9. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

Creed drives me home, but I'm in such a daze of sadness and anger I have no idea what he's driving me here in. Is it a car or a truck? I couldn't tell you. Has he tried to talk to me? I have no idea. What I know is that Smoke is everything everyone said he was. A liar and a cheat. If he was tired of me, he didn't have to give me all the lines about how I need to go off and find myself. What crap.

"Sorry you had to see that," Creed tells me as he parks in front of the house.

A house I don't want to walk into.

A bed I don't want to lay in.

"Why? It wasn't you this time."

"Guess I owe you an apology for that night."

"I'm such an idiot. Fool me twice, shame on me." I shake my head and knot my fingers together in my lap. "I can't even be mad at Angel. She's doing what women like her do."

"He was trying to push you away."

"He had no idea I was going to walk in when I did. For all he knew, I was already gone."

Creed frowns at the steering wheel, unable to meet my eyes because he knows it's the truth.

"I'm the last guy to give relationship advice."

"Yeah, you are. So don't."

"Ember. You didn't deserve that."

"Nah really. Thanks for the lift."

"Want some company?" There's a hopeful look in his eyes that's dangerous. I'm not looking to get burned a second time.

"That's not a good idea."

"Rain check?"

"Don't hold your breath."

I exit the SUV and enter the house like I'm marching to death row.

My hand rests on the doorknob, and I look back at Creed.

He sees me and exits the vehicle.

No words pass between us as he stalks toward me. His lips meet mine, frantic and starved. The dirty biker kisses me like he's drowning and I'm his salvation.

I should stop him, but I don't.

"I won't tell a soul, beautiful. You deserve to get yours, too."

The two of us push through the front door a tangle of fingers and tongues.

"Which way?" his voice comes out husky and desperate.

"Down the hall."

I try not to think about the fact that I'm crossing a line, but Smoke already drove all over it with his Harley and stomped my heart with his boots.

"I don't have many regrets. If could go back to that night, I would have treated you better."

"Show me now," I demand, sealing our fate with a kiss I can never come back from as he lays me down in the bed I've shared with another man for months. A man I thought one day I would marry. A bed I thought we'd make babies in. But it was all lies.

"You are so damn beautiful, Ember."

"You're not so bad yourself." I stare up at this massive man as he looms over me, ready to make me forget the worst night of my life.

"You have no idea how many times I've jerked myself off to thoughts of you, knowing it was wrong because you belonged to another man. "

"Not anymore."

"Fuck. I can't wait to be inside you."

"Then stop waiting." I tug at his jeans as he kicks his shoes off.

I push every worry from my mind and stop feeling anything except the weight of him pressing me onto the mattress as he kisses me breathless and dizzy, making me forget all about Smoke. Would serve him right if he walked in right about now, but he's not going to.

I give myself over to Creed even though I shouldn't while hoping he brags about it tomorrow and Smoke hears every filthy detail.

Two days later

"Get out of bed." my brother yanks the blanket off me.

"Hey," I snap, wrestling for my blanket back.

"Have you even showered? Jesus, Ember. It reeks in here. Roane says you've missed work for two days straight."

"Am I fired?"

"You'll have to ask him that yourself. It's time to get off your ass and get back to the real world."

"What's the point? Smoke's gone off doing who knows what and with who."

"I warned you. Told you to have some fun, then get shot of him. I thought he'd be the one to fuck shit up. You just had to kiss T-bird. What did you think he'd do?"

"Not this, and he said it was okay." My brother doesn't know about Angel and I'm not going to be the one to tell him. It doesn't matter now, anyway. Smoke made his choice, and it wasn't me.

I fucked Creed, and I'm not sorry. No regrets. Why should I feel guilty? Smoke didn't wait five minutes before shoving his dick down Angel's throat.

"What would you have done if he told you he wanted to go fuck someone else to see if he had stronger feelings for them?"

"I know. I apologized."

