Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

Charlie sits on my sofa, sinking into the cushions as the weight of tonight’s events finally hit her.

With her shoulders slumping, she throws her cell across the coffee table. It slides against the wood and stops as it hits a magazine. The momentary silence is welcoming until the cell dances across the table, the screen flashing as I see Lex’s name appear again.

Tonight, I learned something new about my brother. Aside from being a possessive asshole, I saw an ugly side to him I’ve never seen before—his ability to hurt those he loves the most. His temper exceeded my expectations, and the last person I thought he’d lash out on was his own wife.

I place the cup of coffee beside the cell within Charlie’s reach. She mouths a “thank you” as we both try to sober up. I’ve been waiting a while for this conversation, but now that it’s going to happen, I have no idea what to say. What can I say? This is the man Charlie once saw herself spending the rest of her life with.

“Your brother is a dick,” she says angrily.

“Your husband is a dick,” I reiterate.

She lets out a long sigh and turns to face me, pulling her legs up against her chest cradling the steaming cup. “God, Adriana, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Did you not see what happened back there? I was trying to protect you. I’m not going to fuck up your marriage by making you hide a secret from your husband.”

“But, Adriana, this is huge. I mean… argh… so many questions, no idea where to start,” she mumbles, then back to staring at the coffee table lost in thought.

There are so many questions—some that need answering and some that don’t.

“Charlie… this is awkward,” I tell her, breaking the silence between us. “I’m not stupid, you know. You guys were going to get married.”

“Yes, we were,” she says with a slight croak, fiddling with the band sitting on her wedding finger.

“Wait! Are you still in love with him?” I feel the bile rising in my throat. Fuck, where the hell did that come from? What an idiotic thing for you to ask. This is Charlie—she is married to your lunatic brother.

My mind is a complete and utter mess, and more than anything, I wish Julian were here to ease my rampant thoughts with his presence.

“Adriana, what’s wrong with you? Honestly, you should not be allowed to drink.” She shakes her head disapprovingly. “I love your dumbass big brother. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will ever change that. As for Julian, I love him as a person. I can’t erase the past, plus he saved… I can’t even begin to think…” Her eyes glaze over, and I quickly rub her knee to calm her down.

“Don’t think about that, Charlie. He did save you. Julian is…” I can’t complete my sentence, consumed by a warm feeling spreading all over my body, creeping up until it’s spread across my face morphing into a wide cheesy grin.

Charlie is quick to notice. “How? When? Start from the beginning.”

She props herself up, and I begin to tell her about the first time I attended the support meeting. I contemplate leaving out the part about harming myself, but if Charlie is to truly understand how Julian and I became close, she needs to know the entire story.

“Adriana,” she chokes, her tone rattled by my admission. “Why didn’t you come to us?”

“I was ashamed.” I bow my head in disgust, reminiscing about the time I had hit my lowest point. To think of the damage it would’ve caused Andy is heartbreaking. “Julian was there, he saw how much of a dark hole I was in. He was equally in that hole with me, and he just got me, you know?”

“I understand. Julian has always been caring and has this nurturing side to him.”

I nod. “We were friends foremost, and he encouraged me to face my fears. God knows I had plenty of them.”

“Will you tell me about them?”

I take a drawn-out sip of my coffee, allowing the liquid to swim down my throat until it settles in the pit of my stomach.

“I missed Elijah so much, yet I was so angry at him for leaving us.” Venting my frustration and anger, I struggle to continue as Charlie waits patiently. I barely find the courage but know it’s time I finally let go of my demons. “Joining that support group allowed me to vent without any conviction or someone trying to fix it. Julian saw it all, but most importantly, he encouraged me to talk about Elijah in a positive way. The more I did that, the more it allowed me to move on.”

“It makes sense. I feel like terrible for not helping you more,” she admits.

“You couldn’t have helped me if you tried.” I place my palm over her hand. “Julian knew my pain, he was living it himself.”

