25. Volezimir

25

VOLEZIMIR

I storm into my study, slamming the door behind me. The sound echoes through the room, matching the thundering of my heart. Anger and fear still course through my veins, but now they're tinged with a sickening sense of shame.

What have I done?

I pace across the room, my footsteps heavy on the stone floor. Each step feels like a reminder of how badly I've messed up. The image of Zylpha and Azrathel standing so close replays in my mind, tormenting me. I clench my fists, fighting the urge to lash out at something, anything.

"Damn it!" I growl, my voice low and guttural.

I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. I shouldn't have let my anger take control. But the fear of losing them... it consumed me. After years of searching, of hoping against hope, I finally had my family back. The thought of it all slipping away again...

I stop at the window, staring out at the ever-shifting landscape of Galmoleth. It's beautiful, but in this moment, it feels cold and alien. Is this how Zylpha sees it? Does she feel as out of place here as I felt during those years searching for her?

The shame washes over me anew. I've been so caught up in my joy at having them back, I never stopped to consider how difficult this transition must be for her. For both of them.

I turn away from the window, my gaze falling on a small portrait on my desk. It's a sketch of Zylpha and Kaelox, drawn by one of the castle artists. Their smiles, frozen in time, now seem to mock me.

"I'm sorry," I whisper to the empty room, my voice cracking. "I'm so sorry."

The weight of my actions settles on my shoulders. I've let my fears and insecurities drive a wedge between us, potentially undoing all the progress we've made. The thought of losing them now, because of my own foolishness, is unbearable.

I sink into my chair, head in my hands. How do I fix this? How do I make Zylpha understand that my outburst came from a place of love and fear, not distrust? And Kaelox... the memory of his tears, of the objects shaking around him, sends a fresh wave of guilt through me.

I need to make this right. Somehow, I need to find a way to bridge the gap between our worlds, to create a safe haven for my family within the dangerous realm of demon society. But first, I need to apologize. I need to show Zylpha that I trust her, that I believe in us.

I pace my study for what feels like hours, torn between the desire to seek out Zylpha and the fear of making things worse. My hands clench and unclench at my sides, restless energy coursing through me. The weight of my earlier outburst hangs heavy on my shoulders, each passing moment amplifying my regret.

Finally, unable to bear the silence any longer, I make my way to our shared chambers. My heart races as I push open the door, hoping to find Zylpha there. But the room is empty, her scent lingering in the air like a bittersweet reminder of what I might have lost.

Worry gnaws at my gut as I turn and head towards Kaelox's room. I pause outside the door, taking a deep breath to compose myself before entering. The sight that greets me sends a pang through my chest.

Mara sits by Kaelox's bed, her expression weary but vigilant. My son lies still, his small chest rising and falling in the steady rhythm of deep sleep. And to my surprise, Zylpha isn't here, either, though she must have laid him down to sleep.

"How is he?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.

Mara looks up, her eyes filled with a mixture of concern and understanding. "He is resting, sir. The magical outburst took a lot out of him."

I nod, guilt washing over me anew. My son, caught in the crossfire of my own insecurities and fears. I move closer, resisting the urge to touch him, afraid I might disturb his much-needed rest.

As I reenter the corridor, a sound catches my attention. It's faint, but unmistakable - the sound of shuffling, the muffling of Zylpha's voice, coming from the rooms I had prepared for her. The rooms she said she didn't want. My heart clenches at the realization that she's retreated there, away from me.

I stand frozen, one hand on the doorknob, torn between the desperate need to go to her and the knowledge that she might need space. The memory of her hurt expression, the pain in her eyes as I hurled accusations at her, makes me flinch.

"I'm a fool," I whisper to myself, letting my hand fall from the door.

Retreating, I summon a zonak and instruct them to send food to both Zylpha's and Kaelox's rooms. It's a small gesture, inadequate in the face of what I've done, but it's all I can think to do right now.

