Chapter Five

ELIANA

10 NOVEMBER 1938

BERLIN, GERMANY

There was so much glass. Everywhere Eliana looked, there was glass. Every step she took, glass crunched beneath her shoes. It littered the pavement and the floor inside the shop; it stretched like a glittering blanket in every direction. There was nowhere that it hadn't spread.

Her father had told her what had happened, had tried to prepare them all for the worst, but nothing could have prepared her for seeing the glass shattered from so many windows, the devastation lining the streets, the cries of humans who'd lost everything in one endless, evil night.

Eliana had seen the headlines as she'd passed, the stalls selling papers with big black letters screaming ‘Reich Night of Broken Glass'. But even then, she hadn't truly begun to understand the scene that would confront her, hadn't comprehended how quickly their lives had changed.

‘It's not just here.' Her mother's hand fell heavily to her shoulder. She was standing so close Eliana could feel her breath against her cheek. ‘They're saying our synagogue is gone too, burned to the ground along with all the others.'

Who would burn a place of worship? What evil could permeate the city she loved, to the point that they would burn a synagogue to the ground?

‘Why are they doing this to us?' Eliana asked, wiping at her cheeks as tears streamed down them. ‘Why do they hate us so? How can anyone be allowed to behave in such a way?'

Of course, she understood some of what was being said about them, the lies that were being told, but still; she couldn't comprehend such hate. She'd been spat on at school – boys had taunted the few remaining Jews, blaming them for their fathers losing their jobs among other things – but even then, she hadn't truly understood.

‘Everything of value has been taken,' Eliana's father said, emerging from the mess, a broom in his hand as he tried in vain to brush a path through the thick layer of glass. ‘Looters have taken it all. It's all gone.'

Eliana stood by as her mother went to her father, as they embraced each other, not even trying to disguise their tears. She decided to walk past her parents, not wanting to stand on the street, feeling the angry eyes that followed her. Some crowds had gathered, mostly young men who were jeering and laughing, but there were others who seemed sympathetic, their eyes downcast, their expressions sorrowful. But still, they did nothing to help. Eliana didn't want to be seen by any of them – she wanted to help her father find anything of value, help him put his shop back together. But as she searched through what had once been his beautiful store, filled with antiques and rare paintings, she knew that it was unlikely he'd ever be opening again. Almost everything was either gone or damaged beyond repair; there was nothing here for them any longer.

‘Eliana?'

She turned when she heard her brother's call, his eyes wide as he stepped over the mess to find her.

‘Can you believe it?' she asked. ‘Everything is gone, David. Everything is ruined.'

‘We need to hide Papa, we need to do something to keep him safe.'

‘What do you mean?'

‘Georg's father was just taken. They stormed his house, smashed everything to pieces, and then dragged him out,' David told her, grabbing hold of her hand. ‘There are men disappearing all over Berlin. No one knows where they are taking them.'

An unfamiliar voice made them both turn, and Eliana kept hold of David's hand as they picked their way back to the door. A policeman was standing there, talking to their parents.

‘I'm sorry,' he said, his hat in his hands, holding it to his chest. ‘May I see what they've done?'

Her father stepped aside, so she and David did the same. The policeman took a few steps inside, muttering under his breath as he surveyed the damage.

‘This is a disgrace,' he said, turning around slowly in their once-beautiful store. ‘An absolute disgrace.'

‘What will be done about it?' her mother asked. ‘What are we supposed to do?'

Eliana saw tears fill the policeman's eyes, knew in that moment that there was nothing he or anyone else was going to do to help them. And if he couldn't help them, then no one could.

‘I wish I could help, I wish I could offer assistance, but—'

‘You cannot help us?' her father interrupted. ‘You mean to say there's nothing that will be done? That this violence will be tolerated?'

‘I cannot intervene,' the policeman said, sadly, putting his hat back on his head. ‘If I do, I'll lose my job, and I have a family to take care of. They'll only do the same to me as they've done to you.'

Eliana blinked away her own tears as she saw her father's shoulders slump, as she recognised the defeat in his expression. Was this to be their life now?

As the policeman walked away, telling them one last time how sorry he was, a rock landed near Eliana, hitting the fallen glass on the ground. Before she knew what was happening, another rock was thrown, this one hitting her father on the side of his head, causing blood to slide down his skin, staining the collar of his shirt.