The cell starts to dance across the table once again. Charlie’s quick to ignore it and carry on with our conversation. “Adriana, is that why you went to Sydney?”

“Yes,” I confess.

“Okay, um… how serious is it?”

“I… uh…” I quietly fidget with the rim of the mug, running circles with my index finger. “Seriously, Charlie… I think I… never mind.”

“You love him?” She is stunned, waiting on edge for confirmation.

“I don’t know. He makes me feel so alive it scares me. I’m not used to it. Elijah was different. Sometimes, I feel so guilty for moving on, but if I think about leaving Julian, I just can’t.”

“Adriana, you were with Elijah since you were seventeen. Whether it’s Julian or someone else, you would’ve felt guilty regardless. To me, these last few weeks have been a joy to see you this happy. I take my hat off to anyone who can put a smile back on your beautiful face and the light back in your eyes. I knew it was a guy, just never in a million years thought it would’ve been Julian. Excuse my language, but motherfucking shit, this is unbelievable!”

I laugh softly, looking for some comic relief. “God, this is so Days of our Lives, isn’t it?”

“No.” She smirks, almost spitting out her coffee. “More like The Bold and the Beautiful.”

We both chuckle reminiscing about Ridge and Brooke on The Bold and the Beautiful, counting the number of husbands Brooke had and how many times she married Ridge. Jesus Christ, now that was a soap opera.

“We talked about you and Lex, how we were going to come out. There never was a right time or place. God, Lex is going to be a nightmare, isn’t he?”

Her cell vibrates as if on cue.

This time, Charlie grabs it in frustration. “Calling like a deranged lunatic does not fly with me.”

There’s silence, followed by Lex swearing profusely on the other end. Guttermouth! It’s one of those you-better-wash-your-mouth-out-with-soap moments. He’s digging a deeper hole for himself, that’s for sure.

“Are you done carrying on? I’m staying at Adriana’s tonight. You need to sober the fuck up before I get home tomorrow.” She doesn’t wait for a response, hanging up the call before he gets another word in.

Switching the cell off, she turns to face me. “Sorry, where were we?”

“About Lex being a nightmare,” I remind her.

“Oh yeah, well, you know him. He’ll get on his jealous high horse for a while, so don’t expect to be double dating anytime soon.”

That sums up Lex, all right. I don’t expect them to be best friends, but surely, both of them can be civil enough if in the same room with each other.

What planet is my brain on? Pigs have a better chance of flying.

“Charlie, is this awkward for you?”

She shuffles closer to me, resting her head on my shoulder. “To be honest, a little, but I don’t blame you, Adriana. Julian is… well, Julian.”

“Intelligent, sexy, caring, funny…” I realize I’m saying the words out loud.

“Adriana, you’re smitten.”

“I’ve got a lot to be smitten about.” I raise my eyebrows at her.

“Oh, can I ask?”

“What would you like to ask, Charlie?” I grin at her mischievously.

“Never mind. You’ve got the grin of a woman who looks very satisfied.”

“Gee. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Charlie looks disappointed but is smart enough to know that the sexual part of Julian’s and my relationship is best not to be shared with her. “It’s okay. I guess this is one part of your relationship that you get to share all the juicy details with Eric.”

I give her a sympathetic glance. She changes the subject asking me about Sydney. I tell her about all the amazing places Julian took me to and a little bit about his book release party. I’m about to mention my meltdown that night when a loud bang startles us. Within seconds, a much-disheveled Lex is standing in my living room. In the two hours since I last saw him, he looks like roadkill. Armed with a bottle of whisky, his bloodshot eyes tell me he hasn’t stopped drinking.

“I hope you weren’t stupid enough to drive here,” I say out loud.

“I’m not as stupid as you, Adriana. I’ve got common sense.”

Annoyed by his abuse, I’m quick to open my mouth before Charlie interrupts me. “I told you I was here. What do you want?”

