CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Something had gone terribly wrong the last time he and Dom had sex and Shea didn't know what the fuck it was.

Everything had felt good and right and like they were getting closer and then Dom had … gotten weird .

Was it the intimacy of what they'd done? It didn't quite feel like it.

Mostly Dom had seemed confused by the fact that Shea wasn't gay. Had appeared upset by it, even.

Or was it simply the reminder that this relationship was transactional?

In all of the years Dom had been his client, Shea had never felt judged by Dom for being an escort before, so why now? Was it the timing? Was it something else?

Or maybe he was the one making it weird. Shea had no idea.

He knew they needed to talk but he wasn't sure what to say or how to explain it. It wasn't like he could tell Dom he was in love with him.

That he wanted more .

So they'd both been a little quiet this week.

Dom had updated him on his testing and the plans for the charity event he was taking Audra to this weekend. They'd talked hockey and, on the surface, it had all seemed fairly normal.

But although Shea had responded, he hadn't gone out of his way to start conversations the way he might have before the trip to London.

And now Shea was going to have to face Dom when he came to pick up Audra any moment and fuck, he should have put more effort in than the holey T-shirt and sweats he wore. He touched his hair, feeling the weird, fluffy cowlicks from where it had been left to dry naturally.

Shit, yeah, he should do something about that. Or put on a shirt that wasn't stained with spaghetti sauce. So much for making sure his clients never saw a crack in the fantasy.

Only, he and Dom had hurtled past that one a long time ago, hadn't they?

"Well, how do I look, darling?"

Shea glanced up to see Audra strike a vampy pose as she walked into the living room wearing a slinky dark green cocktail dress that shimmered in the light. "Uhh, you look nice."

"Nice?" She scowled. "I look better than nice ."

"Sorry." Shea sat up, shaking his head and hoping to dispel the weird fog he'd been in all week. "No, you look amazing."

The charity gala tonight was 1920s themed and Audra had found an incredible beaded and sequined dress that was a nod to the flapper era. It was deep green at the top and gradually faded into a bronze mermaid hemline.

The color set off her creamy skin and the auburn hair that tumbled over her shoulders in beautiful curls.

She'd look stunning on Dom's arm tonight.

She nudged him with the toe of her bronze heel. "What's up with you? Why are you in a funk?"

"I think I fucked up somehow," Shea admitted. "You know how he came over last weekend?"

She nodded. "I was surprised he didn't spend the night."

"Well, that's when it started. He's been weird since then."

Audra perched on the arm of the sofa as she rooted through her large black leather Dior handbag that she used daily, pulling things out and putting them in a little evening clutch. "He's always weird."

"True. But I'm used to his weird. This was … I don't know. I told him I came out to my dad and he got very strange about it. Apparently, he assumed I was gay and got all weirded out about the whole gay-for-pay thing."

Audra closed her eyes. "Please don't tell me you used those words."

"Gay for pay? No." Shea snorted. "I'm not an idiot."

Audra scoffed. " Debatable ."

He ignored her. "But he also came out to some of his team last weekend and I don't know what to do with that information."

"Shit, really? Mr. Privacy volunteered that? Without being forced to?"

"He didn't go into the details, but yeah, I got that impression."

"Huh." She snapped the clutch closed. "Well, sounds like you two need to talk."

"I worry that if I push, he'll run."

"He might," she said. "And maybe that would be for the best."

"Aud …"

"No, I get it, Shea. He's handsome and charming when he wants to be and, believe me, I understand the appeal. But you know how these things end. There's a reason why it's frowned on for us to date clients. Because it leads to messy situations and heartbreak. You know this. We've both seen it happen."

"Doesn't it mean something that he told his teammates about his sexuality?"

"It might."

"And what about the fact that he asked me to fuck him for the first time?"

"I'm not saying he doesn't have feelings for you," she said quietly. "That he doesn't care . I'm sure he does."

"But?"

"But that doesn't mean he's ready to be what you deserve ." She leaned forward, her expression unusually serious. "He's picking me up in a few minutes to take me to his team event. Not you."

Shea winced.

"So, think long and hard about what you want. Do you want to spend years waiting for him to be ready to come out? Do you want to keep having him pay you for your time together? There's nothing wrong with either, but I don't think it's going to make you happy forever. How long are you willing to keep doing this? And be honest with yourself."

Shea nodded, feeling a little sick. Audra wasn't wrong. And at some point, he was going to have to face the truth.

