Chapter 16

Chapter

Sixteen

I t is evident 99's intention is to keep me from having to go back to the priestess order when he suggests going straight to Leema, of somehow getting around the wards and sneaking into the Temple Of Divine Mothers and speaking to my sister directly.

Convincing her to leave with me . . . somehow.

August and 99 strategize and even bring up previous extraction missions they are familiar with from Viathan's history.

Calliape holds up a hand to interject before they get carried away. "All of those were done without the presence of protection wards and with no priestess order. You are both thinking too much like Viathans. I could get her in and out without notice. I've carried Ferren across a field and out of danger's way," Calliape says, almost offended that her gift is not being utilized.

She still feels guilty for not being fast enough before Crixa attacked us in the grand hall. And now I can tell she believes she is in some way responsible for what is happening. She keeps volunteering to make up for it, but she has nothing to be guilty for.

Why can't I find the right words to make her believe she is not to blame? If it was not for her, I would still be thinking Thea's message was only startling enough to send Leema a letter.

"Even if the ward was set off, Calliape could take Ferren into the temple quickly and then get out with Leema." August makes a motion with his hand, a strange, little way of showing Calliape's speed.

I have no doubt that she could quickly get me into that temple and then bring me back to the ship. But how would Leema respond if I showed up demanding she come with me after so many years apart?

Calliape is gifted, but she cannot fold the type of distance between my sister and me.

"There is a Cosima dockworker who has kept a Viathan safe house for our government in the past." August crosses over in front of us, almost excited to build onto their forming plan, one that needs to be halted before it grows too big.

"I am familiar; he is still loyal to Viathan," 99 confirms.

"I can bring them there or back to the ship," Calliape adds.

99 crosses his arms like he is considering, then nods. "But if something goes wrong, we will need a map for Ferren to memorize."

Calliape looks a little sad at that comment but doesn't disagree.

"I have the map of the city here," August says, tapping on a data pad with purpose.

He sets it flat on the desk as it lights up, bringing the floating hologram of Cosima to life. August zooms in until I can see the building peaks of the Estate and the boundless wall surrounding the city.

I'm surprised by my own reaction to seeing the structures three dimensional in front of me, the bell tower and the Estate wing where the library is in the distance. It all looks so real, even if the buildings are bright blue outlines of light.

"We dock here. The safe house is here," August informs with a jabby, pointed finger.

I stand from my chair and pace across the room, trying to put distance between myself and the strange map of my old home illuminating the space of my new one.

I listen as they flesh out the details of Calliape bringing me back and forth. Of what could go wrong, of what I will say to Leema, of how I could show her the memories and convince her to come with me.

But they have no idea that even if I could convince Leema that the temple was doing something horrible, the state of our relationship leads to complications they are not considering. I know without a doubt it would be easier to bring down a temple than to count on Leema to put her trust in me.

I watch as they form a coordinated and beautiful way forward, and their voices go from frustrated to heightened with the possibility of it truly working. They are thinking like strategic Viathans and utilizing a Frithian's gifts, but I am from Cosima.

When I sigh and turn back, the three of them are looking at me.

"Is there a way to play messages on that?" I point to the data pad with a red line through the map, where they are tracking a path.

99 slowly shakes his head. "But I archived them in my records before we left the beacon room."

His forearm falls to his side, as if the messages are a heavy burden on it and not stored in the armor there that doubles as a data pad.

"I would like you to play the one from the temple the lord general was referencing," I say.

"Why?" August's face is creased with confusion.

"I cannot remember every word that was said, and I want to hear how it was phrased."

"But we are . . ." He points his palms in a darting motion, as if they are closing in on a single target. "If you would just come look."

"No, August," I say as gently as I can muster. "I want 99 to play the message."

Both him and Calliape look to 99, waiting to see what he will do. But his eyes are locked on mine, and even though I cannot see his face, I know something in him realizes their plan is grasping at nothing.

He knows it is too dangerous, and whether he understands my relationship with Leema or not, he can sense my doubt about moving her out of that temple without complication.

I watch his helmet slowly tilt down at his own forearm, like it's a current threat and if he heeds my request, we will not be able to stop it from overtaking us.

"The last time I spoke to my sister, she was leaving the city with no word of where she would be going. Leema was ashamed that I did not ascend . . ." My voice breaks a little. "She would barely see me before, when I was an Estate priestess, even though I had the favor of the highest. Now I am to go speak with her after I have blasphemed against them? Ward or not, it will be impossible to get her to believe me as a cast-out priestess and follow me onto a Viathan ship. Convincing her to trust me is not the way. We have to expose the elders of that temple, take away the threat to those women completely. That's the only path. The lord general is right."

August hangs his head in defeat, sitting farther back into his chair. When I glance at Calliape, her face is hopeful, more understanding.

But 99 is agonizingly silent, gripping the armrest of his chair, his helmet tilted down at the wool rug beneath our feet.

I approach slowly and brush against his knee, crouching in front of him to meet his gaze. "Please, play it," I prompt softly.

