Chapter Seventeen

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Corbin

Iloved spending time with the kids, probably because most of the time, I was just a big kid myself. But there was no stress with them, no worry about what they thought. At this age, they didn’t judge me or anyone the way others did. They were too young to learn from the world how to do that yet. They were just…fun.

My family talked Spencer’s ear off, asking him questions and learning about his family. I hated that they were skirting around who Spencer was to me, though. I wasn’t lying when I told him I was claiming that shit, wanted to tell everyone how lucky I was that he wanted me. But I would never go behind their back when it came to the kids.

“Do you or your family go to a church?” Dad asked Spencer, and I immediately tensed up.

Fuck my life. Here we go.

“My parents do, my siblings do sometimes, but I don’t actively practice a religion.”

I hadn’t known that about his family. Would tomorrow at his place be the same as it was here?

“That’s too bad,” Dad said. “We would love to have you. It’s a disappointment for us that Corbin doesn’t attend.”

“I don’t think anyone should attend if they don’t want to,” Spencer said. “You can be a good person and put good into the world without attending church, and Corbin does that. There’s no reason to be disappointed in him.”

My heart nearly beat its way out of my chest. My parents hadn’t meant anything bad by that, but still…Spencer was defending me.

“Oh, that’s not what we meant,” Mom said. “We love Corbin so much. We just worry about him.”

Spencer bit his lip, and I could tell he was trying not to say something.

“I’m fine, Mom. Did I tell you Spencer and I went hiking the other day? We did the Solstice Canyon Loop.” Both my parents liked hiking, and Spencer and I did too. We’d talked about going some other places this summer, as if he thought he would still want to be with me by then.

My change of subject worked. Everyone chatted for a while, talking about hiking, our jobs, and things my siblings had done with their families. I didn’t share much of my life with them, which sucked, but I figured it was easier on all of us that way.

When it was time to eat, everyone headed to the table, the kids at a separate, smaller one.

They said their prayer, and when I peeked at Spencer, he hadn’t closed his eyes and was watching me. He winked, which automatically made me smile.

I was happy today—happy I got to see the kids and that my family got to meet Spencer, even if it was different from how it was when they met my siblings’ significant others. I loved being around Spencer, and it was a cool experience seeing him in my childhood home, so I wasn’t paying much attention to what I was doing as I made my plate. I got turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, rolls, cranberries, and green beans.

“You should be careful how much you’re eating, sweetheart. You’ve worked so hard to get into shape.” Mom patted my hand. “We’re all so proud of you.”

I froze, looking at my plate. Jesus, she was right. Why had I gotten that much food? I never ate that much.

“Corbin was an adorable little butterball,” my sister, Emma, said.

Everyone chuckled, including me as I rolled my eyes at them. “I’m not sure adorable is the word for it.” And I definitely didn’t need to eat all this food.

“Don’t say that to him,” Spencer’s voice broke through the chuckling.

“They didn’t mean anything by it,” I told him.

“That doesn’t matter. There’s nothing wrong with your plate. You hardly got a full serving of any of it, and if you had, that wouldn’t be a problem either.” He looked around the table at my family. “He should be safe in this house and not have to worry about people commenting on him eating too much or reminding him of something he’s insecure about.”

“He is safe in this house,” my brother, Blaine, said. “We love him and just want what’s best for him. You don’t have the right to come in here and judge us for it.”

But then, they judged me for things, didn’t they? They’d judged both me and Spencer.

“The way you judge us and our friendship?” Spencer asked, as if he’d plucked the thought from my head.

“We didn’t…” Mom started. “That’s not… Please, let’s just have a nice dinner.”

No one said much, but they began to eat. My family weren’t the type to make a scene. Sometimes I wondered how I was related to them because we were so different. I’d always been a big personality, which none of them was.

