14. Fourteen

Fourteen

“Have you had enough yet?” My head snapped to the sound of Landers voice. He was leaning casually against my door frame, droplets of water dripping from his leathers into a small puddle at his muddy boots.

When did he get back?

I hadn’t seen him since we saw the wards fall and he had tethered from the room. Relief ran through my veins at the sight of him, but I would not let him see that.

This storm had blown in two days ago, and it was like the skies felt the turmoil in my soul and released the tears that I refused to let fall down my own face.

“What do you want?” I asked, my tone dry as I turned my head back to the forest outside my window that was creaking against the autumn storm.

“Have you eaten today?” he asked, taking a step into the room. “I have not seen you leave this room in days.” The squelching of his boots mixed with the rain splattering against the window as he walked toward the crackling hearth.

I glanced over at him as he pulled his arms out of his leather jacket, draping it in front of the burning fire. I pulled my knees to my chest as he moved closer and leaned against the chair across from me.

“Have you eaten, Hyacinth?” he repeated. I shook my head in response, keeping my eyes locked on the scene on the other side of the glass. He moved around the chair, waving his hand over the small table between us, before sitting. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the air, rich and nutty with a hint of sweetness. It mingled together with the subtle notes of earthy, dark chocolate and the warm, comforting scent of freshly baked bread. The corner of my lip tilted up as I glanced at the table.

It was such a small gesture, but it settled into the small gap that had been forming in my heart over the last seven days. I watched as he cut into the loaf and slathered cinnamon butter across it. He set it on a small plate and poured coffee into a mug and handed it to me, the warmth from it instantly heating my cold hands. I took a long sip, then with three bites the bread was gone and crumbs scattered down the front of the blanket wrapped around me.

“What is your plan?” he asked in a firm voice, pouring a cup for himself.

“What do you mean?” I lifted the mug to my lips again and turned my head back toward the window.

“Are you going to do anything about your situation?”

“My situation?” My voice was flat.

I knew what he meant, I just didn’t want to talk about it.

Not with him; not with someone I hardly knew. Not with anyone, really.

“Tell me, Hyacinth.” He observed me, leaning forward onto his knees. “Would you train your shadows, would you search for whatever power you hold if you knew you would not lose the man you love?”

I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes, frustrated and hurt by his question. How could he ask me that? Taft would never leave me over something so trivial.

“I chose not to train.” I pushed every ounce of confidence I had into my rebuttal, but my voice cracked, giving me away as tears started to fill my eyes.

“What made you change your mind? Why did you choose not to?”

Tears began streaming down my face as he questioned me.

I just wanted him to stop.

Stop pushing me for answers I didn’t want to say aloud.

I turned my eyes to him, not hiding the pools they had become; the dam that finally broke, releasing saltwater rivers.

“Because he asked me not to. Because he told me he would protect me. Because I am too exhausted to fight with him throughout this entire journey. Because I’m a coward, too weak and scared of what will happen if I tell him no.” The words poured out of me in a rush like the tears from my eyes, and I gestured to my face with both hands. “Is this what you wanted? Is this what you wanted to see? Did you want to see me broken? Hating myself for being so fucking spineless?” I slumped all the way into my chair, my hands covering my face as I let out a gut-wrenching sob.

For two days, I had been fighting back tears alone in this house, but now they streamed down my skin, soaking into my palms. My whole body shook with the intensity of my emotions pouring out. Landers watched me fall apart from across the table, furrowing his brows over steeled eyes as he let me break in front of him.

“Hyacinth,” he said gently as I wiped my swollen face with the back of my hand. I blinked the remaining tears from my blurred eyes, focusing on his. They were piercing through me, such a rich green and filled with pure sincerity.

“You do not need a man to protect you, nor do you need to be saved by one. Anyone who tells you otherwise wants to keep you weak. Wants to keep you bound to that weakness so they don’t have to fear you.”

I felt a lump form in my throat, my eyes burning from the tears I’d shed.

“Do you still want to train?”

“Yes,” I whispered as he stood from his seat and straightened the collar of his tunic.

“Devise a plan on how you would like to make that happen. I will be back tomorrow morning once everyone has gone and we will discuss it.” He strode to the fireplace and slid his arms into his jacket, buttoning it up before looking back up at me.

“I do not mean this to hurt your feelings.” I steeled myself for whatever he was about to say, knowing full well it would do just that. “Out here in the realms, you either learn to protect yourself, or you die. There is no middle ground, and there is no room for weakness. You must snuff that weakness out. Do not let a boy that is too insecure to see you grow, be the reason your life is cut short.” He didn’t give me time to snap back at him, as he strode from the room.

There was a knock on the door and I looked up from my writing to see Ata strolling into the room with three cups and a flask in hand. Pri was not far behind with a deck of cards and a grin that lit up the room.

I beamed back at her. “May I help you?” I asked, shutting my journal and putting the cap back on my inkwell.

“No, but we can help you,” Ata said, putting the cups down on the table in front of the fire and spreading a blanket onto the floor. Pri plopped down in front of the coffee table, pouring herself a drink before she started shuffling the cards.

