CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

SAVANNAH

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I've been home for a week and still feel like I've been hit by a bus. Instead of being shot by my best friend.

Former best friend.

Gina has asked to see me, but I've refused. I have nothing to say to her. It's clear she has mental problems, and I am not giving her a single minute of my time to relieve any guilt about why she did what she has done.

Do I blame Nick?

No.

He turned up at the hospital before I was released with a huge bunch of purple flowers and was in as much shock about the whole thing as everyone else. He also shared that he felt some of it was his fault.

"She was a crazy fan at the end of the day, Nick," I said to him.

"I shouldn't have slept with her. I should have listened to you." He shuddered. "God, I'm glad you are okay."

"You can sleep with whoever you like. I was trying to protect my friend from you." I shook my head.

"Me?"

"Yes. I thought you'd shag her and dump her."

"I don't promise women anything," Nick said.

"Well, she thought she was going to the Golden Globes as your date," I told him.

"Not because...oh wait, she asked me about that when...well, while we were in the middle of things. You know. I just agreed to...you know." He held out his hands. "Surely she doesn't hold a man to whatever he says in the middle of an orgasm."

Ryder had walked in and growled. "Gina did. And she shot Savannah because of it."

Nick lifted his brow. "He still here?"

I couldn't hide my smile. I'm not that good of an actress. "Yes," I replied.

And thank god he had been. Those few days after the shooting, I was scared and needed him with me.

But Ryder wasn't here now.

Instead, Marshall was milling around the house, and yesterday Aidan was here. Plus, the two guards on the gate.

But no Ryder.

I feel like the other half of my heart has been ripped away from me.

"Did you really tell them I was your wife?" I asked him the next day while eating one of the bland hospital meals.

His gazed had darkened.

"Yes. But I made sure the hospital knows I lied, and that I was your bodyguard, using it to get past procedures during the emergency." Ryder told me. "And the Black Hawke Security tech team is keeping a close eye on the media to ensure nothing has been leaked to the media in that regard."

Oh.

"I wasn't worried—"

"I know how this works, Savannah. You don't need to explain," he'd said.

And from that point onward, he'd been distant.

The way he'd wrapped me in his arms as if he cared, or maybe even more, when I woke up disappeared like smoke.

Briar had arrived a few hours later and then Michelle and even more people. For the next few days, there was a stream of visitors and while Ryder was there, he remained in the background acting only as my bodyguard.

It was only when I woke during the night that I'd find him sitting beside my bed holding my hand, dozing.

I let him brood. I knew he was freaked out about nearly losing me after what had happened to him previously. So I thought we would talk when I got home.

I never got the chance.

Aidan arrived the morning I was released and drove me home. I held back my tears until I was alone in my bedroom. Then let them flow.

I can't believe he just deserted me.

Just like everyone else.

"Savannah," Marshall says as he steps into the living room. I glance up. "Your mom is at the gate."

My brows lift. "My mom?"

They hadn't visited me in the hospital, but I had received a text saying they were glad to hear I was alive and recovering.

From the news.

From the fucking news media.

My own family.

"Want me to send them away?" he asks.

"Them?"

"Your sister is also with her. Ivy."

Shit.

"Um," I stare at the blanket laying over my legs, with Max curled up on top of it.

That's right.

Ryder had him delivered to me the next day. Aidan pulled him out of the cat carrier when he arrived.

"Apparently this guy is going to look after you," he said, shaking his head.

I let Max out of the carrier, thinking it might mean Ryder would be visiting.

I was wrong.

It appears he's replaced himself with Max.

Ryder, where are you?

I know I have no right wanting him and needing him this much, but I thought he cared. I thought...I thought there was something between us.

Lust, yes.

Possibly love.

How we dealt with that, I thought we would work out together. I was shot. I needed time to heal and come to terms with those final thoughts before the world turned dark.

But he shut down.

And now he's gone.

I don't want to face my family after what Gina told me. Who knows how much is true, but one thing I do know is they don't love me.

Are they capable of it? Are they broken themselves?

Maybe.

But that doesn't mean that I should let them keep treating me like this.

"Okay. Yes, let them in," I tell Marshall.

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RYDER

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"What's wrong?" I answer the phone immediately when I see Marshall calling.

"Her mother and sister have turned up. You said you wanted to know if they visited," Marshall replies.

Fuck.

"Right. Has she turned them away?"

"No."

What the hell?

"Who else is there?" I ask.

"Fuck man, the cat," Marshall snaps.

Max. I miss that little shit. Neary as much as I miss Savannah. But I can't be with her.

I am in love with her.

Absolutely fucking in love with her.

"Just keep an eye on them. If they get abusive, kick them out," I say.

There is nothing more I can do.

Savannah is a movie star. She can't be with me, and I can't spend my life watching her and breaking my own damn heart pining after her.

I hang up and pace my office.

Fuck I hate this.

I storm out of the office and head to the gym. At least I'm building muscle while I break my own damn heart.