CHAPTER 9 LINCOLN

I haven't returned my family's calls yet—mostly because I haven't had the time, and I know Asher and Dad are close, so I have a feeling Dad already knows the inside scoop regarding what was said at our team gathering before practice today.

I glance over the statement Ellie sent me, and I decide the best way to tackle it is to copy it into a note, take a screenshot, and post it to my Instagram.

So that's what I do.

I watch as the little hearts accumulate, and then I read my statement one more time.

Regarding the rumors circulating about my personal life: first and foremost, I did not cheat on anyone. Those allegations are untrue and unfounded. I hold myself to a high standard both on and off the field, and I would never compromise my integrity or my values. Samantha Reynolds and I are friends, and she attended several events with me as my friend. I want to thank those who are standing with me during this difficult time, and I ask for your trust as I put my focus into leading the Vegas Aces to victory this season. I will not allow myself or my team to be distracted by rumors, misinformation, or miscommunication. I appreciate privacy during this time. Thank you.

Ellie really covered it all in those words, and while I'm certain she would've preferred for me to read them aloud, I prefer it this way.

I'm not a hop on social media for a live video kind of guy. I prefer my privacy, as noted in my statement.

I click off the app, glad that's taken care of, and I realize maybe a moment too late that while I named Sam, I never named Jolene. It's in part for her protection, but also because I'm not quite ready to admit anything publicly. Too many prying eyes are watching our every move, and if people want to formulate rumors based on that, well, maybe they should get a life and stop studying mine.

But still…I hope she's not hurt by that. The last thing I'm trying to do here is hurt her.

Once my statement is posted, I decide to tackle the phone calls.

I start with Spencer.

"You okay?" he answers.

"I'm fine, thanks. You?"

"Yeah. Good. I just called earlier to check on you."

"As has everyone," I say a little dryly.

"You want to tell me what's really going on?"

"No. Jolene and I reconnected in secret, and that's that on that." I blow out a heavy breath.

"That can't be that on that. What did Dad say?"

"I called you first," I admit. "Figured you'd go easiest on me."

"Yeah, well, you're probably right about that. But he's going to force us all to choose sides in this. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know," I mutter, my voice strained. And when they're forced to choose sides, how many of my brothers will choose mine?

My father is a different father to the three of them, and after thirty-six years, I think I finally understand why.

They were choices he made. I was not.

I was a surprise. A shock. I was the sole reason that forced him into doing what he thought was the right thing—marrying my mother, having more kids, building a family, and even now, as I study them and see all the cracks there, I can't help but wonder if even he thinks he chose wrong, something he obviously blames me for.

I clear my throat. "Anyway, how are you? You ready for the season?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," he says. "You?"

"We're ready. All this is merely a distraction." I hear footsteps outside my office, and I see Megan when she appears in my doorway. "I need to go. Go kick ass on the field, Spence."

"You too, Linc."

We hang up, and that's one down, four more calls to go—one to Grayson, one to Asher, and one to each of my parents, unless I'm blessed enough to catch them together, which seems less and less likely these days.

My eyes are on my assistant, who should be at home by now. "What are you doing here?"

She twists her lips as she leans on my doorframe. "I was across the street with some friends and saw your car here," she admits. "I just wanted to check on you. I saw your Instagram post."

I nod. "I'm fine, thanks."

She steps into my office and perches on the chair across from me. "I had a feeling, you know. About you and Jolene. You could've told me."

"It was private, and I still don't really want to talk about it. The only reason I am is because I'm being forced to defend myself against ridiculous allegations," I admit.

"Right, but I could've helped protect you. I could've done…I don't know. Something." She shrugs, and she looks a little helpless.

"Like exit my hotel room giving off a certain impression at the vineyard?" I press.

She has the grace to look a little embarrassed about that.

"Yeah. Jo told me."

"I was testing the waters," she says. "That's all. I was checking to see if my theory was right. These walls aren't soundproof, you know."

"You've got your earbuds in all day," I tease her. "You didn't hear a thing."

She repeats my words but tosses air quotes around them as if to say she's agreeing to the lie. "Right. I didn't hear a thing."

I chuckle. "Well, thanks for being on my side when it feels like no one else is."