“I don’t know if I have ever met a woman who can brood as hard as the boys until you.” A soft laugh escaped my lips as I moved toward them, taking a seat across from Ata at Pri’s side.

“I am not brooding, I’m in mourning,” I quipped, lifting my chin.

Ata rolled her eyes as she poured crimson liquid into a glass and slid it over to me, then shoved the cork into the flask. She lifted her glass in a toast and said, “To mourning.” She smirked as I stuck up my middle finger. I raised my glass and clanked it against theirs then let the liquid slide down my throat. “Are you done feeling sorry for yourself yet?” Ata asked, setting down her glass and wiping the corners of her lips.

“I think so,” I said honestly, pouring myself another drink as Pri dealt cards to each of us.

I sighed, sipping on my drink before reaching across the table and taking Ata’s hand in mine. “I’m sorry.”

Ata’s brows furrowed. “For what?”

“For not listening to you all these years. For not hearing you. You saw what I couldn’t see in Taft ages ago and I ignored your warnings.”

“You love him, Cin. I can’t, for the life of me, understand why, but you do. So I understand why it was hard for you to acknowledge, but I am glad you are starting to see it for yourself.”

I looked at Ata, letting my eyes linger on the scar that stretched across her face. A constant reminder that we no longer had a home to go back to. It added fierceness to her beautiful features, and as I studied it, something akin to courage flowed into me. Taft wasn’t the only one who could protect me. He wasn’t the only one who had protected me all these years, and I knew if it came down to it, I would do everything in my power to protect them too.

That same blinding light crashed through the window and our eyes shot to the source as Taft, Wren, and Ardan burst into the room.

“What was that?” Taft snarled as I rushed to the window praying to the Gods it was just the storm, that it was just lightning. I searched the dark sky and saw nothing.

My stomach churned. I knew what this meant—what it was.

“Redelvtum’s wards are falling. One by one they are crashing down. The gates have already been decimated.” Wren’s voice was a low growl, anger seeping into each word as he stepped further into the room. “ That , was the second set of wards falling.” Ata’s eyes shot to him.

“How many wards are there?” Ata asked, her voice panicked.

“Six,” Wren said as I slowly pressed my hand over my mouth to stifle the gasp I knew was coming.

“We need to get back to the House of High. We have to help the War Council stop this,” Taft hissed, taking another step toward us.

“That would be a very bad idea.” Landers’ voice sounded from the doorway and all of our heads turned toward him.

“And why would that be?” Taft spat. “Because you have no intention of helping anyone other than yourself?”

Landers took another step into the room and something dark flared behind his eyes.

“Have you forgotten who got you out before the wards came crashing down?” Landers said, pushing his hands into his pockets. Taft took a step toward him and my throat constricted. They would kill each other if it came to blows.

Wren placed his hand on Taft’s shoulder in an effort to calm him. “He is right, brother, we cannot go back to Rahval now,” Wren said as Pri stepped to his side.

“We suspect someone in the House of High has been helping The Silliands and Ammord. We believe they are compromised, and they will kill you if we go back,” Pri added, the words sharp as they left her mouth.

“How long have you known this?” Ardan asked.

“Landers saw the first wards fall three mornings ago and woke me and Pri. We received confirmation this afternoon that Asrai is leading a small army to reinforce the wards they have left, but it seems as though someone inside is working against her. Who that is, we have not been able to confirm.” Bile rose in my throat at Wren’s words and I swallowed it down as I turned to see the blood draining from Ata’s face.

“If the wards are falling, and we cannot go back, why are we not already halfway to Locdragoon by now?” Ata hissed in Landers direction.

“We cannot tether you to our safehouse in Ammord. Your scent will be tracked and we will be found before we can even land. We have to go by foot, which means we have to go through the realm passage that is currently flooded with watchmen. We will be safe here until the fourth ward falls. When that happens, and it will happen, the watchmen will be called back to guard Rahval and that is when we will leave.” Landers voice was still so calm and steady as he spoke, like none of this scared him. My heart raced in my chest, beating on my ribs like an off beat drum.

“Until that happens, we will stay here and conserve our strength. I will learn your scents so I can start to cover them and we will train the magic each of you have.” Landers’ eyes fell on me as he spoke and I knew those words were meant for me.

“I will tether to Ammord tonight and meet with my contacts. I will try to gather any additional information I can,” Pri said, cutting into the quiet that had fallen over the room in the wake of this new information. Landers and Wren nodded as static began buzzing in my ears and my eyes shifted between them.

No.

She couldn’t go, it was too dangerous.

“Go now, the sooner we have the information in our hands the better,” Landers said, his eyes still studying me as Pri nodded and reached for Wren. Wren placed a kiss on her cheek giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

“I’ll be back by morning,” Pri said, clearing her throat.

“No, Pri, wait,” I said frantically, stepping forward and clutching her arm.

My vision turned black as the air was sucked from my lungs.

I was caught in the tether.