Chapter 29

GRACE

A month after I’d broken up with Brady, Kelly and Elodie persuaded me to go out to dinner with them.

“You’ve been a total shut-in for weeks now,” Kelly had said gently when she’d called me a few days prior. “I’m worried about you. It’s not healthy.”

I hadn’t realized it’d been almost a month since I’d walked out of Brady’s apartment. Time had seemed to flow both quickly and too slowly. I had barely even noticed.

“This isn’t a blind date setup, is it?” I’d asked, suspicious.

“Would I do that to you?” Kelly paused. “Okay, I would, but it’s not. I’m inviting Elodie, too. I know you guys are friends. I reached out to her, and she thinks it’s a good idea.”

I’d wanted to ask how Kelly had managed to get in touch with Elodie, but I hadn’t had the energy. Knowing Kelly, she’d probably stalked Elodie at her favorite café and had managed to get her phone number without seeming like a total creeper.

But after some more persuasion from Kelly, I agreed to go to dinner.

I knew I needed to get out of the house. I could tell that my parents were worried, too.

Dad kept acting awkwardly around me, clearing his throat and then asking me inane questions. Once, he’d asked me in all seriousness what my thoughts were on the upcoming demolition of some famous building down the street from our house.

“Why would I care about that?” I’d asked him, confused.

“Uh, well, it’s a historical building. You like history, right? Maybe you should read about it.”

Then he’d grabbed a drink from the fridge and headed out. Mom had just shrugged when I’d asked her about it.

“You know your dad,” she’d said. “He’s terrible about talking about his feelings.”

Dad’s behavior got only stranger. I’d find random treats in the kitchen that he thought I loved: from barbecue chips to brownies to bags of Snickers. One day, I came home to freshly cut flowers that I’d thought were for Mom but were, in fact, for me.

For a quick moment, I’d thought they were from Brady. But then I’d read the card and realized my dad had gotten them for me.

For my favorite daughter, the note had said in his familiar scrawl.

I’d had a feeling Dad felt guilty about the Brady situation. But it was Brady whom I was angry with, not Dad. Brady had been the one to give Ben those car keys that night.

Ironically, my dad admitted that Brady had given Ben the keys after I’d pressed him about it. That was how I’d found out in the first place before going over to Brady’s to confront him.

Ultimately, it was Brady who’d kept that secret from me for six years. After all we’d been through, he’d kept that from me.

Had Brady ever planned to tell me the truth? I had a distinct feeling he’d never planned to tell me. He’d held me, kissed me, made love to me, and all that time, he’d never once thought, I should tell her the truth.

It disgusted me. Hadn’t I told him that I couldn’t stand liars? And I didn’t care if it wasn’t exactly lying. He’d deliberately omitted a key detail to the story about Ben dying. Because it also meant that if Brady had been a decent person, he could’ve saved Ben’s life.

I spent that month without Brady thinking about Ben. I remembered both the good and the bad—how he’d been protective of me but had also teased and annoyed me, as older brothers did.

Once, when I’d been about six years old, Ben had found out an older kid had pushed me off my bike. He’d marched straight down to that kid’s house and had punched him in the mouth.

And then, later that day, Ben had stolen my bike and ridden off with it, laughing as I’d yelled after him.

That had been our relationship. We’d loved each other, but we’d fought, too.

Now I wished that I’d told him how much I’d looked up to him, how proud I’d been of his hockey career that was advancing at breakneck speed.

I also wished I could tell him how mad I was at him for driving that night. One stupid choice, and he’d ruined so many lives.

It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t.

The night of my dinner with Elodie and Kelly, I arrived at the restaurant after Elodie but before Kelly. Elodie waved from a booth, a big smile on her face.

“I’m so glad you came,” she said as she hugged me. “How are you?”

I shrugged. “Not great, to be honest.”

Elodie’s forehead creased. “I’m sorry. Hopefully, we can get your mind off everything tonight. Oh, there’s Kelly.” Elodie waved again.

Kelly was dressed to the nines and was somehow more cheerful than ever. I had a feeling she was trying extra hard for my sake.

I wanted to tell her there was no point. It didn’t matter how many jokes she told or ridiculous stories she recounted.

My mind and heart were still far, far away.

“Soooooooo,” Kelly said after we’d ordered drinks, “how’s the internship, Grace?”

“It’s fine.”