My brother shakes his head, looking at me as though I disgust him. If only he knew that I wasn't the only one that fucked up. I don't know why I'm protecting Smoke. I guess I don't want to be the reason my brother hates him. I know they are close.

He doesn't mention Creed, so I'm guessing he's kept his mouth shut about us. I've not heard from him either. Not that I want to.

"I fucked up. I never claimed to be perfect. Why is everyone mad at me?"

"No one is mad at you."

"Pam called and told me that I screwed up her baby bet. "

"You know she was bullshitting."

"What if he meets someone else?"

"Do you want to get married and start popping out kids?"

"I don't know."

"Then, until you do, you need to move on and give him the courtesy of being able to do the same. You're in different places. Maybe you'll get back together one day. Maybe you won't. But sitting here throwing a pity party isn't going to do you any favors."

"I'll take a shower."

"And?"

"Go see Roane about my job."

"Good."

"Have you talked to him?"

"Nope."

"Are you lying to me?"

"Go get cleaned up."

"What am I going to do? Where will I go?"

"Zoe says you can stay with us if you want, but I can float you for a few months to get you in your own place if you still have an income."

"You'd do that for me?"

"You're my sister. Of course."

"I miss him," I confess. The admission is like shards of glass slicing through my tongue, but despite everything, I loved him.

Deep down, I still do.

I love him and I want him back.

"You gotta give him space. And he's gearing up to ride out with Prez. You blowing his phone up will do more harm than good."

"He's not texted me. Not even once."

"Clean break."

"He's really done with me, isn't he?"

"Not for me to answer. I don't know what goes through his head. This shit has me in an awkward spot."

"I know. I'm sorry. I don't mean to drag you into the middle." The last thing I want is for my brother to fight my battle. He does enough for me as it is.

"Go see Roane. We'll go look at a few places after this run."

"If you need to let me go, I understand."

"Nah, it's all good. Just next time, give me a heads up. You're one of my best and usually most dependable."

"I'm sorry for letting you down. It won't happen again."

"Sorry things didn't work out between you and Smoke. Thought y'all was going for the long haul."

"I don't know. Maybe we both knew better, but went for it anyway."

"Been there." He chuckles. "But hell, you never know what life has in store. Jules and I dated when we were kids, and I never thought I'd see her again and one day there she was. Back in town, visiting Pam. Showed up at the clubhouse and I made sure not to lose her a second time. Life might send you down two different paths that will meet again in the middle one day."

"You think so?"

"Fuck if I know, but there's always what if?"

Yeah, and there's too many what ifs going through my head, currently.

What if Smoke meets someone? Even worse, what if he brings her here or never returns at all?

I can't sleep. I can't eat. All I think about is him and where he is or who he is with. I keep replaying that scene in my head like a never-ending soul crushing nightmare. I can't believe he did that. Was he doing it all along?

Will he take Angel to California? I've not attempted to find out. Is that why he isn't texting or calling? Is he with her?

The thought of him with another woman makes me want to die.

Not literally, but it makes me sick enough to think I might be dying a slow death .

People die of broken hearts all the time.

Maybe I'm going to be one of them.

I miss him so much I can hardly think straight.

"You all set for your first appointment of the day?"

"Yeah. I promise that my personal life won't impede my job performance. I'm good. Send them on back." I'm anything but good. My heart is in tatters. I have no idea where I'm going to live. What I'm going to do. I just want Smoke, and I can't have him.

I've still not spoken with Creed, not that I've expected to hear from him at all. He knew the score and so did I. Onetime deal. I needed something for the pain, and he happened to be my temporary remedy.

"Cool. Glad to hear it. But you know if things get tough, you can talk to me or Jules. You know she thinks you're the tits." Roane winks at me and slaps a palm against the door frame.

"Thanks, I think." I smile to myself as I hear him talking to someone up front in the waiting area.

As if fate wants to call me a liar, Creed enters the room. His massive presence and energy dominate the small workspace. "Hey, beautiful."

