18. Clara

CHAPTER 18

CLARA

L ater that night, after Dawn had gone to bed in the spare bedroom, Clara stayed up late and streamed old talk shows. For some reason, she'd convinced herself they would help her get her mind off her troubles and maybe make her feel better about the unconventional direction her own life was taking, but she'd been wrong. They weren't nearly scandalous enough to make her recent, questionable life choices look in any way normal. No matter how many people leapt up and started throwing chairs, she still felt like the weird one out.

Who gets into a fake marriage on purpose? Hadn't she basically just sold herself to the highest bidder? How was that not wrong? The trouble was it didn't feel wrong. It felt like the most right thing she'd ever done in her life.

The floor-to-ceiling windows allowed the faint glow of city light to paint stripes across the floor and furniture. Luis's bedroom — hers now, she guessed — was a loft, open to the rest of the penthouse so the view from bed was as spectacular as the view from the dining table. Clara should have been relaxed and comfortable. Her whole life was set up. Aside from her pregnancy, she really had nothing else to worry about, but she couldn't help herself.

She made her way downstairs to the kitchen. There had to be something in the pantry that wouldn't bloat her in the morning. She'd never been the type of person to eat when she was stressed, but pregnancy had changed a lot of things about her, not that she minded. Clara was about to have all her dreams come true. So why did she feel so bad?

She was sitting at the dining table with a pint of ice cream, staring out at the city skyline, wondering if this was what the rest of her life was going to be, when the elevator door slid open.

Dawn was asleep in the spare room, so Clara knew well who it wasn't. No assistants or aides ever visited the penthouse at this hour, so unless someone had managed to break into Luis's private elevator and was stupid enough to consider robbing him, it could only be the man himself.

Clara stood and whirled around to find him standing behind her. He did not look pleased at all, but she tried not to read too much into it. "Good evening, Clara," he said, way too formally.

"You're not supposed to see the bride before the wedding." She tried to laugh.

He didn't. "Unfortunately, had I come tomorrow, it might have been too late."

Clara stopped pretending to laugh. "What's wrong?" His head was low, and he wouldn't make eye contact with her. Something was definitely wrong.

"I have good news," he said without the hint of a smile.

"I don't believe you."

The light fell across him like bars on a prison cell, but he was beautiful all the same. She wanted to tell him so, but something about the way he looked at her now conveyed the gravity of what he was about to say. There was no way now was a good time for a compliment, no matter how badly she wanted to give it.

She began imagining what he might have come to tell her, and her heart started fluttering in her chest. He had been about to confess his love the last time he got this look on his face, and she'd shot him down because she was an idiot. Maybe he had come to confess again, and this time she would let him. What if that expression on his face was because he was afraid she would shut him down again? She decided to reassure him.

"Whatever you have to say, you can say it. I won't stop you or interrupt you. I promise."

That did not seem to improve his mood. "Thank you. This isn't going to be easy for me."

She came closer to him and laid a hand on his arm. "Don't worry so much. Maybe whatever you have to say will make me happier than I've ever been. Maybe I'll say yes, and hug and kiss you and thank you for telling me." Hopefully that was obvious enough to make it clear. But he didn't react as though it was.

"Let's sit down." He sat opposite her at the dining table, and just that was enough to tell her this wasn't going to go the way she hoped. "I heard from my lawyer tonight. He told me that my worries about a green card were unfounded — I qualify based on my contribution, apparently." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "The apology I owe you for this, I can't begin to give. I've involved you in my own troubles, and that was wrong. I'd like to offer you freedom from our agreement. If you choose to cancel the wedding tomorrow, I won't retaliate. I'll keep up my end of the bargain. You and the child will be well taken care of. I won't abandon either of you."

Once he finished saying what he'd come to say, Luis heaved a sigh of relief, and Clara had to wonder why. She'd thought he might have come to confess his love, but in reality, he'd come to call off the wedding, and he appeared to be more than happy he'd finally done it. Maybe he hadn't really meant to say he loved her after all. She blushed, embarrassed she could have expected such a thing after turning him down once before. He was a billionaire. Surely, he hadn't spent these weeks pining away for a woman he couldn't have when he could so easily replace her with anyone in the world. Because who in their right mind would turn him down? Clara groaned.

Luis was watching her intently, waiting for something, she realized. She forced a smile. "That's wonderful news!" she said. "Wow, I was kind of dreading tomorrow, you know?"

"You were?" He stood and rounded the table to come closer to her. "Why didn't you say something?"

"I didn't want to go back on our deal. I keep my promises, and I wasn't going to break this one, but if you want to break it off, that's great. It works out for both of us. I mean you must be relieved to not be stuck marrying someone you don't love."

"Oh, but I?—"

She cut in before he could say more. "Don't worry about me. As long as you really mean to keep your end of the bargain, I'll be just fine. You did mean that part, didn't you? You wouldn't just say it?"

"Of course I meant it," he said, stepping back when she stood to meet him. "I keep my promises, too."

What did she think she was doing? Some deeply buried part of her was screaming at her to stop. But a much more shallow part was hurt that he hadn't come to make things real, to put a stop to the game and demand an answer from her. She would never have stopped him this time. She was aching to make things right, to start over and not mess it up this time. But he wasn't giving her that chance, and that irrational pride of hers was getting in the way of her desire to just fess up and tell him everything — that she thought she was falling for him, too, that she would give anything to spend the rest of her life with him for real, with or without his fortune, that she wanted to have a family and a home with him. She wanted to tell him that when she said, I do, she was going to really mean it.

