CHAPTER ELEVEN

Maven

Tasha and I go to The Blue Bird after the lake for some scones. It's obvious the night was an emotional one for me, so I appreciated her asking if I wanted to go for a late night treat. She wasn't wrong, I need it. For one thing there was the Shy fiasco, which was actually hilarious and ended in my favor as I came away with a new furry companion, even if it was embarrassing for a moment or two. I've never been a dog person, but I guess I am now.

And then there was Renn.

How could he make me feel on fire one minute, then like I was being submerged in cold water the next? It makes no sense—not to my mind or my heart. Every moment with Renn is an up and down from one emotion to the other. Sometimes good. Sometimes bad, but no matter what, it is always intense. I didn't get a chance to talk to him as much as I was hoping tonight.

Then there were the images of my dad flashing through my mind as I watched the fireflies dance over the water. Attending an actual Solitude Ridge event without him had hit me deeper than I thought it would, and I don't want to face the idea that maybe I'm not ready for this—to be back here—after all.

"So . . ." Tash says, pulling my thoughts away from me, "how would you feel about going on a hiking trip with me?"

"A hiking trip? What do you mean?" In all the years I've known Tasha, she's never been on a hiking trip. Hiking, yes, but an entire trip? No. Once I notice her mischievous grin, I start to worry.

"Well, it's more of a retreat, so to speak. It's only for a few days. One of the tour companies in town started doing this huge end-of-the-year retreat for the last few seasons, it's kind of a big thing now. I signed up to go this year, and . . ." I glare at her. "I was hoping you might want to come with me." She intertwines her fingers. I wonder how long she's been contemplating asking me about this; she's certainly nervous.

"When is it?" I groan, trying to sound as uninterested as I can.

"Next week."

I choke on my coffee. "What? Why didn't you ask me about it sooner?"

She grimaces. "Honestly, I didn't want to tell you too far in advance in case you said yes and then started to overthink it."

I scoff.

"Come on! I know you. You would find some reason not to go the more you thought about it. This way, by the time you talk yourself out of it, we'll already be on the retreat so you won"t be able to back out."

"Ha ha ha, very funny," I say, folding my arms, unimpressed, even though it is absolutely true. I ponder her request before responding, really taking into consideration what I would be getting myself into if I said yes. "I don't know, Tash. I'm not really in the best shape."

She shakes her head fiercely. "What are you talking about?" I shrug, and then it hits her as she realizes what I meant. "Are you worried about your legs?" she asks softly.

I nod. "Kind of. How difficult are we talking here?"

Her face turns serious. "I mean, I'm sure it's not going to be easy, but you can do it. I know you can." She smiles hopefully. I purse my lips to the side and scrunch my nose in thought. "And it will be so beautiful this time of year," she adds. "Have you ever actually been to the overlook before?"

The overlook is where Solitude Ridge got its name. At the highest peak, you can see the space in between the two mountain ranges, making the forest and valleys nestled between totally secluded. Solitude. Isolated from everything as the mountains provide a refuge, or a confinement, depending on how you look at it. Though I've only seen pictures, it's supposedly a summit of beauty and serenity.

I shrug bashfully. "I'll admit, I've always wanted to see it in person."

Tash bites her lip, waiting for me to agree; she knows she almost has me convinced. Ideally, it sounds perfect, but in reality, I'm not completely confident my body can handle the journey. I've learned the hard way how bodies can be easily broken, but at the same time, I battled through hell to heal and get to where I am, and I'm not going to waste it.

"If I say yes, what exactly would I need to do?"

Tasha claps her hands excitedly. "Yay! Okay! I'm so excited. I'll take care of everything. I'll get you a packing list of what you need, which I'm sure you already have most of, and if you don't, you'll be able to find it easily in town."

What do I have to lose?

My pride, for one, but why not push myself? That's why I came here, to move forward and up. I didn't really intend it to be literal by climbing a mountain, though.

"Alright, fine. Count me in."

Tasha grabs my hands, beaming, her hazel eyes bright. "It will be amazing. I just know it!" Her smile stretches from ear to ear. I'm not convinced it will be amazing, but what was the point of surviving the accident if I don't embrace life?

"I'm excited too." And I mean that with all my might, saying a little prayer in my mind to anyone who is listening that I can make it to the end of the journey.