‘They can't do this to us!' David cried, pushing past Eliana as a group of young men, barely older than her brother, pelted another rock at them before moving on to the store beside theirs as they jeered. ‘Someone has to stop them!'

‘No!' their father said, grabbing hold of David's arm, his head still bleeding. ‘No, we stay quiet. We keep our heads down until it's safe enough to go back to the apartment.'

‘Father, we cannot—'

‘We will be dead before the end of the day if you retaliate, so we will do nothing,' he said firmly. ‘We will find any valuables here, I have some antique jewellery hidden in a safe, and then we will make a plan.'

‘A plan?'

‘To leave Germany,' her mother said. ‘We cannot stay here, it's not safe.'

‘Herr Goldman!' came a cry from outside. ‘Herr Goldman, are you in there?'

Maria Schwabe, the wife of her father's friend Thomas, was cowering near the front of their store, and Eliana watched as her mother quickly ushered her inside.

‘Thomas has been taken,' she cried, her body folded inwards as she clutched a shawl around her shoulders. ‘They came into our apartment last night, stormtroopers with guns, and they held a revolver to his head as they smashed everything. Everything!'

‘Where is he now?' her father asked. ‘Maria, where have they taken him?'

‘I don't know,' she cried. ‘But they're coming for all the men, they're rounding them all up, and they say they won't stop until they've damaged every last store and every home. Until they've gotten rid of the lot of us.'

Eliana looked to David, who moved closer to her, his hand finding hers again. He'd been right about them needing to keep their father safe, but she had a feeling that she needed to keep him safe, too.

‘We could send the children to the orphanage,' her mother said. ‘They could seek refuge there, to keep them safe for now.'

‘Mother, no!' Eliana cried. ‘I won't leave you.'

‘Maria, gather your children, we shall take them there at once.'

‘I'm not leaving you, either,' David said. ‘I'm not a child any more, and I won't have our family separated.'

It was their father who turned to them, looking at each of them, his usually bright eyes dull. ‘We shall search for anything of value, and you should do the same in your store, Maria. Hide what you can on your body, and get your children to as well. But we will not leave the children at the orphanage with no protection. If they've razed the synagogue to the ground, then they may do the same to the orphanages, too.'

No one argued with her father as he turned and ambled over the shards of glass and broken timber to the back of the shop, appearing to have aged twenty years overnight. Everything he'd worked so hard for had been destroyed, but Eliana knew that he wouldn't give up without a fight, that he would find every last item of value. Her father was the hardest-working, proudest man she knew; she only hoped that he'd be strong enough to survive what was to come.

A wail from outside sent her mother running to the open door to see what had happened, but Eliana stayed behind, feeling safer inside the store than out, even though she knew the stormtroopers with bats and guns could come back down the street at any moment.

‘The orphanages have all been burned to the ground. They're gone!' someone cried. ‘Our rabbi was beaten to death as he tried to stop them!'

A shiver ran the length of Eliana's spine and her mother began to cry. David angrily kicked broken glass aside as he followed their father. If even the synagogues and orphanages had been torched, what hope did any of them have to stay safe?

‘We shall go home then,' her father said, calling from the back of the store.

‘Home?' she whispered to David. ‘How can we go home? What if they come for us there? Won't that be the very first place they look?'

Her mother began nodding, as if she couldn't stop, as if it were out of her control. ‘We should go home. Yes, we should go home. We will be safe there, we shall lock the doors and hide, wait for all this to be over.'

‘But, Mama—'

Her mother's eyes lit up. ‘Herr Müller won't let anyone into our apartment block. He wouldn't want his girls to see or hear such a commotion, of that I'm almost certain.'

‘I don't think anyone can stop these mobs,' David said. ‘You heard the policeman, there's nothing they can do. Not even a man like Herr Müller could put an end to it.'

‘They can't tell them to stop what they're doing to us, but Karl Müller likes order, he's very high up in the SS, and he wouldn't allow any type of rioting or troublesome behaviour at his place of residence,' her father said, his shoulders straighter than they had been only moments earlier, his eyes brighter. ‘We are the only Jewish family there. If they haven't come for us yet, we might well be safest at home, so long as we're not seen. I think your mother is right.'

