Chapter 2

Mid Wales, December

If asked to describe the first two days of her visit, Grace would have said it was delightful torture. Having everyone together was nothing short of wonderful, but her senses seemed to be on even higher alert than normal when around William, which was driving her to distraction.

When they were outside toasting crumpets on the first evening, it had been an amusing experience watching each other while trying not to burn what was on the end of their own toasting forks. Grace had been distracted, seeming mesmerised at the way the flames of the open fire cast shadows over William's face. He had seemed younger somehow, as if she was looking back at the William of yesteryear. Only when Florry had called out to her, did she notice that her crumpet was alight and beyond rescuing.

"I think Grace needs lessons on toasting," Florry laughed as Grace shook off the burnt offering, letting it fall into the fire.

"What a waste of good food," Fanny said.

"There are plenty left," Arabella said, walking to the table which had been placed near the fire pit. It contained piles of crumpets, butter and jams.

William had turned to Grace and frowned in her direction. "Be careful when putting on another crumpet; the fork will be excessively hot."

"Allow me," Michael, Arabella's husband, said, reaching for the fork.

"Thank you," Grace muttered, embarrassed at the tone of William's voice. It was abrupt and made her insides sting. No longer allowing herself to gaze on his profile, she toasted the second crumpet and moved away from the fire.

"There is something special about being out on a cold night, but near enough to a warm fire," Hamish Avril, husband to Serena, said as Grace buttered the warm crumpet.

"Try sleeping outside and see if ye think it is as romantic," James Avril said. "It isnae long before the cold seeps through your clothing and ye dinnae think ye'll ever get warm again, even if ye visit the fires in hell."

"I do not know why you try to bamboozle us so. You were fighting in warmer climes," Hamish teased his brother.

"Try telling that to the men who walked over those French and Spanish mountains."

"Far colder than your highlands," William said, glancing at Grace as he approached the table, though he spoke to James.

"Aye, they were that," James agreed.

"Do not support my brother. He loves being the one who has been hard done to," Hamish said with an affectionate pat on his brother's shoulder.

"Oh, to have been the eldest," James grumbled good-naturedly as Hamish laughed, returning to his wife.

"The eldest always gets away with the most," William said.

"Aye, they're nowt but coddled."

"I heard and dispute that." Hamish turned back to his brother.

James laughed and returned to the fire, holding onto a handful of crumpets. Grace wanted to move away but seemed unable to do so.

"Grace, I just wanted to say…"

The sound of William's voice aimed at her brought her to her senses. "Excuse me, I need to help Arabella with the hot chocolate."

"Of course."

They were both fully aware that Arabella needed no such help with an army of servants to attend them, but it was a perfect excuse for Grace, and William did nothing but bow his head towards her in acceptance of her words.

Grace returned to the fire with no appetite for crumpets or the teasing taking place around her. Putting on a smile, she pretended not to remember a night similar to this one; only then she had been teased by William and later kissed by him under the stars when the group they were with had returned to the house. They had sat in front of the fire until the embers had died down, covered by blankets and aware of nothing else but each other. No, there was no point in longing for something that had happened in another time and place, when they were both smitten.

She just wished she could forget the good times and concentrate on the time when everything had gone wrong.

***

For two days, she had managed to avoid any further conversation with William, Grace thought to herself as she came to a halt in the bare-looking rose garden, facing the man who had meant so much to her. They had exchanged nods in passing and a small greeting or two, but that had been it. She had known it could not have lasted within a relatively small gathering, but had tried to convince herself that she could evade direct contact for longer.

Having been cloistered inside for too long, she had taken the opportunity to enjoy a quiet walk in the dry but frosty air. She did not see any surprise in William's expression when they met, making her presume he had purposely sought her out.

"William," she said coolly.

"May I join you on your stroll?" He was dressed for the weather, his greatcoat providing much-needed warmth, but although his clothes were well made, they were not the height of fashion. It did not detract from him, which would have annoyed those who paid extravagant amounts for their clothing. Mad professor he might have seemed when working, but he had the figure to look fine within well-cut clothes.

"Why would either of us wish to spend time in each other's company?"

"To clear the air?"

