Chapter Fifteen

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Corbin

“You don’t have to if it’s too personal,” Spencer said.

“What? No. That’s not it at all. I…I’m surprised you want to sit and talk after. I know what you said, but…well, I mean, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, considering I’m so irresistible.” It wasn’t as if most men wanted to have a conversation with me after sex.

“You are, but you’re also playing a game right now. You don’t have to pretend with me, Corbin.”

No, I didn’t, did I? I wasn’t sure how to do that with anyone who wasn’t Marcus, Parker, or Declan, but Spencer made me want to try.

I curled up next to him, buried myself into his side, throwing one leg over his. Our dicks were both soft, this moment not about sex but about two people getting to know each other.

So I told him about Marcus. “He’s our rock, really, but he would never admit it. He’s been there for all the Beach Bums. We’re all there for each other, of course, but Marcus more than the rest.”

“And you’re sure you don’t have feelings for him?” Spencer fed me a bite of cracker and cheese, which I easily took from him.

“No. God no. He is my absolute favorite person to annoy, though.”

Spencer chuckled. “I thought that was me.” It was said playfully, like he was mostly just trying to say I drove him nuts, but little did he know he was quickly becoming my favorite person to annoy. I never thought anyone would be able to hold that title except Marcus.

“Maybe you’re coming for him.” I winked, then added, “He was my first kiss, but before you start thinking anything sordid, we were teenagers. I’d been feeling like shit about myself. I’d also secretly been talking to this boy from school. I thought he was gay and liked me, but it was a prank. I went to meet him, thought he was going to kiss me, but there was a bunch of other kids there. They started teasing me, calling me fat and making fun of me. It was…one of the worst moments of my life. I went to Marcus afterward. He told me I was beautiful and he loved me, and like I said before, he was the first person who made me feel like they completely loved me for me, so I knew my first kiss should be him.”

“I’ve never wanted to throat-punch a kid more,” Spencer growled. “I was always heavier. Kids were shits to me too.”

But Spencer didn’t let it affect him the way I did. He didn’t let it control everything he did.

“How…”

“How what?” he asked, offering me another bite, but I shook my head.

“How did you not internalize it? How did it not become something that’s on your mind all the time, even when you pretend it’s not?” Because it was with me. I wasn’t proud of that, but it was true.

“I don’t know. We’re all different. There were times it hurt—a lot—especially when I was younger, but I just don’t see things the same as you. I like my body, and I like who I am. Does my weight bother you?”

“What? No. Fuck no. I love how soft you are, the way it feels to be surrounded by you. And even before that, I thought you were sexy as hell.” I lifted my arm and played with a lock of his blond hair.

“I think the bigger question is, why can you see beauty in me regardless of my size, but not in yourself? I don’t think it’s just your weight, baby. I think you have a hard time loving all the parts of yourself, but it mostly comes out in body image and beauty for you.”

“So I really am a superficial guy who only cares about looks?” I asked playfully, but the question rang true in my head. Please tell me it’s not true.

“No. Not at all. You’re someone the world made feel bad about themselves. Someone who would never put the same standards or rules on others that you put on yourself. You’re so damn hard on yourself, and no one deserves it less. I wish you saw yourself the way I see you.”

How? I wanted to ask, but couldn’t make the word come out. “I’m trying.”

“I know.”

This time when he held out a piece of food for me, I took it from his fingers, wanting to make him proud, and I had to admit, I was hungry.

“The guys want to meet you again, by the way. We’re supposed to plan a day for you to go to Marcus’s with everyone.”

Spencer chuckled. “Ah, so I’m getting put through the best-friend test. Should I be worried?”

“I mean, maybe,” I teased. Kinda teased. Marcus would be hard for him to win over. “Does that bother you?”

“No. I’m glad you have people who love you so much. You deserve it, and I’ll just have to show them I’m good for you.”

“You are.” I leaned in and kissed him. I liked Spencer so, so much. I’d never liked someone the way I did him. But can he ever really like me as much? Especially if I can’t even find a way to like myself?

I ignored that voice. Life was much easier that way.

“What about you? Tell me something about you.”

“Hmm. Well, my best friend is Morgan. He’s a good guy. You’ll have to meet him sometime. I grew up in Temecula—I think I told you that part on the beach our first night. My family is still there.” He fed me a strawberry.

Another thing I’d never had a man do? Feed me. It was surprisingly hot.

“You should go with me on Christmas, Corb. They’ll love you.”

I sucked half a strawberry into my throat and started coughing. I sat up, Spencer hitting my back and laughing. “I’m dying, and you think it’s funny.”

“You’re not dying, and you don’t have to go with me.”

But I wanted to. I’d been invited to Kai’s with Marcus, and Marcus’s family. Parker said I could go to Elliott’s with them and his dad. Even Declan said I could go to Idaho to see Sebastian’s family with them, but I wanted to go with Spencer.

“Only if you come to my parents’ on Christmas Eve,” I countered—and I couldn’t believe I’d said the words. I’d never brought a man home except the Beach Bums, and that was different. But spending time with my family was hard, and I knew Spencer would make it easier.

“Okay.”

“Check us out. This is very datey of us.”

“That’s because we’re dating.”

My stupid face split into a stupid smile. He was… I didn’t know how to explain what Spencer was or the way being with him made me feel.

When he fed me another bite of food, I took it.

“I forgot to tell you that Gael brought a book he thinks you’ll like. It’s in the living room.”

“He did? Just out of the blue? He said it’s for me?” It was cool that Gael thought about me. I’d loved Two Boys Kissing.

Spencer chuckled. “Yeah. That shouldn’t be hard to believe. You’re The Charmer. You win everyone over.” He cupped my cheek, leaned in, and pressed the softest, sweetest kiss to my lips.

It made my world spin. It was the way you kissed someone who was important to you. Could I really be important to him? For reasons that were more than skin deep?

“I’m going to start it tomorrow.” I didn’t even know what it was, but I would read it because Gael had given it to Spencer for me.

“You’re too sweet for your own good and must be protected at all costs,” Spencer said playfully.

“I’d have to agree with you. I should be considered a national treasure,” I said, which made Spencer smile.

We sat there naked, talking, Spencer eating a bite of the food sometimes, but mostly feeding it to me, and I let him. I liked it.

When we turned off the light, Spencer pulling me into his arms so I could cuddle-slut it up with him, I wasn’t sure I’d ever felt so content.

*     *     *

“So…I got railedso hard last night, I can still feel it today. Oh, and it just so happens to be with the guy I’m dating,” I told Marcus while spotting him on the bench press. It was early, and we were exercising before work. The gym was fairly empty, giving us the privacy to talk—not that I wouldn’t have said what I had if others had been around. I had no shame like that.

“Jesus, kid.” Marcus put the bar in the cradle and sat up. “You’re dating Asshole Spencer?”

“I told you he’s not an asshole. He’s my…” Did I call him boyfriend? Was that what it meant when you were dating someone? The rules weren’t cut-and-dried, likely because there weren’t any actual rules. Usually, grown-ass adults talked about expectations. Maybe I should try and do that. I settled on, “He’s my CB, whom I’m now dating.”

Who is coming to my parents’ house for Christmas Eve in a few days and asked me to go with him to see his parents, and what the fuck had I gotten myself into?I was going to make a mess of this. There was no question in my mind about that.

“The two of you had a conversation about dating?”

“Yes. He also fucked me better than anyone ever has, and I totally think I want to be a slutty bottom for him.”

“You’re distracting from the important issue with sex. Do you think I don’t know your shit by now? So you have a boyfriend. When is he coming over?”

“Let’s hit the rowers.”

With a sigh, Marcus followed me over. They were in a corner, four of them in a row, but they were empty, so it was just the two of us.

We sat down, and I immediately began to work. “I think…”

“You think what?” Marcus asked.

“I have a boyfriend. We said we’re dating and exclusive. I haven’t figured out exactly what that means for me. Do you see why it’s easier to focus on the spectacular sex?”

“Maybe you should talk to him.”

“You say that as if you would do the same if the situation were reversed.”

He cocked a brow, and I could tell he knew I had him there, but then he went and added, “That was before Kai.”

“Before you went a million years wanting him and then hooking up with him before talking to him about how you felt.” I sped up slightly on the machine.

“Don’t call me on my own shit,” Marcus grumbled.

“Yes, Daddy M. Can we get back to the subject of me and Spencer now? So…I’m bringing him home with me on Christmas Eve, then going with him to his parents’ the next day. Fucking weird, isn’t it?” I tried to play it off like I wasn’t freaking the hell out inside. My parents were…hard to explain. It was always stressful for me to go there, and bringing home a guy would make it even worse, but then the fact that it was Spencer made me feel better. He made everything better. How was that for confusing?

“Hey,” Marcus said, reaching over and stopping my frantic rowing. I didn’t realize how fast I was pushing it until he intervened. “You good?” Christ, my arms were hurting.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because you’ve nearly burned the damn rowing machine.”

“Can’t help it if I don’t know my own strength.” I winked.

Marcus sighed. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to bring him home? You seem nervous.”

“Yeah. Maybe it’ll help keep the attention off me.”

Marcus cursed. “You know you don’t have to go there, right? And if you do, I can go with you.”

“So you’re not going to spend time with your boyfriend?” The thing was, I knew Marcus would find a way to make it work if he had to, and be what both Kai and I needed without hurting either of us, but why should he have to?

When would I be able to be there for myself?

Predictably, Marcus said, “I’ll figure it out.” He was incredible like that.

“No.” I shook my head. “I’ll be fine with Spencer. I want him there. He makes things…easier.”

Marcus cocked his head slightly, studying me. “You like this guy a lot.”

I did, and that scared the fuck out of me. “I’ve literally only been hanging out with him a few weeks.”

“So? It’s so funny to me that people put a timeline on everything. And who gets to make the decision about what’s an appropriate amount of time to fall for someone? Or hell, for anything. And why do they get to make those rules for other people?”

He had a point. “When did you get so smart?”

“Be serious.”

“I am being serious. You just jumped up like ten knowledge points out of nowhere. I’m impressed.” Marcus rolled his eyes, so I continued, “Yes. Fuck yes. I do. I like the way he talks to me. We literally sat in bed for hours after fucking, just naked and cuddling and talking while he fed me.”

“He fed you?”

“Yeah, it’s ridiculous. He’s like you about that, always trying to feed me. I eat.”

“You do, but neither of us can pretend you don’t have food concerns, kid. I love you too much to bullshit you about that. It’s a big deal, and it scares me.”

I frowned. “Why would it scare you?”

“Because I love you and I want you healthy.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m in excellent shape.”

“What about up here?” He tapped his temple.

“We’re getting off track. Shouldn’t you be happy for me? I’m dating a man who calls me beautiful and makes me feel it. Who feeds me and is going to meet my parents and who loves to cuddle me as much as I love to cuddle him. Plus, he’s great in the sack. Perfect package.”

Marcus seemed to think this over. “Then I’m happy for you. Always. But I want him at the house.”

Yeah, I knew he did, and I couldn’t say I didn’t want Spencer there too, not only because I liked spending time with him, but because then it would be even. I would have someone too. On the other hand, I wanted to settle into this more first. I wanted to get used to this before bringing everyone in. “After the holidays. You can throw me a birthday party at your house. I know how everyone loves celebrating me.”

He chuckled. “Deal.” And then he wrapped a hand around the back of my neck, tugged me close, and kissed my sweaty temple. “Love you.”

“I love you too.”

We cut our workout short since we’d spent so much time talking. Part of it was also because Marcus tried to keep me from exercising too much. He thought I didn’t know that, but I did.

I just got out of the shower at the gym and was standing by my locker with a towel wrapped around my waist when I checked my phone.

CB:Dinner and cuddle session at my place tonight?

I grinned, a big, stupid, goofy grin.

Me:Obviously. I wouldn’t deny you the pleasure of my company.

I knew he would shake his head when he saw that.

I exited out of my texts and automatically went to Instagram. The notifications on my pre-gym selfie were already out of control.

So fucking hot.

Sit on my face.

Start an OnlyFans!

Show us your hole!

Why are you so beautiful?

My eyes snagged on the other comments.

Gross.

Fake.

#Conceited

He’s so full of himself.

He’s not even that good-looking.

I heard he used to be fat as a kid.

My chest tightened as my cell tumbled out of my hand, and I knew those comments were all I would hear in my head all day.