Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

T he next morning dawned bright, blinding, and white outside her windows. She needed to get darker shades for this room if she was going to keep sleeping here. She was about to burrow deeper under the covers, when she realized the body that had kept her warm and cozy all night was missing.

God, last night had been so … perfect. So life-alteringly perfect. She didn’t want to think about it in the light of day, but it was too late. She was already thinking about it. Thinking about how Bennett had held her until she was done with her little emotional breakdown and then how he’d rolled her over and made her come like five more times, and how each time her defenses came down a little more until she was completely exposed, and there was nothing she could do about it.

And the only consolation was that he seemed to be feeling the same way. That he seemed just as undone as she was. That each time he slid into her, he seemed just as awestruck as she was, just as destroyed. And she didn’t know what to do now, except to keep going with this bad idea. Because she was stupid to go down this road, but she wasn’t stupid enough to stop now.

She had Bennett until New Year’s, and she was going to hold onto him with both greedy hands until then.

‘Bennett?’ she called, peeking out into the chilly room. The fire had died down in the night and now it was cold even in the confines of the living room blanket fort.

‘Ben?’

No answer. But when she sat up, she found a travel mug next to her side of the bed. Weird. She took a sip. Piping hot coffee from her own kitchen. He’d put it in a travel mug to keep it hot in this damn house.

Why was he so thoughtful?! Her resolve not to chain him to the radiator and keep him here forever was weakening. Keep it together, Kira.

She took another sip, fortifying herself, and then emerged from the blankets. Where did he go? She padded over to the front window in her fuzzy socks, a necessity for walking across these freezing floors. The world outside was white.

The sun had come out and the snow on the trees sparkled like fairy dust.

It was objectively beautiful, even Kira had to admit it.

And she found an unexpected excitement building up in her belly. She wanted to go play in the snow! A feeling nearly as foreign as wanting to keep the man she’d slept with last night. Quickly donning several more layers, her boots, coat, hat, and gloves—ugh playing in the snow was hard already—Kira stepped out into the brilliant morning before her enthusiasm could wane too much.

Bennett, apparently giving up on fighting his helper instincts, had already shoveled the walk from her door to the driveway. After that, footprints had plowed through the snow and into the tree fields.

Even after all the storm warnings and the high winds of yesterday, the snow wasn’t actually that deep, less than a foot, she would guess. So Kira followed the footprints into the trees. The snow was light and fluffy, a cold, sparkly powder.

She didn’t have to walk far before she found him.

Bennett had cleared the snow away from one of her trees and was kneeling beside it, sawing it down. He had on that vest of his and had rolled up the sleeves of his Henley. Kira watched his arms flex and bunch as he sawed.

‘Aren’t you cold?’ she asked, and he looked up at her in surprise. The smile he gave her warmed her to her toes.

‘Nah, worked up a sweat shoveling.’

‘Thanks for doing that.’

He shrugged. ‘You weren’t supposed to find me.’ He gestured to the tree. ‘It was supposed to be a surprise.’

‘A surprise that you were trying to run off with another free tree?’

He laughed. ‘You caught me.’

‘I knew it, you seduced me so you could continue your quest for the perfect Christmas tree.’

‘That’s definitely not why I seduced you,’ he said, holding her gaze, his breath a visible cloud in front of him.

Phew. Somehow, she had worked up a sweat, too.

He grinned and went back to sawing, and Kira went back to objectifying him while he did it. A few more pushes of the saw back and forth through the trunk and Bennett reached up and pushed it over. Just like that.

Lumberjack fantasies that Kira didn’t know she had rushed into her head.

‘It’s for you, actually,’ he said, standing up next to the tree.

‘For me?’

‘Yeah, you didn’t have a tree yet, so I figured…’

‘You cut down a Christmas tree for me?’

‘Yes, I just thought…’

She launched herself at him and he caught her with a surprised laugh. He looked down at her and planted a kiss on her lips.

‘Morning,’ he said with a grin.

‘Good morning.’ She couldn’t stop smiling at him like the big dummy that she was, but he cut her a tree! He did manual labor for her and, God help her, but it was hot. ‘Thank you for my tree.’ And the best part was that he did it just because he wanted to, because this beautiful man did things for the people he cared about and she was one of those people. He didn’t do this to get something from her in return.

