CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

Maven

Adeep layer of snow greets us when we wake the next morning. The first snowfall of the season has finally arrived. It's ironic that it chose today to appear because of what this day means. The next chapter of our story—the blank, unwritten page of unknowns. It frightens me that the words are yet to be written. Will they tell the story of us spending the rest of our lives apart? Or that this is the last time I will ever see him? Instead of adding more chapters, will it simply be the end? Like it never happened? I keep squeezing his hand as tight as I can in these final moments as we trek through the snow to where the ship awaits.

Earlier that morning as he was packing, Renn very sweetly asked me to watch over Shy and his cabin. I had already planned to stay at Renn's for however long he was away, so when I said I would, he said, "Good. Because it's your home too."

We hike through the bright landscape for a long while. I expect my knee to flare up again, but it never does. An old habit I guess. A wide open field of blinding white comes into view, and nestled near the edge of the treeline is the ship. I'm surprised to find that it looks like a great bird with its wings tucked in, made up of a sleek, metal surface of black and dark gray.

"I'll get her ready for departure," Nate says, looking over at us.

"I guess this is goodbye," I say to him.

Nate walks toward me and wraps me in a tight hug. "Goodbye, Maven. I'm so glad I got to meet you."

I turn my head to whisper into his ear. "Take care of him." I feel him nod, and I let go, stepping back beside Renn. "Goodbye, Nate."

He smiles at me one last time and then turns to Renn. "We should be ready in a few minutes."

Renn gives him a single nod, and we watch him enter the ship through the ramp that appeared under one of the wings. The second Nate is out of sight, Renn takes my face in his hands, and they feel like icicles. I don't care—my face is already freezing—but the second his lips meet mine, I feel instantly warm. We hold nothing back as our kiss becomes feverish and consuming with every stroke of his tongue against mine. I kiss him harder, trying to put everything I feel for him into this last kiss, because I could never say enough words or formulate the right goodbye to make it feel like the right thing, to make it feel like enough.

The only thing I know without a doubt is that this man loves me. This incredible specimen of a person. He has loved me at my worst times and he sees me for who I am, and he still loves me, even the darkest parts of me. And I love the darkest parts of him just as strongly. We both have been broken, but somehow, our broken pieces fill each other, making us whole, together. We found each other, and for the first time in my life, I'm grateful for all the bad that brought me such good.

He pulls away slightly, keeping his hands on me. "Do you want to know the moment I fell in love with you?"

My lips tremble, our breath fogging around us. It's almost painful to look at him because he's too perfect. His green eyes shimmer with love, and the stubble on his jaw is the perfect length, just long enough that I feel it when it grazes against me, but it's still soft. His perfect lips are so close to mine as he speaks.

"The moment you made it to the lookout on the retreat."

I hold back a sob, looking down because it's all too much.

He lifts my face to look back at him, stroking my cheek with his thumb. "I had never seen anything so beautiful. It was right then and there that I knew I loved you."

I'm going to die. It's too much. He's making it so much harder, but I don't want him to stop. If this is dying, then so be it.

"You were mesmerizing. So strong and brave. I wanted you so badly, and I can't believe that you chose to love me back."

I start to cry, unable to speak.

"Keep this," he says, unzipping his coat to remove the necklace from around his neck, placing it over my head. I take the pendant in my hand, rubbing my thumb over the sun, moon, and star embossed into the metal. "Don't forget how far you've come. Keep going." I look up to him. "I'll catch up to you soon," he says with a wink.

I place my hand over the pendant now lying against my chest—lying against my heart. "I love you, Renn," I say, and he inhales deeply.

"You are my sun, and even if I'm millions of miles away, my mind will always be centered around you." His breath is unsteady. "I love you . . . more than anything."

And I know that this is it, this is the last time I will hear his voice until he returns—if he returns. I pray he will. I wrap my arms around him, holding on to him as tightly as I can, and he squeezes me back just as hard. Clinging to each other like it's our last breath. I feel him inhale in my scent, and I do the same, letting it engulf me wholly—the freshness of rain and dark woodiness of the forest. Then he pulls away and takes my face in his hands as his eyes roam over every feature.

He starts to cry, tears trickling down his face, and I can't bear to look at him like this. I reach up to him just as he leans down for one last kiss. The tears on his cheeks mix with mine. He kisses me softly as I fade into him, and just when it feels like it's too much, he rips himself away, quickly turns, and doesn't look back, not once.

I let my arms fall slowly to my sides, watching him until he disappears inside the ship. The ship starts to hum, and I spot Nate in the window where he motions for me to stand back. I move until I'm several yards away, and then, gracefully, the ship rises from the ground, hovering for a moment. Then the great, birdlike wings start to unfold before it almost floats upwards. I watch as it reaches higher and higher, then, as if it is perfectly planned, the first rays of the sun erupt over the peaks, making it impossible to see anything as I look upwards. I try to shield my eyes, but once I am able to focus enough to search the sky, the ship is nowhere to be seen.

I close my eyes for a moment, the light reflecting off the snow making it unbearably bright and blinding. When I finally open my eyes again, there's nothing besides the sound of my own breathing. The snow always makes everything so quiet and calm, I almost scream just to break the silence, but instead, I look up to the sky one last time and tell myself that whatever happens, I know he wants to come back.

If that's all I'm left with, it was worth it all, just knowing that, in the end, he was mine and I was his—completely.