"There you are. I was starting to think I'd been stood up," Audra teased as she opened the door to the apartment.

"No. Sorry. Traffic was terrible." Dom frowned, stepping inside and letting the door close behind him. "Hey, is Shea around?"

Audra shot him a look. "Look, I know that I don't do it for you, but not even a, ‘hello, Audra, you look lovely. I appreciate you making all of this effort to get beautiful for the event I'm taking you to tonight' or anything?"

Dom blinked, finally taking the time to look her over.

She was lovely and he was sure she had put in a lot of time getting ready. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "You do look beautiful and I appreciate you being willing to go to this level of effort for me."

She smirked. "That's more like it. Now, if you want to see Shea before we head out, I think he's still in the living room."

Dom frowned. Huh . Odd that he hadn't come to say hi.

He'd seemed off lately though. A little distant. And Dom supposed he had been too. It had been a strange week, filled with medical testing and the stress of not knowing what was going to happen to his career.

He'd needed time to think too. To try to figure out why it had bothered him to learn that Shea's sexuality was murkier than he'd realized.

"I won't be long," he assured Audra.

Shea was in the living room, sprawled on the couch, looking comfortable in sweats and a tee.

"Hey," he said, glancing up from his phone. He smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Hey," Dom greeted him.

Shea looked him up and down. "You look great. I'm glad we went with that suit and tie."

"Me too." Dom hesitated, unsure of how to talk to Shea, how to explain. "Hey, scoot over."

With a confused look, Shea moved to the side, leaving a small sliver of couch for Dom to balance one hip on.

He ignored the twinge in his back.

Dom settled a hand on Shea's chest. "So, I know things ended on a weird note last time," he said quietly, aware Audra was probably listening. "Can we talk after the gala?"

Shea shifted onto his side, dislodging Dom's hand. "I don't know. Tonight's not great."

"Oh." Dom hesitated. "If you have another client, I understand …"

Shea licked his lips. "It's not that. I just—I have some things to think about."

"What kind of things?"

"What I want my future to look like."

Dom raised an eyebrow. That was extremely cryptic. "Okay …"

Shea reached out, tangling their fingers together. "It's not—it's not that I don't want to see you. Or that we shouldn't talk. I know we need to. I—I just want to be sure my head's where it needs to be before we do."

"Okay." Dom squeezed his fingers, concerned.

For a long moment, he looked into Shea's eyes, drinking in the sight of his face. And then it hit him that Shea looked tired—there were dark smudges beneath his eyes and his stubble wasn't the usual neat, clean day or two of growth, but a little longer, a little unkempt.

"Whatever you need," he promised, lifting their joined hands and pressing his lips to Shea's knuckles.

The tension in Shea's face softened. "Thanks. Now, go have fun with Audra."

"Yeah, fun." Dom let go of Shea's hand with one last squeeze, then stood. "I love faking who I am to the entire fucking Fisher Cats organization just to keep the gossip site off my goddamn back."

"Well, hopefully there's some good appetizers," Shea said, a glimmer of his usual humor appearing.

Dom smiled. "Hopefully."

He bent down, brushed his lips across Shea's hair, ignoring the flare of pain when he did so. "Have a good night."

"Thanks. I'm sure it'll be a blast." Shea flopped back with a sigh.

Dom hesitated, torn between wanting to push and see what was going on with Shea and knowing that he was already running the risk of being late to the team event.

But Shea had asked for space so, reluctantly, he forced himself to turn away and walk out of the living room.

Audra leaned against the wall, immersed in something on her phone.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," Dom said.

She straightened, reaching for a long wool formal coat. "Not a problem. I'm just here to be the eye candy."

"Well, you've accomplished that," he said, helping her on with the coat. "You're certainly the most stunning woman I've ever had on my arm."

"Had a lot of them?"

"A few when I lived in LA. Do you know Allie Barnes? She accompanied me to several events while I did the same for her."

"Isn't she dating that director now? Vanessa Drake?"

"Exactly," Dom said drily.

"Ahh." Audra gave him a knowing look.

They made small talk while they were in the elevator and lobby and Dom had to admit, if he had to pretend to be dating a woman, Audra was a fantastic choice. She was funny and witty, with a dry sense of humor he appreciated.

When they stepped out onto the street, Dom hit the key fob button to unlock his car, parked a few spots down at the curb. The lights on his Aston Martin Vanquish flashed.

Audra's eyes lit up and she whistled lowly. "Damn. It's been a while since I rode in one of these."

