CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Maven

Renn tells me everything. He began with a brief background of his career and then went on to explain the series of events that brought him here. He told me how he had come upon Aetherium by pure luck, how he had crashed here, and how he'd blended in over time. I didn't so much as blink or move as I took in his story, word by word. My mind was drowning with so many questions that I couldn't come up for air. I have no idea how long we sat there, but it felt like hours. His voice was steady and calm the entire time, never wavering, even in the most devastating of moments as he told me about his crew—how they had died. All this time, those gray-and-green eyes had truly beheld a storm of his past, raging and billowing, holding him down. Sure, he is good at controlling his demeanor, but his eyes always give him away, and I wonder if he knows that but hopes people won't notice.

He also removed all the strange items that were in the box and laid them neatly on the table, explaining each and every one in detail, giving me an example of how they functioned, and their purpose. The ointment was the most fascinating, as I had been curious since that day he used it on the retreat. Renn said that it was more for immediate use, like the gash on my head and the stab wound on his side. It hadn't completely fixed my already healed knee, but there was still a noticeable improvement even weeks after the retreat. I'm sure my eyes were wide the whole time; they certainly felt like they were when he finished.

"That's everything," he says very matter-of-factly, and the room is suddenly unnervingly silent. I look away from him for the first time in hours, rubbing my dry, tired eyes. I don't know where to begin.

"So, you're human, but not the same kind of human as me—as us?" I'm surprised this is the question that falls out of my mouth first. It sounds strange saying it out loud, and Renn looks just as surprised.

"Yes and no. We are genetically the same." He pauses to gauge my reaction. "There's nothing anatomically different about my body in comparison to a man from this world, but my race has no origin to this planet."

I soak in his answer as he waits, already anticipating the next question, and I know he will stick to his word and answer every single one that I have. "How did humans end up on so many planets? Do we all originate from a single place?"

He shakes his head. "No one knows," he says, calmly. "That was part of our mission, so to speak—to find other human worlds and possibly answer the origin of life as we know it. We were an exploration crew." His words send a chill through my body. Such a simple answer to a complicated situation.

"Are you still in danger even with him . . . dead?"

He breathes in deeply before he says, "Honestly, I don't know." I gulp, turning away, trying to think of what to say next as the words sink in. "But I will do everything I can to make sure it never happens again."

I look back to Renn, confused. "What do you mean?"

He stands, running a hand through his hair. "I'll leave and hope that, if there are others tracking me, they will leave this planet alone if I'm no longer here."

Leave? How?The words must appear in my expression because he adds, "I'll find Locke's ship—it must be somewhere nearby. I'll try to make contact with some allies, but I have no idea what's been happening out there for the last six years. I may have to just turn myself in."

"Turn yourself in? But Renn, you're not a criminal," I say before I even have time to contemplate it.

Renn's face is a mixture of shock and frustration. "Maven. Out of everything I told you, you don't see that this is all my fault? That your life, the lives of millions, could be in danger?" He almost yells, but I shake my head, refusing to believe. "Who knows how many people have died because of what I did for years. Years, Maven!" He is shouting now, not out of anger, but disbelief. "Not only did I get my crew killed, I've single-handedly assisted in the murder of thousands of people, maybe more." He turns away from me, running a hand through his hair again.

My heart aches for what he must have been living through all these years, and that he truly believes this, but it couldn't be further from the truth.

"Renn. Is that what you truly believe? That you are responsible for what happened?"

He scoffs, facing me. "That's exactly what I'm saying. I was supposed to be their captain, their leader. I was supposed to be a peacemaker in this galaxy, and all I did was bring about desolation."

I've never heard him speak like this before, with anger in his voice, except towards the man he killed. It catches me off guard, but I don't back down. "I know you didn't do any of that intentionally. You did everything you could to stop it, but you can't control the outcomes that followed. People act of their own accord." I pause as he continues to stare at me, baffled. "I'm so sorry that you had to live through that, Renn. That you've been here, all this time, terrified of what might happen—working through such a great loss alone."

