Chapter 28

Chapter Twenty-Eight

T he lights were still up at the end of January, because this was her place and she made the rules. Which she rather enjoyed. Besides, the twinkly lights made it easier to come home to her dark house.

‘See you next week?’ Iris asked as she shifted the car into park in Kira’s driveway.

‘Wouldn’t miss it.’

Iris smiled. ‘Great! I’ll wait until you get in. It’s so dark out here.’

‘Thanks, but don’t worry, Benny is here to protect me.’

Iris laughed as Kira wrestled her yoga mat from the tiny back seat before closing the door and giving her friend one more wave goodbye. She’d been taking Iris’s Tuesday evening yoga class for three weeks now and she’d done Warrior 3 tonight without toppling over onto her head, so she was feeling very zen.

Or at least she did feel zen before she opened the door and was nearly bowled over by her over-enthusiastic roommate.

‘Hi! Hi, baby! I’m home!’ She rubbed Benny, her big, not at all scary, pit bull rescue dog between his ears. His tongue lolled out of his mouth in pleasure.

‘Did you miss me? You big baby.’ She patted his giant head and attempted to wedge herself further into her house. ‘You gotta let me in, bud.’ She pushed him aside and he only gave an inch but it was enough to close the front door. He stuck to her like glue as she unraveled her scarf and hung up her coat. The radiator hissed happily in the hallway, filling the house with warmth. That new boiler was working like gangbusters.

She’d even taken down her blanket doorways and with Iris and Jeanie’s help had hauled her mattress back upstairs. The little snowglobe-world in her house that she and Bennett had existed in for two weeks was officially gone.

And yes, she realized it was pathological to adopt a dog with the name of the person she was trying to live without, but at the time it had seemed like fate.

At least one Ben belonged with her.

‘Come on, let’s get you some dinner.’ That got the big galoot detached from her side and running toward the kitchen, his claws scrabbling along the hardwood floors. Kira laughed, following along behind him.

It had been a strange month since Bennett left; hard but good. Now that she’d officially decided to emerge from her self-imposed isolation, life in Dream Harbor didn’t seem quite so bad. In fact, she might have overdone her reentering society a bit. In the past month, she’d signed up for yoga, joined the book club, attended three different cooking classes at Annie’s bakery, and picked up a few shifts at Mac’s pub to bring in a little extra cash. Not to mention the meetings she’d had with Logan’s agricultural engineer, and with Logan himself, for tips on how to run a farm and all the time she’d spent writing up a business plan for Chloe.

She was even starting to dream up ideas for that old barn. If she fixed it up, she could host events here.

Kira had been busy. And it had been … wonderful. And exhausting.

Benny whined at her feet as she heated some leftover soup for dinner.

‘You already ate,’ she reminded him, but he looked up at her like he was near death from starvation. She sighed but couldn’t help her smile as she slipped him a little piece of chicken from the pot. This big guy had been the main thing keeping her from begging human Bennett to come back. At least for a while.

Because even though she’d filled her days and made friends and got her heat working and built a business plan and finally, finally convinced herself she could do this, she could exist in the world on her own, she still just really missed him.

She didn’t want to exist in the world on her own.

Which was why she’d sent the letter.

She poured her soup into a bowl and moved to the table trying and failing to not think about the contents of the letter. It filled her with anxiety every time she thought about it.

Had he gotten it yet? She’d sent it a few days ago. How long did it take mail to get from here to there? What if it got lost? Mail got lost all the time, didn’t it?

And worse, if he had gotten it, what did he think about it?

Maybe she’d been inspired by Edwin’s prolific letter-writing. She was still sorting through them all on the off-chance he’d put a treasure map in one of them, but a letter had seemed like a good idea at the time. She wanted something less instant. Something that would let Bennett formulate his answer before he sent it. Something that wouldn’t be like staring at the thinking dots on a text message. Those dots would have broken her for sure.

But now the waiting was just as bad.

Just say the word…

Had he meant it?

Maybe he’d gotten back out into the real world, away from their snowed-in fantasy land, and realized it had been just the circumstances. Just the magic of the season. Or the loneliness.

But even if that was true, she was still glad she’d sent it. He’d said so many beautiful things to her during that last fight, and she’d given him nothing but icy silence. He deserved to at least know how she’d felt about him. How much she’d loved their Christmas together.

And anyway, it was too late now. The letter was out in the world, in her sloppy handwriting, and there was no taking it back. She could still remember every word she’d written since she’d rewritten the damn thing so many times.

Dear Bennett,

Even after reading so many of Edwin’s letters, I don’t know how to start this one (sorry but it’s not going to be dirty). I guess I just wanted to say a few things I didn’t manage to say before you left, even though I probably should have.