Instead, she said, "Well, I'm so glad you came here to let me know before it was too late. Of course I'd love to call the wedding off. That will give us both a chance to find real love, won't it? And we've both got what we want in the end. It's perfect really. By the way, when would you like me to move out?"

His mouth was hanging open. "You don't need to?—"

"It's not a problem at all. We won't have to pretend to be a couple anymore, so I'm sure you want your home back." Her anger heated to a steady boil, and she couldn't stop it. All the time, though, she wore her candy-coated smile. "You know what? I'll just move out tomorrow. Oh, how do we let the guests know the wedding's cancelled? They'll be expecting to attend tomorrow."

He was stunned beyond speech for a moment. "My aides will take care of it. Clara… are you sure you're okay?"

Still she smiled. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask? I'm relieved actually, just like you probably. Don't worry about it. We'll still be friends. You'll be in your child's life. I promise. Is that what's worrying you?"

"No." He shook his head. "It isn't that. I just… I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm good." She paused and let her hurt settle a little. "You should probably get some rest. I'll be out of here tomorrow, and you can have your normal life back again." In a moment of spontaneity, she gave him a quick, cold hug. "Thank you so much, Luis. For everything. My life will never be the same because of you, and I'll never forget what you did for me."

He squeezed back and quickly released her. "It was my pleasure." A sad smile crossed his face as he turned to go, and Clara came so close to stopping him. Despite his relief, something about the way he moved made him seem miserable. The last thing she'd wanted to do was hurt the man who'd given her everything and more. But she couldn't deny that he had hurt her somehow, though she couldn't find the words to express it to him.

As soon as the elevator doors closed on him, Clara collapsed onto the couch and sobbed. She tried to muffle her cries with a throw pillow, but hiding anything from Dawn for long was next to impossible. Before she knew it, her sister was at her side.

Dawn sat down next to her and squeezed her shoulder. "Hey, hey. What's the matter, hon? What happened? I thought I heard a man's voice, but I assumed it was only Luis."

Clara pulled herself together enough to look up at her sister. "It was only Luis. He came to…" She sniffed and rubbed her eyes dry with her sleeve. "He came to call off the wedding."

"What?" Dawn shot to her feet. "He came to do what?" She was livid.

"It's not his fault."

"The hell it isn't! He can't do that to you the night before the wedding."

Clara buried her face in the pillow again. "He can and he did. It doesn't matter. He was right to call it off. This is better for everyone."

"It absolutely is not." Dawn left Clara's side and returned with a box of tissues. "Take these. You're leaking."

With a soft chuckle, Clara took the tissues to continue drying her eyes and blowing her nose. Her sister could always make her laugh, even at the worst of times. Clara was so lucky to have her sister with her tonight. It was going to be a rough night, and Dawn would get her through it, just as Clara had done for her sister all the times Dawn had come to her crying after a broken heart.

"Maybe he's just gotten cold feet," Dawn offered. "Maybe he's just scared to commit to anyone, even if it's you."

"That's not what it is." Clara wanted so badly to tell her sister the truth, but she felt like it would be a betrayal to Luis somehow. This was, after all, something Clara had agreed to do in exchange for the hope of a child. And he'd given her more than hope. He'd given her a baby, and he'd given her the means to care for that baby. She could be a full-time mom the way she'd always wanted to. "It's over. I know it is. I just don't want to talk about it anymore."

Dawn wrapped her arms around her sister and kissed her cheek. "You don't have to say another word."

"I have to… I have to find a place to stay until I can find my own apartment." Clara blew her nose again.

"You're staying with Stan and me. Don't even try to talk me out of it — I've made up my mind. I want company for the rest of my pregnancy, and only my equally pregnant twin sister will do."

Clara sniffed and shook her head. "Thank you, Sis. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"No, I don't know what I'd do without you . I love you Clara. Your whole family loves you. I hope you know that. Luis can go to hell."

And that was the end of the conversation that night. Dawn didn't say another word about it, and Clara was grateful for that. She wasn't sure quite how she would explain to Dawn what had really happened and why it had upset her as much as it had.

Honestly, she didn't even really know how to explain it to herself. By rights, she should be happy. She had everything she ever wanted, and she'd just been freed from all her obligations, all her promises. She'd been freed, but when it came to Luis, the last thing she wanted to be was free. She wanted to be caught up in his arms, in his world. She loved him. She was sure of it now, but it was too late. She'd pushed him away over and over again, and even if he did give her another chance to love him, she knew she didn't deserve it.

He'd done the right thing, and she was angry about it, all because she was scared to be vulnerable with him… or anyone now that she thought about it. She'd been scared to be vulnerable for a long time, and maybe that explained why she subconsciously chose to date men who she knew would be incompatible. Except Luis. He was accidentally perfect for her, and so she'd thrown him away.

So stupid. So, so, so stupid.

"You're not stupid," Dawn said. Clara hadn't realized she'd been chiding herself aloud. "You'll never be stupid. You're just pregnant." One more hug from her sister silenced those nasty thoughts in a heartbeat. "You're making a person, Sis. Give yourself a break."

Dawn was right. Clara leaned her head on her sister's shoulder as Dawn searched for an appropriate movie. When she found one they'd both seen dozens of times already, she turned up the volume, put an arm around Clara, and the two of them dozed off to the familiar sounds of two people tripping and stumbling into love. If only it were that easy in real life.