26. Brooke

TWENTY-SIX

brOOKE

J ude told me he didn't want me to bring anything, but I stopped at the store anyway and purchased a few items I thought he and the kids would like: rocket pops for Amelia, Tastykake cupcakes for Sebastian, and A-Treat for Jude.

Parking in front of the house, I took a steadying breath then killed the engine and climbed out of my car. With the shopping bag in hand, I made my way to the front door, and it swung open before I even had a chance to ring the doorbell.

"Brooke!" Amelia flung herself at me, hugging my legs.

"Hi, girlfriend." I tugged on her hair, tipping her head back. She grinned her gap-toothed smile at me. "I brought you some treats."

She danced in place, screeching, "Treeeeaaaats!" I opened the bag so she could see, and her voice rose another octave. "Rocket pops! Brother! Come see! Come look at the treats!"

Sebastian stalked into the hall with Jude trailing a few steps behind. As soon as the younger Gray saw me, his lip curled in disgust. "What are you doing here?"

Amelia shook the box. "Look! Treats! "

Jude reached for Sebastian's shoulder, but he shrugged him off, telling me, "Go away."

I stepped toward him. "Seb?—"

"No one wants you here."

I made sure to keep my face devoid of emotion even as my heart broke for the boy in front of me. Even as Amelia clung to me, shaking her head. "Don't go."

Jude gripped his son's shoulder. "Stop."

"Get out!" Sebastian pointed at the door. "Go!"

"Enough!" Jude spun him around. "That's not how you speak to people. Apologize right now."

Sebastian balled his fists, refusing to look at me or his dad. "No."

When Seb didn't move, Jude hunched over, nose-to-nose, seething. "I told you we'd talk later, but I've about had it with you today. You want to treat people with disrespect, you'll get it right back. Go to your room so I don't lose my temper and start smashing up every game you have."

I picked up Amelia, hating that I was the reason for so much drama and heartache. I'd never seen Jude raise his voice to his kids. Both of the children were well-mannered and polite. Sure, they'd thrown the occasional tantrum or had a meltdown, but for the most part, Jude was a mild-mannered parent.

Until now.

And it was my fault.

As if Seb could hear my thoughts, he sneered at me then stomped off. Jude turned his back to me, tunneling both of his hands through his hair, obviously upset. Giving him some space, I carried Amelia into the kitchen and got her settled at the table with a popsicle and a plate in case it dripped. I sat with her, making small talk about the kind of backpack she wanted for school. Unicorn, obviously.

"I'm sure your daddy will find one for you," I said, only for her daddy to speak up behind me .

"I promised we'd go shopping for one."

I spun in my chair to find him leaning against the wall, his thick arms across his chest, his eyes a little bloodshot. It had only been this morning he'd rushed out of the house, yet he looked like he'd been through a storm for days.

"You okay?" I asked, standing up, and he nodded.

"Lulu, me and Brooke are going to go sit outside. You hang out here until you finish your popsicle, okay?"

She gave him a thumbs-up, her attention zeroed in on her iPad. I assumed she'd already had a lot of iPad time today. Then he motioned to the front door, so I followed him out. As soon as the door closed, he pivoted to me, his hands in my hair, his lips on mine. "How was your appointment?"

I curled my fingers into his shirt. "Good. Everything is good."

"Thank god," he rasped, tugging me into him, holding on to me like a lifeline in the water.

I couldn't believe after everything that had happened today, he wanted to talk about me. I told him so, and he huffed gruffly in my ear. "I was worried all day."

"You shouldn't have been worried about me. You have enough to deal with here."

"Like I can't multitask?"

"Yeah, but I don't want you worrying about me."

He held me away from him, brow furrowed, offended almost. "You deserve someone worrying about you."

As if his simple statement didn't take my breath away, his kiss did. With his hands bracketing my face, he kissed me like he had something to prove. And maybe he felt like he did, but that was the problem. He had nothing to prove to me. I knew he loved me. Like I loved him.

There were no conditions.

We eventually pulled apart and sat on the stoop, my right leg against his, neither of us talking for a while.

So, I started. "I'm sorry. "

"You have nothing to be sorry for. None of this is your fault."

"I shouldn't have come over last night," I said, a pit in my stomach because I'd caused such turmoil in his family.

"Brooke, none of this is your fault."

I swallowed down the guilt lodged in my throat. "Feels like it, though."

He rubbed the heels of his palms against his eyes, and I instinctually cupped the back of his head, scratching his scalp and the column of his neck. He groaned and leaned toward me. "Sebastian shouldn't have yelled at you like that."

