CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Maven

The strength of his lips on mine is beyond anything I've ever felt in a kiss. This isn't like our first kiss, when he was careful and slow. This kiss is all-consuming and wild, taking hold of me completely. He moves his lips to my neck, and his warm breath on my skin makes my head spin in a crazy sort of way. I inhale, smelling the sweat on his skin. I drink it all in, grabbing the front of his jean jacket, pulling him into me until we can't get any closer. His tongue and lips gently slide up and down my throat, and I savor every mark he makes.

He brushes his mouth against my ear, and then his lips are back on mine. His tongue caresses my lips, and I slip my tongue into his mouth in return. He lets out a soft groan, guiding me to walk backward until my back hits the trunk of a tree. I tangle my hands in his hair, and he responds by grabbing my waist and hoisting me to his hips, still pushing me against the tree.

I don't care that the bark scratches my skin, I wrap my legs around him, and then his mouth is back on my neck, breathing me in; he's grazing his teeth across my flesh, his hands on my thighs, his strong fingers digging into me—the things I want those fingers to do to me. I expose more of my neck, urging him to keep going as I tilt my head back and rest it against the bark. I open my eyes to gaze into the branches above us where slivers of sunlight leak through, and I can't help but let my thoughts wander, reflecting on where I am at this moment, and how I got here. This man who owns my heart somehow found me as he was running through worlds—across cosmos—drifting in endless space and beyond. He's here with me, and he's real and good.

He pulls away, breathing hard as he searches my face. A small smile tugs on his lips. The sight of it only fuels my desire for him. I want more.

"Renn. I need you," I whisper.

His eyes dance in understanding of what I'm saying. I need all of him—now. I want to feel his bare skin against mine. I want to know what it feels like to have him claim me completely. I want to hear the sounds he makes as I make love to him. Because that's exactly what I want him to feel—my love. I look back at him, trying to calm my thumping heart, and Renn sets me back down onto the ground. I grab his hand, pulling him along the footpath back to the house. He smiles, taking my command to follow. He squeezes my hand, and his thumb rubs across my knuckles back and forth. Shy lies by the fire, ears up and alert once we step inside. Renn puts a hand up lovingly, reassuring her that we are okay, so she sets her head back on her paws and stays curled up by the fire.

We continue up the stairs to the loft, but once I cross the threshold, I pause as I see the bed. His bed. The sheets that he sleeps in—that smell like him. I've never actually stepped fully into his room before, and it sets my heart racing.

Renn comes up close behind me, moving my hair to the side so he can lean down to whisper in my ear. "Are you sure?" His warm breath sends chills all over my body. I take a deep breath and lean my head back into his hard chest.

"Yes. More than anything. I'm protected, so we're safe."

"I haven't been with anyone in a long time," he says, his hot breath kisses my neck, and I can't help but smile.

"It's okay. I trust you," I say.

He wraps his arms around me and holds me tight against him. I can feel his desire pressing into my back, leaving little to the imagination. It's his silent reply that he wants this as much as I do. My heart jumps wildly at the thought, and the heat rising in my abdomen grows. Dropping his hands to my waist, he spins me around to face him, and just like that night when he came to my cabin, he swiftly picks me up in his arms, carrying me toward the bed.

Except this time, I wrap my arms around his neck and capture his lips with my mouth, sliding my tongue along his bottom lip as he sucks on it, causing me to moan. I use the position to my advantage, taking his face in my hands as I kiss him. I don't have to reach up for him, giving me an angle to kiss him deeper. He responds with his own need, fighting for control as he bites my bottom lip softly. I moan again at the sensation.

"I've been wanting to do that for what feels like years. Every time I saw you bite your lip . . . it drove me insane," he says in his deep, rugged voice as he keeps holding me in his arms. Our kisses become feverish and uncontrolled.

Eventually, he turns to sit down on the edge of the bed, positioning me so I straddle him. He slides his hands under my shirt. His fingertips grazing my skin makes me stop breathing for a second or two. Without hesitation, I pull my shirt over my head while he holds my waist to steady me. Our faces are parallel, and I love being this close so I can see the gray rim around his green eyes as they bore through me, never leaving mine.

"Keep going." His voice is deeper than normal, and it causes the ache between my legs to become more wanting. I leisurely remove the straps of my bra from my shoulders and then reach to unhook the back, letting it fall from me with ease. Renn takes a deep breath, remaining still as I place my hands against his chest, his heart beating fast under my palm. The sensation of the rhythm is reassuring, like I'm checking to be sure he's real.