"I think that task is about five and twenty years too late, do you not?" Grace turned away from him; she hated that even now, after all this time, she could not deny that she was affected by his presence. She was forced to maintain an aloof, almost angry demeanour when he was around, even though it went against her personality to do so. It was the only way she could protect herself from feelings that were so powerful she suspected it would not take much to make a complete fool of herself. She could not let him know that he still moved her when he seemed perfectly content with his life. "If we could not reach agreement when we were motivated to do so, I cannot foresee us achieving anything now. Please excuse me."

As Grace hurried to put some distance between herself and William, the crunching of gravel underfoot signalled that he was pursuing her. Increasing her speed, she saw Mr Betez, Arabella's uncle, in the distance and made to intercept him.

"Grace, wait! I need to speak! It is important!" William called after her.

"There is nothing to say."

"There is! Please listen! You cannot leave for the Continent."

Grace stopped mid-stride and turned to face William. "What did you say?"

William reached her, slightly more out of breath than she was. "You cannot go. You must see that. It is not like you to consider something so foolish and rash; you have always been the one to take the safest route on anything you have undertaken."

If Grace had previously forced herself to maintain an angry air towards him to protect her own battered heart, there was no struggle to do so now. "And what gives you the right to demand that I remain the staid and dull person you clearly see me as until I finally die through utter boredom?"

Swallowing, William held out his hands in an open gesture. "I know what you are doing. I know you, Grace. Please do not run away from this, from us. Not again."

Grace stiffened. "Firstly, there is no us, and I am sorry to disappoint you, but any consideration around my trip did not once include what your feelings on the matter might be. I am quite surprised you even thought that any of my decisions would be made with you in mind, as I am sure yours have nothing to do with me. You made a choice, William, and from that moment on, you had no say in what I do. I was not the one who effectively ran away."

"We both had a choice; it was not only I who made the decisions. No matter how much you try to avoid the truth, our separation was as much your doing as it was mine."

"Why? Why are you bringing this up now?" Grace closed her eyes, almost hoping that when she reopened them he would be gone, but she was not that lucky. Instead, she was faced with the man she had loved so much, and though he was older, he was still fine-looking, slender, with green eyes and dark, heavily greying hair. The years had not inflicted severe lines on him as was seen so often in others. She would have been proud to have stood at his side as his wife, but Grace reminded herself that he had rejected her.

"I am raising it because you are doing what you always did, running away and trying to forget the reality of a situation. I could not bear to know that what happened between us is causing you to make such foolish plans."

Grace stepped towards William until her finger made contact with his chest. She stabbed his greatcoat with every word she uttered. "It may come as a surprise to you, but I am not running away. I would have done that years ago if it had been because of you, you ninnyhammer! I am going on an adventure because I want to, and it has nothing to do with anyone but myself. Do not flatter yourself that I still long for you, for I overcame that foolishness years ago."

"Ahem, is everything well?"

Grace turned, and on seeing Julian looking between them with curiosity, she smiled at him. "There is nothing amiss, just clearing up a misunderstanding, but everything is perfectly settled now, and I can continue on my walk. But thank you for your concern, Mr Betez."

"In that case, would you mind if I accompanied you? As an ageing bachelor, I admit that being around so many young people is slightly overwhelming."

Grace smiled. "Of course. I like the hustle and bustle, but I also like being outdoors. If you are up for a good walk, we could venture to the folly."

"Would you be joining us, Mr Marsh?"

"N-no, I think I had better return inside," William stuttered slightly.

"Well then, it is you and I, Miss Holmes. Lead on!" Julian offered his arm, and Grace took it without a glance at William.

As the couple walked away, Julian leaned his head towards Grace. "I thought it prudent to interrupt; I hope you do not consider me impolite. I could see that you were not at ease, and I could not just stand by and ignore your distress."

Hating that some of her personal business had been on show to a man she had only met in recent months, Grace's cheeks flushed. "I welcomed your arrival. Nothing else could have been achieved by continuing my conversation with Mr Marsh."

"You know him of old?"

Grace shot a glance at Julian, but there was only sympathy in his expression, and she sighed. "Yes, although there is no point in going over something which is of little import, for it happened a lifetime ago."

"As you wish, but know that if you need to be rescued in any way, just send me a look, and I will be there. I must warn you, though, if I am sitting on a comfortable sofa, it might take a minute or two, for my knees do not respond quite as quickly as my mind would wish them too. I promise that I will reach you eventually, a knight on wobbly legs if you like."

Grace chuckled. "I will keep that in mind."

