciating misery.

"If you don't let me go home, I will end my life right here and right now! I'd rather die than be with you!"

"Jesus fucking Christ, Millie! Drop it now, goddammit! I can't lose you!" He pleads and tries to grab the scissors, but before he can, I press it into my skin until I feel a sharp pinch, signaling I've cut through my flesh.

"Don't, baby, please don't! Don't hurt yourself!" he continues to plead. His shoulders relax when I pull back the sharp blade.

"Then let me go, or I'll finish the job for you and your father!"

He immediately steps away from me and creates space so I can walk towards the door. Black tears flood his broken blue eyes I've come to admire…and, finally, despise .

"I'm going to spend whatever time I have left, and I will do it without you. At..."

Home?

I want to say home, but it doesn't feel like it. Hayden started to feel like my home—this Cathedral. I…fell in love with him. I tried to make him feel good and give into his selfishness along with mine. But I got lost in his lies.

"Where? Tell me where?" he begs.

I don't speak. I look away from him and start walking toward the door. I can ask Kallum to put me on a plane.

"My mother's place. Or maybe my brother. They're the only ones I have left."

"She doesn't want you. Your brother left you! They don't love you. But I fucking do. I love you with all that I am. I love you all the time, from the moment I wake up until the second I fall asleep. And even in my dreams, I love you. No one cares about you the way I do. I'd sacrifice my entire world just to look at you."

For a moment there, I want to break and give in, forget that he's kept things from me, and forget that he was the one who killed my dad.

No. He's lying. He just wants his powers . He's the one that's sick.

"You made me think this entire time my father was alive! You deceived and betrayed me." Hot tears continue to leak, and I sniffle as I rub my nose.

I continue to make my way out of his room, but he keeps calling out for me. He hates that I'm giving him silence.

"Millie," he warns.

I grab the doorknob and turn it.

"Millie!" He shouts with a pained voice. "At least tell me where, baby. Please. Don't go. I…I can fix this. Give me time. I have all the time in the world, remember? Please. Don't leave me. Don't fucking leave me! You're not safe without me! My enemies will find you. I need to protect you. You're all that matters to me! You're all I want! The cruel demons that I endure are only worth it if I have you here to kiss them away. The duties I have to execute…" he stammers before continuing. "Tell me you'll see me next moon?"

I grab my hand, and my face twists into wrath.

"You are the cruel demon in my life."

I pinch the ruby engagement ring on my finger and throw it on the bed. Hayden watches the ring land on it and falls to his knees. He's shaking uncontrollably like he's lost, his jaw clenching with catastrophic failure. This time, he doesn't get what he wants. His eyes have turned crimson, and his fangs protrude over his bottom lip. His shoulders sink, but I refuse to spend another second with him. I grab my diary from his desk and tightly hold it to my side.

I open the door and walk out, slamming the door behind me. To my surprise, he lets me go and doesn't follow me.

With every step, I cry. I cry for my father. I'm crying because now I realize what happens to Valkyrie's. I'm crying because I've fallen in love with an evil, murderous vampire and hate myself for it.