6. Cassian

6

CASSIAN

I t’s almost amusing, staring at Arlo’s reaction. The pink hue on his cheeks is made even more prominent by the paleness that consumes the rest of him. His jaw is slack as he gapes at Addi, who patiently gives him a moment to come to terms with what she just said. If I wasn’t sinking in my own turmoil, then I’m sure I’d have a sarcastic comment to throw his way, but my reality is threatening to overwhelm me and leave me paralyzed with anxiety.

Addi is doing the right thing appointing him as her advisor. There’s no love involved, not like my brothers and me, but he’s also gathered the information she needs. It doesn’t mean I won’t keep an extra close eye on him, but it does ease a slight ripple of concern in my veins. Not completely, but I’ll take what I can get.

It does little to address the real root of my problems though.

I can’t be a member of her council, not when the wolves need me.

The calm and serene warmth that flooded my limbs from coming down Addi’s throat is gone. The perfect start to the day is instantly crippled by the anticipation of what comes next.

I’m torn, trapped between a rock and a hard place, destined to hurt someone, somehow, and there’s no avoiding it. For once in my life, I’m aware of hurting someone else’s feelings and it leaves me speechless.

Arlo clears his throat, sitting tall in his seat as his gaze fixes on Addi’s. “We better get into it then, huh?”

“You want to call a meeting now ?” Beau asks, speaking up for the first time, gaze flitting between Addi and Arlo, and it’s the latter who answers.

“Ideally, yes, but we can’t call anything until the other appointments have been made. Otherwise, it’s not an official meeting with an official council,” he explains, and Addi nods in understanding.

“An official council… right…” She looks around the table, starting with my direction across from her before making her way down the line and back up the other side. She takes her time, but with every flutter of her lashes I know she’s making important decisions. “What roles did you say? Head of Defense?” Arlo nods, but nobody speaks, waiting with bated breath for her next words.

“Raiden,” she breathes, looking to the vampire beside her, who blinks in surprise before taking his hand and pressing his lips to her knuckles.

“I’ll protect you til the day I die, Adrianna,” he breathes, making her sink her teeth into her bottom lip before she continues.

“Origins Communicator, I want that to be Flora. It would be rude if Brody wasn’t my Mage Master, and I don’t think I can trust anyone else to be the Treasurer other than Kryll.” She knocks them off, one by one, while my pulse rings in my ears.

I can’t breathe, let alone speak, so all I can do is stare blankly at the love of my life while my knee bounces incessantly.

“You’re going to make decisions that rashly?” Arlo asks, cocking his brow at her, and she rounds on him with a pointed look of her own.

“Rashly? Raiden has spent his entire life being defensive. He’s also the one of us most likely to figure out where Clementine is while also helping us put a stop to the frenzied vampires, because something tells me they’re not gone entirely. Flora, with powers I can’t even begin to fathom, somehow made me trust her enough to be my friend. It started with a single conversation. One. Not only that, but her mind powers are strong and exactly what the kingdom needs if we have any chance of uniting the origins completely.”

Raiden and Flora gape at her, likely startled by her words, but she’s far from done.

“Brody might be the only mage here, but he’s phenomenal. If he wasn’t, I would find someone else, but I trust in him and his abilities. I also believe he has the best interest of the kingdom at heart. I knew it the moment he helped me heal the human right at the beginning of all this. He didn’t have to do that, but he did. Not just for me either. And Kryll…” She shifts in her seat so she can make eye contact with him. “I trusted him with my family when I needed it most, trusting him with the treasury role almost feels like a consolation prize,” she admits, and he shakes his head at her.

“Never,” he breathes, silently promising her the world, just like everyone else at the table.

Everyone but me.

“What about Cassian?” Arlo asks, finger aimed in my direction.

I spin to Addi, our gazes clashing as she takes me in. It feels like an eternity passes before I feel the slightest tug in my chest. I frown, confused by it as I mindlessly rub at the spot.

“Cassian is going to have his hands full with the wolves,” she offers, a soft smile tilting the corner of her lips just enough to make her eyes shine bright too.

“Are you sure?” I rasp, warmth spreading through my veins as she nods at me.

“As sure as the relief I can sense between us,” she admits, her eyebrows pinching just a fraction.

“Thank you,” I murmur, fighting the urge to hide my face and the guilt that tingles through my body.

Panic begins to creep in, fueling my worry that I could be making a big mistake by taking the out she’s offering, but before I can think more on it, she braces her elbows on the table and clears her throat. “You should probably go and check in on them. Last night was carnage and I’m sure they’re needing you now more than ever.”

Fuck.

I don’t want to go. I can see it in her eyes that she feels it too, but that does nothing to stop the inevitable. I accepted the role of alpha. I knew it would come with sacrifices, but why does it feel like it’s her I’m sacrificing?

“It’s okay, Cassian,” she breathes, standing from Kryll’s lap and inching around the table to come to a stop at my side. I can’t move. Doing so will only confirm that she’s going to stay here with everyone else, and I’ll be gone.

For now. It’s just for now.

Attempting to internally pump myself up falls flat. Her hand falls to mine, warmth spreading from her touch as she tugs me to my feet. She leans up on her tiptoes, pressing her lips to mine in the softest kiss I’ve experienced.

“Be safe,” she whispers against my lips, and I nod, staring deep into her eyes as I finally find the strength to embrace who I’m supposed to be.

“When I have you to come home to, always.”