"He's upset."

"That's not an excuse."

"He's ten. He saw me in bed with his dad. Of course he wants to yell, and since he's not going to yell at you, he's going to yell at me."

Jude folded his arms over his bent knees, resting his forehead on them, and I let my fingers drift to his back, scratching up and down his spine as defeat echoed in his words. "I'm the one who screwed up here. I'm the parent. It was my responsibility to be upfront with Seb about my relationship with you from the very start. Instead, I tried to control the situation, thinking I could protect him from any fallout. I didn't give him nearly enough credit. I messed up."

I twisted my hands in my lap. He didn't want me beating myself up. Well, I didn't want him beating himself up either. "You did what you thought was best."

He grunted and shook his head like he didn't want to hear it. Didn't want to be comforted. "We had a talk at the baseball fields after I found him. I thought… I didn't think he'd take it out on you."

Hearing the shame saturating his words was like a hundred tiny lashes against my heart. My throat tightened, and tears pricked my eyes .

"I hate to say it, but I think he's going to keep taking it out on me. He probably thinks I'm trying to replace his mom."

"I know, but…" His shoulders drooped even farther.

That was the issue right there. Sebastian had some things to work through, and until he did—until they all did—he wouldn't be able to accept me in his life, and I refused to be the source of more trouble. I wouldn't let myself be put in the middle. Because Seb would continue to take his anger out on me, Jude would defend me, the cycle would repeat, and poor Amelia would be dragged down by having to live through that.

"Jude, I don't?—"

"No." He stopped me with two fingers to my lips. "Please don't say what I think you're about to say."

"You know it's the right thing to do," I murmured behind the pads of his fingers. I held on to his wrist to kiss then held his hand between both of mine. "We can't be together right now. Not until everything is worked out with you and the kids." He shook his head, but I went on anyway. "I don't want to be the evil stepmother, so please don't make me that."

"I won't."

"You will. You'll put me in that position. He's not ready."

"But I am. And I've always put the kids first every time." Jude gripped my shoulders hard as if trying to keep me from running. I wasn't running. I was staying…at a distance.

"I know." I smiled through the stinging in my nose and eyes. "That's what I love about you. You're willing to do the hard things."

He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against mine. "I don't want to do the hard things anymore. I've done them for so long. I don't want to do them anymore. I want easy, and that's what being with you is."

"I know." I lifted my head and met his gaze, both of us glassy-eyed. "But I never want to be the issue between you and the kids. They're your first priority. And mine," I said with a laugh about that realization. "I love them and love you enough to know you need some time and space to focus on them. We can't throw this at them and expect everything to be fine."

His lips formed a tight line as he nodded eventually, his voice barely a rumbled whisper when he said, "I know." He lowered his chin to his chest. "What do we do now?"

"We give them some time."

"I've already left a message for the family counselor we used to see."

"That's good." I dragged my hand over his hair and beard. "So, you start there and keep me updated and…"

I felt the hot splash of a tear on the back of my hand, realizing it came from Jude. I kissed his temple, his cheek, his mouth. "I always do the right thing," he rasped. "I do everything I'm supposed to, and this one time, I want to be selfish… It feels like the universe doesn't want me to be happy. It's not fair."

A spike drove through my heart because, no, it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that Mira had died. Or that he was a single dad. Or that his kids were young and didn't understand love yet. At least not enough to know what their father would give up for them.

But this was the right thing to do, and Jude always did the right thing.

"I love you," I told him.

"I know," he said and kissed me.

"I'm not going anywhere. And we'll talk every day. We'll see each other at the market."

He traced my mouth with his thumb. "School starts soon and?—"

I inhaled sharply when the idea hit me. "Did Seb make the team?"

Jude shook his head .

"Shit."

"I'm sure that's part of the reason he yelled at you. He didn't mean it."

"No. I know. I know. And it's more of a reason for me to back off. He needs you more than I do right now."

He wrapped a lock of my hair around his index finger. "I need you, though."

I couldn't answer him. Because I needed him too. Instead of telling him that, I held on to his wrist to kiss his palm then stood, tugging him up with me. He escorted me to my car with his hand on my back and opened the door for me.

"I love you," he told me.

"I know."

I stuck out my hand, smiling. "Friends?"

He smiled, smacking his palm against mine. "BFFs forever."

I laughed despite the pain beneath my ribs. "The last F stands for forever."

He shrugged. "Double forever. Infinity."

"Double forever. Infinity," I agreed.