16. Clara

CHAPTER 16

CLARA

I t was the night before the wedding. Everything was in order. The rehearsal dinner had been a flurry of activity, none of which could distract Clara from the fact that Luis remained unusually cold. Ever since that night in the nursery, he'd become like another man entirely. He was never cruel, but he was never vulnerable around her again. He was emotionally distant, and his smiles all looked fake to her. He was all business, and Clara hated it. But what could she do about it? This was what she wanted, what she'd asked for, wasn't it?

After dinner, Luis said goodnight and left for his hotel room. They'd agreed to stay in separate locations for the night to honor tradition. Clara had a lot of getting ready to do, and the groom wasn't supposed to see the bride before the wedding. It was just one more little thing they could do to make something fake feel more real. At least they would do the wedding right; even if the vows were a lie, the wedding would be a good one.

Dawn, being the maid of honor and Clara's best friend in the world, came with her to the penthouse to offer her a little company and some help in getting ready. She was already used to the penthouse, since Clara had begged her to visit over and over again. And being a twin sister who was just ahead of Clara in her pregnancy, she offered a lot of comfort and some idea of things to come.

They both dropped their things on the couch and made their way upstairs, where Clara's wedding dress waited. She was going to try it on one more time and try a few hairstyles to see which would complement it best. Of course, Luis had offered to hire a professional, private beautician to take care of her on her wedding day, but Clara had always imagined her sister doing her hair for her the same way she'd done for Dawn.

"Let's see if this still fits you," Dawn said, pulling out the wedding gown.

"Why wouldn't it?"

Dawn smoothed the dress out on the bed and marveled at how beautiful it was before answering. "Well, you're in the family way now. You've got your very own baby bump."

"The dress has an Empire waist. It should still fit."

"What if your boobs are bigger now?"

Clara laughed. "We can only hope."

Dawn helped her slip into the dress, and buttoned up the back. The embroidery and the beads looked perfect in the light. The bust was a little tight, but Dawn and Clara agreed it looked even better that way. "There are some perks to pregnancy, aren't there?" Dawn said, laughing. "Morning sickness aside."

Clara sat at the vanity Luis had bought her, while her sister started combing through her hair. "You really do look beautiful," Dawn said. "Luis should know how lucky he is."

"Oh, I think I'm the one who's lucky here," Clara said with a chuckle. "A billionaire. And he's a sweetheart, too."

"He's clearly smitten with you," Dawn said as she began a French braid along one side of Clara's head. Clara had no idea what her sister intended to do with her hair, but once Dawn got going on something creative, it was best to just trust her instincts and let her work. She had a great eye and a great sense of style. Better than Clara's anyway.

Clara tried to hold as still as she could while she talked. "Maybe not so much anymore," she admitted. "I pushed him away, and he's been pretty distant since. I mean I wanted space, and he gave it to me. So I'm not sure what I'm even complaining about. I guess I just… thought he'd fight a little harder for me."

"Maybe this is his way of fighting for you," Dawn said. "Stan is similar. Whenever we fight?—"

"You two fight?" Clara cut in. "Not a chance. No way."

Dawn laughed and tied up one braid before she began another. "We fight, ya dodo. Everyone does. And he always winds up giving me the space I want until I finally admit I don't want it anymore. He knows I'm going to squeeze beside him on the couch eventually and try to cuddle. Then he'll suggest we both go to bed. And the make-up sex is?—"

"Dawn, I do not need to know all the details."

"It's excellent is what it is."

Clara tried to reach back and slap her sister without moving her head, but her aim was terrible and she missed twice before finally giving up. "You're incorrigible," she said.

"Do you even know what that word means?"

"Yes." Clara thought about it a moment. "Pretty sure it means very, very, very bad."

Dawn started a third braid and swallowed a fit of laughter before it could destroy her concentration. "I love you, Sis. I hope you know that. And no matter what happens, I'm going to be on your side. Even if your husband is a golden-retriever billionaire."

"He is sweet, isn't he?" It was so hard to admit to herself that, in trying to protect her own heart, she might have broken his. Maybe he was avoiding her because being near her was too painful. Maybe he really had meant to confess his feelings that night in the nursery, and Clara had shut him down assuming he was just emotional like she was. "I don't think I deserve him, really."

"Don't be ridiculous. If anything, he doesn't deserve you. But a relationship isn't about who deserves what or what you can do for each other. It's about love, and being best friends, and experiencing all the big things together. You just have to ask yourself this: Who do you want to experience the big things with? Is it Luis? If so, then he's the right man for you."

All Clara could say in response was, "Thanks. I guess I needed to hear that." What she couldn't say was that she was afraid she might actually love her future husband back, but now she'd gone and pushed him away. She might have had something real with him, but she had to go and ruin it with her own stupid rules. Sometimes, she could be so stubborn, and maybe that was what finally turned him off. She couldn't blame him really. "Maybe I'm just stressed about the wedding," she concluded.

"That's the spirit!" Dawn patted her on the shoulder, and the pained look on her face made Clara smile. If anyone could make her smile at her lowest it was Dawn. She always knew just what to say. "Look, weddings are stressful occasions. Don't think this is how you're going to feel all the time. It's just jitters. Even I got them on my wedding day."

"You did?" That was a surprising detail to learn. Clara never saw Dawn's stress on her wedding day. She and Stan just seemed so happy together, the perfect couple. She couldn't have imagined anything would have given Dawn pause.

"Well, I was mostly stressed I would forget my vows. But there's always this nagging voice in the back of your head, you know? It's always asking if you're sure what you're doing is the right thing, but the thing is, you can never really be sure. Life's a huge gamble that way. Throw love in and the stakes are even higher. Personally, I think it would be weirder if you weren't getting the pre-wedding jitters. The fact that you are just means you're taking this seriously. It's a good sign. Trust me."

But Clara wasn't convinced she was taking it seriously enough. She'd signed up for this arrangement without considering anyone's feelings. It was just a practical decision. Tactical even. It all felt so cold. Luis had tried to bring some warmth to it, and Clara had just doused whatever fire he tried to set in her heart.

"Ah, you're going to be such a perfect bride!" Dawn said. "Look at you. What do you think about this style? Good?"

Clara looked at herself in the mirror, but she could hardly focus on what she saw. She knew her sister would make good choices on her behalf anyway. Dawn would never steer her wrong. That was one wonderful thing about having a twin sister who loved you. She knew exactly how to do your hair and makeup because it looked just the same on her. "It's gorgeous," she said without really noticing what Dawn had done to her hair. All she could think about was Luis, alone in that hotel room, about to get himself into a loveless marriage with a woman he'd fallen for — a woman who didn't hesitate to break his heart.

No, she really didn't deserve him. No matter what Dawn said, Clara knew it was true. She could only hope Luis found the courage to confess his love again, and when he did, Clara would be sure to respond the right way. She would hug him and kiss him and tell him she loved him, too. She'd assure him their marriage would be real, that they could raise the child together as a couple, and not just a cooperative parenting team. She would assure him that when she said, I do, she would mean it with all her heart.

All she could hope was that, despite everything she'd said to him in the past, when the time came for Clara to finally admit she was wrong, Luis would actually believe her.