A week later, Tasha and I arrive at Solitude Ridge Adventure Tours at exactly 5:50 a.m. We grab our packs and gear from the back of Tash's car and head over to the group gathered near a folding table, where participants are completing paperwork. I signed all of the forms a few days ago, making note of how many times the word, "injury," and the phrase, "life threatening," appeared before signing. This was either going to be a great test of my abilities, or something I would regret severely. Either way, I was planning for the "experience of a lifetime," which was another phrase mentioned often in the forms. No doubt to distract people from the clear warnings of potential doom. Tasha also forgot to mention that we will be eating a variety of dehydrated meals where you simply "add water to consume." Sounds tasty.

When I brought this to her attention, she just said, "It will be fine."

"Have you had one before?" I asked.

"Well, no, but they can't be that bad, right?"

I have an inkling they will, in fact, be as horrible as I imagine.

"I'm going to grab a coffee. Want one?" Tasha asks, nodding toward the coffee house.

"Yes. Please." Coffee sounds divine.

She gives me a thumbs up and sleepily walks away to grab our much-needed jolt of caffeine. While I wait for her to return, I take in the group. It's a much larger gathering than I expected. The thought of this many people watching me fail ties my stomach in knots.

Awesome.

Some are gathered in smaller groups, a few I know, and they offer me friendly waves or nods when I catch their eye. The rest of the group is made up of excited tourists who have probably been preparing for this for months, while I had only a week's notice. Everyone is wearing the typical, outdoorsy dress code. Most of the women are wearing tight-fitting shorts and tank tops like myself, and like a few others, I have a jacket tied around my waist. Layers. Tasha told me to focus on light layers when packing my not-large-enough backpack. On top of my many clothing options, I managed to smash not only a sleeping bag and small tent into the bag, but a cot as well.

I check my phone for the time, 5:55 a.m. I look in the direction of the coffee shop to see if Tasha is making her way back, but instead of finding her, I see something I wasn't expecting. A man driving a motorbike, with an impressive-sized backpack strapped to it, pulling into the parking area. I immediately know who it is, even though he's wearing a helmet with the visor covering his face. The flip my stomach makes at the sight of him makes me a little queasy.

Surely Renn isn't coming on the retreat.

Sure enough, it's Renn who steps off the bike, removing his helmet in a swift movement.

He has on a long-sleeve, white shirt, dark pants, and hiking boots. His hair is extra messy until he runs a hand through it, smoothing it somewhat into place. I stare, unblinking, at him. I can't help it, and I'm not the only one enjoying the show. Several women and a few men are side-eyeing him too, trying to act like they aren't watching his every move when they most definitely are. What's annoying is that he's not even aware of it.

The butterflies in my stomach grow as he moves to undo the straps holding his pack in place. He's coming on the retreat. Panic settles over me, and suddenly, I'm sweating. He doesn't seem to notice me as he walks over to a group of guys who have waved him over.

"Renn's coming?" Tash asks, approaching with our coffees in hand.

"It looks like it," I reply, taking mine from her.

"Well, well, well, this is interesting." Tasha says, bumping me with her elbow. I give her a sidelong glance, then look back to find Renn in the crowd, and when I do, he's watching me. We make eye contact, and he starts walking toward us.

"Great," I mutter under my breath so only Tasha hears.

"Relax," Tasha whispers back. "Renn! Hey! Happy to see you're joining us," she says a little too loud. I give her a look of warning, telling her to cool it, but she ignores me.

"Yeah, I decided to join at the last minute," he says, looking at Tasha and then me.

"What changed your mind?" My tone sounds a little frantic, but he only smiles back.

"I guess I've been so busy that I didn't realize how close it was for good hiking weather to almost be over, so I thought I'd better join before it's too late." Those stormy eyes remain on me as he speaks.

I take another sip of my coffee, acting like it doesn't affect me if he is joining.

"Yeah, that's totally why you came last minute," Tasha says with a wink, causing me to choke on my coffee. She slaps me on the back. "You okay there, Mave?"

I clear my throat and cough. "Yep. All good." And this time, I glare at her and I don't care if Renn notices.

"Have you ever been to the outlook, Maven?" he asks me.

Finally able to catch my breath, I peer into his eyes. They're more gray toned than green today.

"No. We haven't been to the outlook."