He narrows his gaze at me. "How can you feel sorry for me? I've lied to everyone, pretending to be this man who people can count on. Someone who is good, but that's not the real me. That's what I'm trying to tell you, Mave. I'm bad for you, for this entire planet. You've seen the risk I put you in. It was my mistake to act like everything was fine, it was all a facade." His words feel like bullets hitting me one by one.

"I refuse to believe that it was all an act, Renn. You are a good man, it doesn"t matter to me where you came from or what happened," I say as I stand and walk to him, but as I get closer, he takes a few steps backward, distancing himself from me, and that hurts worse than his words.

"Humans from Earth are a different kind of beings. And now I've subjected you to that evil. Yes, we may both be human, but some humans take on a darker face than others." Tears well up in my eyes, but he keeps going. "I'm not the man you think I am. You don't know the real me."

I feel physically ill at this. He can't be serious, but I gaze into his eyes and see that he means every word. Anger builds in me, and I don't hold it back as it explodes.

"How dare you say that to me!" I scream.

He takes a couple more steps, backing away from me, and it only makes my anger burn more and more.

I inhale a shuddered breath before I say, "Don't say things like that to me."

He stays silent while I wait for a response, but he gives none. Nothing.

"You can honestly stand there and tell me that the man I've come to know as my friend, the man who I—" I pause, his gray eyes piercing me, like he's daring me to say it, because we both know what I was about to admit. "Can you honestly say everything that has happened between us doesn't matter now and that I don't know you?"

I don't have any more strength to hold back the tears falling fast from my eyes, yet he still says nothing.

"Did it mean anything to you?"

Renn shuts his eyes tight for a moment then looks back to me with pity, actual pity in his eyes. Again nothing.

"Say something."

Still not a word passes from his lips. I strut up to him and shove him hard in the chest. His strong body hardly moves.

"Say something, Renn!"

He looks at me long and hard, holding back tears that shine in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Maven." His voice breaks, raw and quiet. The sounds make me hurt in places I didn't know were possible.

"Stop. Saying. That."

He inhales but is still at a loss for words. I stare at him, begging him to say something, to do something.

"You came to me, Renn. I let you into my life. And now you're telling me it was for nothing?"

He bites his lip hard and tears his eyes away from mine. "I was trying to be the man I wanted to be, but I can't be him . . . not even for you."

I want to scream.

How could I have been so stupid? How did this happen?

In an instant, that shining light in my heart has vanished, and now I'm nothing but an empty shell standing before him. He took that last bit that my dark heart had left to give and tossed it aside.

"How could you do this to me?" I whisper.

He looks back, a single tear falling from his eyes. "Maven." What used to send warmth throughout my body, hearing him say my name, only burns me.

He takes a step forward, "Maven, I—"

"Stop!" I scream. I inhale a trembling breath. "You're right. I don't know you at all."

Renn reaches out a hand for me, but then his fingers curl into a fist and he lets it fall to his side. I don't look at him as I rush over to the bathroom, grab my bag, and walk past him, not saying a single word or giving him a second glance, not knowing if he watches me as I sling my bag over my shoulder and slam the door, leaving him, and my heart, behind.

The drive home was a haze. I don't remember a single moment of it, or when I went to my bedroom and fell asleep. The only thing my mind seems to remember are Renn's words as they play over and over again in my dreams.

My name is Aldrenn Anton.

I was captain of the starship Seraphim, and I am from a planet called Earth.

You don't know the real me.

I can't be that man, not even for you.

It isn't until the very real nightmare of running through the forest and fighting for my life comes that I'm startled awake.

It wasn't a dream, it had all been real.

I'm still wearing the clothes I had put on at Renn's, and I suddenly feel the urge to rip them off. Anything that reminds me of last night, I want to remove. Once I find my bag, I dig through it to grab my phone. I have two messages waiting for me, one from Tasha and the other from my mom.

Tasha: Mom and I got back into town a few hours ago. Call me when you wake up. Can't wait to hear about EVERYTHING!