Or worse, just because her parents had paid him to do it.

‘You’re welcome.’ He held her a minute longer, just staring at her in the bright morning light, like he didn’t want to look away, like he was memorizing her. She could tell because she was doing it too, memorizing him, soaking him in. ‘We should probably get it inside,’ he said, finally.

‘Okay,’ she said as he put her back down in the snow, but there was one more thing she wanted to do to complete this Christmas-card-perfect morning. She stooped down and grabbed a handful of snow. Bennett was eyeing her skeptically when she straightened.

‘Whatcha doing, Peaches?’

She squeezed the snow attempting to make a ball but the whole thing just kind of exploded in her face.

Ben laughed. ‘Are you trying to make a snowball?’ He stooped down to grab his own handful of snow and Kira thought she may have miscalculated this little plan. He grinned at her before he nailed her in the side.

‘Hey!’ She shrieked and ducked behind a tree. ‘No fair!’

‘No fair? It was self-defense.’ Ben chuckled.

Kira picked up more snow and squeezed it a bit more gently this time until she had a decently packed snowball. Then she popped out from her hiding place and launched her attack. Bennett ducked and the snowball hit the nearest tree. Oh, she had definitely miscalculated. She ran behind the next tree, scooping up snow as she went. Bennett threw three more rapid-fire snowballs into her hiding place. Snow rained down from the branches.

‘You’re supposed to go easy on me!’ she yelled.

‘That’s not how this works,’ he said, laughter clear in his voice. That bastard. She’d show him.

She grabbed more snow and packed it tight. She jumped out from her hiding place and whipped the snowball at Bennett. The ball exploded against the side of his head, snow spraying everywhere. He froze.

‘Oh, shit.’ Kira clamped her mittened hands over her mouth. ‘Oops.’

Bennett stared at her, his eyes narrowed as the snow dripped down his neck.

Uh-oh.

He ran straight for her, and Kira tried to turn and run but she was too slow. He grabbed her around her waist and took them both down into a snowbank.

Kira shrieked, her world suddenly tipped sideways. Bennett loomed over her, panting, his face red from where she’d hit him.

‘No face shots, Peaches,’ he growled, but his eyes were lit up with mischief.

‘I was not informed of the official snowball-fight rules,’ she said, tamping down a giggle, her own breath coming out in short gasps.

‘Well, now you have to face the consequences of your actions.’

Kira’s eyes widened. ‘What are you going to do to me?’

Bennett’s smile grew wicked as he reached up to the tree branch above them.

‘Ben … what?—’

He shook the branch and snow rained down on her face. She shrieked and pushed him over, rolling on top of him in the snow. He laughed, the sound shaking her body.

‘Sorry,’ he said between laughs. ‘I couldn’t help it.’

Kira wiped her face with her mitten. ‘And here I was, thinking you were such a nice guy.’

‘I am a nice guy.’ He pushed the snow-crusted hair out of her face, his smile softening around the edges. ‘I just take snowball fights very seriously.’

She huffed, trying to pretend to be mad but the way he was looking at her was quickly melting her resolve. He looked too damn cute and too damn happy, like a kid home from school on a snow day. He raised his head and planted a kiss on her nose.

‘How can I make it up to you?’ he asked, and Kira got a mischievous look of her own.

‘Well, I don’t have anything to decorate my tree with, but I thought we could check the attic. I’ve been too scared to go up there alone.’ She fluttered her lashes at him, damsel-in- distress style and he laughed.

‘I’m sure I could find time for a trip to the attic this morning.’

‘Yay! Now let’s get out of this snow. I’m freezing.’ She wiggled her way off his body in an entirely unnecessary way that had him red-faced by the time they were both standing again and not because of the cold.

‘Let me help you carry it back,’ she said, gesturing to her tree, attempting to ignore the heat in his gaze.

Bennett raised an eyebrow.

‘I can do it,’ she insisted, not willing to be outdone in her snowball-fighting and tree-carrying skills in one morning.

Ben shrugged. ‘You get the top and I’ll get the bottom.’

‘Okay.’ She grabbed the spindly top of the tree and Bennett hefted the back and she was sure she wasn’t doing anything but leading the way and getting her gloves all sappy, but it was nice to feel helpful.

