9. Bennett

NINE

BENNETT

I open the front door, holding Robbie's hand as he holds Lizzie's—the way they have been since I suggested it a few blocks back. Robbie's still wobbly on his feet.

I freeze the second I hear the word partner. I don't know why the word is triggering for me, but it is.

"Having a partner is... I don't know how single parents do it, I really don't, and I'm not telling you to ask the man on a date only so you're not doing this alone. I swear I'm not. I'm telling you he's obviously aware of what you're going through and is still here. He's the first person to really turn your head in years, so why would you hold back? What do you have to lose?"

My eyes bug out at the statement, then they about fall off at the questions.

Are they talking about me?

Before I can try to figure it out, another voice comes through loud and clear.

"I'm not a dad, obviously, I'm not even someone's, like, ‘ official' partner, but I agree with Kevin. The way you stepped up for your little bro tells me everything I already knew about what kind of man you are. You're not a ‘wait and see' kind of guy, Riggs. You always go for it. So I say, go for it."

Lizzie chooses that moment to shove the door open so hard that it bangs against the inside wall. I guess she doesn't feel like waiting for me to regain my composure.

Fuck, shit, damn. I hope that didn't do any damage.

"Lizzie, not so hard," I whisper with urgency, not using her nickname so she understands I mean business while trying to be gentle but firm. It's basically an impossible line to toe, but I do my best.

I turn and see Robbie looking at me wide-eyed and... scared? Shit, that can't be a good sign. I smile as gently as I can at him, and his body loses some tension but not all of it.

"Are you okay, buddy? It's okay, Lizzie just doesn't know her own strength sometimes." The soothing tone of my voice helps a little bit more. I know he might not understand every single word, but I think it's important to explain what's happening to kids.

Footsteps sound, approaching before I can even take a step to him, and of course it's Luke. He looks worriedly at Robbie, and that gives me a moment to find my balance and make the blush on my cheeks disappear.

I didn't forget everything I heard, and being the son of an Irish man, I blush easily and it's hard to make it go away.

"You okay, bud?" Luke asks sweetly as he lowers to his haunches. He hugs Robbie and closes his eyes. Robbie nods and makes nonsense noises which has my shoulders relaxing and Luke taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. Then, his bright blue eyes open and shoot up like lasers to mine.

"Everything good? "

I can only nod, then I have to look away. I knew Lizzie was checking the wall the door banged against from seeing her out of the corner of my eye, but I go to her and, just like Luke did with Robbie, I crouch down to her level.

"We shouldn't push doors so hard, sweet pea, you know this." She nods and looks downcast as she walks to Luke.

"I'm sorry Mr. Luke," she whispers in her adorable voice, and looks him in the eyes. I'm so damn proud of my girl right then.

"It's all right lil' miss. Apology accepted."

The way Luke smiles at my daughter stops my breath completely. Oh man, this is going to be very awkward if Luke wasn't talking about me with his friends.

The same friends who come walking out at that moment, like superheroes arriving just in time to stop a car from crashing into a family or something. They save me from the humiliation of Luke seeing how he's affecting me.

"It's time I meet our new best friend," one of his friends exclaims with a huge smile. I can't remember their names right now, hell I can barely remember my own fucking name.

Without another word, the man picks Robbie up and takes him back to the living room. Robbie's eyes open wide as he's picked up, but doesn't protest. After they walk two steps, I see his little shoulders drop and a very small smile appear on his face as he looks at the big man who's carrying him.

Like most football players, Luke's friends are big humans, and Robbie looks tiny next to them.

They disappear around the wall separating the entrance hall from the living room, with the other two friends following . Robbie's sudden cackle of laughter can be heard from the front door, and I'm about to try and make excuses for us to leave, when Lizzie takes my hand and saves me like the perfect angel she is .

"Bath?" she asks, looking up at me with tired eyes.

"Yeah, sweet pea. It's time to go home." I nod, then turn to Luke with what I hope looks like a sane smile.

"I'll walk you two out." He reaches to hold the passenger door for us and stands next to it while I fasten Lizzie's seatbelt.

"So," I start, super intelligently, when I close the door. I don't know what I should say. Mentioning that I heard the last part of his conversation with his friends is obviously not happening.