As they rounded a corner out of sight, William remained in place, not having moved from when Grace had turned to Julian. He had watched her walk away, her slim form accentuated by the deep blue of her walking dress and sensible, unadorned pelisse. Her soft brown hair that he had once loved to touch was secured in a neat twist at the nape of her neck; the few silver strands only added to her elegance in his eyes. Frozen with longing, he ignored the sound of someone approaching until a hand was placed on his arm. Glancing at his niece, he tried to smile, not realising how pitiful his attempt was.

"What is it, Uncle?" Julia, Lady Bryn asked.

"Frustration at being unable to turn the clock back."

Julia smiled at him. "Do you mean to tell me that you have not invented a machine that would take us back in time? I am disappointed, for I always presumed your skills to be endless."

"If I had, the first trip I would undertake would be to transport Grace back to our past and prove to her that it was not only me who made the decision that ruined both our lives; she had a part in it too."

"In what way?" He had never spoken about what had happened between himself and Grace in any great depth, and Grace had never mentioned any details to the Bluestockings.

William could feel Julia's interest without looking at her. "Oh, it is of no matter," he said, turning back towards the house. "She will have left these shores in a few weeks, and although it is a foolhardy scheme on her part, she is determined to see it through. As a result, we will never see each other again."

"Why is it foolhardy? She seems very excited about the trip. I am quite envious of her, as I am sure everyone is. Most would relish the chance for so much travel and discovery."

"She needs to take care of people; she needs to be surrounded by those she considers family. Yes, she has Mrs Thompson, but it will not be enough for Grace; she is a home bird and being so far from home will destroy her spirit. She says that I do not know her, but I do, I still do, for she has not changed."

"You still love her?"

William walked for a few moments before answering. "I never stopped for one moment and never will."

"Then why are you not together? I do not understand."

"Because we were both bloody-minded, and then once the damage was done, we both strived to make the decision we had made the right one."

"But it was not?"

"No, not at all. If she feels a quarter of what I do, then she will have suffered these years and all for something that could have been overcome if we had acted differently."

"I am so sorry for both of you because you are both very dear to me."

"Just be aware that you are never too old to make a blasted mistake. A huge one in my case."

"You were young when this happened."

"I was referring to today. I should have known better than to demand she stay to hear exactly what I thought of her running away from us. If any words were sure to rile her, the ones I uttered did the job perfectly. I have never been one to express myself clearly, and yet again, when it counts, I have bungled it."

"Ah, yes, perhaps she would have responded better if you could have worded it less confrontationally than it seems you did."

"I have few social niceties at my disposal, as you are fully aware, and it was perhaps a fool's errand to begin with. Please excuse me. I think I will seek solace in my room for a while." William kissed Julia on the cheek and left her alone.

***

Watching her uncle walk dejectedly away, Julia chewed on her lip until disturbed by Alice.

"Julia, are you well? You look troubled," Alice asked her friend.

"I am quite well, thank you, but I have a scheme that I think all the Bluestockings, except Grace, should be involved in."

"Why not Grace?"

"The scheme is about Grace."

"Why have I got a bad feeling about this?"

Julia smiled. "When have any of my schemes gone wrong?"

"Well, we could start with your mission to tackle the underworld of London or the time you approached Gentleman Jackson about boxing lessons, or…"

"Fine! I take your point, but you will support this one. We need to gather somewhere Grace will not find us."

"Julia, are you sure you want to start meddling? Because I can see what this is, and I can guess your motivation."

"I might have known you would have guessed something when I am only just realising the full extent of the feelings involved," Julia huffed in mock annoyance. "You are such an astute observer of people."

"I have to get inspiration for my books from somewhere. People are fascinating and provide plenty of material."

"In that case, if nothing else, it will give you a brilliant plot for your next novel. Come, it is a perfect opportunity to start putting a plan together whilst Grace is out of the house."

Alice followed her friend, but not before she had uttered a warning. "On your head be it, Julia. If this goes wrong, you will have hurt two of the people you care for the most."

"I know, but it will be for the best. Believe me, they just need a gentle push."

"When have you ever done anything gently?" Alice spluttered. "A whirlwind is more considered than you are before you go into battle."

"Battle? That is not a bad way to look at it. The battle of the obstinate oldies. BOO for short."

"Good grief, I think you have finally embraced madness," Alice mumbled to Julia's laugh as they sought out their friends.