Chapter 35

Ifucked up.

It's plain and simple. The acidic words burned the whole way out of my mouth, but I didn't stop saying them. I should have. I knew I shouldn't have let my dad bait me. But he did, and I lost the battle. In more ways than one.

It's been four days since I last heard from Chloe.

Four days of unanswered calls and texts.

Of her not being at her townhouse when I stop by.

Brynn is clearly in Chloe's corner, which she should be because of the whole girl code thing, but I'm her friend, too, dammit. She refuses to tell me where Chloe's staying, and it's really starting to piss me off.

I need to know she's with people who support her and not off someplace spiraling, her insecurities rearing their ugly heads. Especially since I couldn't show up and be the man she needed me to be.

Dammit. I need to find her. I need to be given the chance to just fucking explain. I know we can move past this. At least I hope we can.

I know that my explanation won't take the pain away, but maybe it'll give her some insight on why I did what I did.

There is no excuse for it, but at the end of the day, I did do it to protect her. And I'm pissed that she won't just answer a text. Give me a ‘leave me alone,' ‘fuck off,' something. She won't even return Leah's messages, which yeah, she's digging around for information for me, but she's also in Chloe's corner.

"Bro, you look like shit," Hudson says as he enters our kitchen. I'm standing at our island with my hands resting on the cool surface, head draped down between my shoulders. There's no doubt that I look like shit. I haven't slept, and I've barely eaten. I've been abusing my body by pushing it to the limits in the weight room. If I'm not in class, attending mandatory practice, or visiting the girls' townhouse, I'm running through campus.

Lifting my head, I glare at him. "No shit, fucker."

"Hey, don't shoot the messenger," he says, raising his hands in defense. "Rumor on the street is a pretty blonde-haired girl is crashing at a sorority house."

My eyes snap in his direction. "Which one?"

"Whatever one Savannah Holycross is in."

"Delta Zeta."

He snaps his thumb and middle finger together before he's pointing his finger in my direction. "Yeah, that's the one."

I've spent four days trying to track her down. I've been to her townhouse. To Macy's apartment. To her friend from the newspaper staff's apartment. I never would have thought of the sorority house where Sav lives.

Savannah is new to the girls' friend group. She's been coming to more parties with the girls, and she completely slipped my mind. Honestly, I didn't see Chloe hiding out in a sorority house, but then again, I didn't expect her to overhear my bullshit and run into her estranged mom within fifteen minutes of each other.

Pushing off from the counter, I storm out of the kitchen.

"Might want to take a fucking shower!" Hudson yells after me. "You stink!"

Sniffing my armpit, I cringe. Shit, he's right.

Twenty minutes later I'm freshly showered with jeans and a gray threadbare T-shirt. The dark circles and bags are still under my eyes, but at least I don't smell like ass anymore. Running my fingers through my damp hair, I grab a hat and toss it on my head. Hopefully, the bill will help cover my stressed face.

The drive to the DZ house goes quicker than I want, even with a couple of quick stops along the way. I spent the whole drive running through different scenarios.

What if she slams the door in my face?

What if she's no longer living there? That seems to be her MO, not staying in one place for a long period.

It's smart, and if she wasn't running from me, I'd appreciate the clever trick. But I am the one she's hiding from, and I can't handle it anymore.

What if she's done with us? I've lived without her for four days, and I'm going crazy. Somewhere along the way, she's stolen my heart.

Hell, if I'm being honest with myself, she stole my heart two years ago. It hasn't been mine since I walked into that diner with the retro decor and laid eyes on the prettiest girl I've ever seen. She had a smile that made everyone's day brighter. Honey-blonde hair piled high on her head with pieces falling around her beautiful ocean-blue eyes.

Steeling my shoulders, I trek up the sidewalk that leads to the large colonial home. An oversized porch with columns welcomes you to the pink front door. Reaching for the gold knocker, I tap it a couple of times against the door.

Nerves swim in my system as I wait for one of the girls to answer the door. Hoping and wishing my girl is one of the many on the inside.

A brunette I've seen around campus answers the door. "Hey, Cody."

"Hey, is Sav or Chloe Mariano here?" Placing my hands in my pockets, I rock back and forth on my toes. My nerves are starting to weigh against me.