"Always, boss." She tilts her head a little. "And you can trust me to take anything you tell me and protect it. I'm here for you, and I signed an NDA that says anything you tell me is confidential. That includes your personal life."

"I appreciate that. Now I have a bunch of calls I need to return, so if you'll excuse me. Thanks for checking on me, though."

She offers a smile, and then she gets up and leaves. I stare at the empty doorway after she leaves, a little grateful that she came by tonight. There's a lot stacked against me right now, but she's one person in my corner I can rely on, and I think I needed that more than I realized.

I call Grayson next.

"Fucking finally, bruh," he answers. "So you did it?"

I laugh as I think back to our chat in our parents' kitchen not so terribly long ago. "I had a commencement address in Ohio and she was there covering it. One botched hotel reservation later, we were sharing a room, and the rest is history."

He lets out a low whistle. "Damn, that sounds hot."

"It's some level beyond hot. I love her, man. I want to spend my life with her. But there's so much shit in our way."

"This is a far cry from the guy telling me our parents fucked us up too much for us to ever really have a serious relationship." He laughs at the end a little, but in truth, it's not very funny.

"I mean, those weren't my exact words, but…yeah. I didn't think I wanted it, but I guess things change. She has this kid, and he told me the other day he wishes I was his dad. It's crazy, right? That some kid wants me in his life, and he didn't even know I was actually with his mom at the time." Oh, shit.

Jonah.

He didn't know I was with his mom, and he might hear about this shit, too. He's going to know we lied. He's going to be disappointed not just in his mother, but in me.

And that pulses a stab of guilt right through my stomach.

I'm not sure if going over to Jolene's place is the best idea tonight given the heightened interest in me right now, but I need to see her. I need to see him, too.

I text her as soon as Grayson and I hang up.

Me: You around tonight? I'd like to see you and Jonah, too.

I debate calling Asher. He called earlier before my locker room speech. Now that I'm his coach, we have sort of a different relationship than I have with my other two brothers.

I realize the only reason I'd call him is to put off calling my father, so I finally give in.

And when dear ol' Dad answers, it's about what I expected.

"I'm so goddamn disappointed in you, boy. Look what you've done."

I press my lips together. Maybe I should be used to it. Maybe I should've even expected it. But it still hurts, and it makes me feel even more for Jonah, who's still young enough that he can find another positive male role model since his dad is so unpredictable.

I relate to that kid more than I ever realized because I wish someone else was my dad, too. Even now.

"The heart wants what it wants," I finally say.

"Yeah, well, I warned you off her two decades ago, but you couldn't keep it in your fucking pants, could you?"

I'm about to open my mouth to defend what we have, but it's in this moment I realize that I don't have to.

I'm done.

I'm tired of trying to make him proud of me.

I'm tired of apologizing. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not good enough.

I'm just tired, and this is maybe the thing that has pushed me over the edge of tired into exhaustion.

"You going to say something?" he hisses.

"No, Dad. I think you've said it all for both of us. I'm choosing her."

He balks at that as some strange sputtering sounds cross the airwaves between us. "You're tearing apart our family, Lincoln."

"I'm not," I argue. "You're the one forcing me to make a choice, and I'm finally, finally going to choose myself. I'm choosing happiness. I'm choosing her. I'm done trying to impress you because the truth is, nothing I can ever do will be enough for you. I need to focus on this season, and I can't allow outside distractions to get in my way."

"She is the distraction! Can't you see that?" he roars.

I draw in a deep breath. "She's the real MVP here, Dad. She's my biggest cheerleader, and she's become my rock. And we've had to do it all in secret because, well, because of you. Because you can't make amends with her father. Because you'd rather let a decades-old grudge come between you."

"He ruined our lives," my dad hisses at me. "He took everything from us."

I clear my throat. It's time for the blame to stop. "Only after you took everything from him first." I say the words quietly, hoping they'll make a bigger impact that way.

They don't. It's a failure.

"That's how you see it, is it?" he asks.

Well…yeah. Because it's the truth. But he's too blinded by his anger and his stubbornness to ever see it any other way.

"No son of mine would turn his back on me like this," he warns, and he can warn and threaten and kick all he wants. The truth is, he taught me how to be stubborn, too.

"Then I guess you have your answer." I cut the call with those words, and while it feels heavy on my heart, it also feels…freeing.