‘I might be starting to understand why people like this,’ she said, glancing back at Bennett, who was definitely carrying the bulk of the weight. She got distracted by his arms again and almost led them into a snowbank.

‘Oh, yeah?’

‘Yeah,’ she said, steering the tree and getting them back on a straight path. ‘It’s very … festive.’

Bennett chuckled again. ‘Glad you’re coming around to it.’

They trudged back up her front path. ‘And you look hot as a lumberjack.’

Another low chuckle.

‘I might have time for more than just a trip to the attic,’ he said, and Kira’s toes curled in her boots.

‘Oh really?’

She looked back and his gaze was hot even out here in the snow.

‘How can you possibly look at me like that when I’m dressed in a sleeping bag with sleeves?’

‘I remember what’s under it,’ he said, waggling his eyebrows and Kira laughed, heat rising to her cheeks.

‘Don’t you have to work today?’ she asked, as they dragged the tree up the front steps.

‘I don’t think either of us can do anything today until we’re plowed out of here.’ Bennett gestured to the still-covered driveway and the parking lot of the tree farm in the distance. It was all untouched whiteness and Kira wished it would last.

‘Is it wrong that I kinda hope Logan’s truck is outta gas?’

Bennett had propped the tree up beside the door and pulled her close instead. He smelled like pine and the metallic scent of cold air on warm skin.

‘It’s not wrong. I mean, it was my Christmas wish that got us snowed in in the first place.’

She glanced up at him and he was smiling, his eyes bright this morning.

‘Right. I forgot you were responsible for this whole winter storm.’

‘What can I say? I’ve been very good this year.’

Kira laughed, leaning into him. Had it really only been a week ago that she’d pictured doing this at the tree-lighting festival? And now it felt so easy, so natural. Already something she felt entitled to.

She pulled away. ‘Wow. And so modest, too.’

He shrugged the playful smirk on his lips. ‘How about some breakfast before we search the attic?’

‘Sure.’ Kira followed him into the house, appreciating what little warmth it held after being out in the cold. The power had been restored sometime in the night, so at least they had that. They shucked off their outerwear, hanging it over chairs and hooks to dry as Bennett talked about hopefully finding a tree stand up in the attic and needing to get some decorative fairy lights, too. And Kira tried desperately not to get too attached to the cozy domesticity of it all.

But it was too late of course.

Her gnawing loneliness was already eating this up. This time with Bennett, his aimless chatter, his warm body, his sweet smile. She wanted it. And the spoiled, rich girl inside her stamped her foot, fists clenched at her sides. She wanted it. She wanted him.

And the worst part was she could see perfectly how she could get him. It wouldn’t take much to convince him. She could picture it.

Even with his assurances that he had no plans to stay, Kira knew a few well-placed comments, a few promises, a few more farm disasters and the scales would easily tip in her favor. Bennett would stay. He would fill the lonely bits in her heart. He would do all the shit around here she didn’t want to do, or didn’t know how to do.

And maybe for a while they’d be happy.

Except, underneath, she’d know she’d have trapped him here, she’d have manipulated him. And when had she ever been one for cozy domesticity, anyway? What happened when she got tired of it? Of him?

Although, as she watched him move around her kitchen pouring coffee and scrambling eggs, she couldn’t picture getting tired of this. But it would happen one day, surely. And then she’d be forced to break this man’s heart. This good man. All because she couldn’t stand to be alone for a little while. All because she’d taken and taken and taken from him. Like she always did.

She tried to smile when he slid the plate of eggs and toast in front of her, but her face felt cold and immovable.

‘You okay?’ he asked and she met his eye across the table. His face was still a little red from shoveling and the cold, the hair along his forehead was damp with sweat. His gray eyes were warm this morning, more like her favorite soft wool blanket than a stormy sky. The way he looked at her made her physically hurt, a deep ache already forming in the hole he would leave when he went home.

Kira swallowed hard.

No more of this. Bennett is a holiday fling and nothing more. Something you’ve done plenty of times in your life. Now let it go.

She smiled her beauty-pageant smile, her mother’s society-party smile. She faked it until her cheeks hurt.

‘Yep. Just fine.’