“What do I want?” The sinister laugh returns. “For my life to continue on as is and not have to worry that my wife is hanging out with her ex at my sister’s place. I mean fuck, lucky guy bags two chicks, yes?”

“You’re such a jerk!” Charlie yells.

I place my hand on Charlie’s shoulder. “Charlie, don’t bother. I’m going to make myself something to eat and head to bed. Will you be okay?”

She nods, and I head toward the kitchen. My walls are not soundproof, and eavesdropping is impossible to avoid as I make myself a quick sandwich.

Lex’s voice comes through first. “What the fuck is wrong you? Why are you defending them?”

“Because she’s happy, Lex. Unless you’re blind, even you have seen how much she has changed.”

The noise stops, only silence lingering.

“I don’t want him near you. You understand me?”

“You need to sober up and go.”

“Do you understand me?”

“Tomorrow we’ll talk about this, but for tonight, don’t expect me home. Don’t expect anything from me after how you’ve treated me tonight.”

“Charlotte…” I hear his voice soften, “… I need you to come home.”

“Lex, please just go. I’ll be home in a few hours. Sleep this off, and we’ll talk about it then,” Charlie responds, defeated.

The sound of the door slamming shut echoes down the hallway. Charlie walks into the kitchen, taking a seat beside me. She doesn’t make a sandwich, instead lazily grabs a slice of bread and shoves it in her mouth whole. I pour her some juice, and she drinks it in one gulp. Just like me, she looks wrecked.

We finish and turn off the lights, heading upstairs. Climbing into my bed, it brings back memories of our childhood and the countless sleepovers we had. It’s as if she can read my mind, and she brings up the old days.

“I remember sleeping over at your house when we were like eight, and we had just watched Nightmare on Elm Street. Lex tried to spook us by wearing his Freddy Krueger mask.”

I laugh in response. “I think I shit my pants, God honest truth.”

“Gross, and I thought you had just farted in fear of your life.”

We both fall into a fit of laughter, bodies shaking as we try to compose ourselves.

“Sometimes, I’ll have these weird flashbacks and be like, wow, I had a crush on Lex way before we actually hooked up. I remember how every time I came over, your mom would make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and sneak in extra jelly. One day she wasn’t there so I tried to make it myself. I must have been like ten or so. I wasn’t getting it quite right.” She laughs to herself then continues, “Alex, not Lex, walks in and catches me doing it. He is rambling on about his peanut butter and that nobody touches it, so to annoy him, I dunked my finger in his peanut butter.”

“Oh God, what did he do to you?”

“He said to me, “bet I can gross you out more,” then grabbed my hand and sucked the finger that had peanut butter all over it.”

“How did I not know this?”

“Because I was so grossed-out and embarrassed. Remember, it was the day I left your house crying.”

“Oh!” My memory is coming back. “That was the day Lex said you had mono and not to bring it up because you had shit your pants in the kitchen.”

“Are you serious? What an asshole!”

“You married him,” I remind her.

“Yeah, he’s my asshole.”

Shaking my head in disgust, I turn to look over at the clock. It’s just after two. If tonight didn’t play out like it did, I’d have been in Julian’s bed making sweet love until I couldn’t walk, just like he promised.

“Adriana, give Lex time, okay? It’s no secret how much he despises Julian given the past. I hope that eventually, he’ll come around but just don’t expect miracles overnight.”

“I know, but now it’s out in the open. Julian and I can just be a normal couple, no more hiding.”

“And what does Andy think about him?”

“Andy loves him. I mean, Julian is great with Andy.”

“That’s what I was worried about,” she confesses.

“Isn’t that a good thing, though?”

Charlie exhales loudly. “I know he is your brother, and you know him well, but Adriana, he loves Andy like his own. I may not be the only issue here, but the fact that another man walks into your life and Andy falls in love with him.”

“I never really worried about that,” I admit.

“Tonight, he was an ass, but maybe, and only a suggestion, both of you should stay away from each other. Just think about Andy.”

