Chapter 14

Chapter

Fourteen

T he walk to our small apartment is cast in a silence that seems to extend to our surroundings. I hold onto 99's arm and let him guide me, keeping my eyes cast down at my feet, not wanting to meet any friendly faces along the way.

In bed, 99 holds me tightly and stares up at the ceiling. I don't think we have said one word since leaving the capital building. We both know if we begin to speak, it will only be about one thing.

His muscles almost vibrate, like he is physically restraining himself. I run my thumb down his bicep, but it's a selfish, soothing motion that I know will comfort us both as he tugs me in closer, reacting to the little movement.

I have grown so used to our long, near-silent stretches together, knowing that I can go into his mind's eye and speak in a mix of emotions and words.

But tonight, it's torture.

His mind is boarded up, and all I can do is sit on the other side of it and sense the full-on barrage of his thoughts.

The sound of 99's armor wakes me.

He is being careful, going more slowly and methodically with the metal clasps than usual, and that alone wakes me up fully. I can sleep through his natural movements, but the sound is odd and uncomfortable, like he is watching the back of my head anytime a clasp is too loud.

I rise up on my elbows to look at him but find him taking off his armor instead of putting it on. He is removing it like he just got back, but the sun is barely up, only trickling into the cracks in the window shade in a golden glow.

"I did not intend to wake you." He runs a hand through his dark-brown waves, looking a little guilty. He removes his black tunic, and the movement of his stomach brings attention to the trail of dark hair as he draws his pants down.

"You were gone?" I whisper, hoping it will disguise the hurt in my voice.

But he hears it and climbs into bed, his arm locked around my waist, sending apologetic affection through our tether. "I could not sleep."

"Where did you go?" I press my back into his chest and feel him bury his face into my hair.

He breathes in my scent. "I headed toward the emperors' chambers to convince them to make the correct choice."

Just hearing that makes me squeeze his forearm under the blankets. I feel his chest expand in a sigh, like he knows very well how bad it would be if he followed through.

"Then I thought I would go speak with Lord General again, but I ended up walking instead," he clarifies.

"And you just returned, how long did you walk?"

"Until I could think of what the lord general said without wanting to rip the capital building apart."

I brush along the silvery, old scars that crosshatch his hands in different patterns, my thumb stroking the texture. "You could have told me you needed to be alone."

"I didn't want to wake you." He leans closer to say the words into my ear, as if that will make me understand more.

"I would not have minded."

"What is truly troubling you, Priestess?"

I test our connection, seeing if the large, thick doors around his mind are still fastened with amber light to protect me from the chaos on the other side.

99 senses my reluctance to push forward and maybe how hard it was to sit on the other side as he tried to keep all his thoughts at bay. "I would never intentionally keep you out."

He floods me with amber light and feelings of being so grateful that I am tethered to him that it comes out as warm relief pouring into my mind.

We lie there for a while, feeling the rise and fall of each other's breath and floating around in the space between our minds. I drift into his and then back into mine, the long, continuous thought building and layering on itself and turning into something new.

We are both trying our best to think of anything other than what happened in the council meeting and in our chambers after. But even thinking of not thinking it steers us back in that direction, and it's almost impossible not to get flashes of that room, of 99 pressing into Lord General and how angry he was. How adamant Lord General was that the emperors would not help me. How quickly it turned into me realizing I may have to help Leema myself.

I try to pull away from that memory and hope that 99 distracts me, but it stays there, replaying a couple times until I feel 99's fingers brush back my hair from my shoulder.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"Don't be. I had all night to think about it."

I know what kept him from sleeping: the pent-up rage that had him redress in his armor and go back to the capital building, intending to force answers from the people inside.

But what changed his mind? What thoughts lured him away enough to walk around for hours until dawn crept into our window and he returned?

"I messaged my father, updated him on the council meeting status and what the lord general suggested," he says, answering my thoughts I did not mean to share. "He is the reason I have returned calmer."

I want to know what wisdom Allister gave to 99, but I think it is not for my ears. He would reveal it if I asked, but there is something special knowing they had a moment to reflect together when 99 has given such strong indication that they have not had a deep, meaningful conversation in a long time.

"I am happy you spoke to him." I squeeze his hand to ground myself in the sensation of how profound it is to finally understand what it is like to have family.

"If it comes to it," he sighs like he is about to say the most difficult thing in the three worlds, "I will not try and stop you or convince you not to go. If I could have gone to my family when they left, if there was a way for me to be permitted?—"

He inhales sharply and starts a few more sentences before giving up.