"Hi. What kind of tattoo are you interested in?" I plan to keep this strictly professional. I won't be tempted by his charm or rugged good looks simply because I'm lonely and missing Smoke. Nursing my broken heart and blaming myself. Wondering if I drove him to this. Did he do it out of revenge? Hurt me because I hurt him.

Creed flashes a dimple at me. "Something simple. Behind my left ear."

"Okay. Like what?"

"Your phone number."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"In case I get lost, so they know who to return me to."

"Ha. Funny."

"I'm being serious." He licks his lips, all sexy and inviting. "I messed up before. I know that. You know that but figure I gotta shoot my shot. Let me take you out for dinner."

"That's a terrible idea. For one, I'm not interested. Two, I promised Smoke I'd steer clear of club brothers. And we both agreed not to talk about the other night."

"Lucky for me, I'm persuasive and I'm not patched in…yet. And you don't owe that guy anything. I know what I saw and what you saw that night. We did nothing wrong."

I scowl at him. Like I need a reminder of Smoke's betrayal. We had barely ended things before he had his pants down for someone else. "No way. Doesn't matter."

"All right. I'll ask again later."

I roll my eyes. "Do you want some ink or not?"

"Yeah, beautiful. I want those hands on me." He circles his grip around my wrist, bringing my right hand to his chest. "Something right here."

"You already have a chest piece." I pull my hand away, hoping he can't see the blush creeping across my cheeks.

"You remember what I've got on my skin?" He smiles bigger.

"Ugh. Whatever. Tell me what you want and where."

"I'm not really here for a tattoo. Here to offer you a ride."

"I'm not interested in whatever ride you're offering."

"Not even to California?"

"So you guys have everything all set?" I question Sabrina and try not to cry at the sight of her bags laid by her feet.

Didn't take long at all for them to pack their bags and be ready to go, which makes me think they already had this in the works. It was bound to happen sooner or later, but I wish it wasn't the moment Smoke and I broke up.

She and Jimmy found a place around Davis Creek. An efficiency apartment over a dental office. Tiny but affordable. At least until they can save towards something more spacious for their imaginary baby. I can't believe Sabrina hasn't told him the truth. That's not a secret you keep or something to lie about. I love my best friend, but I'm disappointed in her. This will come back to bite her in the rear sooner or later and when the day comes, I'll be there for her while resisting the urge to say I told you so.

"I'm going to miss our morning coffee chats."

"Me too, but I won't miss you and Jimmy arguing. When are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know. He's happy and being like he used to be. I'm scared of what he'll do when I tell him. I mean, would it be so wrong to wait a bit and tell him I lost it?"

"Are you asking or thinking aloud?"

"I'm a terrible person."

"You're scared. Trust me. I get it more than you know. Smoke dumping me had me thinking some crazy thoughts myself, but I won't manipulate him with lies. You're better than that, Brina. Even if you lose him, wouldn't it be better to happen now before you dig yourself deeper into a situation?"

"Easy for you to say. You have a brother ready to swoop in and solve your problems. Jimmy is all I have. I can't lose him."

"You have me. And sure, Eric is ready to give me a hand, but that doesn't mean my life is perfect. You of all people should know that."

"Just promise you won't tell anyone. Let me do this my own way."

"Fine. Don't expect me to lie for you. I won't be a part of whatever this that you think you're doing is. It won't end well for anyone. I don't want to see you hurt."

"I thought you were my friend, Em. That you'd have my back on this. Guess I was wrong. Guess I'll see you around or not, since you aren't welcome at the clubhouse." She smirks at me, and my jaw hits the floor as my supposed best friend gathers the last of her bags and walks out the door and possibly my life.

Maybe it's a good thing I didn't tell her what I suspect is true about my own situation or about Creed. Sounds like she'd use both to hurt me.

I don't even recognize her anymore.

My luck keeps getting better and better.

First I lost Smoke and now Sabrina.