She has a valid point. Now that Julian and I are out in the open, I want to devote as much time as I can to him. Avoiding Lex won’t be a problem, just seeing his face sent me into a fit of rage after his outburst.

“I hear you. Plus, I’ve got a boyfriend to go play with.”

“Oh, yes, you do. A great one at that,” she adds.

I stare up at the ceiling. It’s pitch black. Even at this godforsaken hour, I’m wide awake. All right, I blame the coffee.

“Charlie, if Lex didn’t walk back into your life, do you think you and Julian would’ve worked out?”

She keeps quiet, and I suspect she may have fallen asleep until the blanket shuffles.

“The way I felt about him back then, I’d say yes.” She pauses, then continues, but this time her voice is timid, “He was perfect. He just wasn’t Lex.”

I nod, even though she can’t see me. Charlie and Lex always have this unbreakable bond, and even after how awful Lex treated her tonight, I can tell she misses him and wants to go home.

“Maybe you should go home to your husband.”

“I probably should but let him sulk a bit longer. No need to stroke his ego and run back to him like a pussy-whipped wife.”

“Err… shouldn’t it be dick-whipped wife?”

“Oh, right.” She laughs followed by a yawn. “Well, I ain’t dick-whipped… okay maybe just a little, but if you saw—”

I grab my pillow and muffle her face, and she squirms to break free. “Don’t go there, Charlie… and I mean seriously, if you go there, I’ll tell you about the time your stepmom, Debbie, told me about what your dad likes to wear in the bedroom.”

“Oh, hell no!”

“Good night, Charlie.”

She mumbles good night, and within a few moments, her tiny breaths are the only sound I hear.

Me, I’m wide awake, listening for Elijah.

Nothing.

Closing my eyes, I try to relive my memories of Elijah, just like Charlie did with Lex—back to high school, the first time we met at the football field. Yet every time I try to focus on his face, it’s just a blur. The memories which haunt me are unpleasant—his sick face, his weak frame, and the worst one of all, his barren expression before he passed on. I place all my effort into forgetting these memories, and what makes it hard is that it stops me from living the life he wants me to live.

Move on, he said.

He made it seem like such an easy task.

It’s a broken scene, and as much as I try to reminisce, all I can see is Julian’s face.

***

It was just before ten when Charlie and I woke up. Already showered, I throw on a pair of yoga pants and my favorite retro tank with a Guns ‘n Roses logo on it. My hair has grown, so I pull it up into a ponytail and slip into my sneakers. I figure today’s a new day, and I should start my workout regime. That is until I find some leftover Dunkin Donuts in the kitchen.

Maybe tomorrow.

The doorbell rings just as I’m about to grab a second donut. With Charlie in the shower, I am assuming Lex is ready to use his manners and apologize for his bitch-fit last night. I open the door to be met with Julian standing on the porch. Oh crap. My body has mentally thrown itself at him, smothering him until he can’t breathe, but in reality, I’m standing here not moving a single limb.

“Can I come inside, or would you like me to go make friends with the lady across the street?”

That nosy Mrs. Randle from across the street is peeking through her lace curtains. It isn’t like I have men here, but then again, between Lex, Eric, Tristan, and Rocky, perhaps her twisted mind will think I run a burlesque house.

I motion for him to come in. “Charlie is still here. Is that okay?”

He nods and smiles reassuringly. Maybe I’m more nervous than him.

I grab his arm and pull him toward the kitchen when Charlie’s footsteps bustle down the stairway. “Wow, Adriana, how good is that strawberry body wash. I should recommend it to a lady in my gym who has the stinkiest vag—” She halts at the bottom of the stairs, keeping her expression to no more than a faint smile.

“Was going upstairs to get you, but—”

She interrupts me, smiling warmly at both of us. “No. Hey, it’s okay. Hi, Julian.”

“Hi, yourself.” He grins back at her.

Oh, this is awkward.

“So, how you been?” Charlie asks politely.

“Great, and you?”