Renn bites the inside of his cheek. "Well . . ." he says, rubbing the back of his neck, and I spy a small chain there, the same one he's worn every time I've seen him. I've only ever noticed the outline through his shirt. He glances between us. "I'll see you guys on the trail then." He smiles back at Tash and bites his lip like he's trying to hold back a laugh when he looks at me like he knows what I'm thinking. I watch him return to the group of guys he joined earlier.

"Thanks for that," I say, hitting Tasha on the arm. She snorts.

"Oh, come on. We clearly know why he's here."

"Do we?"

"Yes! He's here because you are!" she says, poking my shoulder.

"No way!" I mock.

"Maven, he's never come on this retreat before. The only thing different this year is you."

I shake my head fervently. "I can't tell what he is thinking. One minute it seems like he wants to keep his distance, the next …I don't know. He is such a mystery." I sneak another glance over to where he's listening to one of the guys in the group.

"Well, he obviously doesn't want to keep his distance now," Tash remarks, giving me another nudge.

"Whatever." I roll my eyes. That can't be why he's here . . . Can it?

"Whatever, nothing! I can sense the tension between you two!" A few people nearby glance in our direction.

"Shhh!" I laugh, hitting her in the arm again.

"This is going to be an interesting few days, that's all I'm going to say," she says, putting her free hand up in defense.

At that moment, a group of people wearing matching shirts, who I assume are the guides, steps in front of the group. The one who appears to be the leader shouts over the crowd for everyone to come closer. Tash lifts her pack from the ground, and I reluctantly sling mine over my shoulders, rolling my eyes as I follow. I don't know if "interesting" is the word I would use, but I guess we'll find out.

After we receive the general information and instructions for our first day, we pile into the shuttles waiting to drive us to the trailhead. Tash conveniently chooses the shuttle Renn boarded. I try not to make eye contact with him, keeping my gaze toward the window, but there's no force that can stop me from watching him lift his pack into an overhead bin, his forearms flexing and shirt rising to reveal a sliver of skin. Get a grip on yourself, Maven. Is it going to be like this the entire retreat? Throughout the forty-five minute drive to the trailhead, people talk excitedly, becoming more alive as the morning sleepiness wears off. Despite my best efforts, I find myself stealing a glance over my shoulder at the group Renn is sitting with. He's bent over, arms resting on his knees as he talks with the people near him, all of them leaning in to listen. Whatever he's saying must be compelling.

"Okay, but for real, are you okay?" Tasha says. "I didn't mean to give you a hard time because you know who is coming along."

I don't want to make a big deal about it either. Because it isn't. Renn can do whatever he wants, and I'm not upset he's here, just startled. He keeps taking me by surprise. I want to focus on what this hiking retreat is for me and me alone, and I'm not going to be distracted, even by him.

"Yes. I'm fine." I say.

She gives me another I'm sorry look. "Okay. If you're sure."

"I am." We sit in silence for a beat or two. "So, he's really never been on the retreat before?"

Tasha grins. "Nope. Never."

I let out a small giggle. "Interesting."

And that's the last thing we say to each other for the rest of the drive as the butterflies in my stomach dance wildly.

Once we reach the trailhead, the group is anxious to get started. A light breeze ruffles the leaves and branches of the dense forest around us. Yellows and reds contrast against the dark evergreen, creating a breathtaking view. The guides gather everyone together to hand out maps for reference on our journey, indicating how far we will go each day and where we will camp each night. They also pass out a schedule of who will help collect firewood or assist with cleaning each day. After another quick safety reminder to stay with the group and not wander from the trail, we head out.

According to our itinerary, we will hike eight to twelve miles a day with a couple of breaks before we make camp each night. Six days in all—two days to get to the outlook, two days camping near it, then two days to hike down to home.

I don't see where Renn ended up as we follow the people in front of us and start to move forward. Soon, the trail narrows, so we have to walk two by two for the next stretch. The first few miles are fairly flat, making it easy to keep a conversation going without getting too winded. Tasha and I talk about a variety of topics, but by the time we're at mile five, the steepness of the trail drastically increases. The guides are spread throughout the group, and a few mention this bit as the first of the steeper stretches of the trail and to watch our steps, saying things like "it's a bit rocky here," or "watch this log, it's unstable." It forms an instant comradery within the group as we point out the bits in the path that could be hazards. I've heard that being in the wilderness has this effect on people. It's a comforting thought that, for the next few days, everyone will be looking out for each other, even though many of us are complete strangers.