Tension lay thick in the air as everyone ate. I picked at the food but had lost my appetite, my brain going to what my mom had said…and to what my sister had said too. It made me think of when I’d turned eighteen and we’d gone out for ice cream for my birthday, how I’d said I wanted two scoops but my dad had only ordered me one. Or when I was a kid and Declan came over for the first time, Mom made cookies and Dec had taken three, but she had only allowed me one. Or the diets they had put me on, and when they’d made me get on the treadmill every night… Situation after situation kept popping into my head, creating a picture I had never allowed myself to see before.

There was nothing wrong with eating healthy or walking or limiting your snacks. But there had been hundreds of comments, all directed at me and not at anyone else in my family. They’d been disappointed I’d been overweight and disappointed I was gay. Disappointed I didn’t go to church, and maybe a hundred other reasons I’d never thought of before. How could I have missed that?

But Spencer didn’t. Spencer saw it…saw me. And he liked what he saw.

“Spencer’s right,” I found myself saying. I nearly turned around to make sure someone else hadn’t used my voice. “You’ve always made comments to me like that…about my weight, about my sexuality, all of it under the guise of loving me and wanting what’s best for me, but that’s not what it feels like inside. It hurts.”

“Come on, Corb. You know Mom and Dad don’t—”

“Let him speak,” Spencer cut Blaine off.

“Listen, buddy—”

I didn’t allow my brother to continue. “I know none of you wanted to hurt me, but you did. And you still do. Why can’t you ever accept me for who I am instead of trying to change me, or fix me, or put your beliefs on me, telling me that how I live my life hurts you.”

I couldn’t believe I was saying all this, couldn’t believe I’d kept this truth locked inside me because it made life easier for them. It had affected my whole life, hadn’t it? How I ate, how I saw myself. The way they showed their love had hurt me. I didn’t think people talked enough about that. It was always about people who did things hatefully, but sometimes how people chose to love could hurt too.

“Corbin, we didn’t mean to do that. We love you so much. We just want what’s best for you,” Mom said, tears in her eyes.

“Then love me how I am. Do you know that if Marcus or Spencer aren’t there, I try to only allow myself a meal a day? That I have such a complicated relationship with food because of the things people have hammered into my head? Kids at school called me fat, and then when I came home, you would allow my friends to have more cookies than me, or you’d hang out as a family while I was on the treadmill.”

I was shaking, and it took me a moment to realize Spencer was rubbing my back. Supporting me, giving me strength. I was already so used to receiving it from him.

“That’s not fair to us. You’re putting your struggles on our shoulders,” Dad said.

“No, I’m not. I’m telling you how I feel, about the things I experienced. I…I love you guys, but…but I have to go.” I stood, Spencer doing the same beside me.

No one said a word as Spencer and I walked out. The second we were on the porch, Spencer held my face in his hands, his eyes gazing at me in a way I couldn’t even put into words.

“Jesus, baby. I’m so fucking proud of you,” he said, before dropping his mouth to mine.

I was scared…confused…sad…but I was proud of me too.

On the drive home, I tried not to think about what just happened. I shouldn’t feel guilty, but I did, and yet that didn’t take away from the pride coursing through my body. It was strange as fuck to feel so many conflicting emotions at the same time. All I knew was, those comments hurt. They’d been in my head my whole life, telling me to watch what I ate, only I hadn’t let myself acknowledge them. Or I did, and yet I didn’t see the connection because they were in my voice. But my voice had learned it from my family, and also, hell, a million other voices—people on the internet, on TV, in school, everywhere.

I didn’t know what had made it all click tonight, but then, that was a lie, wasn’t it? I glanced over at Spencer as he drove. At his adorable fucking bow tie and those big, beefy arms he held me with. The way his tongue sneaked out and he licked his lips, and his soft, round belly, and how good it felt to rest my cheek on it. How he didn’t let that define who he was. He was…really fucking beautiful. So damn handsome and sexy, so why did the thought of even putting one pound on myself make me feel like no one would want me?

I might not have that figured out tonight, but I’d still taken one step forward.

