CHAPTER 9 LINCOLN

I'm not sure what to do.

My instinct is to kiss her.

To wipe away her tears and find some way to help her understand that everything's going to be okay. To help her find a flight back home if that's what she really wants.

But I also find that I don't want her to go.

This is our one chance to reconnect.

I'm not exactly sure what made me speak up when I heard the agent tell her there were no rooms available—other than the fact that I wanted to get her alone again.

I figured the suite I'm being treated to would be big enough for the two of us.

I was shocked it's a small room with one bed.

I'm sure she thinks it's a setup, that I'm hitting on her and I'm not any better than that asshole at the bar.

But I am better than him…only I can't show her why.

Not publicly, at least.

The truth of the matter is we need to be careful, but when feelings run as deep as they do between the two of us, it's impossible to ignore.

So maybe we just…stop ignoring them.

Maybe it's time to sit down and have an honest conversation.

Off the record, of course.

Can I trust her?

I don't know.

My father would say no. She's a reporter for the team I'm coaching. She's got ulterior motives. She has reasons to benefit from being close to me.

But it's Jolene.

My gut says yes, and I've spent enough of my life either ignoring or listening to my gut to know that it's right more often than it's wrong.

I do know one thing, though.

As much as I want to kiss her right now, I can't do it out here in the middle of the sidewalk where either one of us could be recognized at any given moment.

To that end, I set my hand on the small of her back and usher her back into the hotel. Regardless of whether I end up kissing her, out here is not the place, and it's not just because of the history between our families. It's her job. It's my job. It's being in the spotlight. It's being here to give a commencement address. The last thing I should be doing is making out with a hot reporter in the middle of the sidewalk. Even if the reason I so badly want to kiss her is to comfort her when she's terrified because her son is hurt and she's away from him.

We take the elevator back up to the suite. Neither of us has food. The drink she ordered is abandoned on the bar.

The tension is thick in the elevator, but we're not alone. I think about holding her hand—squeezing it and letting her know I'm right here for her.

I don't.

We get off the elevator on my floor and head toward my suite, neither of us saying a word.

I'm not sure if we're back to hating each other or if there's something else at play here, and I can't help but wonder what she's thinking right now.

"Are you okay?" I ask a little tentatively once we're back in the privacy of my room.

She nods, and she walks over to the window, where she folds her arms over her chest and stares out at the buildings surrounding us. She draws in an audible breath before slowly exhaling.

"I'll order us some food. Anything in particular you want?"

She shakes her head, still not talking, and I'm not sure if she's avoiding talking to me because of our own history, if it's because she's worried about her son, or if it's because she's still affected by what went down in the bar.

I would know these things about her if I knew her at all now.

But I don't, and this is a clear reminder that she's a different person than she was two decades ago…just like I am.

I walk up behind her, and I think about wrapping my arms around her, but I don't. It would've been the most natural thing in the world for us if we were still fifteen and seventeen, but we're not.

"Talk to me," I murmur.

She shakes her head, and she turns to face me. Her eyes are filled with unshed tears, and one tips over. "I can't do this," she whispers.

"Can't do what?"

"I can't fight against this when I'm trying to hold it together for Jonah." Her words come out on a sob, and my chest aches for her.

"Then stop fighting," I say, and I take the opportunity to comfort her in the only way I know how.

I reach across the small distance spanning between us and thumb away the tear, and then I cup her neck with my palm, my fingers wrapping under her hair and around her neck. She closes her eyes as she leans into my touch, and I can't help but study every feature of her beautiful face this close to me.

A few freckles dot her nose and cheeks, freckles I remember kissing when we were young. Her eyes are closed, so I can't see the golden flecks there, but I see the shimmer of the shadow she wears on her lids.

I lean forward and press my lips to her forehead, and then to the freckles on the tip of her nose. I land another kiss on one cheek, and then the other, and it's a sweet reminder of a simpler time.

It's exactly how I kissed her the first time I kissed her. We were on her parents' back patio, and it was a freezing winter night as we stared up at the clear sky right after a blizzard passed through. Snow surrounded us, and we could see the stars between the trees up in the sky.

It felt like the most romantic moment of my life. Maybe it still is.

It was the moment we both knew we were officially together, and I wanted to build the anticipation between us. I wanted to kiss her lips, but I wanted to kiss her everywhere, and somehow beginning with her forehead and traveling down to her lips seemed like a good place to start.

Eventually I did kiss her everywhere, but not as many times as I wanted. There wasn't enough time in one single lifetime for us to ever say it would have been enough, never mind the fact that we were cut far shorter than we deserved.

I pull back after I kiss her cheek, not sure she wants this.

Her eyes open, and those golden flecks practically glow at me under the hazel irises. It's lust or need, warmth maybe with a little love still peppered in there, but that's all just a mask for the confusion she must feel as strongly as I do.

We can't change the past.

But we can sure as hell make a better future.

I finally close my eyes and lean down. I catch her lips with mine, and she slips her arms around my waist.

I open my mouth to hers, and this kiss is so much sweeter than the one stolen in the lobby of the Complex. This one is private, for one thing. There are no cameras in here catching our move, no sinister enemies waiting outside to capture what we're doing.

But the feelings here are wrapped in warmth and love. Neither of us moves tentatively, but we both move slowly. We have all the time in the world tonight, and whether or not this kiss is leading anywhere remains to be seen.

I want it to lead somewhere, but I want to make sure she wants it to lead there, too.

My tongue brushes hers, and she moans softly as her body melts into mine.

God, I love her.

I still love her.

Those feelings are still strong. They never went away. Never faded. Never dimmed.

And with her back in my life, the light between us burns as brightly as ever.

There's just one problem.

It's a light that's only meant for the two of us. There are too many complications for it to be any other way.

My phone starts to ring—loudly.

She halts, but I don't.

I ignore it until it stops and goes to voicemail, but it starts up again almost immediately.

She pulls back first. "You should get that."

My eyes open, and I feel a little insulted. I shouldn't. She's just trying to be polite.

I grab my phone to shut it off when I see it's my father calling.

My gut tells me not to do it, but I answer anyway. "Hello."

"Care to explain why I just got a notification that my son is shacking up with the enemy at THE Ohio State?" he asks.

Jesus. Word travels fast.

I glance up at Jolene. Clearly she heard what my father just said, and I watch as she shifts from slightly flushed with lips swollen from our kiss to this retreating figure moving toward the window to give me privacy.

We were close. So goddamn close.

And I feel the divide firmly back between us already.

I'm not sure what I can say in this situation that will appease both my father and her. If I deny it, I'm hurting her. If I admit it, I'm hurting him.

Nobody wins…least of all me.

To that end, I keep it vague. "What an honor for my alma mater to invite me to give tomorrow's commencement address. I'm certain scores of reporters will be covering it, none more essential than my very own local news correspondents."

"Keep your distance, son. Don't be stupid."

Or what?

I don't need to ask. I already know the answer, and there's even more at stake now that my brother is going to be playing for my team and another brother is potentially joining my coaching staff.

There's nothing more important than family, and sleeping with the enemy would do nothing more than cause everyone to choose sides.

It might not be fair, but I learned early on that life isn't fair.

"Thanks. I'll be sure to do that." I cut the call without waiting for his response.

And when I turn to glance up at Jolene, there's no reaction.

I'm certain I've already lost her before I ever really had a chance to win.