Chapter 30

GRACE

“I need to talk to you about something,” Mom said to me the Sunday morning following my internship ending.

Mom had gone out for doughnuts and coffee, something she rarely did, which made me wonder whether something was up. Dad had gone to the gym—he’d wanted to start losing weight after his doctor had lectured him about his high cholesterol and blood pressure—so it was just Mom and I that morning.

I bit into a doughnut, not caring that it was my third one already. “What?” I asked, my mouth full.

Mom handed me a napkin. “It’s about Brady.”

When I groaned, she added, “And don’t tell me you don’t have time to talk about him. You haven’t been doing anything since your internship ended. You’ve just been moping around the house. Have you even talked to Kelly? Or other friends?”

I made a face. “I haven’t been moping,” I muttered.

“And you decided not to take a full-time job with the Blades.” At my surprised look, Mom just smiled. “Honey, there are no secrets safe from me.”

“Who told you?”

“Your dad.”

“Meaning he was the one who tried to pull strings to get me an offer.” I scowled.

“And if he did? He knows you’d be great at the job. He wouldn’t have done it if he didn’t care about you, either. We both knew how excited you were about getting the internship.”

I sighed. “I was excited. I thought it would launch me into something even better, if not a job at the Blades, then with another amazing company.”

When I’d graduated from college and gotten the offer for the internship, I’d been over the moon. Not just because I was going back to LA and would thus be closer to Brady, but because I’d genuinely enjoyed my marketing and PR classes at UNLV.

But that’d changed. Suddenly my career had been put on the back burner. I’d gotten so focused on Brady and our on-again, off-again relationship that the internship seemed unimportant.

I wasn’t proud of that fact. It wasn’t very feminist of me, either. I grimaced inwardly. But I also knew that love could make a person go a little crazy.

“I just hate to see you throw away a potentially amazing opportunity,” said Mom.

“It’s not throwing it away.” I struggled to explain. “I just need some time away from everything. And everyone. I’ve never had a life that didn’t revolve around hockey.”

Mom gave me a pointed look. “I know you’re sad about Brady, too. We all are.”

That made me scowl. “You are? Since when? You were the one who told me that I shouldn’t date him. I would’ve thought you’d be happy that we broke up.”

“I’m never happy seeing you unhappy.” Mom was playing with her wedding ring now. “Your dad came to me and told me something that you should know. Not just about the job offer thing. It’s about Ben and Brady, about the accident.”

I set down my doughnut, my stomach twisting. “I already know what Brady did. He told me himself.”

“No, you don’t. Did Brady ever tell you that your dad is the one who made him keep silent? That he forced him not to tell me or you that he was the one who gave Ben my car keys?”

I couldn’t breathe. I stared at my hands, feeling like the world had just tipped on its axis.

I’d been so angry with Brady for lying to me about Ben and his car accident. Why hadn’t he told me this?

“Your dad regrets making Brady not say anything,” Mom said. “But at the time, he was doing it to protect us. You know your father. He tends to think he’s the strongest of us all and has to shoulder all of our burdens.”

Mom took my hand. I realized I was shaking.

“Brady didn’t lie to you. At least, not because he wanted to. He had to. Your dad gave him no choice,” Mom said.

I felt like the ground shifted under me. I’d always known Dad was the type to meddle, but this? This was on another level entirely.

I shook my head. “Oh my God. But I don’t understand why Brady didn’t tell me anyway? Was he really that afraid of Dad?”

Mom gave me a hard look. “You know that Brady looks up to your dad like a father. Brady feels like he owes us for taking him in, so is it that surprising that he’d respect your dad’s decision?”

“Owes us? You guys took him in because that’s what you did. You took in foster kids. Brady wasn’t the first one you’d fostered.”

“No, but it’s complicated. Brady probably always felt like he was a burden. Not just for us, but for every family he was placed with. Even when your dad and I did everything to show Brady he was not a burden. That’s the type of thing you can’t just let go of, with the instability he’d experienced as a kid.”

Mom’s expression was sad. “You’re lucky, sweetheart. You’ve never had to doubt that we wanted you, or that we loved you. Can’t you see that Brady sees relationships as transactional instead of unconditional?”

I felt silly that I hadn’t realized that. Silly, and naive, and sheltered.

Of course Brady would see relationships as transactional. And because of that, he’d do anything my dad asked to still be part of our family.

All my anger toward Brady was slowly being siphoned away. Regret was all I could feel at that moment.

Regret that I’d been so closed-minded. Regret that I’d made assumptions and decided not to have them challenged. Regret that I’d shown Brady his belief that relationships were transactional was true in his case.

“And I would bet Brady never told you that your dad also threatened him with trading him to another team if he didn’t stop dating you.” Mom sighed. “Did I mention your dad can be overbearing? And a hothead who drives me insane?”