Mom: Hope everything went well at Renn's last night. Call me when you get a minute. Love you.

I don't have the energy to try to type a response back. What am I going to tell them? It isn't like I can skip this topic and think they won't ask questions. And the thought of lying about the enormous truth that I now know about Renn already feels overwhelming. I've never felt more alone in my life, but I won't allow it to swallow me whole, not now, not after everything that happened. Even if I can't tell the whole story, if I have to tell them anything, it will be some version of the truth at least, which is that my heart was broken, because at least that part is completely true.

I tap on Tasha's name, and she answers after the first ring. "Maven! I've been dying to hear about last night? Are you still at his house? Did you guys . . . you know?" The excitement in her voice only makes it more difficult to form words. How could things have turned so bad so quickly? "Mave? Are you there?"

I gulp down a sob. "Can you come over?"

"I'm on my way." I hear the rustling of papers and then the jingle of car keys.

"I don't even know what to say, but I just need you right now."

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

I hang up the phone and walk into the kitchen to get a glass of water. I take a couple of long gulps, looking out the window above the kitchen sink. It's now the early afternoon and the rain is still falling, but softer now, a haze of fog lingering in the air. The clouds are sinking lower on the mountainside, and then it just happens. I slam the glass into the sink, shattering pieces everywhere.

It would make sense to be angry at Renn, and I am, but I'm more frustrated with myself. Because what doesn't make sense is that he is, in fact, an otherworldly being, but it doesn't bother me. His explanation for what he is doesn't matter to me as much as who he is. I believe every single word he spoke when it comes to that part of the story, but he's lying to himself if he truly thinks that whatever it is between us isn't real, even if he denies it, I know it isn't true, especially after everything.

After I raged and screamed, he still reached for me. He thinks he's protecting me from outside forces, but I never realized, all this time, he believed he needed to protect me from himself. And yet I don't care, because the only thing I want is him, even if it makes no sense. The want, the need for him overpowers everything else. But isn't that the way it's always been with Renn? Not fully understanding why I'm drawn to him? He's a man of flesh and blood, but unlike any man I've ever known. It isn't a matter of if I believe him, it's what do I feel for him? I already know the answer the moment the thought comes to me.

I'm in love with him. I'm in love with Renn.

But maybe I loved him too quickly. Maybe I fell for him too hard.

However, I can't deny all the things that Renn said—he made me feel things that most people wait their whole life to feel just once, and as crazy as it sounds, it doesn't matter to me if he's from somewhere on the other side of the galaxy.

How strange.

He is a strange sort of beautiful, equal parts foreign to me and familiar all at once. It was what drew me to him from the first time I saw him. My dark shadow of a heart got that part right from the beginning, it recognized that darkness in him, we've both had it branded on us. But what frightens me now is, what's next? I don't want to think about him leaving, but I know he will because he thinks he has to. That serious look in his eyes made that perfectly clear. It made me ache in places I didn't know existed.

I must have been standing at the sink full of shattered glass for more than a few minutes because the next thing I know, I hear Tasha's car coming up the drive. My body is stiff with sadness and soreness, but I walk over to the front door, pull it open, and step out just as she's walking up the porch steps. I can't hold back the sob that escapes me as she moves forward and pulls me into a tight hug.

"Hey, it"s okay," she says, running her hand down my hair. I pull away, and she cups my face in her hands. "What happened?"

I should have probably worked out what I was going to say before I called her, because I'm honestly at a loss for words. "I don't . . . I don't know," I say, barely audible in between my sobs.

"Let's get inside, okay?"

I nod, and she places an arm around my shoulder, guiding me through the door.

"It's freezing in here, Mave!"

I don't even notice until she mentions it. "Oh, yeah, maybe the power is back on. I haven't checked."

Tasha doesn't even try to hide the heavy look of concern as she walks over to the kitchen and flips the lightswitch. A soft glow fills the room immediately.

"Do you have any firewood?"

I shake my head.