"The grey one," he whispers, instructing me to press the button because he can't bear to be the one who does.

I smooth my hand over his bicep, doing anything I can before letting the words from the temple spill out into the room.

He braces when I push it.

I can feel his eyes still on me as I rise from my spot, my body needing the freedom of movement to prepare myself to hear the words of the temple in a different light.

Each of them seems to retreat into themselves as the message plays. August even turns away at one point, not wanting me to see his response to some of the more threatening consequences mentioned if I do not return. And when it is over, the words that guarantee I will be forgiven if I come back and atone are the ones I choose to focus on.

"Could you really do that, Ferren? Retake vows and kiss their feet after what they have done?" August asks, his voice a little sad.

"Retaking them is a formality."

"They will likely say horrible things about Frith and Viathan, even us. The highest will question you constantly," Calliape adds.

"She will have no reason to think I know anything about the Temple of Divine Mothers and their practices. She will think Leema is the reason I decided to come back, that I was overrun by guilt. That will not be a hard lie for me; guilt is currency in the Estate."

"It sounds so dangerous. I don't like it." Calliape shakes her head.

"Neither do I," 99 says.

"I have nothing better. We cannot use force, cannot go unseen. I cannot start ripping apart the temple with my light the moment we touch down, hoping to gently extract my sister!" I have to step away for a second and use it to compose myself.

They wait for me, knowing I have more to say and how difficult it is.

"I pretended to be a scholar's assistant without faith, convinced to deny it if questioned . . . That instruction alone went against my vows, but it was asked of me anyway. I have to go through them, use Crixa's own tactics of deceit to move around without notice," I say.

"You would be offering yourself up to them," 99 says.

"There is no other way," I press. "I will find solid evidence of what is happening in that temple and Viathan will be forced to step in."

"Do you know what they will do to you if they find out you are not truly atoning? They could hurt you. I have seen it, and I know what we do to traitors. I have done it myself."

"I am not a traitor. I am a priestess who lost her way." The words feel like lead.

"Ferren." There is so much anguish in his voice.

Calliape stands, pacing a little like she is coming to terms. "She is divine and she knows the Estate. That is her world." Calliape looks at August and 99, her voice confident and determined. "I would not trust a single one of you to transverse through the Forest of Frith untouched because that is my world. It knows me and when I am there, I know how to move about seen or unseen. I think it is the same for Ferren."

"Thank you, Calliape." I smile at her confidence in me and her ward she has been holding so tightly, finally shifts away. I send her as much as she allows, reminding her just how much our friendship is held dear, that nothing could change that.

She nods, relief passing over her expression. "The moment you need me, you can call out and I will fold the distance. Whatever the plan, I will be there."

Once again, she offers her help, putting herself in danger. She makes it sound so easy, standing tall with a confident smile that I wish I could replicate.

August stands close to Calliape, a physical display of agreeance. "We found ourselves in unfamiliar terrain before, my friend, and no, we weren't untouched , but we trusted Ferren enough to get us through that forest. Calliape is right. Ferren is even more of an expert in navigating the Estate. I hate it, but I think we should consider it."

"I can do this, 99. I know what they want: obedience and my shame. I can give them that for a time if it will mean we can stop them."

He looks at each of us, considering what we said. The more sense we make and as all directions point this way, the angrier he seems.

He said he won't stop me going back to save my sister, but retaking my vows under the ruse of forgiveness to ensure her safety is another thing for him entirely.

"I can't," he says.

I take his hand, desperate to ground myself in him. "There are other women in there, not just my sister. Women who are not divine but that the temple will sacrifice so their children will be. Women like my mother." The realization that she could have been a victim of such an atrocity appears as quickly as I say it. "She died in that temple, and I am divine. Who is to say what truly happened? We have to stop them."

Calliape's eyes are watery, her hand in a tight fist against her mouth like she is holding herself together by that single point. I can tell by the way her eyes flick to mine that she has thought it too. She knows of my mother's pilgrimage, of her death in childbirth, how it affected my relationship with Leema. They all do, and I am happy to have them know me so deeply.

99 lets go of a breath at the same moment he lets go of all the emotion he was holding back from our tether.

"You have until the final phase of the conjunction." 99's voice is low and steady, like he is fighting with the words. "If you have not found anything by then, you will call out to Calliape to retrieve you and leave. If I do not hear from you before then, I will unlawfully leave my post in the birthlands and blow a hole into that fucking Estate to rip you out."

He takes a heaving breath to calm himself from speaking too harshly, even though I know it's coming from fear. "You are mine and they cannot have you. Do you understand?" He rises to his feet, reaching for me in a soft plea to agree, yet refusing to force me even if I do not bend to his terms.

"They cannot have me, 99. When I retake my priestess vows, I will only be thinking of you, of getting back to you." I press my palms to either side of his helmet and pull for him to look down at me. "I have to do this. I have to try. If I fail . . ."

"Then you will come home."

I nod. "I will come home. "