Chapter 11

Chapter 11

A s the loneliness of winter budded into spring, Joline dreaded starting baptismal classes. All she wanted to do was run away. Maybe she could find Jerry, and the two of them could restart the Amish Rebels. But each time she fantasized about it, deep inside she knew joining a band would never make her happy. Not if Mark wasn't in it.

By now, he'd be starting his own baptismal classes. And at harvest time, he'd join the church. Then, no doubt, he'd find a lovely girl to date, one with a deep, abiding faith. Joline pictured the type of maedel he'd choose—sweet, docile, gentle, spiritual, kind—the exact opposite of her. But Mark deserved that kind of wife.

Joline's restless spirit rebelled at the thought of making a lifetime commitment to God and the Amish faith. She didn't want to follow rules or do the right thing.

Betty and Amos insisted she attend the singings, but Joline made no friends. Most of the youngie were several years younger than her, and she'd never be able to talk over her problems and doubts with anyone. None of them would understand her love of music, her stint with a rock band.

She also stayed aloof from the plodding farm buwe who showed an interest. No one could compare with Mark. And she could never give her heart to anyone but him.

Alone at night, Joline had nothing to do but pine for Mark and study the Dordrecht Confession. Though she didn't really understand the High German, she plodded through, struggling to find meaning in each article. And she said tentative prayers for her family's health and that Mark would find happiness, despite being unsure if God would listen to someone who was faking her faith.

The first day of baptismal classes, Joline squirmed on the bench. She longed to be anywhere but here. The bishop gave them all an opportunity to leave if they didn't want to commit their lives to God and the church.

Here was her chance. She could stand up and flee. But where would she go? And what hope did she have for a future outside the church? Besides, she'd vowed to show Mark she'd joined the church.

Miserable, Joline stayed, knowing she didn't belong.

The bishop directed his question to the first applicant. "Do you have anything to say? What is your desire?"

The bu answered as he'd been taught, "My desire is to renounce the devil and all the world, accept Jesus Christ and this church, and this church to pray for me."

One by one, each of the buwe answered in turn, "That is my desire too."

Joline rutsched in her seat, and her stomach clenched. She couldn't lie.

Suddenly, the gravity of what she was doing came into sharp focus. If she said these words, she'd be committing to accepting Jesus, to living for God her whole lifetime. It meant an end to her rebellion, to her self-centered life. She'd need to seek God's will and follow it no matter how difficult. Could she do that?

She tuned out the bishop's question as he looked at the other buwe , and instead she examined her own heart.

Guilt and grief overwhelmed her as she recalled all the cruel, hurtful things she'd done, all the times she'd defied her parents and God, all the times she'd shown off. Her pride in her looks, her voice, her abilities. The catalog of her faults stretched so long and so far, Joline didn't see how anyone, even God, could pardon her.

Amidst her despair, a still, small voice echoed inside. "Whatever you've done, I will always love you and forgive you."

It didn't seem possible when she was drowning in sin, but Joline grasped for that lifeline. With overwhelming gratitude, she accepted God's gift of grace.

As the bishop turned to the maedels , Joline was ready. "That is my desire too," she declared.

A burden lifted from her soul. She'd turned her life over to God. With her tendency for rebellion, it wouldn't be easy living for Him, and she'd need a lot more forgiveness, but today she'd made a commitment she intended to keep.

* * *

As fall leaves fluttered to the ground, Mark sent a letter to his parents telling them of his baptism and letting them know he'd be teaching music at the STAR Center. He wasn't surprised when they didn't answer.

It looked to be a lonely Christmas. He prepared his students to present music for the STAR Center's annual holiday meal. This year, though, he did it with a heavy heart because he had to do it without Joline. He'd never realized how much her enthusiasm and energy meant to him until it was missing.

Mrs. Vandenberg stopped him in the hall a few weeks before Christmas. "I've decided to set up a drama program and hired a lovely Amish woman to oversee it. Would you be willing to work with her on music for the nativity play?"

His heart aching, Mark squeezed his eyes shut for a few moments. Last year, as she'd prepared for the nativity performance, Joline had bumped into him, and he'd held her in his arms. Longing overwhelmed him. Would he ever get over her?

But Mrs. Vandenberg was waiting for an answer. Mark swallowed hard. "I'll do my best." He prayed she wasn't planning to match him with another Amish maedel . His heart belonged to Joline and always would. He only hoped his sacrifice had brought her to the Lord. He prayed every day that God would protect her and lead her to do His will.

"Awesome. She's waiting in my office." Mrs. Vandenberg's cane tapped a jaunty rhythm to the elevator, and upstairs she opened her door and motioned for Mark to precede her.

He stepped inside and came face-to-face with Joline.

"Mark? I didn't know you'd still be here." Her eyes burned with love for him.

Mrs. Vandenberg smiled. "I leave you two to your planning." She exited and shut the door behind her with a snap.

Words tumbled over each other as they caught up on what they'd been doing. Tears filled Joline's eyes as she recounted the day she'd turned her life over to the Lord.

"It's all thanks to you," she said in a shaky voice. "And God, of course. But if you hadn't broken up with me, I would have gone through with the classes just to be with you. I never would have faced my failures and sins. Or asked God for forgiveness."

Mark's heart swelled until his ribs ached from the pressure. He couldn't believe it. God had brought the one woman he'd always loved back into his life. And now, they'd be working together.

He reached for her hand. "Joline, I want to be partners in the performances here in the center, but I'd also like us to be partners in life."

Before he could even ask whether she'd consider him, Joline jumped in with her usual exuberance. "I do too."

Mark laughed. His joy overflowed. He loved her spirit and enthusiasm, her zest for life, her bubbly personality, her . . . Actually, his list could go on forever. And that's how long he prayed their union would last. Forever.