I thought I was doing the right thing, the selfless thing, by ending things between us. I thought I should insist that you go home, but once again I wasn’t thinking about you. About what you wanted. I shouldn’t have doubted you. If you wanted to stay, I should have let you.

I am still a work in progress.

But I wanted you to know that to me, you are perfect, too. Which surprises me, honestly. You are everything I didn’t know I wanted. But I fell in love with you because you are good and kind. A nearly unbearably handsome caretaker. Selfless and sweet. And by far the best sex I’ve ever had. I’ve used that little pink vibrator thinking about you so many times since you’ve been gone that I burned out the battery (okay, so, a little bit dirty).

I realized, maybe too late, that being independent doesn’t have to mean being alone.

I miss you.

So, I guess, I’m saying the word…

All my love,

Kira

P.S. I loved the socks.

She ate her soup, listening to her latest podcast, Horticulture and You , with Benny snoozing, his big head covering her feet, and she tried not to think about Bennett reading those words. She was putting her bowl in the sink when Benny started growling.

‘What is it, buddy?’ The dog was staring at the back windows. ‘Probably just a skunk or something,’ she assured him, peering out into the dark but Benny wouldn’t stop. His growls turned to barks.

‘Okay, you’re freaking me out.’

She followed the dog into the living room, grabbing her phone on the way, ready to call the cops, or Logan or someone, to come and scare away whatever was outside, scaring her big baby of a dog.

She looked out the front windows. The lights by the Christmas-tree cabin were on. So were the lights she had strung over the first few rows of trees. But it was the three dogs running through the farm that stopped her heart in her chest.

‘Holy shit, Benny.’

He whined next to her, nudging his head against her leg.

‘It’s okay. They’re … friends.’ She was already moving toward the door, fumbling with her boots, pulling on her coat. She couldn’t work the zipper; her hands were shaking too much.

He was here.

He’d come back.

For her.

She opened the door and walked onto the porch with trembling legs.

‘Bennett?’ Her voice was nearly a whisper. She felt crazy calling out his name. But his dogs were here, he had to be here somewhere.

Benny was still cowering next to her. ‘Come on, bud. It’s okay. Let’s go investigate.’

They walked down the driveway toward the tree farm entrance. Elizabeth barreled out of the trees, heading straight for them. Benny growled low in his throat. The dogs circled each other, sniffing and growling.

‘It’s all right, Benny. Don’t be scared.’ A few more circles and the dogs seemed to come to some sort of truce, growling turned into happy yipping and the two ran off together.

She kept walking and somewhere along the way Pudgy found her and waddled along beside her. It only took her a minute to realize the tree next to the cabin was decorated.

‘What is this?’ she asked the little dog at her feet, but Pudgy just wheezed in response. The tree was covered in envelopes, tied on with red bows. One toward the middle had writing on the outside.

Open first.

Kira plucked it off the tree, her breath stuck in her throat and tears burned behind her eyes.

She tore open the envelope and pulled out the letter inside. Unlike the old ones she’d been reading lately, this one was crisp and white and written in Bennett’s precise handwriting.

Peaches,

I got your letter.

She barely got through the first sentence before the tears clouded her vision. She swiped them hastily away.

I’m not much of a letter writer myself, but you said it made you sad that our grandkids would never find our old letters. I thought this would be enough to get them started.

I’m really glad you said the word.

I missed you, too.

Love,

Ben

She looked up, expecting to see him but he still wasn’t showing himself so she grabbed another letter.

Peaches,

I think you are the most beautiful in the morning when your hair is a mess and you’re all soft and warm from sleep. I could look at you like that forever.

Love,

Ben

And another.

Peaches,

You are incredibly stubborn, but I like that, too. You’re fierce and determined. That’s what will make you a great partner.

Love,

Ben

Her hands were shaking so hard now, she could barely hold the paper. She sniffled and wiped more tears.

‘Where are you?’ she asked out loud but he didn’t appear.

Peaches,

I wrote all these letters on the flight here. I hope you meant it. I hope you want me here.

Love,

Ben

‘Of course I do! Where the hell are you?’ she yelled louder now but all that did was get the dogs to crowd around her. ‘Damn you, Bennett Ellis.’

She opened another one.

Peaches,

This past Christmas was my favorite, too. I hope we have a lot more together. I was thinking a lifetime of them might be enough.

Love,

Ben

‘Bennett,’ her voice broke.

‘Hey, Peaches.’

She turned and there he was, just like the first day, walking between the trees. Just like the first day but completely different. Because she loved him now. And he loved her.

‘You came back.’

‘I did.’

‘And you’ll stay?’

‘I was planning on it.’ That perfect smile broke through. ‘If you want me to.’