Elodie glanced at Kelly. “I thought you were enjoying it?” Elodie questioned me.

“I am. It’s just awkward right now.” I didn’t feel like I needed to clarify.

Kelly sighed. “Okay, well, let’s change the subject. What have you guys been watching lately? I just binge-watched this Turkish drama, and now I’m on to this Korean one where she’s secretly dating her grumpy boss, but his evil mother can never, ever find out. The heroine just got hit by a car, too.”

Kelly chattered away, Elodie asking questions, with me mostly just listening. I stirred my drink and stared out the window at the traffic.

I knew I was terrible company right now. I felt guilty about it. When I’d told Kelly I wouldn’t be much fun to be around, she’d told me that that was fine.

“Do you think I only care about my friends when they’re happy?” she questioned. She’d sounded a little hurt.

When Elodie asked me a question, I realized with chagrin that I’d stopped listening a while back.

“Grace,” Kelly said with a sigh and a shake of her head, “you can’t keep going on like this. You’ve broken up with Brady. That sucks. But are you really trying to move on?”

Hearing Brady’s name was like a punch in the gut, which was silly because I heard his name all the time at work. I’d even seen him at least twice, although we hadn’t said a word to each other.

And although my parents tried not to bring him up, it was nearly impossible that his name was never mentioned around me.

“I do want to move on. I just ... don’t know how.”

Elodie took my hand and squeezed it. “If it’s any consolation, Mac says that Brady is a hot-ass mess. He hasn’t even been to the club to get his mind off you. As far as Mac knows, he just goes home to his apartment alone every night.”

I swallowed. I hated hearing that Brady was hurting, but it also made me feel strangely good. I wanted him to be in as much pain as I was.

It was petty and selfish, but I didn’t care.

“Okay, well, you’re going to have to show us that you want to move on,” Kelly said. She pulled out her phone. “Let’s get your dating profile up. Getting some new dick is your best course of action.”

I was about to protest but stopped myself. Maybe Kelly was right. Maybe I just needed to purge Brady Carmichael from my system.

Kelly began typing and then put her phone down so we could all see the screen. “Put in your deets, and then we’ll get started. What photos do you have? We should look through those to pick some good ones.”

Elodie was nodding along as Kelly asked me questions to fill out my profile. What were my hobbies? What kind of a guy was I looking for? What was my ideal first date? What were some of my favorite shows and movies?

I answered her questions, but even I could tell I didn’t have much enthusiasm behind my answers. When I answered, “I don’t know,” Kelly sighed and began typing an answer for me.

“I thought you wanted to move on,” Kelly pointed out, frowning.

“I do. But ...” I bit my lip. “Maybe that doesn’t mean I’m ready to start dating. Maybe I should be single for a while.”

When Kelly looked frustrated, Elodie said, “That’s probably a good idea. I think everybody should be single rather than jumping from one relationship to another.”

She grinned. “I say that as somebody who was already dating a guy when I started having feelings for Mac, whoops. So maybe do as I say, not as I do.”

Kelly looked a little mollified. “Well, maybe you’re right. We can wait on the dating thing. Although I think new dick is always a good thing.”

We ate our food, then Elodie had to leave. “I forgot that Mac and I have something going on tonight,” she said as she hugged me and then Kelly. Her gaze now on Kelly, she added, “Behave yourself, all right?”

Kelly chuckled. “Of course, of course.”

After Elodie left, though, Kelly gave me a grin that could only be described as evil. Then she was on her phone, clearly messaging somebody.

“What are you doing now?” I asked, my eyes narrowed.

“Being a good friend. Now, did I tell you about the time I nearly ran over a goat in Pasadena?”

Kelly and I were enjoying a piece of chocolate cake for dessert when two guys came up to our table. Kelly got up and hugged them both before gesturing for them to sit down.

“What are you two doing here?” she asked, her smile wide. “Grace, this is Cal and Darren. They’re professors I work with in the program. Actually, Darren, I need to talk to you about a class I’m going to TA in the summer ...”

I watched in awe as Kelly skillfully pulled Darren aside to give Cal and me privacy. I blinked over at Cal, which made him laugh.

Cal was dark-haired, bearded, and tall. He had an easy smile, and when he chuckled, I could tell he was probably a decent guy.

“Well, I guess it’s just us now,” Cal said. “Kelly said your name was Grace?”

“That’s right.”