His hands travel up my waist, then he lifts me, spinning me onto my back. He leans over me, helping me further onto the bed, and with one arm supporting himself, he uses the other to pull his shirt off over his head as he holds himself above me, the taut muscles on his forearms flexing. I run my hand down his arms, feeding my obsession with how they move and feel. His necklace falls from his chest, now lying against mine, right between my breasts, branding me with the heat of his skin. I pull on the pendant forcefully, not breaking it, but enough to pull him down to me. Our tongues roll against each other as I continue to grasp the necklace, the metal digging into my hands like I want the lines imprinted into my skin. Renn's bare chest rubs against mine, and it makes me want to burst out of my skin as I hear his breathing change at the sensation.

I glide my hand over the muscles of his chest and stomach, feeling the new scar on his side, and he hums in satisfaction at my touch. I trail further down, sliding the tips of my fingers ever so slightly beneath the band of his pants. He allows me to drift further as he keeps kissing my mouth and jaw, but then stands as I start to tug them down.

He wastes no time pulling off everything below his waist. I sit up on my forearms, watching, my breath shaky, not from nerves but from the anticipation that I'm about to have this man—that he is about to have me—and there is nothing I've ever wanted more. His lean, athletic body before me, bathed in the afternoon sunlight coming through the skylight is something I want carved into my mind forever.

He tugs at the end of my leggings, pulling them down as I help him by lifting my hips. He slides everything off my waist as he eases them down my thighs and legs until they are completely removed. I thought I would feel some shyness at Renn seeing all of me, completely exposed, my insecurities fully on display, but I realize he has already seen me stripped bare and raw, he already knows the most vulnerable parts of me. All I feel in this moment is beautiful, and it's because of the look in his eyes. There's a light in them glowing with such admiration that it makes me believe he's never looked at anyone the way he's looking at me right now.

He looks me up and down, his gaze alone making me shiver. "Maven . . ." his voice quivers, full of passion. I know I will never get used to seeing Renn this way, flooded with emotion. It makes him more attractive than ever. I take his hand, pulling him down to me once again. The feeling of our bodies lying skin to skin for the first time makes me feel whole, like it's the missing piece of myself. I place my hands on his face, tracing my fingers along his strong jaw, and kiss him at the corner of his mouth.

I purposefully move slowly, touching him lightly, barely brushing my fingers against his skin. I feel him shudder at each touch, and then I kiss him below his ear where I whisper, "Tell me everything."

He pulls away, scanning my face, and then gradually starts to trace his hand down my neck, his thumb tracing the hollow of my throat, mimicking me with that satisfying torture of touching me so lightly, not giving in to our desperate need and losing control. I know we could go there easily, but not this first time together, not yet.

"You are strong," he says, leaning down to kiss the base of my throat. "Passionate." He moves down to my stomach. His tongue, playful on my skin makes me bite my lip, and I see him smile at my reaction. "Brave." He lowers himself further down my body, his hands gripping my hips as he kisses the inside of my thigh while I inhale sharply. I'm burning, every inch of my skin on fire. "You are so beautiful."

The heat of his breath tickles my skin, his mouth close to the place that is begging to be touched, and before I can catch my breath, he kisses his way back up my body. When he reaches my breasts, he cups them in his large hands, squeezing gently, causing my back to arch off the bed with a quiet gasp. He brings his mouth down and sucks softly, his mouth roaming here and there, caressing my breasts and nipples, sending me into ecstasy as his tongue flicks my sensitive flesh. The tenderness of his movements leaves me dazed. I can see the hunger in his bright eyes before his tongue flicks my hardened nipple again. I wonder if we're thinking the same thing, both starved for each other and in disbelief that this is happening. As if catching himself in the heat of the moment, he positions himself above me again so his face is level with mine.

"You saved me," he says, the vibrato of his voice slightly uneven. "You saved me from the torment of my past. You're helping me accept the man I once was, and who I am today. And I would travel this entire galaxy over and over again if it meant I could find you."

I tremble and cup his jaw, making sure his eyes don't leave mine.

"I know you feel the weight of so many lives on your shoulders, that you carry it with you every day. You couldn't save everyone, Renn . . . but you saved me," I whisper. "You saved me from myself." My lips tremble at the words, then he drags his thumb across my lower lip as he looks at me intently.

"Don't do that." His voice is calm and deep. "Don't hate those parts of yourself—that darkness inside you, it's not all of you. There is light, and I see it every time I look at you. All of it together, the darkness and the light, it makes you who you are. Everything that makes you Maven is beautiful to me." He pauses. "And you are everything to me."

