28. Vex

28

VEX

T wo days later, I'm the last to arrive at church, which is really fucking unusual.

Niro always comes in two minutes late. The man will be late to his own funeral.

And…everyone is looking at me, which is…weirder.

Usually, people are all wrapped up in their own conversations. There are cigarette stubs in the ashtray and the strong smell of cigarette smoke, which suggests at least a portion of these men have been in this room a while.

I realize Catalina is missing, which means it's the most core club business and only the senior brothers attend.

"Take a seat, Vex," King says.

My heart starts to beat a little faster.

"What's going on?" I ask.

Clutch has some papers in front of him.

Do they think I did something wrong?

"We needed to do some soul searching as a group," King says.

"What? Wait, why haven't you called the meeting to order?"

Clutch looks at me sympathetically. "Because we called it to order an hour ago."

Why would they…? Oh, shit. "You wanted to talk about me?"

Switch reaches out and squeezes my shoulder. The move reassures me a little. But not enough to battle the waves in my gut.

"I shared with the club what you shared with me, about how you ended up with the Iron Outlaws." King sits back in his chair.

"I told you that in confidence, Prez. Calista wouldn't appreciate the world knowing her business like that."

Silence greets me. "I'll say what we're all thinking," Halo says. "Once upon a time, there would have been single men at this table to remind us all that we're a club first and that women are secondary. Kind of entertaining that no one is saying anything because we all immediately put our old ladies in Calista's situation and agreed with what you tried to do."

King sighs. "I did it for a purpose. Because we took a vote. I'm offering you the opportunity to leave the Iron Outlaws. Permanently. With no legacy expectation that you would help the club any further."

Leaving the club is next to impossible. And even so, you're meant to answer the call whenever the club needs you, whatever they need you for.

But more than that, there's an almost immediate reaction within me to the statement, to fight and tell them I don't want to go anywhere, but I need to understand more.

"Why?" I ask.

"My grandfather had a goal when he established the Iron Outlaws," King says. "To build a place where like-minded men could get together to work and play as one. To build lives outside the laws and rules of society to create wealth and demonstrate that found family is more important than blood. Under that premise, Vex, you didn't join us because you believed in those ideals. You joined us because you were coerced. Because we never gave you a choice."

"So, you're kicking me out?" I rub my hand over my face, wishing I'd brought a cup of coffee in with me because my mouth is suddenly dry as a bone.

Bates shakes his head. "No. We're giving you a choice. For as long as I can remember, you've been our guy. We say we have each other's backs, but the truth is, for nearly fifteen years, you've been the reason many of us are alive."

"You've also made more money for the club than any other individual with the eleven million dollars you hacked from the Righteous Brotherhood," Niro says. "That money means we're all secure for the rest of our lives."

Clutch leans forward. "It's not about whether you're good enough to be a biker. You've lived up to the ideals. You've lived the life well. But Cue Ball, my fucking dad, was wrong to do what he did, given the deal you struck with Camelot. I think we all know what a shit he turned into. I might be facing conversations like this with people he hurt for years to come. But I'm sorry, Vex. Real fucking sorry that he and this club let you down."

I nod, words stuck somewhere in my throat.

"We don't do shit to women," Spark says. "It's not who we are. I'd make a vote for you on the basis of that fact alone."

Saint looks at King with a grin on his face. "Except that one time when King took my sister and?—"

"Fuck off," King says, but he can barely get the words out from his grin. "I'm marrying her on Valentine's Day, aren't I? Can't get more fucking romantic than that."

"True story," I say, finding my voice. "I was there when he convinced her. Real romantic shit. Needs her more than air or some shit."

"For real?" Clutch asks.

King brushes the comment off. "It wasn't that pathetic."

Switch turns to face me. "It's a bold choice to give up the life you should have had to save someone's life. But, honestly, that's utterly typical of the man I've come to know. You've put all of us first. Above yourself, above sleep, above everything. But it's time you went and got that life if it's not this. You've been everything an Outlaw should be…you just need to decide if being an Outlaw is everything you want to be. I'll miss the fuck out of you if you go, but if happiness means going out west with Calista to start a new life there, then you should do it with all our blessings."

I've not cried in a fucking long time, but I feel the sting of tears like I might.

I lower my head for a moment and run my tongue over my teeth. I swallow deeply.

"Should the terms not be clear," King says. "It means you can leave, free and clear. An absolute severing of your ties to the club beyond the friendships you've made. You find yourself back in town, you'll always be welcome at the clubhouse. Or it means that you can decide to stay, and we'll patch you in again. This time, you'll become an Outlaw because you choose it. You'll keep your status, your standing, your share. It's a symbolic joining because you want to be a brother. That you want to be an Iron Outlaw. But if you join, this time, you'll be subject to the rules of leaving that everyone else is."