I watch as the brunette's face morphs into a pitying look, and it makes my skin crawl. "No, they're both out right now. I can let them know you stopped by."

"No, that's okay," I say with a frustrated sigh. "Do you mind if I just wait out here?"

"You can wait in the living room if you want."

Shaking my head, I step back. "I'm fine out here. Thanks."

"No problem. If it matters, I told her she should at least hear you out. In my experience, guys are idiots and don't realize half the shit they're saying when they say it."

"Thanks…I think?" She nods as if she just solved all of the problems in the world by announcing that guys are dumbasses who don't know how to think. In this situation, I think I can agree with her.

Moving backward until I reach the steps, I slide down on the first one and rest my back against the column. Adjusting until I'm comfortable, I wait.

And wait.

And wait some more.

Girls come and go, but it's never the one I'm searching for. Two hours pass, and I'm debating if I should give up when I spy golden blonde hair. She's dressed in an oversized sweatshirt with bike shorts peeking out below the hem. The light she always possesses is dimmed, and my heart aches at the pain I've caused her.

Savannah spots me first, her expression morphing into anger like a mama bear preparing to protect her young. Chloe must feel the shift in Sav's body language because she bounces her eyes from her friend to where I'm sitting on the concrete step.

There's a brief look that passes through Chloe's eyes, and I can't tell if it's frustration she's been found or relief that I haven't given up.

She should know that I wouldn't give up. I've been leaving gifts at the townhouse, inside the newsroom, at Macy's, wherever I think she'll be. Honey lavender lattes, bouquets of wildflowers, I even went through her wishlist and purchased a couple of books she's been wanting to read. Every gift was accompanied by a note saying how sorry I am and what I love about her.

She tentatively approaches me, and I stand, reaching down and grabbing the large bouquet I picked up on the way. I stopped at Chloe's favorite florist, and she helped me pick out an arrangement she knew Chloe would love. The bouquet is a mixture of eucalyptus sprigs, a variety of white and peach garden roses, and babys'-breath—whatever that is—wrapped in brown craft paper and tied together with a pastel purple ribbon—Chloe's favorite.

"Hey, Wildflower."

Her feet carry her toward me, but she pauses at the bottom of the steps. Savannah is still firmly planted at her side.

"Cody. I see you finally tracked me down. I guess I can't expect a sorority house not to spread gossip." Her eyes bounce to Sav's, before saying, "No offense."

"None taken. Gossip is a requirement to be a member of the house."

"These are for you," I say, reaching the bouquet down to her. "Is there a place we can talk?"

She takes the bouquet from me, and I see a glimmer of sparkle in her eyes as a faint smile ghosts across her lips. She loves the flowers. Chloe's eyes glance around us, pausing off to the side where there's no doubt a group of girls watching from the window. Freaking nosy leeches.

"You two can talk in the dining room. I can shut the sliding doors. It's probably the only place where you'll get any privacy."

Stepping aside, I let the girls climb the rest of the way up the stairs and follow as Savannah leads us into the lion's den. Glancing to my right, I'm met with a group of girls scurrying away from the window as if they weren't just watching every second.

The dining room is off to the left and after following Chloe inside, Savannah steps away and shuts the door, sealing us into the space. Neither of us moves, both firmly rooted in place.

Flexing my fingers into fists, I relax them, repeating the motion. I'm fighting with every fiber of my being not to erase the gap between us and wrap my arms around my girl. I watch as Chloe's focus shifts around the room, avoiding me before her eyes rest on the bouquet in her hands. She leans down, smelling the floral aroma. I watch as her eyes widen when she notices the brown envelope sticking out of the blooms. Setting the bouquet down, she pulls the envelope out.

I watch as she reads the note. Moisture gathers in the corner of her beautiful eyes, and I fight like hell not to say anything. I'm hoping the words the florist helped me come up with are enough to spark the conversation we both so desperately need.

Words have never been my strong suit. Yeah, I might be able to flirt and joke around, but when it comes to using words to express deep feelings, I clam up. It's like I forget every word in the English language.

Thankfully, the florist was all too willing to help me capture my thoughts in a way that translated well to Chloe.

Chloe sits in the chair in front of her, her expression blank, as she plays with the card in front of her. I don't know what to do. I've never been in this position before with a girl who I can't imagine my life without.