I can't stop the tears from springing to my eyes, and I swallow hard at the words that come to my mind. Those same words I wanted to tell him the day he came to the cabin when I was curled up in bed, hollow and numb. That moment he held me in his arms and let me cry. He didn't try to fix me, he didn't tell me to stop. He let me work through it on my own but never made me feel like I had to do it alone. He freely and openly accepted me for who I was, even in my lowest moments of my life, after all my mistakes and struggles, it was Renn who was there with me—who understood me. I knew it then, and I know it now more than ever. I inhale.

"I love you, Renn," I whisper, my voice unsteady from the overwhelming emotion pulsing through me. He holds my gaze for a moment, and then, with his own tears shining in his eyes, he grins down at me with that smile that holds all of the things that make Renn who he is—a light in my life, my falling star. He wipes away my tears with his thumb and holds my face firmly, making sure I look at him as he speaks in that deep voice that I have come to crave.

"Maven, I love you. I love you. I love you."

Hearing those words pass from his lips leaves me completely undone, and they seem to release something in him too because the next thing I know, he's kissing me, licking me, touching me everywhere. The slow burn of anticipation has vanished, and I can't touch him fast enough. Feel him enough. Show him enough that I love him. I grab his chin, pulling his face back to mine, sucking on his bottom lip hard, then slide my tongue into his mouth. The sounds of his deep, throaty moans alone almost bring me to my climax. I lift my hips off the bed to push myself against him.

"You have no idea what you've done to me," he breathlessly says against my mouth. "How many times I've wanted to tell you everything. How many times I've thought about doing this with you." His voice and control are unraveling more and more by the second, I can't even respond from the sound. He lowers his hand slowly, bringing himself to that part of me that needs him so badly. My body, wet and begging for him. He teases me slightly, pausing, and I lift my hips once more.

"Renn." I don't care if I'm pleading.

Gently, he moves into me, and I let out a sharp gasp of pain and pleasure as I dig my fingers into his back. He pushes into me farther, the ease of our movements becoming more and more consuming with each press into each other, adjusting until we are perfectly aligned. The feeling is pure euphoria. We're both breathing hard and loud, his name continuing to leave my lips as he moves on top of me. I hook my legs around him, holding him closer to me.

"God, Mave," he moans, his forehead resting against mine. We continue to move against each other, and I feel him everywhere—my skin, my blood, my heart as it pounds in my chest. We take our time savoring each touch and sound, an unspoken understanding that we both want the moment to last. Both of us want to revel in this act—an act that is bonding us to each other. I want him to feel that bond in every place our bodies touch, and I want him to touch me everywhere before we are through. He grabs my hands and places them above my head, holding them there as he glances down between us and pauses at the place where he and I are joined. I follow his gaze, and seeing his strong body above me, in me, makes me breathless. He moves his hips in such a fluid motion as I meet him again and again.

I can feel myself on the edge of being completely overcome—that edge that I want to fall over with him and him alone. Something I've never wanted with anyone else and never will again. He can sense that I'm close, and he lets go of my hands to grab my leg, bending it at the knee to angle me so he can go deeper, his fingers digging into my thigh then gliding down my calf, the agony of the pleasure almost too much. I tangle my fingers in his hair as he leans down, kissing between my breasts, the base of my throat, then my ear.

"So perfect," he says before gently biting my ear lobe.

"Renn, I . . ." I can't finish the sentence as I close my eyes tight.

"Maven. Look at me." I open them to see Renn's green eyes full of heat and passion. "I've got you."

I feel a wildness and freedom running through me, and I have to close my eyes again to keep from becoming completely overwhelmed. I know Renn is watching my face with every wave that hits me while I moan his name. He holds me steady against him as I cling to him. He rests his forehead against mine. His grip tightening as he loses himself in me. Renn, who is always unwavering and strong, breaks for me.

He moans something, but it's in his language, and even though I have no idea what he says, I know what the words mean, I can feel it. The sounds that escape his throat are burned into my mind forever.

When we're done, we hang on to each other. The only sound is our breathing, loud and heavy. After some time, Renn scoops me up in his arms again, placing me at the head of the bed. We climb under the covers, lying skin to skin as I cuddle up into his chest. He rests his head on top of mine, running his hand through my long hair over and over so it fans out across my pillow. I look above, watching the afternoon light fade into night. And everything about this perfect moment makes me realize that the internal pull to come back to Solitude Ridge was real, but the reason wasn't at all what I expected. Five years. So much had happened in five years for us both, and yet it feels like Renn had been waiting for me to come home—that he was supposed to find this planet and find me. The events of our lives brought us to this small spot in the universe.

Soon, sleep overcomes me, but I swear before I'm fully asleep, I hear him whisper, "I will never let you go."