“Yeah, good.”

We all fall into a digestive silence until I open my mouth. “Okay, this is awkward. And I mean more awkward than the scene in America Pie where Jim is caught humping the pie.”

Julian and Charlie laugh in unison, breaking the tension in the room.

I realize the only person making this awkward is me. I wrap my arms around his waist and snuggle my head into his chest. He smells like aftershave—sweet, cool, and sensual. Dressed in a white polo and navy dress shorts, his tan looks nice and even. I missed him.

“Oh, shucks, you two.” Charlie beams. “No awkwardness from me, okay? And I reiterate… me.”

“Thank you, Charlie. It means a lot to us,” Julian says.

“I know you got my back. So, are you going straight home?” I ask.

She nods. “Yep. Hopefully, the beast has sobered up and not trashed our house.”

“Call me later, okay?” I let go of Julian to hug Charlie.

She squeezes me tightly and whispers in my ear. “I think this will work out.”

I smile at the sentiment, letting go of her. She steps forward and makes an effort to hug Julian. At first, he seems conflicted, but I see his body relax.

“It was nice seeing you again. Take good care of my girl, okay?” She pulls away and says goodbye, exiting through the back door.

Relief washes over me, and I immediately feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulders. Okay, maybe only one weight. My hands entwine with his as I lead him up the stairs to my bedroom. I said I was uncomfortable having him here, but my body needs him more than ever. He is quick to discourage me, but I hush him, closing the door behind me. Inside the room, my drapes are wide open with the sun filtering through. I tug on his shirt, pulling his body in flush with mine. His eyes are boring into me, filled with hunger and thirst, the same strong emotions which consume me. He tilts his head moving in, brushing his lips softly against mine. It travels directly to where it intended to go, the fire of passion ignites in just one kiss. My mouth moves back to his, nibbling his bottom lip with a gentle tug. His moans are trapped in our kisses, urging me to take a few steps backward until we’ve both fallen onto my bed. I pull away for a brief moment, staring directly into his eyes.

“Make love to me. Here. Please.”

And just when he opens his mouth to say something, my cell rings, the loud noise bouncing off the walls. I excuse myself, worried it could be Andy. I roll over until I’m within arms’ reach of the bedside table just in time to see the name Mary Jean flash on the screen. Just fucking great. If I don’t pick up the phone, she will call like a crazed stalker ten times in a row.

“Hi, Mary Jean.” I mouth to Julian “I will be quick.”

“Darl! How is my gran-baby? Can I talk to him?” she almost shouts.

“Andy’s great. He isn’t here with me. Slept at a friend’s house last night.”

“Well, why would he need to? You’re his mama…”

This isn’t the first time Mary Jean has put in her two cents worth, and judging by her raised tone, she may have slipped some bourbon into her morning coffee.

“Listen, I need to go. How about I give you a call tonight when he’s home?”

Seems like a good compromise, but typical Mary Jean has to ramble on. I listen for another two minutes before I quickly say goodbye, hanging up the call. I switch the cell to silent, not to be interrupted.

“We should probably talk,” Julian insists.

“Probably, but I’d prefer to have you naked on top of me whispering sweet nothings in my ear.”

With a wide-eyed grin, he rolls me back toward his body, pinning me underneath him. “Finally,”he whispers.

And finally, just like he wants, he makes love to me on my bed.

It’s exactly what I need, what we both need. I feel free, and my body is finally letting go. My mind wants to follow, but the sight of a raven sitting on my window ledge startles me. It’s odd, and I haven’t even seen one near my house. At least, not that type of bird. It doesn’t leave, continuing to stand on the ledge.

Why won’t it leave?

Then it dawns on me, remembering what my mom had once told me. The raven is known as a messenger bird, but what the hell does that mean? Was it coming here to warn me or guide me?

It doesn’t matter. It’s here to communicate with me, and there’s only one person trying to do that, and only one person I’m not able to hear.

Elijah.