She ran toward him and threw herself into his waiting arms. ‘Yes. Stay. Please.’

He buried his face in her neck, his warm breath on her skin. ‘Christ, I missed you.’

‘I missed you, too. I should have never told you to leave. I’m so sorry.’

‘You did what you had to do to be ready for this. I don’t think you should regret that.’

‘And you’re ready for this?’ she asked, still wrapped around him.

He grinned. ‘Ready to love you? Fuck, yes.’

‘Bennett, language! There are little doggie ears around.’

He glanced down at the dogs gathered at their feet.

‘I see we have a new member of the pack.’

Kira laughed. ‘This is … oh … uh … this is Benny.’

Bennett’s eyes widened in delight. ‘Kira, did you name your dog after me?’

‘No! Of course not.’

He held her gaze, waiting, and she tried to keep a straight face but failed miserably. ‘He came with the name … but I did sort of pick him because of it.’

The dog Benny whimpered. ‘And because he’s such a good boy,’ she crooned, scratching the dog’s head.

Bennett chuckled. ‘Wow, I didn’t realize you missed me that much.’

‘Oh, shut up.’ She smacked him playfully on the arm. He grabbed her hand and pulled her close again. She went willingly, so happy to be wrapped up in his warmth again. ‘It’s freaking freezing out here. Let’s go inside.’

He kept his arm around her as they made their way back to the house, the dogs racing ahead of them.

‘Did you bring any bags? Where is your car?’ Kira looked around as they approached the house. ‘How the hell did you even get here?’

‘I … uh…’ He looked delightfully sheepish. ‘Jeanie dropped me off. I only brought the dogs and a carry-on bag which I think I left in Jeanie’s car.’ He gave her a chagrined smile. ‘I was kind of in a hurry to get here.’

Her heart felt so full it ached in her chest.

‘Don’t worry, I have a bathrobe you can borrow for now.’

He followed her into the house, laughing, a tangle of dogs in the hallway between them and suddenly her house wasn’t cold and lonely. It was full and loud and warm. And perfect.

‘Hey, it’s a reasonable temperature in here,’ Ben said as he hung up his coat next to hers.

‘Got that new boiler.’

‘Oh, yeah?’

‘Yeah, I have an investor in the business now, so I was able to make a few purchases around here.’

‘An investor, huh? Good for you.’

Her face warmed with pride. It was good for her. And she was proud of herself for doing it. For leaving home and starting over. For asking for help.

For letting Bennett in.

‘It’s my sister, but it’s all very official.’

‘I’m sure it is.’

They were standing at the entrance to the living room now. The couch had a very respectable amount of pillows and only two throw blankets, the rest having been relegated to the bedroom and of course, the mattress was gone.

‘How’d you get it back upstairs?’

‘I had help.’

‘I’m glad.’

‘You want to come upstairs and see it?’ she asked, waggling her eyebrows in a way Bennett obviously found super sexy because he outright laughed at her.

‘Of course I do.’ He pulled her close again, his arms around her waist and her face tilted up to his. ‘But I don’t have to stay here.’

‘What? Why not?’

‘I mean, I’m definitely back. I just don’t want you to think I have to stay here. In your house. We can take it slow.’

‘Take it slow? Bennett, are you kidding? You just flew across the country to put letters for our grandchildren to find in fifty years in my trees and now you’re saying we can take it slow?’

‘I didn’t specifically say they had to be our grandchildren together .’

‘Yeah, okay.’ She rolled her eyes and he pressed a kiss to her forehead. ‘Look, I don’t care if this is a terrible idea or it’s too soon or too fast or doesn’t make sense. I’ve learned something this month.’

‘Oh?’ He was looking down at her, and she realized she’d almost forgotten how long and dark his eyelashes were. It was still annoying, but now she loved him so she’d just have to deal with it.

‘Yes. I learned that I don’t want to be without you. Simple as that.’

‘Simple as that, huh?’

‘Yep.’

The smile that crossed his face was slow and sweet. ‘Okay, good. I want to be with you, simple as that, too.’

‘Perfect. Then it’s settled.’

A little wrinkle of worry creased his forehead. ‘I recently learned that I’ve misinterpreted people’s intentions in the past, so if you could spell it out for me, Peaches, that would be great.’

She ran her fingers through his hair, messing it up just enough so he looked like hers again. ‘You’re moving, Bennett. Here to Dream Harbor, to live here with me and our far too many dogs and possibly a future reindeer or two. And we will live happily ever after. Is that clear enough?’

‘Crystal. Thank you.’ His smile grew into something mischievous, and she didn’t have time to react before he hoisted her over his shoulder, caveman style, and headed for the stairs. She squealed and squirmed in his arms, but he held tight and gave her a swift smack on her ass.