Because of him.

“I feel like I can fly. Like I just accomplished this amazing fucking feat. It’s killing me not to crawl into your lap and ride your cock right now.”

“Jesus,” Spencer hissed, just before I reached over and cupped his massive bulge.

“Can I have this tonight? I want to feel you deep inside me, and since we both know how great my hole is, clearly it’s a treat for you too.”

Spencer let out one of my favorite laughs, one that showed he really enjoyed something I’d said. “There’s no chance I’ll turn you down. It is a really great hole.”

“Fucking fantastic.”

“Exquisite,” he added.

“You said exquisite,” I teased. “I feel like we’re on Bridgerton.”

He chuckled. “Because I said exquisite?”

“Come on. You can’t pretend we hear that word often in everyday life. Now will you hurry up and get home so you can fuck me?”

“Yes, sir!” he replied, and stepped on the gas.

We were laughing as he drove over the speed limit to get us back to the apartment. The second we were inside, our shoes came off, and I basically attacked his mouth with mine, like I wasn’t sure if I wanted to kiss him or suck his face off. I was feeling very needy.

Spencer’s hands went to my ass, cupping it and tugging me closer to him, kissing me just as messily and hungrily as I did him.

We tugged at each other’s clothes, at our own clothes, all wild hands and frantic movements as we worked to get naked.

I dropped to my knees, pressed my lips against his belly before nuzzling his groin, his balls, rubbing my cheeks all over him, wanting to be imprinted with Spencer’s scent. “I don’t think anyone’s ever turned me on as much as you,” I admitted.

“Fuck…I feel the same.” He threaded his fingers through my hair just as I took his cock into my mouth. I sucked him deep, bobbing on him, taking him to the back of my throat. Every now and again, I’d gag, but I kept going, needing more of Spencer, wanting to taste him and suck him and be fucked by him as much as I could…because while I knew he was physically attracted to me, Spencer cared about me too, in ways no one but the Beach Bums ever had. I felt accepted with him even though I was a mess, and it was that acceptance that had helped me take one small step forward tonight.

I sucked him, playing with his balls, then cupping his ass. The weight of his dick on my tongue was addictive, the taste of his skin mouthwatering, and the scent of him…well, I wanted to find a way to bathe in that shit. My cock was throbbing, but right then, all I needed was to keep pleasuring him.

Spencer tilted my head up. My gaze caught his, and I opened my mouth, not moving, just letting him slowly fuck in and out of me. “Christ, baby. You’re so fucking beautiful. Look at how well you take my cock. I can’t wait to watch it sliding in and out of your hole.”

My dick twitched, the thought of that so hot.

Spencer pulled out of my mouth. I whined, leaning in and trying to taste him again. He chuckled, pulling me to my feet, his mouth slamming down on mine. He kissed me like he would die without his tongue in my mouth, like he’d never wanted anyone more than he wanted me, and that was the best kind of high.

He walked me backward until I hit the wall, and then it was Spencer on his knees for me, taking me into the hot suction of his mouth, kissing and licking my balls, then going back to swallowing around my cock when it hit the back of his throat.

For the second time, I whined when he took away what I wanted, but then he said, “Turn around,” and, well, if he was planning on eating my ass, I was game.

I did as Spencer said, then spread my legs, hands flat against the wall. He was clearly hungry from missing dinner and dived right in, spreading my cheeks and lapping at my hole.

“Fuuuuuck yes. So good. Love your tongue.” Like…couldn’t I just sit on his face and he could do this all night? I would enjoy that. But then I wouldn’t get his dick, and I sooo wanted that too.

I pushed back against him while Spencer went to town on me, kissing my cheeks, licking my hole, making a meal out of me, and then pushing his tongue inside. My cock was really aching now. I stroked it, felt how slick it was with precum. I could orgasm just like this, with a hand on my shaft and Spencer’s tongue up my ass.

“Don’t do that. Don’t touch yourself. You can’t come until you come riding my cock.”

