Chapter 34

Numb.

Broken.

Empty.

My heart feels like it's been ripped from my chest and stomped on by a herd of elephants.

It's been twelve hours since my life imploded, punching me straight in the gut. Last night I flew on a stranger's private jet—he was a friend of my dad's—-back to my empty townhouse. I'm sure Brynn was at Quinton's, and if I needed her, she would have been right over. But, much to my dad's dismay, I wanted to be alone. I had to beg him to stay home and not drive up from Dallas to get me.

Someone must have texted Brynn because at one point I had a missed call from her. I sent her a short text back letting her know I was fine, and I'd talk to her about it later.

I didn't want to talk about my feelings, I didn't want to replay the night. I wanted to lie in my bed and let the tears pour from my soul.

I sobbed so much, I don't have any tears left to shed. After crying myself to sleep last night, my body woke me up at eight, even though I was exhausted.

Who knew bawling that hard could leave you feeling like you just ran a marathon?

Which is why I'm standing in my kitchen, 80s rock blaring from my Bluetooth speaker as I bake. Today calls for rage baking.

Flour coats the counter leaving a cloud in the air as I sort out my pain on the dough that needs to be worked. Being in the kitchen, focusing on recipes, it's my favorite way to escape. Only today, I'm struggling. Not even the blaring sounds of Twisted Sister can get me out of my head.

I reach for the scraper and cut the dough into eight triangles before brushing heavy cream on the tops. The smell of lemon and blueberry invades my nose. Lemon is such a calming fragrance.

Once the scones are in the oven, I feel a sharp pain rip through my chest. My brain is a whirlwind of emotions. I can't seem to shut out the noise. The chaos floods my system with visions of last night. I don't know what to grab onto first. Seeing my mom and knowing she's been living her best life without me. My boyfriend told his family I was nothing to him. There was a part of me that thought maybe someday they would be my family too—even with how fucked up his dad is.

The images of my mom and her four kids infiltrate my mind. I thought my eyes were dried out from all of the tears, but I guess there's more.

Sobs rip through my chest. I don't know how to handle these emotions. So much has happened in the last day. I went from being blissfully in love and watching my boyfriend pitch another phenomenal game to being devastated at what's become of my life. Who did I hurt in the past to warrant such horrible karma?

I don't get it.

I'm the type of girl who holds the door open for strangers. Who lets drivers cut in front of her. I'm the girl who pays it forward in the drive-thru just to make someone's day. I stop into the local florist every week to support a woman who lost the love of her life by spending a few minutes with her and purchasing flowers to support her business.

Why do these things keep happening to me? Why does it all stem from not being enough for the people in my life? Am I that bad of a person?

The sound of the front door closing has me jerking my head in the direction of our front room.

"Babe." Brynn's soft voice fills the air as she rounds the counter and collapses on the floor next to me. Her arms wrap around my shoulders as I fall into her embrace. Sobs rack through my body as my tears soak her shirt.

For the longest time neither one of us says anything. I don't even know what can be said in a situation like this. It's only when the sound of the oven rings out that we separate. Standing from the ground, I grab the oven mitts and remove the lemon and blueberry scones.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Brynn asks hesitantly, as she leans against the counter. "Or should I break out the alcohol?"

I huff a breath through my nose. It's half a laugh and half an exasperated sigh. "Honestly, I don't even know where to begin. Which problem do I talk about first?"

"Are you asking because you want my two cents?"

Placing my hands on my hips, I huff the piece of loose hair from my face before shrugging. "You know, fuck it. Give me your thoughts."

My emotions have spun in a one-eighty from hurt to sad to plain pissed off.

"Well, first of all, fuck your mom. There, I'm just going to say it."

"She introduced me to her kids like I was an old acquaintance and then had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to have dinner with them."

"Yeah, fuck her. She doesn't get to take any credit for who you are as a person. She left. She screwed up. That's on her. She's missing out on one of the most incredible people in the world. One day she's going to come across your name in some fancy magazine, and she's going to be hit with the grief that she left you. You owe that woman nothing." I start to interrupt her, but Brynn's eyes give me a look that has me snapping my mouth shut. "I know it hurts, and I know it had to have triggered all of the pain from the past, but fuck her. You don't deserve to feel the turmoil anymore."

I nod because, at the end of the day, I know she's right. Everything that Brynn is saying is true, but it doesn't take the pain away. At least for the first time in my life, I feel like someone is giving me permission to forget about the woman who birthed me. I shouldn't have to dim my light to make her feel like what she did was okay.

Brynn moves from my side of the counter to the other side before she takes a seat on a stool. "Now the last part, I don't think you're going to like."

"If you defend him, our friendship is over."

She laughs. My so-called friend sits there and laughs. "First off, you're stuck with me, bitch. You're my ride or die until the end."

Giving her a tight-lipped smile, I hop on the counter, avoiding the flour mess, until we are faced to face. "Love you."

"Love you too. Now," she begins, her face squishing in a pained expression. "I think you need to hear him out. I talked to Hudson last night, and he gave me a brief recap. But I know Cody, and you know Cody. Deep down something doesn't add up. We both know he's in this with you, and it's so much for him than just a fling."

"But this isn't the first time he's pulled this shit. And I needed him last night and where was he? Telling his parents that I'm a nobody. That I'm nothing. I don't care what the reasoning is, that shit hurts."

Her shoulders sag as she lets out a long exhale. "I know. I'm not saying the two of you need to talk tonight, but just give him a chance to explain."

"Yeah, well it's going to have to wait. This week is finals prep, and I have a lot to focus on. This was not the week for my life to implode."

She drums her fingers on the counter, eyeing me. "What are you going to do when he shows up here today? You know you're going to be his first stop."

