CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Renn

Four days. That's how long it's been since I last saw her. It's ridiculous that I've started keeping track, but it's odd not to have even caught a glimpse of her, even for a second or two as she walks by or drives through town. I even found myself going to the coffee shop one day to see if I'd spot her, but no. I knew Mina and Tasha were due to make their annual trip, and I naturally assumed that, with them gone, Maven was bound to be in town less frequently, so I didn't read into it too much.

It's the afternoon, and the sky is already darker than normal, yet there's no sign of the big storm that's predicted to hit town soon. I always have steady work at the auto shop, which I split with the other two guys who work here. But at this time of year, I always lend a helping hand wherever I can. Winter is not to be taken lightly around here; preparation is key, a habit I've been acquainted with for as long as I can remember. It's what I've always done. This time around, I welcome the work more than usual, if only to offer me more diversion from my thoughts drifting to Maven.

Those days on the retreat were some of the best days of my life, but once the distraction of it all faded away, I had a feeling something was off. I had an aching feeling in my gut that I had to get home as soon as possible and reality hit me like a wall of bricks when I came back to find that the transmitter's signal had picked up on something—or someone—while I was away. The hope I had felt just days before had been ripped away from me again. It had been for less than a second, but I saw the record of it on the screen. My transmission had been tapped into, and I had no idea if that means everything or nothing. Anomalies are possible, especially with a simple transmitter such as mine, but unlikely. My basic console is nothing like what the average space ship is equipped with, but it should still work for what I need it to do. I looked over the device multiple times, checking to see if I could determine if there was clear proof that it was something to worry about or maybe something hopeful. I searched the telemetry data and scanned the material thoroughly for hours, looking for any technical malfunctions, but I couldn't find anything that ultimately gave me an answer.

This is why you can't get too close. You need to stay away.

It's an emotional torture that has left me with gnawing regret. It isn't fair to her, but I don't know what else to do. The most important thing is to keep her safe and not drag her into whatever might happen. I wish it could be different, more than anything, but I can't let personal desires get in the way, no matter how much I want the outcome to be different.

My phone rings, and I look down to see Tasha's name flash across the screen. I know instantly that she's calling about Maven.

"Tasha. What's up?"

"Renn! Oh my goodness. I'm so glad you answered."

"What's going on, Tash?"

"I have a question."

"Okay."

Tasha clears her throat on the other end. "Have you, by chance, spoken to Maven recently?"

My chest goes heavy. "I haven't. I . . . actually haven't seen her around town for a few days." There's a long pause. "What's wrong? Is she okay?" The questions spill out of me, hurried and panicked.

"It's probably nothing, but I haven't been able to reach her for a couple of days."

"What about Tova?"

"She called my mom this morning asking if we had spoken to her. She said she got a text from her last night but still hasn't heard anything from her today. Her call went straight to voicemail. I've been trying to get a hold of Valery, but she must be busy."

I take a deep breath. "I'll go."

"Renn." Her tone is edged with worry, and for a moment, it's all she can say. "Listen. What I'm about to tell you has to stay between us, okay? As my friend, and as Mave's friend," she says softly through the phone.

"I understand," I reply, keeping my voice steady.

"She's been more distant than usual these past couple of weeks, and I thought she'd be okay, but . . ." Another pause. "I'm scared for her, Renn."

We're both quiet for a few beats.

"This is about the accident. Isn't it?"

Tasha doesn't answer immediately, undoubtedly wondering what she should share with me, questioning what I already know.

"Today is the day when it happened."

Tasha doesn't need to say anything else. I know what was left unsaid. She trusts me, even if I don't deserve it. "I'll go," I say abruptly. "I'll go make sure she's okay."

There's silence again on her end of the phone.

"She might not let you in."

I know she doesn't just mean inside the cabin. "I'm going to try."

"Okay . . . but can I ask you something, Renn?"

"Of course."

"Why did you lead her on? I thought something was going to happen between you two, but . . ."

I pinch the bridge of my nose then run a hand through my hair. "I know. I know. I, uh, I've been busy."

She doesn't say anything for a few seconds. "Are you sure that's all?" I don't know what to say. and when I don't reply, she adds. "Look I don't know what happened, but I do know the way Maven is around you, and even when she says she doesn't care, her face says something else."

I still say nothing.

"I see that same look on your face, Renn."

The tightness in my chest strains again, and I clear my throat before I reply. "I'm sorry. I should have done something sooner."

Even though I can't see her, I can hear the sad smile on her lips.

"It's okay, Renn." She sighs heavily, the rush of breath muffling the speaker. "Honestly, there's probably a lot of things we all could have said and done better, but I think she would have found herself at this point eventually."

I lick my lips. "I'll let you know when I get a hold of her."

"Thank you, Renn. I appreciate you looking out for her."

I haven't been looking out for her, not when she needed someone. It was cruel of me to give her all my attention and then none at all, but I intend to fix that now.

"You're welcome. Bye, Tash."

"Bye, Renn."

I immediately store my tools and let the guys know I'm leaving for the day. Then I make a quick stop at home, mostly to take care of Shy, but I opt for a speedy shower as well. And now my knuckles are white, gripping the handles of the motorbike as I try to steady my hands from shaking. I didn't even consider taking my truck. I just want to get to her as fast as possible. I typically follow actions based on logic, but there were many moments in my space endeavors when intuition played a major role. So, I follow that feeling inside me, the same feeling that brought me to this planet in the first place. Maven is in trouble, and it isn't just my inner pull that is leading me to do this, it's my own experience.

Flashes of images from when I was starving and floating in endless darkness come to mind. Even after all these years, whenever I recall those moments it still locks me up inside. I feel the chain lying against my chest underneath my clothing as I search for anything to comfort me.

She's okay. She's okay. I keep reciting it in my mind, revving the bike to go faster until the silhouette of the cabin comes into view. It's completely dark—no light pooling through the windows—but Maven's car is parked up front. I ease up the gravel driveway, now covered in dead leaves, and don't stall for a single moment as I jog up to the front door and knock, praying she will let me in and that I'm not too late.