"Well, let's just turn the heat up, then. I'll grab some more blankets," Tasha says, walking around the room with a skip in her step, like she isn't dealing with the absolute mess that I must appear to be in. She sets up a cozy pile of blankets on the couch, makes me a cup of coffee, and finds a bag of chocolates in the cupboard before she ushers me to sit. "So, do you want to talk about it? Do I need to beat him up?"

I try to muster up a smile to no avail. I gaze down into my mug for a few beats. "It's complicated. He didn't do anything wrong, it"s just that . . . he doesn't want me, or anyone for that matter, to truly know him." It's not a lie, even if I am leaving out major details.

Tasha's eyebrows knit together in thought. "Hmm, so he's scared? I didn't think anything scared Renn."

I smile sadly because I don't have the courage to tell her that I am scared too. "Yeah, neither did I, but here we are."

For a while the only sound is the soft pitter-patter of rain on the windows. "What are you going to do now?" she asks.

Tears well up in my eyes again. I'm so sick of crying. "I have no idea." Tasha gives me an empathetic look like she's about to cry too, so I quickly change the subject. "Tell me about your trip. I need a distraction."

She gives me a reassuring smile. I appreciate her willingness to do whatever I need, and I really do want to hear about her time with her mom and family. Thankfully, in typical Tasha fashion, she doesn't leave out a single detail, and by the end of it, I'm ready to go back to bed.

"I'll stay the night if you want," Tash offers as I gather the piles of blankets and chocolate wrappers off the floor.

"I love you, Tash. Yes, that would be great. Thank you."

"Anytime."

I shuffle my way back to the bedroom, my body a little less achy, but I feel mentally spent even though I haven't thought or talked much in the last couple of hours. I'm all too familiar with this kind of tiredness that my mind so easily drags me into, and I fall asleep within minutes of my head hitting the pillow.

A knock on the bedroom door wakes me the next day. Tasha slowly opens it, seeing me awake, and she walks over and takes a seat next to me on the bed.

"Are you finally awake?" she asks playfully.

I squint my eyes at her as I ask, "What time is it?"

"It"s already late afternoon."

I sit up quickly.

"Don't worry. I texted your mom back for you," she says. "I told her you weren't feeling well but that you were fine. I hope that's okay?"

"Of course. Thank you for doing that." I yawn, stretching my arms over my head. "I have no idea what I am going to say to her about Renn." Tash looks down at her hands, pursing her lips. I know that look. "What is it?"

She sighs but finally tells me. "Speaking of Renn. He came by earlier while you were sleeping. Did you know he was planning on leaving?"

"Yes."

Tash shakes her head, clearly confused and frustrated. I know what I have to do, but how Renn will react, I'm not sure; all I know is I am not going to let him leave like this.

"I'm going to go talk to him."

Tash tucks a piece of her dark hair nervously behind her ear. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I need to, even if it is just to say goodbye."

Tasha doesn't look at all convinced, but she grasps my hand. "Will you tell me what happened, eventually? I'm not gonna lie, you both are kind of freaking me out."

I scoot closer and wrap my arm around her shoulder. "I know it doesn't make sense, but I will. Someday, I will, I promise." She leans her head against mine. "Thank you for being the greatest friend anyone could ever ask for."

She chuckles softly. "Same." After a moment, she lifts her head and pats me on the leg. "Now, if you are going to say goodbye to Renn, then you better get in the shower before you do."

I grab my pillow and throw it at her, missing her by an inch as she sprints to the door. "Are you saying I smell?"

"Maybe just a little, but your hair has definitely seen better days," she says with a wink.

"Hey!" I throw another pillow at her, but she has already closed the door behind her. I know she isn't wrong about my appearance, so I search the closet to find something to wear, trying to distract myself from thinking that this could be the last time I will ever see Renn.

The last time I may ever see those vibrant green eyes and handsome face. I don't want to think about never hearing his entrancing voice or infectious deep laugh—that smile. It is going to kill me to do it, but I have to see him one last time.