"Wanna tell him I'm not here?"

She lets out a sarcastic laugh. "Yeah, there's no way he's believing me when I say that."

Dammit, I didn't even think about him coming over here. Worrying on my bottom lip, I think of the potential places I could hide out. I guess I could try to reach out to Macy and see if she and Gregg would mind me crashing there. It won't take Cody long to figure out I'm there, but it might be long enough to let me figure out a better option.

"Hey, Chlo, why didn't you call me last night?" Her expression morphs into an almost hurt look as her eyes sadden. "You know I would've been here waiting, right?"

Sliding off the counter, I make my way over to her. Wrapping my arms around her shoulders, I rest my head on her. "Of course I know that. I just wanted to be alone."

"I get it," she replies, her hand squeezing my arm. "Just know I'm always here, and I'm always in your corner."

With one last squeeze, I release my arms and make my way back over to the counter to clean up my mess.

Thirty minutes later and the kitchen spotless, I reach for my phone. Closing out the messages from Cody and a few of the guys on the team, I scroll my contacts until I find Macy's name.

As great as it was to hash things out, I know our friendship isn't where it once was. The idea of calling her leaves me with an anxious feeling swimming around my stomach.

After the third ring, Macy answers, "Chlo?"

"Hey, Mace, I'm sorry to bother you."

She sighs. "You're never bothering me. Is everything okay?"

"Long answer, absolutely not. The short answer, it will be. But I was wondering if I could ask a favor?"

"Sure, girl, what's up?"

"Do you think I could stay with you and Gregg tonight? I can totally crash on your couch."

"Oh my gosh, girl. Of course, but you're not sleeping on the couch. Come over whenever, I'm home all day."

My shoulders sag with relief and a small part of the weight I'm carrying is released. "Thank you so much. I'll probably be there in an hour or so."

"That sounds great," Macy says before pausing. "Chloe, you never have to thank me. I'm always here."

The first smile I've had all day slides across my face as moisture gathers in my eyes, and the familiar lump in my throat grows.

Don't cry, Chloe.

"See you in a while."

"Oh my gosh, Chloe! I cannot believe she was there," Macy gasps, her jaw dropping open, from where she's sitting on the couch.

She and Gregg are wrapped up together on the couch while I'm sitting opposite them in a chair. Their Cavalier King Charles puppy, Boone, is curled up on my lap. And petting this sweet, brown and white puppy makes rehashing last night's events so much more bearable.

The two are disgustingly cute. And even though I'm in the midst of heartache, I'm so happy for them. Gregg suffered from a stroke in the fall, and while he was fine for the most part, he had to go through some physical therapy to regain strength in the left side of his body. The doctors wouldn't release him to live alone, which is why Macy moved in with him. The two weren't even seeing each other, just a casual fling. Turns out, they were both fighting feelings for each other.

I've been at their apartment for an hour, and I've been busy filling both of them in on the last twenty-four hours. Gregg was more than accommodating with my arrival. He went out and picked up Chinese for all of us—knowing it was our favorite. He even offered to make himself scarce while the two of us caught up. It was sweet but unnecessary. He can hear my dirty laundry.

"Oh yeah, nothing like fifteen years of trauma smacking you in the face the same night you hear your boyfriend say you're not wife material."

Gregg cringes at that, but he never gives his opinion on the matter, which I appreciate.

"I can't believe Cody of all people would say that."

"Yeah, join the club." Boone moves in my lap, and I run my hand down his soft fur. He nuzzles into my touch, and I'm instantly jealous that I don't have a sweet puppy of my own. "He's so cute."

Macy chuckles. "He really is. He's such a good boy."

"Only the best for my girl." Gregg leans down and kisses Macy's forehead.

Macy radiates joy. She loves traditions, especially at the holidays. And since Gregg was anti-holiday, she challenged him to one season with her to see what the Christmas spirit is. Needless to say, she won by making him fall in love with the holiday season while making him fall in love with her.

My romance-loving heart freaking swooned when I heard all the details. I mean who couldn't fall in love with someone after trips to the skating rink and Christmas light gazing? Not to mention a trip to a cozy cabin in the Midwest.

Snow, hot tubs, and charm—sign me up.

And now my heart hurts again.

Slumping in my chair, I turn my attention to the muted television where Gregg has a golf tournament playing. He's a member of the CTU golf team, but hasn't played since his stroke. He should be back on the green next fall, which is great for him.

It's not long before the screen blurs, and white noise fills my head as my mind drifts back off. My thoughts won't stop spinning as it replays the last couple of months.

He made sure my favorite latte was delivered to me.

He remembers how I take my pizza.

Sitting in the quiet while I read.

The tattoo of the wildflower.

There's no way our relationship was just a way to work out stress. Deep down I know I'm overreacting, but it doesn't ease the pain.

Sometime later, I stand up from my seat. Boone hops down from my lap, sitting at my feet. "Thanks for letting me crash here tonight."

"You're always welcome," Gregg replies with a smile.

"Seriously, Chloe. You can stay for as long as you need," Macy adds.

With a tight-lipped smile, I nod at them. "Thanks, guys, I appreciate it. I'll just stay for tonight. It won't be long, and my cover is blown."

"Love you, Chlo."

"Love you, too, Mace. Night." I move around the couch toward the hallway that leads to the spare bedroom. There's a sweet little shadow at my feet. "Mind if I steal Boone for the night?"

"He's all yours!" Macy calls out from behind me. Boone and I continue down the hallway. Reaching down, I pick him up and set him on the bed where he spins around in a few circles before plopping down on the bed.

I fall asleep with the warmth of a puppy, a lump in my throat, and tears in my eyes.

Heartbreak fucking sucks.