"Your words really hurt," she starts, her gaze never leaving the deep brown table in front of her.

"Wildflower—" I start, but she's cutting me off before I have a chance to plead my case.

Her eyes find mine, and it kills me to see the tears that escape. I never want to make her cry, never want to be the cause of her pain.

"Let me say what I need to say." She pauses, inhaling a deep breath as she straightens her shoulders. "I know deep down you weren't trying to hurt me. In some twisted way, I see that you were trying to protect me from your dad, but it still hurts like hell to hear that I'm not enough. You know the baggage I've been carrying for years and to hear you use that against me, it felt like you reached inside my chest and ripped my heart out.

"I needed you, Cody. Never in a million years could I have imagined that I would run into my mom—especially the way that I did—but when I needed you most, you were shit-talking me to your family. And maybe this was presumptuous, and maybe I'm ahead of myself, but there was a part of me that thought someday, maybe, they'd be a part of my family too. And I know how insane that is, given your history with your father, but it's where my mind was."

Risking her fleeing like a skittish deer, I move closer. Reaching the chair beside her, I pull it out from the table and drop to my knees. With my thumb and finger, I find her chin and softly grip it, pulling her toward me.

"It wasn't presumptuous. The idea of making you mine, of being yours forever, it makes me feral. There's no way I picture my future, and it doesn't have you in it. You're my sun. My world orbits around you. You're my best friend and the person I want in my corner. You're the person I want in the stands cheering for me.

"You're the one I want to talk to first thing in the morning and the last person I talk to before I go to bed. It's always been you. Since that day in the diner when you fumbled through taking our orders, I knew then that it was going to be the two of us. Even when I was a childish moron and left you. A part of me deep down knew if two people could, we'd find our way back to each other. My story ends with you, Wildflower. You're my happily ever after."

Tears pour out of her eyes at the admission of my words. Somehow I was able to effectively communicate how I feel. I guess when my back's against the wall, my brain gets on the same wavelength as my heart. Leaning forward, I kiss the trail of tears, erasing them from her perfect skin.

Chloe Mariano is my endgame. If I have to beg until my last breath, then that's what I'll do. Because there's no way my story doesn't include her.

Her arms wrap around my neck, and she pulls me in close. Wrapping my arms around her, I tug her in close. Hoping and praying that my love for her is felt in this embrace. I need her to feel my love, feel how our souls connect. She might be the romantic, but I've learned a few things from her romance novels.

"I love you, Chloe. I love you so much." I whisper the words against her ear.

She sighs against my chest and hope soars through my heart. "I know you do, and I love you, too, Cody. But I still don't understand why you said what you said. Was it your way of protecting me?"

"In a sick and twisted way, yeah." Lifting my hat, I nervously play with it before settling it back on my head. "When he confronted me about you, I tried to play it off like you were just a member of the team, but he wasn't believing my bullshit, so I twisted it into something horrible hoping he'd drop it."

Chloe's face turns into pain as if she's reliving hearing those comments all over again. Before she can dwell on them for too long, I continue.

"The words felt like acid, and I wanted to take them back as soon as I said them, but I couldn't, the words were already out. As I watched his face turn into a twisted smirk as if he'd won, I decided enough was enough. The backbone I'd been slowly growing took shape, and I finally confronted him." Her head snaps in my direction as shock laces her pretty, albeit tear-stained, face. "I told him our relationship was done. I didn't want to hear from him, didn't want to see his name on my phone, and our twisted relationship had me downplaying my relationship with the women I love."

"I never should have said you weren't enough because the thing is, I don't feel like I'm enough when I'm in your presence. You're so good, Chloe. You have the purest heart, and I feel like I'm going to dim your light."

"Never, Cody Jacobs—" Her words are cut off as her lips find mine. Reaching my arms around her, I pull her to me, never wanting to let her go.

All too quickly she's pulling away from my arms. "Karma will get him. In the meantime, I hope he walks across Legos without shoes on and then stubs his toe on the stairs and then has hair in his food."

"Damn, feisty Chloe turns me on."

Her chuckle fills the space as she leans forward, her lips finding mine.

Damn, I've missed these lips.

"Take me home, Cody," she murmurs against my lips.

"Your place or mine?"