‘Bennett!’

He laughed. ‘Now, let’s go see this mattress.’

* * *

‘Is it weird that I kinda miss the living-room blanket fort?’ he asked hours later in the early light of the morning. They’d been awake all night, kissing and talking. Making plans. Getting reacquainted. He couldn’t keep his hands off her. He had to keep convincing himself she was real. Any time they dozed off, he found himself waking up with a handful of her ass and a raging erection. It hadn’t been a restful night but damn it had been a good one.

‘No, I miss it, too, sometimes.’

Kira’s head rested on his chest, and he ran his fingers through her hair. Her naked legs were tangled up with his.

‘Maybe that can be our Christmas tradition,’ she said. ‘Sleeping in front of the fire.’

‘That would be nice,’ he murmured, letting his fingers trail from her hair, down her back. He could hardly believe he was here, back in this house, back with Kira in his arms. It was like a dream. Just a few days ago, he’d been home trying his best to live his life without her and now he didn’t have to.

He must be the luckiest son of a bitch in the world.

‘My sister is coming for a visit in the spring,’ she said. This was how it had been all night, little pieces of their life spilled out for each other, filling each other in on all that they’d missed.

‘Sounds good. Can’t wait to meet her.’

‘I’ve still been reading through Edwin’s letters.’

‘Oh?’

‘Yeah, still kinda hoping he left some clues about this treasure.’

‘Any luck?’

She shook her head, her hair brushing across his bare chest. ‘Not yet. But I finally found those Tiffany lamps. They were hidden behind an old dresser in the attic.’

He smiled to himself, happy that she hadn’t given up on finding something. He’d been skeptical all along that old Edwin had left something behind, but Kira dared to hope for good things, and he loved that about her.

She shifted in his arms so she could look up at him. ‘Hi,’ she smiled like she was just as surprised and thrilled that he was here as he was.

‘Hey.’

‘It’s crazy that you’re here.’

‘I know.’

She grinned and he missed her, even though she was right here, he missed her. He needed her closer. He rolled them so he was above her, dipping his head to kiss her. She was sleepy and soft.

He should let her rest.

‘Bennett,’ she murmured.

‘Yeah?’

‘I love you.’

His breath caught, still shocked to hear it, still amazed it could be true.

‘I love you, too, Peaches.’

She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, tugging him down into the cradle of her thighs. He braced himself on his forearms so that he didn’t crush her, but she wrapped her legs around his back, holding him tight.

He nuzzled against her neck, breathing in her scent—shampoo and woodsmoke and pine and Kira—that made him dizzy with wanting her. She gasped as he rocked against her.

‘Do you want to sleep?’ he whispered against her cheek.

She shook her head. ‘Not yet. I don’t want to miss any time with you.’

He smiled. ‘We’ll have to sleep at some point.’

‘Not yet,’ she whispered, and he kissed her, stealing the words. He kissed her lips and her jaw; he kissed down her neck, dragging his mouth along her delicate skin. She arched her back as he kissed across her collarbone and down to her breasts. He licked and sucked and kissed until she was gasping for breath, her hips rocking against his, seeking relief even after all the times they’d done this tonight. It wasn’t enough. It wouldn’t ever be enough.

He slid down her body, burying his face between her thighs.

Christ, how he’d missed this.

Her taste, her scent, the feel of her against his tongue. The tug of her fingers in his hair, her gasps and whimpers. He held tight to her thighs, holding her in place for him, not willing to let go for a second.

He’d been an idiot to leave the first time.

Now he planned to hold tight to this woman forever.

‘Ben!’ Her thighs tensed around him, her hips rolling against his tongue. She tensed and then broke, trembling in his hands. He lapped up her pleasure, wringing out every last drop until her body went soft and pliable in his hands again.

He crawled back up her body and found her with a sated smile.

He grinned. ‘Do you want to sleep now?’ he asked and her eyes fluttered open.

‘Not yet.’ Her smile was downright wicked as she tugged him down again. Her legs were wrapped around him again and she was so slick he slid in in a single thrust.

‘Kira,’ her name was nothing more than a groan. He leaned his forehead against hers, steadying himself against the pleasure that was already rioting through him.

She kissed him, running her fingernails down his back, just enough to send prickling pleasure down his spine. He grunted and she smiled against his lips.

‘I love you,’ she whispered as he thrust into her again and again. She whispered against his mouth and his ear and into the crook of his neck as she held onto him, as he pushed into her, again and again, until he broke against her, falling apart in her arms.

‘I love you, too,’ he gasped, pressing his lips against her sweaty temple. They stayed like that for a long time, pressed together, unwilling to let go. Until finally, they slept.

After all, they had a lifetime to spend together. They could spare a few hours for sleep.