14. November 8 - Wilder

"Why would any woman not straddle you and go for a ride on the D after living with you for almost a month?" Gus laments as I ignore the sarcastic lilt to his voice. Sometimes, I wish I didn't have such alpha friends. I should find more female friends or a good beta dude that'll actually give me sensitive advice.

Gus crushes his cigarette into the bar ashtray and runs his fingers over his handlebar mustache that drives the ladies insane when he offers them a ride on it. If it's even possible, Gus gets laid more than I get laid, and that's saying something. As a team, we're unstoppable, and the regulars in bars leave when they see us, knowing we'll take home all the good pussy. They don't stand a chance.

"She's hot." He nods to a woman with red hair in the corner, watching us both.

I look away and focus on my beer. "I don't want any of that. Savannah's my cuff partner. I need to give it a shot."

"She's not putting out. You put it in the contract you didn't have to be monogamous if she wasn't fulfilling her duties, right?"

"It's in there. I just think we're close, you know? Surely, I'll make it happen soon. I don't need to fuck anything up by not coming home tonight. She's warmed up to me. I'll be face first between her legs in a matter of days."

"Good," Gus claps his hands. "Then, you can get it out of the way, fuck her for a few months until it gets old, and be on your way."

I raise my beer in a salute. That's a good plan. That'll work. I just need to knock a couple of good fuck sessions out with her, she'll bore me in bed by Christmas, and February fifteenth will be easy peasy. I'll hug her goodbye, pat her on the back, get on my bike, and move to the next town.

I tap the bar and look at the framed pictures, neon signs, and sport team flags behind the bar. "Uh, Gus?"

"Yeah?" he asks, already staring at the redhead and making eyes at her, luring her into his fuck trap.

"Any advice?"

He turns to me so fast his neck will probably hurt tomorrow. "Advice for what?" He rubs the back of his head like it already hurts.

I shrug. "Getting face first between her legs, of course."

"Why the fuck do you need advice? You're a fucking sex god. Get in there!"

I slap the bar in frustration. "That's the thing with her," I whisper, moving closer to Gus so the bartender can't hear my sex crisis. I have a reputation to uphold. "I've tried everything. She's heard me jerk the gherkin in the shower, I've had dinner with her mom and literal "boy" friend, and I've taken her on a picnic. I even let her use my femur as a sex toy after the Halloween party," I say, and Gus scowls in confusion. I don't have time to explain it, so I wave my hand. "Fuck, Gus. I've tried everything. I've eaten a bagel's pussy and dressed up like jelly using a cardboard box. I don't know what else I can do."

Gus holds his hands up and widens his eyes. "Whoa, cowboy. I don't have any idea what the fuck you just said, but it's a lot to unpack. Have you had any head injuries lately? Inhaling too much oil at the garage?"

I slouch in my seat and drop my head close enough to the bar that I could lick it. "I want her. Sure, I'd like to go run a train on the redhead in the corner with you, but Savannah's consuming my thoughts." I jerk my head up and focus my eyes on him. "Do not ever tell anyone I admitted to letting one woman consume my thoughts," I say, jabbing his shoulder. "I'll deny it. Besides, this is just sexual frustration, right?"

"That's why we should take the redhead to my house and burn off some steam. We've shared before, so who cares? You'll be right as rain after a proper sack clearing. I'll let you go first. That's how sorry I feel for you."

"Thanks, dickhead. How altruistic of you. But not tonight. Not with this cuff. I just want her."

"You know what your problem is?"

"I'm sure you'll tell me."

"You haven't had it from her, and she's in your daily proximity. That's enough to make her consume your mind. She got in your brain, dude," he says, pointing to his temple.

"So, I just need to fuck her and get her out of my head?"

"Yep, nothing gets a woman out of your mind like a good dick clean out. We get backed up if we don't release frequently enough. We start having bad thoughts about relationships and monogamy and stuff when we're offered the promise of a good cock cleanse. It's terrifying. Don't let it take you, man." He grabs the collar of my shirt and shakes me, laughing. "Don't go toward the light. Stay with me!"

I sneak a glance at the woman in the corner. She's laughing at us, but her eyes only focus on Gus. Something tells me she wouldn't be up for both of us tonight. She's probably a one-guy kind of girl.

Like Savannah. She's my virtuous, practically innocent, kind, brilliant, hard-working, loyal, beautiful librarian, and I'm going to give her a go first. Gus is right. I'm not going to take another woman home tonight. I'm committed to doing the horizontal mambo with one woman. If she doesn't please me, I can come back to this bar and pick up a woman that will suck the soul from my dick. No harm, no foul.

"How do I get between her legs?" I mumble.

"You've tried romance and a bunch of other shit that you'll have to explain someday." He slaps me on the back and picks up his beer, the redhead already halfway across the room to come talk to him. "Try staying in with her and making a simple night of it. Nothing spectacular. No restaurant distractions or distractions in general. Just you, popcorn, and a ribbed condom."

"Why ribbed?"

"For her pleasure, of course. Stop being a pussy. Go home, make your girl dinner, rub her feet, and get the head we all deserve."

"A quiet night at home," I mutter, but he's already gone, meeting the redhead in the middle of the room and leaving me alone at the bar.

I can do a quiet night at home. I'll make her favorite casserole, suggest a movie, and get her to cuddle with me on the couch. That's something we haven't done. We've been too busy with Halloween parties, restaurant outings, and our respective jobs and friends.

Easy enough. This will get her out of my mind. I just need to tap it once.