Clutch passes the sheets of paper he had across the table to me. "These are the terms of both offers. They're both valid for seventy-two hours."

"There's one last clause, if you stay," King says. "Also already voted on. We want you to take on four prospects to help with tech and security. Hire people already seasoned, hire people to train. Invest in the systems you need to make it happen because a security team isn't fitting in your pantry. Create a security rota so we can all sleep in our beds safely each night, including you."

My head spins with the possibilities. But the biggest feeling is one of relief.

"Stay," Niro says.

I look up at him.

"What happened to agreeing to let Vex decide on his own?" King asks.

"You're being all poetic and shit and dancing around it," Niro say. "He needs to know we want him."

"You think that wasn't clear from what just got said?" Saint asks.

Niro stands. "I'm just gonna say it. Vex, you're a fucking good human being. So, you should stay with us because I'd really struggle with missing you."

Spark joins Niro. "Fight night and ride outs wouldn't be the same without you. You should stay."

Bates gets to his feet. "I'd fucking miss you."

Halo stands too. "I think you should stay so I can give you shit for falling for Calista so goddamn hard, it hurts my teeth just watching you."

Saint grins as he follows the others. "I think you should stay, because I know a thing or two about joining a motorcycle club when you didn't intend to and finding a home here."

Clutch stands. "I think you should stay because this is where you belong."

Switch gets out of his chair. "Can't imagine you not being here for all the most important and life-changing moments and the small ones that build memories. I want you to stay."

King is the last to his feet. "I want you to stay because, at its very core, you're a brother, one of us, an Outlaw."

I look at each and every one of them, and then I embarrass the shit out of myself by placing my hands over my eyes and crying.

Not sure I've ever seen such a powerfully significant moment like this in the clubhouse before. These men have become my life. But they just gave me the golden ticket. The answer to my prayers. I can follow Calista. I can make a home with her. Without obligation to the club.

But even as I think it, the sacrifice already feels too big.

Switch places his hand on my shoulder as I pull myself together. "Thank you, brothers." My voice is low; it's filled with raw emotion.

"Let us know what you decide. Meeting adjourned," King says.

"You want to get out of here?" Switch asks me quietly.

I nod.

Without a further word, Switch basically leads me to my bike via the spot where we hang our riding jackets, like a toddler who needs settling.

"Why didn't you tell me this is what?—?"

"Get on your bike," Switch says as we stride across the clubhouse lot. He's grinning. "It's a beautiful day for a ride."

"It's minus four."

"Another reason you shouldn't go to California. Warm weather makes you soft." He revs the engine of his bike so I can't say anything in retaliation. "You lead."

I climb on my bike and pull out.

Switch stays to my side, ever so slightly behind. The ride immediately lifts the feeling of a foot on my chest. It blows off the overwhelm of what just happened. Riding in this weather is like meditation. You're so busy trying not to think about how you're freezing and trying to ignore the sting of the cold through any exposed bits of skin, that your mind stops racing.

And it's bliss.

We ride down the shore. The place I've lived my whole life.

It takes us a little over an hour, but we ride all the way to Atlantic City in a blessed silence. And Switch does nothing except follow. Sometimes we ride side by side. As we pull up to intersections, he'll drop behind me and follow me however I turn.

We pull up on a side street along the boardwalk, not too far from the huge Ferris wheel that sits on the pier. In the middle of summer, you can't move because there are so many people, but on this crisp winter day, it's almost deserted. We walk to the sound of the surf and the rare occasional gull, and eventually, I stop and lean on the railing as I look out toward the horizon.

"What are you thinking?" Switch asks.

"That that was one of the grandest fucking gestures I've seen at the club."

"Yeah. It was unanimous, you know. Don't remember if anyone told you that in the moment. But it was the easiest yes."

The water is so churned up, it looks murky. I think about what Calista and I talked about at the clubhouse. That there isn't a way for us.

Given what just happened, it's a lot easier for me to move to her than for her to uproot her entire business. She can't make all the people who work for her move here. And I didn't think I'd be allowed to go. Not without there being conditions. And, frankly, the Los Angeles chapter of the Iron Outlaws is one of the most violent chapters, with over thirty percent of the members behind bars and rife with internal politics.

Pretty certain those people aren't my people.

"Now I know that I have a choice to be an Outlaw, I want to stay."

"But you're going, aren't you?" Switch says.

I nod because that's my gut reaction. "I want to stay, but not as much as I want to keep Calista in my life."