"Yeah?" He held the door open for her.

"Mm-hmm. For a while, I did a lot of things in a car like this one," she said slyly.

He laughed, helping her into the car. "That sounds more uncomfortable than sexy to me but …"

She grinned, her eyes and dress both sparkling in the glow of the streetlights. "Oh, it was. But it's all part of the fantasy."

Dom closed her door, feeling a sudden hollow weight in the pit of his stomach.

Was that what he saw on Shea's face every time they had sex? Was what he did all part of giving Dom the fantasy he wanted?

Dom was still wondering that as he slid into the driver's seat. He started the engine and buckled his seatbelt, gripping the wheel tightly for a moment before he spoke.

"Hey, can I ask you something? Is Shea okay?"

When Audra didn't reply, he glanced over. She was looking at him very intently and he wasn't sure what to make of it.

She nodded slowly. "He will be, I think."

"Because I think I've—I've fucked some stuff up."

"And that matters to you?"

"Yes," Dom said without hesitation. " Shea matters to me."

"That's good to know." She reached out and touched his thigh. "But we have an event to get to and I doubt you want to be late."

He glanced at the clock and winced. "Shit. You're right. How do you feel about speed?"

Audra grinned and adjusted the seat, then tightened her seatbelt. "Show me what you've got."

Dom checked for traffic, then took off with a roar, Audra letting out a delighted peal of laughter as the tires screeched.

With the usual snarl of city traffic on Toronto's streets, Dom was nowhere near able to take full advantage of the car's power, but it still felt good to have 580 horsepower at his command and to have someone in the passenger seat who enjoyed it.

"That was amazing," Audra said breathlessly when he pulled up in front of the hotel where the event was being held. "How many times have you been pulled over?"

"A few." Dom grinned.

"How many speeding tickets have you gotten?"

"Fewer than I should have." He winked and, laughing, he got out of the car, hustling around the front to open Audra's door for her. He was definitely late to the event, but, hey, the night was off to a good start.

"Think I could borrow the keys sometime?" Audra said as Dom escorted her into the lobby, nodding at someone he vaguely recognized from the organization but couldn't put a name to. The man eyed Audra up and down, then shot him a surprised look.

Dom snorted at Audra's comment, trying to ignore the guy as they got into the line for coat check. "Not a chance."

"Well, I had to give it a shot," she said with a resigned sigh.

Kate appeared at his elbow. " Finally . I was starting to think you weren't coming, Dom."

Audra glanced over. " So sorry. But don't blame him. I'm the one who made him late."

Audra didn't sound sorry though and there was a distinct purr to her tone as she slid closer to Dom, wrapping her fingers around his bicep.

An amused expression crossed Kate's face before it smoothed out into something more neutral. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your date, Dominic?"

Smirking, he made introductions and they chatted politely while Dom glanced around the five-star hotel. The lobby was beautiful and opulent, with soaring ceilings and an enormous chandelier. Massive bouquets of fresh flowers were strategically arranged and people in fancy dress mingled with hotel patrons at the nearby bar.

As they reached the front of the coat check line, Kate touched Dom's arm. "Excuse me. I need to speak to someone. Please head straight up to the ballroom when you're done here and don't forget, we'll be doing a team photo shortly—before guests start arriving."

"Noted," Dom said.

After their coats were taken care of, Dom held out his arm to Audra. "Shall we?"

They rode the elevator up several floors and followed the signs to the ballroom where the event was being held. Most of the team and SAPs were assembled near the bar and Dom wasn't surprised to get several double takes and surprised expressions when he strolled up with Audra.

Shit, he should have warned them.

"Gentlemen, this is my date, Audra Morgan," he said, looking the guys who knew about his sexuality in the eye and hoping they'd understand the unspoken message.

Dustin recovered first. "Audra. Nice to meet you. I'm Dustin Fowler."

Everyone went around, introducing themselves, and Dom wasn't surprised to find that Audra was charming and engaging, subtly flirtatious with all of them while still directing most of her attention to Dom.

"So how'd you meet?" Colton asked. "Dom never brings dates to these events. We were starting to think he was such a loser he couldn't find one."

Dom laughed, though there was a small twinge at the chirp. He hadn't exactly had his best season, had he? He felt like a loser these days, to be honest.

Audra laughed. "No, don't say that! He's very charming. I met him through my best friend, Sawyer Barnett. He's been Dom's stylist for years."