‘But what if Herr Müller comes for us himself?' Eliana asked. ‘What if we can't trust him to protect us? What if he is the one to drag us down the stairs to the mobs to be rid of us?'

‘She's right,' David said. ‘They are treating us like vermin that needs to be exterminated. Why would Herr Müller not come for us himself when his family are out?'

Her father frowned. ‘We've known the Müller family our entire lives. We've lived the floor above them for two decades, before you children were even born. I have to believe that he wouldn't do such a thing, that he's not as depraved as the others.'

Eliana didn't say what she was thinking – that their years of knowing the family might not mean anything now. She'd once been friends with Herr Müller's daughter, Ava. They'd been in the same year at school and they'd often spent time together, especially when they were younger. But she doubted Ava would even notice her if she walked past now, and she certainly wouldn't trust her not to report them. Wasn't that what they trained for at their Bund Deutscher M?del meetings? To help make Germany pure again by ridding the country of anyone and anything that didn't conform to their ideals of purity?

‘It is decided, we shall go home,' her father said, in a voice that told her there was to be no further discussion. ‘We will gather everything here, we will try to find some food, and then we shall lock the doors and stay inside until the unrest is over.'

‘But what if this is just the beginning, Papa?' David asked. ‘What if it doesn't end?'

‘It will end, son. It has to end. Eventually everyone will come to their senses. This madness cannot go on forever.'

‘But if they don't?' Eliana pressed. ‘If they don't come to their senses and we have to live in fear like this? If we are persecuted against forever?'

‘Then we shall leave Germany,' her father said, with tears in his eyes. ‘We shall find somewhere new to start again, to prosper. We will not live like this.'

She couldn't imagine leaving Berlin, let alone Germany, and starting a new life elsewhere. But deep inside, she didn't believe this was ever going to end, not now.

‘Bastards!' A yell from outside, followed by another rock thrown, this one larger and landing squarely inside the store.

‘Hurry,' her father said. ‘We must gather what we need as quickly as possible. The longer we're here, the more danger we're in.'

Eliana wanted to move, but her feet were stuck as she peered out at what was happening, imagining what it would be like once night fell again, wondering what these mobs of angry men might do to her if they found her alone, if they snatched her away from her family. Her stomach burned, as if something were going around and around deep inside of her, the pain impossible to ignore.

They were chanting now as they marched past, throwing whatever they could get their hands on. Eliana clamped her hand to her mouth to stifle her scream when she saw one man, a Jewish shopkeeper, being dragged from his store by his ankles, beaten with lengths of timber, the men like a crazed mob set on violence.

‘Jews! The destroyers of German culture!' they all screamed, over and over again, until his body became lifeless.

‘Come away from the window,' David said, his hand on her back as he guided her away, seeming so much older than his years, always so quick to protect her. ‘Don't look at them, and block your ears.'

‘Filthy pigs!' someone else screamed. ‘Pimps and whores!'

She looked into David's eyes and saw his fear reflected back at her. ‘How can they do this? Why do they hate us so much? Do they truly believe we're so evil?'

He held her as she cried, her face pressed against his shoulder.

‘I don't know,' he whispered in reply. ‘All I know is that I want to leave here and never return.'

That afternoon, as they tentatively walked up the stairs to their apartment, Eliana froze when she heard the front door to their building open. She looked to her family, and they all looked back, as terrified as her – they'd been avoiding violence all day, had believed that once they reached their apartment block they might be safe.

But it wasn't the shouts of looters or troopers that reached Eliana's ears, but the chatter and laughter of girls. She knew immediately who it would be – Ava and Hanna Müller were the only schoolgirls in the building besides her, and they soon came running up the stairs. They were wearing their smart uniforms, their blonde hair beautifully braided, their blue eyes bright as they paused a few steps below the Goldman family. I wore that uniform once. I laughed and giggled with not a care in the world, just like them. But now she was acutely conscious of her tangled hair, messy from searching through the ruins of their store, her clothes most likely filthy from the dust. They'd had rotten fruit thrown at them as they'd scurried down the street, too, and she hated to think how much of it had stained her coat.

‘Herr Goldman,' the oldest of the two girls said. ