Chapter Nine

CHAPTER NINE

Corbin

I’d said it before, and I would say it again—cuddle buddies were awesome.

I’d slept in Spencer’s bed every night this week. Every morning the alarm would go off, he’d get ready for his day while I returned to my apartment and got ready too, and then we’d each go to work. Depending on my schedule, some mornings I woke up earlier than he did to go to the gym before heading to the office. In the afternoon, I’d sometimes hit up the gym, and I’d met with Marcus once—not telling him about me and Spencer yet—but then in the evening, Spencer and I always had dinner together. We’d watch TV or just sit around and talk. Spencer would open up his arms and let me crawl inside, which was the same thing he did when we went to bed every night.

I couldn’t pretend I understood it, but I also didn’t give a shit about that. All I knew was it made me feel…cared for? Protected? Maybe that sounded dumb since I didn’t need to be protected from anything, but it just made me feel special in a way I never had. Deep down I knew Spencer was only doing it for me. I highly doubted he was like, I can’t fucking wait to cuddle Corbin tonight! But it wasn’t how it felt in his arms. There I was wanted, and as shallow as that made me, I needed to feel wanted. Sure, it had been less than a week, but I hadn’t even hooked up with a guy since we started this, and yet, I didn’t miss it. I loved sex. I loved getting off with someone, but right now if I had the choice of finding a random guy online to have a quickie with or nuzzling into Spencer’s body while we watched a true-crime show, I would pick the second one every time.

What I had done was message Christopher. We’d spoken a few times, but I just didn’t feel that connection. He was nice enough, but nothing screamed out at me to meet up with him. Nothing told me this guy could be my first real boyfriend. Who knew this whole thing would be so hard?

These were the things I was thinking about while Spencer slept behind me, making me the little spoon while I felt a very prominent erection against my ass.

Maybe I could have sex with Spencer. I’d definitely be down for that. There was no doubt that my CB turned me on. I liked the feel of his chest hair against my skin. I liked that he was bigger than I was. His confident smile, broad chest, and…yep. My dick was in the game now, but I worried it would fuck up the cuddling. Like I’d said, the cuddling was more important now.

Also…why was waking up next to him on a Saturday morning when neither of us had to go to work so much more awkward?

When Spencer moaned, his breath skating across my cheek, I couldn’t help wiggling back. I mean, sometimes my ass had a mind of its own.

“You did that on purpose,” he said, finally waking up.

“I did not.” I turned in his arms so we were facing each other. Spencer cocked a brow. “Fine, I did. I haven’t had sex in a while, and you’re really hot.”

“You know you can have sex, right? We’re not committed in any way. We’re—”

“Friends who cuddle. Yes, I know.” But then I’d have to take time away from him, and I didn’t want to. I looked at his bulge. “Or we could have sex.”

“We’re not going to hook up,” Spencer replied.

Something pinched inside my chest, and the quiet voice in my head, the one that always told me no one would want me, tried to break free. Which was fucked up when you thought about it because I knew men wanted me all the time. I didn’t ever have to spend a night alone if I didn’t want to, but they wanted me for what they saw on the outside. Not what was inside. They wouldn’t have wanted me if I were the boy I used to be.

“Hey,” Spencer said, hooking his finger beneath my chin and tilting my head up. “Not because I don’t want you—I wanted you the first night I saw you, both in college and when I moved in next to you—but because you’re my friend and I want to do right by you. I still feel like shit about some of the things I said to you. I don’t want you to ever feel used by me.”

“Use me, Spencer. It would be fun.” No matter what he said, it didn’t make sense to me that he wouldn’t fuck me if he really wanted to—like he was just saying he wanted me because he was a nice guy and didn’t want to hurt my feelings.

He frowned. “No.”

“I don’t think you would be using me,” I clarified because I thought maybe that was why he was saying no. “It’s sex. People hook up.”

“I know. Just, trust me.”

“Ugh. Fine. I was only trying to help you empty your balls.” I tried to pull back, but Spencer tugged me to him, squeezing me in his brawny arms. “Can’t…breathe…”

“You love it, you little cuddle slut.”

I did. How had I not found a CB earlier? But then, I wasn’t sure I wanted someone other than Spencer to do it. “I think you like it too.” I nuzzled his pecs, rubbed my cheek against the hair on his chest.

“Two weeks ago I thought I hated you, and now…well, now…”

I grinned. “Now what?”

“Nothing.”

“Nope.” I rolled on top of him, which was a mistake on my part because it just made me want him more.

“You’re trying to kill me.”

“Your fault. Now what?”

“You’re my friend. I said that already.”

That couldn’t have been all he was going to say. “I’m not getting off you until you tell me. If you try to stand, I’ll wrap my arms and legs around you. I’ll be attached to you the whole fucking day, and I’m relentless when I want to be.”

Spencer chuckled, his chest and stomach shaking, vibrating me. “Fine. I like this. I haven’t worked out why yet, but I might look forward to it too.”

I was stunned, and Spencer took the chance while I wasn’t expecting it and flipped me, rolling me onto my back. He lingered above me, holding himself up so he wasn’t giving me his weight the way I did him.

I said, “I think you want to be one of my best friends.”

“Ew,” Spencer teased.

“You do. Don’t lie. You want to be my CBBFF.”

“Cuddle Buddy Best Friend Forever?”

I nodded, and Spencer let out another laugh and shook his head, then surprised me by tapping the tip of my nose with one of his fingers. It felt so sweet…so comfortable. Strangely and perfectly intimate. “What am I going to do with you?” he asked, then sat up. I missed the heat of him immediately.

I scooted over and sat beside him. “What are we going to do today?” I was needy. I knew that. Hopefully it didn’t push him away.

“I have to go to the center for a couple of hours. Then we can do anything.”

“Can I go with you? Maybe I can talk to Jini some more before I see Park tomorrow.”

“Sure.”

But then… “Oh shit. I need to go to the gym.”

He opened his mouth like he wanted to argue with me. There was no doubt in my mind that he wanted to tell me I didn’t need to go, and he likely thought it was shallow of me that I wanted to, but then he said, “You can do that, and we can meet up later…or you can go with me and skip a day. It won’t kill you. And if later tonight you really want to go, you can. I’ll even go with you.”

I did that sometimes, went in the evening instead of the afternoon, so I told him, “Okay. I’ll go later.”

“Deal. Now go get ready. I’ll figure out breakfast.”

I tugged on a pair of sweats. “I’ll be back.”

I went home and took a quick shower, not taking the time to jerk off even though I really wanted to come. I put on a pair of jeans and a blue, long-sleeved shirt. I fixed up my hair, brushed my teeth, and snapped a photo for Instagram.

When I knocked on Spencer’s door, he called out for me to come in. He was in the kitchen. “I made smoothies.”

“I’m not really hungry.”

“Take it just in case.” He handed one to me and kept the other for himself.

We took his car to the center, and I did end up drinking some of the smoothie.

Everyone greeted Spencer when we arrived, happy to see him. It was pretty busy on a Saturday, people working and others simply spending time together in the different rooms they had, both adults and younger people.

Like earlier in the week, Spencer introduced me to everyone. He pointed toward a hallway. “My office is the third door on the left if you need me. Otherwise, make yourself at home.”

I liked this place. There was something homey about it, and I thought maybe a large part of it had to do with Spencer.

I ignored that thought while I made my way to the library. When my phone buzzed, I tugged it from my pocket to see a text.

Marcus:Hey, kid. What are you doing today? Want to spend the day with me and Kai?

Any other time I would’ve jumped at the opportunity, but today I was too interested in spending the day here and then with Spencer.

Me:Nah, I’m good. I’ll see you tomorrow. Spend time with your boy.

I wasn’t surprised when my phone rang. I answered with, “I’m fine.”

“Where are you? With a guy?”

“No…well, yes. I came to the LGBTQ center with Spencer. He’s doing some work, and I’m gonna hang before we find something to do later.”

He let out a low growl, which made me chuckle. “What in the hell is up with this? He’s been a dick to you for months. I don’t like you spending time with him. I feel like he’s up to no good.”

If only Marcus knew the truth. “I’ll be fine, Daddy Marcus. He apologized for that.”

“And that makes it okay?”

I sighed because he wouldn’t get it. His worry came from a good place. Marcus had been trying to take care of me since we first met. That worked for both of us, but I didn’t want it to come between me and Spencer.

“I’ll explain it all to you tomorrow.”

“Okay…I just don’t want you to try to make this guy like you only so you can prove him wrong about the shit he said. You don’t have to prove him wrong. He was wrong, and I’ll tell him that next time I see him.”

“Simmer down, big guy,” I joked.

“See you tomorrow. Love you, kid.”

“I love you too.” I ended the call.

When I got to the library, I didn’t see Jini, so I decided to browse and wait to see if she showed up. There weren’t very many people in there. A skinny kid who looked about fifteen, wearing black-framed glasses beneath a mop of messy hair, sat in a chair, reading a book. The kid peeked over their book at me and said, “You’re Spencer’s friend from the party.”

“I am. Were you there?” I glanced at the pronouns pin on his shirt. He/him.

“No, but everyone is talking about the guy Spencer was with because he hasn’t brought a guy here since DJ, who was a dick and none of us liked him.”

My chest puffed out a little. I liked the idea of them not liking Spencer’s ex and that he hadn’t brought anyone here but me.

“You also do the podcast.”

“Yeah, but it’s not kid friendly.”

“I’m eighteen.”

“Well, still. I’m Corbin, by the way.”

“No shit.”

He was kind of a brat.

“What’cha reading?”

“Two Boys Kissing by David Levithan. I also have a book of poetry by Federico Garcia Lorca.”

“What’s the first one about?” I took the chair beside him. “And holy fuck. I would have loved to read a book called Two Boys Kissing when I was eighteen. Shit. I’m probably not supposed to say fuck.”

He laughed, but then tried to frown like he hadn’t wanted to.

“Can we forget I said that?”

He rolled his eyes, but I could see the small smile on his lips. “It’s narrated by a group of queer men who died from AIDS in the 1980s. The men tell stories about queer teens today—what they observe now, through the prism of their own knowledge and experience of having lived during their time. It’s incredible. I’ve read it four times.”

“Wow…that sounds really fucking cool.”

“You said fuck again.”

“So did you,” I countered.

“Yes, but I wasn’t nervous about doing it.”

I chuckled. This kid was awesome. “What’s your name?”

“Gael,” he answered, and then… “Wanna read it?”

“I don’t want to take a book you’re reading.”

“Like I said, I’ve read it four times. It’s okay if you don’t want to. People say shit they don’t mean all the time.”

“No, I do mean it,” I rushed out because it really did sound interesting.

Gael handed me the book. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d read a novel, but I would this one, not just because I wanted to, but because I didn’t want to let Gael down. Something about the kid told me he was lonely. He couldn’t look more different from how I did at his age, but I felt the same sadness in him I’d carried, and damned if I didn’t want to do something about it.