The guides aren't exaggerating about the steepness. By the time the trail evens out again, I'm panting and sweaty. I shouldn't be surprised since, according to the map, we will experience an elevation gain of about six thousand feet by the time we are through. Luckily, we're toward the front of the group, so once we reach the stopping point, it gives us extra time to rest for lunch. I welcomed the burning in my legs as my muscles worked to carry me forward, but I'm equally grateful for a moment to sit. Tasha and I settle near a group of women around our age as we snack on granola bars and nuts.

I'm not paying much attention to what they're saying until I hear one of them say, "I already know who my retreat crush is." The others in the group giggle.

"Oh, yeah? Who?" another one asks.

"I think someone said his name is Renn."

Tasha glances over to them and then gives me a mischievous look.

"I think he's a local," another adds.

Tasha and I both stare at each other, grinning. Of course he caught their attention already. I don't blame them; he had the same effect on me when I first saw him. Still does.

"He's so attractive. I'm tempted to just pull him off into the forest for a quick . . ." She stops abruptly, and the others make shushing sounds because, right on cue, Renn walks over to Tasha and me.

"Hello . . . Renn," Tasha says slowly and loudly, to be sure they heard.

"How's it going?" he asks, his voice cheery.

"Good. Not too bad so far," she replies. "How about you?"

I look up, craning my neck to watch him as he answers. Sitting makes it more difficult than usual to actually make eye contact with him. He notices my strain and sits on a rock in front of us. I notice that he doesn't seem winded at all. Of course he isn't.

"It's been great," he says, reaching for his water canteen. I notice the group next to us has suddenly gone deathly quiet.

"Hmm," is all I say in response, followed by a few seconds of silence.

"Who's watching Shy while you're away?" Tasha asks, sensing the "tension" she mentioned earlier.

"I left her with Grant. I think he'll enjoy the company."

"Nice," Tasha says and then looks at me like it's my turn to add to the conversation, but I pretend to be searching for something in my backpack. "So—" Tasha starts, but I interrupt.

"So, Renn, Tash says you've never been on the retreat before." He stares at me with a shocked expression, and I can feel Tasha's wide eyes drilling into me.

"I have not," he says as he cocks his head to the side, trying to get a read on me. I keep my eyes locked on him, waiting for him to look away first, but he keeps watching me too.

"So, why now?" I ask.

Tasha acts like she's more interested in the trees, studying anything besides me and Renn. The group behind us whispers. I'm not sure what it says about me that I'm enjoying them listening in on this flirtatious exchange. I've never considered myself very good at flirting, but with Renn it comes to me easily.

"I don't know. There was just something different about this year," he says in a calm manner. If flirting was a competition Renn would win every single time. He gives me a wink and smiles. My face feels hot because I can't stop myself from blushing at that smile. I try to think of something to say to calm the nervous excitement continuing to rise in me.

"My mom said you stopped by the bookshop to say goodbye," I say flatly.

"I did."

"And?"

He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. I catch his scent—rain and something else I can't place at the moment. "It was nothing really. I mostly just wanted to show her the nice-looking scar I now have on my forearm from the roof."

Tash guffaws, but I squint at him, challenging him to see if he's all jokes or if he'll say what I think he wants to.

"Okay, fine. I like your mom, so I also wanted to let her know I was sad to see her go, but that I look forward to when she returns."

I cock my head this time. "Really?" I wonder.

"And," he goes on, a bit softer this time, as if bashful about his next statement, "that I would look out for her daughter even if I think she can take care of herself. Regardless, I will still come if she calls."

Tash sighs, and I'm interrupted before I can say anything.

"Alright, everyone! We've got four miles until we make camp for the night. Be ready to move in five minutes," one of the guides calls out.

Renn stands. "I guess I'll see you two around." He smiles at me for a second longer, and I hold back the urge to grin back and settle for a smirk. I feel like he understood the frustration I was feeling toward him, and that in some underlying way, he was saying sorry.

Once he's a safe distance away, Tasha eyes me suspiciously. "Is it just me or is the tension between you two reaching out of this world heights?"

I shrug, and we gather our packs, strapping them onto our backs once again. Then I turn to Tasha, grinning.