“Actually, I have a confession to make. I recognized you before Kelly told me your name.” His eyes crinkled. “I’m a huge Blades fan, you see.”

I blushed. “Oh.”

Seeing my reaction, he held up his hands. “Sorry, is that not kosher? I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. But I know that you and Carmichael were dating and that you’re Coach Dallas’s daughter ...”

I smiled grimly. “I guess that’s what I get for dating somebody famous.”

Cal spun the straw in one of the water glasses sitting on our table. “So you and Brady aren’t together, though, right?”

“No, we’re not.”

Cal seemed to take that as an invitation to flirt. I didn’t mind, really. I knew that Kelly meant well in trying to get my mind off Brady. And Cal seemed like a decent guy.

When he started asking me questions about the Blades, though, I felt myself getting tense.

“I mean, what’s it like? Being around the team? Does your dad talk strategy with you?” Cal asked.

Is he more interested in me because of the Blades or because I’m a woman? I wondered.

“My dad usually keeps the nitty gritty to himself. My mom doesn’t like when he brings work home,” I said.

“That makes sense. I’d bet you and your mom get tired of hearing about hockey sometimes.” Cal chuckled. “I used to play as a kid, but I was never very good. Which is why I ended up in academia. I’m hoping to get tenure in the next few years.”

I sipped my water. “Awesome.”

“It’s really difficult to get tenure nowadays, but through an act of God I got this tenure-track position. But it doesn’t pay like being on the NHL does.” Cal leaned forward. “Tell me, what’s the craziest thing you’ve seen a player do? I mean, we all heard about Mac going to that weird sex club. Anything crazier than that?”

I shook my head. “Nothing beyond the usual,” I lied.

Cal looked disappointed. “Well, Brady has been in the news a lot lately. Seems like it’s affected his playing, too.”

I flinched. Cal seemed to sense he’d said too much, because he hastily apologized.

“What do you do for work?” Cal asked. “I realized I didn’t ask you.”

As we chatted, I realized that all my answers seemed to be linked back to hockey, the Blades, and Brady. My internship, my dad, my ex-boyfriend. Nothing in my life was my own, was it?

Even my brother had played hockey. And now a new guy was interested in me simply because of my link to the Blades.

When Kelly finally returned to our table, I almost jumped out of my seat. “I remembered I have a work project due,” I lied, grabbing onto Kelly’s arm. “Can you drive me home?”

Kelly blinked, but to her credit, she didn’t call me out on my lie. We both said goodbye to the guys and headed out.

After I’d gotten back home, I knew I needed to make some changes in my life. If I really, truly wanted to get over Brady, I needed to have my own life outside of the Blades. And that also meant I needed to carve out a new life that didn’t include Brady Carmichael.

When Julia called me into her office on Friday morning, I expected bad news.

“We’d like to offer you a full-time position with us,” she said. “We’ve all been impressed with your performance during your internship, and we think you’d be a great addition to our team.”

I stared at her, shocked. I’d been barely pulling my weight in the last month since I’d ended things with Brady. I hadn’t even wanted to apply for a full-time position.

“That’s ... awesome,” I said, not sure how to respond.

I couldn’t help but wonder if Julia was doing this just because I was the coach’s daughter. Had my dad talked her into doing this? Because I hadn’t exactly been giving my all lately.

Thinking of Dad interfering in my career reminded me that I needed to untangle myself from this world. I couldn’t be my own person if I stayed in the Blades ecosystem.

And how could I expect to move on from Brady if I was reminded of him constantly at my job?

I folded my hands, trying to calm my pounding heart. “I appreciate the offer, but I’m going to have to decline,” I said.

Julia raised her eyebrows. “Are you sure?”

Saying the words made me feel calmer. It felt like a heavy burden was slowly being lifted from my shoulders.

“I think I need to figure out what I really want to do with my life,” I admitted. “And I don’t want it to seem like I’ve only gotten where I am because of who my dad is.”

“Well, I’ll admit, I’m disappointed, but I understand where you’re coming from. If you ever change your mind, please reach out.”

We shook hands, and then I left after saying goodbye to Garrett and the rest of the team. I didn’t mention that I’d been offered a job, though. I just hoped that Garrett got a job offer: he was the one who deserved it, not me.

I went to my car and sat, staring at nothing for a while. I waited for the inevitable feelings of regret or fear, but there were none.

I just felt lighter. And I thought that I might have the strength to get over Brady Carmichael once and for all.