"How about a play date?" he blurts out a bit too loudly.

I smile at him without being able to help it. I have a feeling I might make him as nervous as he makes me. That'd be a pretty big coincidence, wouldn't it?

Aren't coincidences supposed to be the language of the universe or fate, or whatever?

Before I can agree enthusiastically to said play date, he speaks again.

"Okay, not a play date." I frown, not knowing how I'm supposed to react to him immediately taking it back. "A date, date. Like, for adults. Of course we could have a date with the kids, but I want to ask you out on a date. With me. Would you..." He hesitates, and swallows hard before continuing. "Like that?"

"I'd like that very much," I say, despite everything I've been telling myself the last few years. Because whatever happens, I know I'm never going to regret taking a chance on someone who makes me feel so much. And also, I could never imagine Luke being anything like Jeremy. He could be a world-class liar, of course that's always an option, but my gut is telling me Gab would've figured that out at least a few weeks after knowing him if that were the case. And the woman clearly likes and respects him.

"Either option, really. Or both. You just text me when and where, yeah? "

"Okay," he says with a huge smile. I want to kiss it, but now is not the time. I have to get in the car, drive home, put Lizzie to bed.

C'mon, Bennett. Left foot, and then right foot.

I nod once, goofy smile firmly in place, and then walk backwards until I bump against the side mirror of my SUV. I have to turn to hide my embarrassment, but I'm not sure I manage it from Luke's giggle. It sounds so fucking sweet, I have to look back.

Also, not a mocking giggle in the least, since he's blushing just as hard as I am.

Jesus, what are we, ten ?

As I'm driving back home, I can't help but think that even when I had my first crush at ten, I didn't feel as excited or nervous as I do now.

Monday

Luke

Perfectly SAFE FOR WORK picture incoming.

*photo*

Now I know what you meant about Target being my best friend forever.

The picture of the kids toy aisle and the brimming cart has me smirking at my phone and totally takes me out of the scene I was writing. I don't even mind. I'm the idiot who picked up his phone when I should be taking advantage of a quiet house to get back to work.

I don't regret it though, not when I have a million butterflies in my belly just from seeing Luke's name on my screen. Actually living is probably good for writers. I should be reminded how my main character feels when he wants someone.

Bennett

Right??!!

Target is the absolute best.

I'll take you to Buy Buy Baby at some point.

You have no idea the wonders you can discover there.

Is that too lame?

If it is, then I am, I guess. I'm not trying to disguise the fact that efficient kids stores make me happy.

I know he didn't become a parent willingly like I did, and he's also the guardian of his brother, and that might not be the same as being a dad. But he's doing everything dads do, so... maybe he'll understand why I have such a strong feeling about fucking Target.

Fuck, I just don't know.

And I'm making a whole hell of a lot of assumptions again .

Yeah, that needs to stop right now. Thankfully the buzzing of my phone takes me out of that depressing line of thought—I don't feel good with so much evidence for how much of a judgmental asshole I am.

Luke

I don't know what that is, but I want to find out.

Bennett

You'll love it.

So, I don't think you've ever had this problem, but Robbie hosed me down this morning while I was changing him.

*photo*

The picture shows a disgruntled and reluctantly amused Luke, still in the store.

I didn't take a picture then, but this is basically what I looked like, just a lot wetter.

I let out a giddy chuckle, he's too cute, dammit.

I heard that happens.

LOL *laugh emoji*

But I haven't had that experience with Lizzie.

Consider yourself lucky.

I'm going to keep exploring this magical place.

Text more later?

My heart squeezes at the question.

Is he as hesitant as me? Is he as fearfully hopeful?

Who knows. I doubt he's had the same issues with dating as I have, I mean?—

Stop making fucking assumptions, Bennett.

Right.

Bennett

Of course, enjoy.

Maybe what I need is to finally schedule that appointment with Dr. Wendy. She'd know what I should do, how I should approach this... dating thing again after all I've been through. I've created a life for Lizzie and me, that runs like a well-oiled machine. Even with all the disasters every day brings when you have children.

How am I supposed to include another person in that life—two persons actually, because Robbie is obviously going to be with Luke now, for good—without my therapist's help?

