32. River

32

RIVER

T he clink of dishes and the murmur of happy patrons should have been music to my ears, especially after last night’s successful fundraiser. Yet, there I stood, behind the bar, barely registering the bustle around me.

“River, man, what’s with the long face?” Drew’s voice cut through the sounds of the dining floor, his brow creasing in concern. He leaned against the counter, the sleeves of his white shirt rolled up to his elbows. “Last night was epic. People wouldn’t stop talking about the food. You should be riding a victory lap right now, but you look like you were served shrimp scampi when you were expecting lobster tail.”

I managed a halfhearted shrug. “I guess I’m just tired, you know. It was a big night for everyone. I half expected you to call off tonight. You and West must be run off your feet managing all those donations.”

He grinned wide. “We’re going to be pretty busy. Last night blew my mind.”

“Saw you got a nice bid too”

He laughed. “Yeah. Who knew cocktail lessons would be so popular?”

It probably wasn’t so much the cocktail lessons that got him the generous winning bid but the way the bidder seemed spellbound by Drew’s charm on stage when he answered the questions from the emcee.

Any other time, I’d have teased him about it, but I wasn’t even in the mood for that.

“Why don’t you take a break? Looks like you need it, and from where I’m standing, the team has got it all under control.”

He was right. I slipped past the servers and the kitchen crew into my office. Inside, I slumped into my chair, letting the silence envelop me. My mind replayed last night’s events.

Adam’s smile and barely-there nod that had been just for me when he was on stage. The way his smile fell when he saw Victoria. Her venomous comments. His absence.

All of our lives, he’d always come to me in times of need. I’d always been the safe space where he could work things through, and recently, what he’d been working through had been a lot to take in for anyone.

But last night, he sought his twin brother, not me.

“Argh. This is useless.” I turned my computer off and grabbed my keys. On the way out, I asked Fir if he could keep an eye on the restaurant. He was, of course, more than happy to step up. Fir was a great guy and an excellent assistant manager. Lusitana couldn’t be in better hands in my absence.

As I drove home, I knew I had to face the truth no matter how uncertain the outcome.

Lying to myself and to Adam would be denying us the best chance to be happy.

The door creaked as I nudged it open, the familiar, comfortable scent of my apartment wrapping around me.

Adam wasn’t home yet.

I shuffled through the living room, past the couch where we’d spent countless hours talking, listening to music, buried in a book, or laughing.

Crossing the room, I approached the cabinet where I kept all the important paperwork. I slid the drawer open and riffled through the contents until I found the envelope.

I lifted it out. Beneath the flap, neatly folded paper carried words I’d written but never shared. It was the decision I’d made before Adam’s wedding and had been determined to execute until Adam’s world flipped upside down, and as a result, so did mine.

The noise of the keys in the door announced Adam’s return. I tucked the letter in my back pocket and glanced up, my breath catching as he emerged from the hall. He wasn’t wearing the suit he had on yesterday, so I assumed the pair of jeans and shirt I didn’t recognize were probably Lex’s.

“Hey,” Adam said, his voice low, the usual warmth replaced with a weary rasp.

“Hey,” I echoed. The sight of him so visibly spent pulled at something deep within me. It was clear he hadn’t found rest last night any more than I had.

Adam’s eyes met mine, and I saw the shadows beneath them. His hair was tousled, likely from running his fingers through it. Whatever conversation he’d had with Victoria, it had left its mark.

He took slow steps toward where I stood, rooted to the spot. As soon as he was within reaching distance, I wrapped him in a tight hug. He turned his head to face me, and it hit me again, the same way I knew it would for the rest of my life, how much I fucking loved this man.

I’d tried to talk myself out of it. It was a crush. Much like the grass always seems greener on the other side, I’d hoped that having Adam reciprocate my affection wouldn’t feel as perfect as it had in my head.

I’d been wrong. So fucking wrong.

“I talked to Victoria,” he began, pausing to gauge my reaction.

“Okay,” I replied cautiously.

“It clarified a lot of things for me,” he admitted.

“Adam…”

He paused, his eyes meeting mine with a mixture of weariness and expectancy. “What is it?”

With a resolve that felt precarious at best, I reached into my back pocket. The paper crinkled as I drew it out. “Before you go on,” I began, “there’s something you need to know.” My hand trembled slightly as I offered him the letter.

Adam took the envelope with a furrowed brow. He unfolded the letter, eyes scanning the words I’d penned in a moment of courage that now seemed like a distant memory.

As he read, his expression shifted, confusion knitting his brows. He looked up at me. “River, this is a resignation letter. You’re leaving Lusitana?”

“No…or not right now.”

“Then why do you have this?”

I began, my voice barely above a whisper, “Before your wedding, I…I made a decision.” My gaze found his, holding steady. “I was planning to leave the restaurant and Cliffborough.”

His eyes widened slightly, and I saw the gears turning behind the deep blue.

“Leave? For what?”

“Travel. I planned to explore the world, see new places, taste new foods. I wanted to open myself up to opportunities.”

“You don’t think you have opportunities here?” he asked.

“Not the kind I needed.” My laugh was short, self-deprecating. “It was the only solution I could think of to find a way to cope…move on.”

“Cope? With what?” He leaned in, concern etching lines around his eyes.

“With you getting married,” I said, pushing past the lump in my throat. “With Victoria. With the thought of you belonging to someone else completely.”

The silence that followed was heavy. I watched as understanding dawned, as he realized the depth of what I’d been hiding beneath the surface of our everyday interactions.

“River,” he breathed out, and there was a world of emotion in the way he said my name. It sounded like a plea, a question, and a revelation all at once.

“After the wedding, I thought I would never need to use this letter. But last night, seeing you with Victoria, not knowing what would happen today… I realized you need to know the truth. I don’t want to hide this from you, and I know I might lose you, but I’m also not going to let you go without a fight.”

“Truth? About what?”

“About how much you mean to me, Adam. From the moment we met, you’ve been my everything. First, you were my friend, then the first person I came out to. We grew up, and all of a sudden, whenever you laughed, my belly tightened. I noticed how beautiful you were.” I brought my hand up to cradle his cheek. “I noticed how sometimes you bite your nails when trying to figure out what to say or how your hair never seems to stay as tidy as Lex’s, even when it starts out the same. I love you, Adam. I have for so long that I don’t remember what it’s like to not love you.”

A small tear fell down his cheek. I leaned over and kissed it, tasting the salty liquid on my tongue.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I understand that your conversation with Victoria may have changed things for you, so you need to know that what we’ve been doing hasn’t meant nothing to me. It’s meant the fucking world. It’s been the sip of water I’ve been searching for in the desert I’ve lived in for years.”