31. Adam

31

ADAM

“ A dam!” Lex’s voice cut through my determination to get to my car. “Hey, wait up!”

I turned to see him jogging toward me, his expression etched with concern.

“What’s up?” I asked, forcing a smile I didn’t feel.

“We saw Victoria.” He paused in front of me, his breaths coming out in quick puffs. “What happened?”

His question hung in the air, and for a brief moment, I considered shrugging it off, but this was Lex, my twin, the only person apart from River who knew me inside and out.

“She came to talk,” I began, the words tasting bitter on my tongue. “But things… didn’t go as planned.”

Lex’s brow furrowed, and he crossed his arms, a silent invitation to continue.

“Victoria, she…” I trailed off, the confession clawing at my throat. “Let’s just say she’s made some assumptions about River and me.”

“Like what?”

“She thinks I cheated on her.”

“That’s bullshit,” he said, raising his voice.

“I know, but she can do a lot of damage with that lie, and she doesn’t get to take my coming out away from me.”

“Damn.” Lex exhaled. “I’m sorry, man. You okay?”

I nodded. “I’ll deal with it. Right now, I need to ensure she doesn’t cause any more trouble.”

“Be careful, Adam. Don’t let her get to you. You know we all have your back, right?”

“Always,” I said.

With a final pat on my shoulder, Lex stepped back.

I ran toward my car, hoping I was right about where she was.

I hesitated at the doorstep of what was once my forever home, my fingers trembling as they hovered over the doorbell.

The door swung open, and there she stood, Victoria, her expression a mix of surprise and something unreadable. For a moment, neither of us spoke.

“Adam,” she said, her voice tentative. “I…wasn’t expecting you.”

“Can I come in?”

“Of course.” She stepped aside.

As I crossed into the living room, the memories of laughter and planning a life together seemed like the ghosts of a past life. The couch where we’d cuddled, made out, and had sex on was just a couch. The walls that were to be lined with pictures of our life together stood bare.

It was surreal, standing there amid the remnants of a life I thought I wanted.

I sat on the couch and tried to measure my words.

“You said you got what you came for at the botanical gardens, but I didn’t get the same privilege,” I said.

“What do you mean?”

“Why did you leave me on our wedding day? What was so terrible that you couldn’t talk to me?” The question clawed its way out after weeks of gnawing at me from the inside.

She shifted uncomfortably, looking at anything but me. Her hands fidgeted, betraying the calm exterior she tried to project. When her gaze finally met mine, I saw a flicker of something raw and unguarded before she quickly masked it.

“Adam, I am so sorry,” she whispered. “I made a mistake.”

“What kind of mistake?”

“I…um…with…Liam Harper. It was just a slip, an error in judgment,” she quickly added.

“To use your own words, you fucked our wedding caterer?”

“It wasn’t?—”

I help up a finger. “Mistakes are spilled milk or forgotten anniversaries. You didn’t trip and fall on his dick by accident.”

“Well, when you put it like that.”

I laughed. “Is there another way to put it?” And then I took a breath. “Victoria, we need to rewind a little because, an hour ago, you called me a cheater, and now you’re telling me this.”

“Do you remember the family brunch? The one where you turned up with River hungover and barely able to string a sentence together without wincing?”

I cringed. “Of course I do.” That had been one of the few times I’d been out with River in months and things had gotten a little out of hand. Despite everything, I was still angry with myself for getting that drunk before a family event. “But what does that have to do with you riding Liam’s fun stick?”

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be childish.”

“You just told me you cheated on me after accusing me of cheating on you. I’m going to be however I want to be.”

Victoria did a double-take as if she wasn’t expecting me to stand up for myself. I pushed that information to the back of my mind and gestured for her to continue.

“That brunch was a nightmare. The looks of pity I got because of you were beyond embarrassing. I bumped into Liam a couple of weeks later at a work function he was catering for. I didn’t know he would be there. We had a drink together afterward and mostly talked about plans for the wedding, but…”

“At some point, you went from discussing cocktail sticks to him showing you his.”

“Yes,” she said, sounding exasperated. “Look, I wasn’t in a good place. Work was stressing me out, your family hated me?—”

“Don’t you dare put this on my family, Victoria. No one made you cheat.”

“No, that’s true.”

“How long did it go on for?”

“I broke it off immediately, Adam,” she said, her voice a quiet plea for understanding. “It was just once.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me earlier? Why did you wait until the wedding day?”

“He came to talk to me the night before the wedding.” Her gaze dropped, unable to meet mine. “He wanted us to be together.”

“What?”

“I couldn’t do it,” she added quickly. “But the moment I considered it, I knew I couldn’t marry you. If I could think about being with someone else…then maybe I didn’t love you enough to make that kind of commitment.”

“Are you with him now?”

“No.” She shook her head. “It’s over. It never really started.”

“Why did you do it? Did I miss the signs that you were unhappy?”

She sighed. “I didn’t know I was unhappy until I voiced it to Liam. I didn’t even know I was capable of cheating. But…I was tired of trying to fit in with your family and failing. I felt it every time we were together. It was like I was always on the outside. I tried so hard, you know? Your family, your friends…I did everything I thought I should, but it never felt like enough. It’s like they never really liked me.”

Her admission hung in the air, raw and vulnerable. Had that really been her experience? I thought about it.

The disappointment on my mom’s face when Victoria refused to try her casserole because the meat looked too fatty. Or how my dad tried so hard to find common ground by asking Victoria about her hobbies and she said she was too busy at work to have hobbies. I’d witnessed it the other way around. Victoria was the one who didn’t seem to like my family despite how hard they tried to welcome her.