I tug his hand up to my lips and hold it there.

His disdain for this process and how his government makes decisions is so apparent. He has no faith in them when it comes to helping in ways such as this, when family is in danger but complications muck up the facts. Of course he attacked the lord general, perhaps because he knew he was right.

"Was he there when you petitioned for your mother and Oliver?" I say as gently as possible.

He nods into my hair, confirming my suspicions for the true reason of the special visit from Lord General. He came to warn us and give further advice because he doesn't want another tragedy on his conscience.

I press a kiss to 99's giant hand and send affection through the tether, hoping to fill in the spaces where my words are failing me. I am grateful for him, his protection and support, and the complicated feeling of not wanting to do this but knowing it may be the only way Leema will be protected.

"We were just getting started here." His whisper breaks my heart. If I didn't feel his breath on my neck, I would have thought he said it through our tether, it's so rare he says something so vulnerable aloud.

"We are not done, 99, not even close." I twist my body to face him. "Do you hear me? Not even close." My voice cracks a little, so I press a kiss into him, sealing my words.

He lets me pepper his mouth with kisses until there is a tiny tug of a smile on one side of his lips.

"If you had any idea, Priestess." He sighs. "There was nothing before you."

I run my hand up the scruff on his chin, mesmerized and breathless.

His dark, blown-out pupils in the low light of our little room dip down to my lips, his expression changing from the soft, dreamy state of the morning to something else entirely.

I lick my lips under his intense gaze, and before I can part them to say my next thought, he captures me in a deep kiss, one that has me opening for him without any prompting. His tongue slides over mine as his palm goes to the back of my neck, directing my head into the position he wants me.

I want him closer, to feel his chest against mine, but my arms are pinned between us. When I wiggle to get them free and draw them toward me, my hand brushes his pelvis. He's completely naked, his hard, scorching length pressed against my thin nightgown.

I can't help but get lost in the overwhelming sensation of his kiss, his strong hands holding me in place, and the effect it has on his body. I love how our intimacy can blend such strong emotions of honesty and vulnerability with desire for each other.

Emboldened by my own need rearing to life, I move my hand farther down, seeking out the full scope of him. His hips buck a little when I wrap my hand around it and slowly draw upward. A rumble starts in his throat, vibrating with a deep timbre, winding down his kiss. With another stroke, his lips only rest against mine, and he lets out breathy pants that hitch each time my palm reaches his tip.

He gets so lost in the moment, I think maybe he only wants me to kiss and stroke him, which I would be more than happy to do because he seems so tired and his mind is still cloudy with all the events that transpired yesterday.

But as if to prove my assuming thoughts wrong, he moves down my neck and nips at the sensitive spot he knows I love, sending a new sensation over my skin with each exhale.

I'm so wet, he could slide in right now with little effort. And when I send that thought through our tether, he hisses through his teeth and bites at my shoulder harder than I was expecting.

We both want to get lost in each other and temporarily forget what we are about to face, what we cannot escape, and only focus on the other's pleasure.

I moan his name when he tugs on my nightgown until I can feel his cock against my skin.

He juts his hips slowly upward again, like he can't help himself, and I can feel the hard tip glide through the pre-cum coating my stomach.

Without warning, he hitches my leg up on his hip and reaches his hand down between my thighs, and a thick finger runs through my aching core. He hums his approval and says how wet I am for him, how soft I feel.

He coats his finger at my entrance before sliding a single digit in and capturing my gasp in another brutally deep kiss, turning me over until I'm sprawled out underneath him.

His tongue runs along mine over and over until his kisses become little nips on my lower lip that make me squirm under his weight.

"I need to taste you." He travels down my breasts, stopping to suck on each nipple with an obscene popping sound until they are hard and throbbing.

I spread my legs to accommodate his large body between them as he lowers. I want to drown in the sensation of him against me, his weight, corded muscles, and unyielding determination to give me pleasure.

I open our tether as wide as my thighs and let his amber light fill every inch of the space we occupy together. I do not need to speak, only show him what I want and what I need in this moment and to forget everything but him.

He lowers himself until I feel the scruff of his beard on my thighs, sending sparks across my skin, the slight scratchiness eliciting a hot coil in my already throbbing pussy.

I watch him press his face into the curls on my mound and inhale so deeply, I have to cover my face with the back of my hand to hide my embarrassment. There is a slight smirk on his face as he kisses my thigh, like he has been wanting to do that but wasn't sure how I would react.

"I also cannot let you leave this room without coating myself with your scent."

He kisses my thigh again when I run my nails through his dark, soft hair that's fallen onto his forehead.

I gasp as he bites into the soft flesh of my other thigh, his eyes dark and almost wild when I meet them again.

Then he descends on my pussy like a starving man, lying flat on his stomach, leveraging his elbows, and wrapping both forearms around to the front of my thighs, locking me in place.

His hot tongue goes straight to my core, lapping up the undeniable wetness there.

My cry dies in my throat when his lips wrap around my clit and he sucks without warning, his corded forearms tensing as my hips buck under the already welling pressure.

He continues the same pace and motion over and over. There is no prolonging the pleasure, no teasing, just pure determination to make me come as quickly as possible under his ministrations.

I grapple and fist at the sheets next me, the sensation not enough and almost too much all at once.

He growls deep in his throat when my hands go to his head, fisting his hair too hard.

My pelvis, no, my whole body is on fire, and I try not to scream.

Muscles tighten more than I thought possible but finally relax in a sudden gush of liquid that makes him jump in surprise, and then he doubles his efforts with newfound enthusiasm.

I push my head into the pillow, crying out, and know I am lost to the raging, unrelenting climax that seems to go on for minutes.

99 does not stop; he does not waver.

My cries come out in a silent gasp as the last of the tremors run through me.

The side of his face is red from where I held onto him, but he does not lift himself from my clit.

"99." I gently tug on his hair.

He instantly lifts himself onto his elbows, watching me with hooded eyes and a swollen mouth.

I'm out of breath and oversensitive, but seeing how hungry he still looks sends another aftershock through me, so I close my eyes, trying to concentrate on calming my breathing down, knowing this man has made me almost pass out on a number of occasions.

"I just need a moment," I pant.

He smiles and crawls up to his spot, and I automatically curl into the warmth of his arms around me.

99's cock juts up into my belly again, now somehow harder, and I can't help but smile at the pained sound he makes as I accidentally rub against it to get comfortable while I recover.

He strokes my hair and runs his fingers over the fern pin that's likely tangled in the strands it once held back. I have worn it every day since he so sweetly gifted it to me, even to bed most nights.

The contented sound he makes on his next exhale makes the silence more obvious, so I press on our tether, searching for what he is thinking instead of verbalizing. But it's dull and intentionally empty, like he is trying to force himself to clear his mind.

It's odd enough to make me question the intensity with which he is trying to stay blank.

"What is it?" I giggle and lean my chin up to see his face, but he is staring at the fern pin in my hair. "Why are you making your head empty?"

He meets my gaze, a little amused. "I'm forcing myself to use words."

I laugh again at how uncomfortable he looks. "You don't have to. I can go find them," I say playfully, but his expression gets a hint of grim seriousness.

"No." He stiffens. "There are things I should have said aloud to you, that I could have said to you all this time. How many times could I have said I love you and didn't? I've never said it aloud."

It takes me several breaths to snap out of shock at his declaration, at the disappointment in his voice at himself and the tender way his brow is crinkled as he searches my face.

"You didn't have to say it aloud. I know you love me. I feel it." I trace his worry lines.

"No, I should have said it. In that field of ferns when you reached for me, I knew I loved you then, but I felt it before that, in the cave and when I held you in my arms when you were wounded. Ferren?—"

"I love you too, 99."

His eyes fall closed like he is overcome by hearing me say the words back.

Being able to feel his love between our tether is a closeness I never imagined I would share with anyone, but nothing compares to hearing the words aloud.

I send the words straight into his mind again, and his lips brush against mine as he waits for me to accept a deeper kiss. I open for him and pull at his shoulders, wanting to feel his body on top of mine.

He lines his cock up to my entrance and sheaths himself in one thrust, needing to be as closely linked as possible, physically and emotionally.

I'm so wet, he easily shuttles into my core without having to stop our feral kiss.

His thrusts start slow, but then I have to break away in a gasp when he hits something white hot on the top of my channel and grinds into me harder.

His forehead presses against mine as he strokes himself inside, making sure to hit every part of me that will bring me over the edge with him. My wrist are pinned by his strong hands as his pounding takes on a deeper, more brutal edge.

I cry out just as another climax builds within me.

And then the three worlds seem to halt their rotation as I squeeze down on him. His beautiful deep blue eyes lock on mine as we both pant through our shared cresting euphoria.

"I love you," he groans as he spills into me, chanting the words. "I . . . love you, Ferren. I love . . . you."