I cried out when he pushed a finger inside me.

“That was…so fucking hot.”

He fingered me with one digit, then two, fucking me with them, stretching me and working me open. He sucked hard on my left cheek while he did, and I knew he was marking me there the way he’d done on my chest before.

“Fuck yes. More. Do the other side too.”

Spencer didn’t need to be told twice. He bruised me with his mouth in the way I craved, still taking me with his spit-slick fingers, sometimes kissing me or licking me. My whole body was sensitive, like the littlest thing would send me over the edge.

“Please, CB. Fuck me,” I begged. “Need to come. Need your cock. Need…you.”

Spencer growled in response and shoved to his feet. He waited until he stood to pull out of me, and the second he did, I felt empty…alone.

“Don’t move,” he warned, and damned if my dick didn’t twitch.

“You have a bossy streak. It’s hot.”

“Noted.”

I watched him over my shoulder as he put a condom on, then slicked it with lube. He walked back toward me, cock hard and pointing at me. Spencer slicked his fingers, dropped the bottle to the floor, then pushed them inside me. I nearly melted into the wall, savoring having a part of him inside me again.

“Look at you. You want it, don’t you?” He slid his fingers out.

“Yes, you asshole,” I teased.

“What do you want?”

“Please insert your penis into my exquisite asshole, good sir!”

A laugh jumped out of his mouth, hot breath against my skin, making me tremble. “I think you need to work on your Regency England speak.”

“Fuck me with your large member, Lord Spencer.”

He kissed my nape. “Why are you so fun?”

My heart swelled. Oh, I liked that. It was so simple but so perfect. I wanted to be fun for him, wanted to have fun with him. “You’re fun too,” I admitted. But we were more than just fun with each other.

Spencer got closer to me, his warm body running the length of mine. He wrapped one arm around my waist, slowly stroking my cock as the tip of his erection nudged my hole. This time it was him I melted into, eyes rolling back as he breached me, so fucking slowly, sinking inside. “Yes…so good.”

His teeth bit into my shoulder, sending a spark of pain through me before he licked the sting away and began sucking. And then he thrust the rest of the way inside me, making my eyes roll back and pleasure overtake my whole body. I’d been fucked too many times to count, and had taken my fair share of ass too, but nothing felt as good as having sex with Spencer.

He grabbed my chin, turning me to face him, taking my mouth as he pumped into me. Every stroke of his cock, in, then out, nearly shot me to the moon. Every brush of his tongue against mine, each moan he fed me, just made me go higher and higher, feel more and more, until I thought I could burst with the feeling of Spencer.

My knees went weak when he wrapped a hand around my dick, stroking and fucking and kissing like I was the center of his world and he needed to touch me and be inside me in any way he could. It went straight to my already sensitive balls, making them draw tight against me, bliss washing over me as I shot, painting the wall, my stomach, and Spencer’s hand with cum.

He kept pounding me through my orgasm, fucking me hard until his body tensed too and his dick jerked inside me, Spencer filling the condom with his own load.

“That was…”

“Intense,” Spencer finished for me when I couldn’t seem to find the right word.

“Exactly.”

He kissed me again, slowly easing into me and pulling back until he went soft and couldn’t anymore. I immediately missed the feeling of Spencer inside me when he pulled out. When he kissed my shoulder again and said, “Don’t move,” I couldn’t help smiling. I liked this…liked being Spencer’s boyfriend.

He came back with a wet rag and wiped me off. We held hands to the bed, and I collapsed onto it. When my stomach growled, he said, “I’ll go get us something to eat.”

And like we’d done before, we ate naked in his bed, sandwiches and yogurt for Christmas Eve dinner.

It was perfect.

Tucked away in his arms, the last thing I said to him before I fell asleep was, “Hey, you can still be my CB…just replace buddy with boyfriend.”

Spencer chuckled, kissed the tip of my nose, and then everything went black.