“Victoria, fitting into a family isn’t about a checklist of things you do. It’s a constant effort, yeah, but it’s more about showing your love and being open to receiving it. After the first Sunday lunch with my family, during which you barely ate anything, you refused to join us for months. You never made a secret of your dislike for River, whatever the reason. What did you expect? To start baking cakes and fall into the family dynamics like you’d been there all along?”

“Okay, yeah, I admit it was a learning curve. I never understood your whole family being in each other’s pockets. It was like we could never make plans on a Sunday because you always had to do the family thing.”

I stared at her. “I’m not going to apologize for loving my family or for how close we are.”

“River isn’t family, is he?”

“What’s with you and River? What’s he ever done to you to deserve such animosity?”

Her expression faltered. “I was jealous,” she admitted, her gaze dropping to her hands. “Of him. Of how he always seemed to be your priority.”

“Jealous?”

“Yeah. All you ever talked about was River this and River that. We couldn’t even have a movie night without you mentioning him.”

“Did you think…?” I trailed off, unable to finish the thought. The accusation that might follow.

She looked up, her eyes meeting mine again. “It seems I had reason to.”

“River has been my best friend all of my life. I don’t care if you believe me or not, but nothing happened between us until after you left.”

“How did it happen then? Did you wake up gay one day?”

“Not that I need to justify it to you or anyone else, but I’ve not labeled myself. I might be bisexual, pansexual, or one of the many queer identities. It doesn’t matter. River was there for me when I needed him, and at some point, the way I saw him shifted into something I didn’t expect or see coming.”

She exhaled a long breath. “I believe you, and I’m sorry for what I said before…about River and you.” She paused, her gaze dropping before finding mine again. “I wish you all the best. And who knows? Maybe there’ll be another wedding for you to plan soon.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, laughing.

“Don’t you see it? You’re so desperate to have the house with the white picket fence and the two-point-five children that you ignore all the red flags. You did it with me, and if you don’t pay attention, you’ll do it with River.”

“Are you saying River is a red flag?” What the fuck?

“Not him,” she said. “The way you need other people is. You… You’re the red flag, Adam.”

That stopped me cold. I was the problem? Not her betrayal, not her secrets, but me and my need for something more in my life? My breath hitched, and I felt like the ground beneath me was shifting, unsteady.

“Victoria,” I started, but the words lodged in my throat. There was nothing left to say. She had made her choice, and now, she had made her point.

“Goodbye, Victoria,” I said finally. I stood and left the house without a single look back. I didn’t take a breath until I was in my car.

I drove aimlessly at first, the city lights blurring. Victoria’s words echoed in my head. Red flags. Desperation. The accusation stung because I was afraid she was right. Was I jumping from one wrong relationship into another?

Last time, I’d lost Victoria, but I still had my family and my best friend. If things didn’t work out with River, who would I have left?

I wouldn’t lose my family, but a split would be as hard for them as it would be for me. River would also lose a family, which wasn’t fair to him.

There was no going home now, not with the storm of emotions threatening to engulf me. So, on autopilot, I found myself pulling up to Lex’s house.

All the lights were off, so maybe they weren’t home yet from the event. I pulled out my phone and called Lex.

“Adam?” he answered sleepily. His voice was laced with confusion. “What’s up? It’s late.”

Fuck, how long had I been driving around?

“Can I crash at your place?” My voice was hoarse, almost foreign to my own ears.

“Of course,” he said without hesitation, and I could hear the concern threading his tone.

When I reached his door, it swung open before I could knock. Lex stood there, his hair tousled from sleep, wearing an old Cliffborough High sweatshirt.

“Come here,” he said softly, pulling me into a grounding hug. “Talk to me,” Lex urged.

His place was a reflection of his great love story. The walls that had been bare months ago before Emery came back into his life were now filled with photos again.

My brothers gave me hope that great love was possible. Even Noah, who seemed to have sworn off it, was now more than happily married. He’d showed me that when you found your person, you could have your world flipped upside down and be happier for it.

I sank onto the couch, the leather cool against my skin. Lex sat beside me, close enough to be comforting yet giving me space to breathe.

“I spoke to Victoria. She said things about me, about River, but mostly me. She cheated, Lex. And now she’s saying I’m…I’m the problem. That I hold on too hard and don’t see the red flags.”

“Adam,” he said, his voice steady. “Wanting to love and be loved isn’t a red flag. “River has been your safe harbor in all the times you’ve needed him. Maybe what’s happening is the culmination of years of building your relationship.”

“But that’s the thing. How can I be sure I didn’t just fall into his bed because I was hurt and had no one else? How do I know it’s real? How do I not hurt him?” My throat threatened to close up as my thoughts spiraled in the wrong direction.

“Hey. First, listen to your heart, not what that woman said. Second, get some rest,” Lex said, standing to fetch a blanket. “We’ll figure this out in the morning.”

“Thanks,” I murmured as he draped the blanket over me.

As Lex retreated to his room, I closed my eyes, not to sleep, but to picture River’s face, his smile, his body, his kindness, his sense of humor, his taste in music.

Before sleep took me under, I had enough presence of mind to send him a message.

Adam

I’m at Lex’s. Can we talk tomorrow after your shift?

His reply came immediately, and the thought that he might have been waiting by his phone for me to call upset me. I felt bad for causing him to worry, but also happy that I still had someone who cared that much.

River

Of course. Are you okay?

Adam

I will be.