Right, they were going with Sawyer tonight. Christ, if Dom or Dustin or Matty didn't slip up at some point and call him Shea it was going to be a miracle.

"I'm going to get a drink," Dom said. "Would you like anything, Audra?"

"Champagne cocktail, please."

"Done."

Before Dom could turn away, Birdie said, "Oh, I love your dress, Audra. That's stunning."

"Thanks. I work as a stylist too and I always enjoy events where I'm the one who actually gets to dress up!"

Charlie let out a gasp. "Oh my God, is that an Alexander McQueen knuckle clutch?"

Dom didn't have a clue what that was but Audra lifted her small purse to be examined. It had what looked like very fancy brass knuckles attached to the clasp.

He laughed. "What on earth?"

Audra beamed. "Well, McQueen's one of my favorite designers and it felt appropriate to wear to a hockey event, no?"

Charlie let out a little squeal. "Oh my God, I love you already! Let me introduce you to everyone."

Clearly, Audra would be well taken care of, so Dom left them to it and went in search of drinks.

Since it was only the team and a few of the people from the organization who'd been let in so far, there wasn't a long line at the bar. Dom had just given his order to the bartender when Matty sidled up.

"Uhh, what the fuck, Dom?" Matty said quietly. "Audra?"

"What about her?" Dom asked, knowing full well what he meant.

"Um, well she's not your type."

"Why? Do you think I don't like redheads?" He gave Matty a tight smile.

"No. I didn't really think her hair color was the issue."

"Just because I told some of the team, that doesn't mean that I have any interest in telling everyone ," he pointed out, his voice still low as he glanced around, hoping no one was within earshot.

"I know. But—"

"But what , Matty?" Dom said. "God, I'm not you . I'm not Dustin. I'm definitely not Nico or Felix or Jonah either."

"I know that, but—"

"Please," Dom said, closing his eyes for a second. "I've got enough to deal with right now. I can't take the pressure from anything else."

"Sorry." Matty's voice was gruff. When Dom blinked his eyes open, he saw genuine concern on Matty's face. "I know you feel differently about it and even if I don't get it, I shouldn't push."

"Thank you," Dom said, reaching out to squeeze his arm. "I appreciate it."

Matty nodded.

"Your drinks, sir."

The bartender slid drinks across the bar and Dom smiled reflexively, tucking a tip into the nearby jar. "Thank you."

He'd just handed Audra her cocktail and taken a sip of his eighteen-year-old whiskey when Kate's voice rose over the quiet babble of the crowd. "Time for pictures, everyone!"

"Sorry," Dom said, grimacing at Audra. "I'll be back in a moment."

"No worries," she said, holding out her free hand. "More drinks for me."

He laughed and handed over the glass. "See you in a few."

The team followed Kate to the far end of the room. It was a shitshow as always—trying to get two dozen guys wrangled and all looking at the camera at the same time and not cracking jokes to screw up the guy next to them—but they finally managed it.

As Dom stood there, pressed between Dustin on one side and Felix on the other, he got a little choked up, realizing this would be the last gala like this he'd attend as a player.

There would be more and more of these last moments as the season progressed. And then … and then it would be over.

Dom knew his smile probably looked forced but when Kate finally released them, Dom grabbed a couple of the guys. "Hey, wait. We should do some selfies."

"Are you feeling okay, old man?" Nico shot him a sidelong glance. "You never want to do selfies. I always have to drag you kicking and screaming into them."

Dom wasn't sure he could explain what he actually felt without getting a little misty-eyed, so he shrugged. "Feeling sentimental, I guess."

"Ahh." Nico smiled, as if he understood. "Yeah, I get that. C'mon, guys."

Several guys crowded around and it was a while before Dom returned to the cluster of SAPs—and Audra.

She seemed to be getting along famously with them but for a moment he wondered what if would have been like if he'd invited Shea instead.

The SAPs would have welcomed him with open arms and it wasn't hard to imagine Shea easily making conversation with Antoni and August. He'd do equally well with the team and Dom could picture him laughing at Nico's shenanigans and throwing out chirps.

And for a moment—despite the fucking headache it would cause him—Dom wanted that.

The loss of privacy almost felt worth it.

But as a string quartet began warming up and Kate called out a "ten minutes, guys!", alerting them to when the doors would open and the public would come in, Dom thought about Shea's glum mood and the fact that he'd asked for some time to think.

There was a sinking feeling in Dom's gut that told him that even if he was willing to open himself up to public talk that would begin if he came out, he wasn't sure Shea would want to be with him.