Back in my own chambers, I sink into a chair, the weight of the day pressing down on me. I stare at the door, willing it to open, for Zylpha to walk through. But the hours tick by, and I'm left alone with my thoughts and the gnawing fear that I might have irreparably damaged the most precious thing in my life.

By the time the sun rises, I can't stand it any longer. Zylpha never came back to their rooms and I am at a complete loss for what to do. So, I turn to the one person who has always helped me keep my head on straight…

I step through the portal onto the sun-drenched beach of Aurelius, the familiar scent of salt and tropical flora hitting me like a punch to the gut. It's a stark contrast to the oppressive atmosphere I left behind in Galmoleth. My eyes scan the shoreline, quickly finding Lamain's tall figure silhouetted against the sparkling sea.

As I approach, the sand shifting under my feet, Lamain turns. His brow furrows in surprise, concern etching itself across his features.

"Volezimir? What brings you here so early?"

I open my mouth to speak, but the words catch in my throat. The weight of everything - my argument with Zylpha, Kaelox's distress, the lingering threat of Azrathel - comes crashing down on me all at once. My knees buckle, and I sink to the sand.

"I've fucked up, Lamain," I choke out, my voice raw with emotion. "I might lose them both."

Lamain crouches beside me, his hand a comforting weight on my shoulder. "Tell me what happened."

And so I do. The words pour out of me like a dam breaking, each confession bringing a fresh wave of pain and shame. I tell him about my confrontation with Zylpha, about the jealousy and fear that consumed me when I saw her with Azrathel. I describe Kaelox's tears, the objects shaking around him as our argument escalated.

"I'm terrified, Lamain," I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. "I searched for them for so long, and now that I have them back, I can't shake this fear that they'll be taken from me again. But my actions... I'm pushing them away myself."

I look up at Lamain, feeling more vulnerable than I have in centuries. "I don't know how to do this. I feel like I'm failing at everything. And Zylpha..." My voice breaks. "She deserves so much better than what I'm giving her. Than what I can give her."

The admission of my deepest insecurity hangs in the air between us. "What if I don't deserve them, Lamain? What if I'm not capable of being the partner and father they need?"

Lamain listens intently, his golden eyes fixed on me with unwavering focus. When I finish, he lets out a deep sigh, running a hand through his silver hair.

"Volezimir," he begins, his voice gentle but firm, "you and Zylpha have already overcome so much. Think about it - you searched for her across this realm, never giving up hope. She survived years of captivity, protecting and raising your son in the most difficult circumstances imaginable. That kind of strength doesn't just disappear."

His words hit me like a physical force, making me pause and truly consider what we've been through.

"You're both adapting to an entirely new life," Lamain continues. "It's natural to have fears and doubts. But remember, the foundation of any strong relationship is trust and open communication. You need to talk to her, really talk to her, about your fears and insecurities. And you need to listen to hers."

I nod slowly, feeling a glimmer of hope starting to break through my despair.

"As for being a father," Lamain adds, a small smile playing on his lips, "none of us truly know what we're doing at first. It's a learning process. What matters is that you're there, that you love Kaelox and are committed to being the best father you can be."

His words resonate deeply within me, cutting through the fog of self-doubt that's been clouding my mind.

"Thank you, Lamain," I say, my voice thick with emotion. "I... I needed to hear that."

As our conversation draws to a close, I feel a sense of clarity washing over me. The weight on my shoulders hasn't disappeared entirely, but it feels more manageable now. I realize that my own insecurities led me to doubt Zylpha, despite everything we've been through together. The thought fills me with renewed determination.

Standing up, I brush the sand from my clothes. "I need to go back," I tell Lamain. "I need to make this right."

He nods, clasping my shoulder. "Go. And remember, Volezimir - love isn't about being perfect. It's about being there, through the good and the bad."

With those words echoing in my mind, I activate the portal back to Galmoleth. As soon as my feet touch the familiar stone floor of my study, I'm moving, driven by a singular purpose. I stride through the halls of the castle, my heart pounding with each step.