Yeah, booking an appointment needs to happen now.

Tuesday

Luke

So, Robbie tripped on the last step to the garden, and he scraped his knee. Is there a special kind of disinfectant I have to use on one-year-olds?

I only have the normal one.

I don't know how, but I can feel the frantic energy through the text, so once again I ignore my Word document and write back immediately.

Bennett

You can use the same one you'd use for yourself.

Just put some cream on after and give him lots of cuddles .

I don't get a response for more than two hours, and even though I try to concentrate back on my guy trying to outrun a murderous psychopath in the woods, there's no way I can until I hear back from Luke that Robbie is okay.

I pick up Lizzie, and we have a few grapes as a snack while dinner simmers on the stove, and still no answer.

It's not until we're sitting down and halfway through our plates of stir fry that my phone vibrates against the table.

I normally make a point of not looking at my phone while I'm with Lizzie, so I have to explain when I immediately pick it up.

"I just have to check something important on my phone, sweet pea, okay?"

She nods without even looking at me, and takes another handful from her plate and shoves it into her mouth. She knows—kind of—how to use her little fork, but when she's hungry like this, she prefers to eat with her hands. I don't mind—even though the clean-up ends up being a lot more—since it helps develop her fine movements and hand-eye coordination.

Luke

Thanks so much for your help. I'm sorry for bothering you with it.

It worked perfectly, and the cuddles after he was healed up and had a band-aid on were just what we both needed.

I just put Robbie to sleep. Can we talk about our date?

The last text comes through while I'm writing my response, and I have to take a deep breath to keep my fingers steady in order to write back.

Bennett

I'm glad I could help, and no worries, you can always text or call if you don't know something.

I take my time crafting the next text. I don't want to seem off-putting at all.

I'm having dinner with Lizzie right now, but in about an hour and a half, after I put her to bed we can.

I'd like to.

I have to add that last bit at the end. Because it's true. I really, really want to.

In the meantime, I shove my phone in my pocket and focus on Lizzie again. I clean her up while we wait for the tub to fill and throw the very dirty clothes in her laundry bin, then we spend half an hour playing with her ducks, her warships—she chose them at, you guessed it, Target—and her mermaids. She keeps playing with them while I comb her hair and help her shrug on pajamas. As we do every night, I read her a couple of chapters until she falls fast asleep.

I decide kitchen clean-up can wait until I've talked with Luke.

I see I have another message from him when I look at my phone.

Luke

Sure, just text me when you have time.

I see it's been more like two hours. Longer than what I'd told him, so I hope he hasn't gone to sleep.

Be fucking real. He's an adult, and it's not even nine p.m.

Okay, damn. I have to get my shit together.

Bennett

Hey, sorry it took me a little longer.

Luke

No worries, I know how it is.

So, my agent just reminded me I have to shoot a couple of commercials in LA from Friday until next Tuesday. I also agreed to see Gab all Thursday afternoon, since the Draft is next week.

Would you like to have dinner at my place tomorrow?

I wonder how he's going to manage the work trip to LA with Robbie, but it's not my place to question him. I also realize that's a way to avoid thinking about the fact he's asking me to his place for dinner. No guy has ever done that. It feels... special. Now that's totally lame.

More texts appear before I can agree.

I just don't have someone to leave Robbie with yet, and since he's going to be asleep, I won't have my attention divided. You also told me you're starting to work with Gab tomorrow, right?

Also, going out in Vegas isn't too easy for me.

I get what he's saying. Pictures of him walking around or entering a restaurant would be up for grabs on all social media in a matter of minutes.

I don't take any offense to him not wanting the world to know he's going out on a date with me. Especially since I know no one has ever mentioned he's queer at all. I've dealt with the level of fame he has because of my friends before, and honestly, it's not really something I want to be a part of in any way.

So no, I don't take offense to Luke not wanting to take me "out."

Bennett

That would be perfect. My parents told me they wanted to take Lizzie for a whole day this week.

I'll just ask them and let you know.

Luke

Thank you so much.

I can't wait.

I hesitate for a few seconds, then I think, fuck it , and write what I want to say. What I'm feeling.

Bennett

Me either.