I smiled, but it was a sad smile. I swiped at the tears that had gathered in my eyes. “I was so angry with Brady. I said horrible things. I just couldn’t believe he hadn’t told me about Ben. It felt like a betrayal. Now I don’t know how to feel.”

“Did you know that Brady called your dad’s bluff? Told him to trade him if he wanted because he loved you too much to care about his career.”

Now I was really crying. Mom pulled me into her arms and held me as I wept.

How could I have been so oblivious? How could I have ever thought Brady didn’t love me? I’d let my own fears and other people’s opinions overshadow what I knew about him.

“Even if he still loves me,” I said quietly, “how can we ever get back to where we were? I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me. I wouldn’t blame him either. He probably just wants to move on from everything.”

Mom was silent for a long moment, then she sighed. “I never told you about this, but I was actually engaged to another man when I met your dad.”

I blinked. “What? I thought you and Dad were high school sweethearts?”

“Kind of. We dated briefly in high school, then I broke up with him. I dated another guy in college, and when he proposed, I said yes. His name was Daniel. He was a good guy and from a good family. My family loved him, and I knew they wanted us to get married.”

Mom’s expression turned wry. “My parents never liked your dad. They said he was too wild. It didn’t help that his job prospects weren’t so great at the time. He was playing hockey while working at a grocery store. He hadn’t started coaching yet. While Daniel already had a good job at his dad’s insurance business.

“But then your dad moved into the same apartment complex I was living in. We reconnected.” Mom smiled fondly. “He was respectful. I told myself we were just friends, but I found myself missing him when I was with Daniel. Every time Daniel said or did something, I wondered what Mike would do.”

Mom blushed a little now. “I’m not proud to say this, but your dad and I kissed before I broke things off with Daniel. I realized that I didn’t really love Daniel, at least not in the way he deserved. Marrying him would’ve been more about security and pleasing our families. When I took them out of the equation, I knew I couldn’t stay in a relationship that had nothing to do with my own feelings.”

It took me a second to fully comprehend what Mom was telling me. It was hard to believe that my mom had once been a young woman, caught between two men and breaking off an engagement to be with my dad.

“I even moved out of that apartment building. I only had six more months on the lease and was going to move in with Daniel after the wedding, of course. So moving didn’t make sense. But I knew I had to do it. Even then it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t let your dad go.”

“How did Daniel take it? When you broke up with him?” I asked.

“He was kind about it, which, honestly, made it worse.” Mom chuckled. “I wanted him to yell at me so I’d have a better reason to break up with him. But no, he just said that he understood. And that was that. I gave him back the ring he’d given me, and we called off the wedding.”

Mom’s mother, my grandma Annie, had died when I was young, my grandpa not long after. “Granny must’ve freaked out,” I said.

“Oh, your grandma was so mad at me. She didn’t speak to me for six months, especially when she found out it was because of Mike. She threatened to cut me out of her will and everything. Fortunately, your dad is so charming that he eventually won her over.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that time will allow you to forget about Brady doing something stupid like handing keys to your brother that night. But time will not allow your heart to heal from losing the love of your life. Believe me. I almost made the worst mistake of my life in marrying Daniel instead of your dad.”

My heart was pounding. I wanted so badly to believe that Mom was right. Would Brady forgive me? And could I forgive him?

There was so much between us, so much hurt, betrayal, and anger. It felt insurmountable.

“What if love isn’t enough?” I whispered.

Mom shook her head. “Love is always enough. You just have to be brave enough to embrace it when it comes your way.”

I didn’t let myself think too hard about what I was about to do. I knew it was reckless, and I knew it was a gamble. But Mom’s words pounded in my brain.

How could I let the love of my life go without a fight?

I drove over to Brady’s, my palms sweating with anticipation. My mind went through all the scenarios of how he’d react to me showing up on his doorstep.

Maybe he’d be happy, or angry, or maybe he’d be so confused that he wouldn’t know what to say.

I hoped he’d be happy. He’d pull me into his arms, kiss me, and tell me that he still loved me no matter what. Butterflies filled my stomach.

I’d missed Brady so much. It’d been torture not to speak to him or touch him or hear his laugh. The few times I ran into him at work, it’d taken all my strength not to launch myself into his arms.

I parked my car and took a deep breath when I reached Brady’s apartment. I was afraid I’d faint before I even got to his front door.

I had gotten out of my car, locking it behind me, when I spotted a woman: a curvy brunette who looked eerily familiar.

It took me a second to realize she was wearing a flight attendant’s uniform. And then I recognized her: the woman on the plane who’d been flirting with Brady.

Tatiana. That was her name.

Brady hadn’t known I’d seen her flirting with him since I’d been sitting in the back. But I’d come up with aisle to talk to my dad when I’d seen Tatiana nearly shoving her tits in Brady’s face. It hadn’t taken much for me to find out that he’d hooked up with her previously.

And now I was watching her go into his apartment.

Feeling sick, I got back into my car and drove all the way back home.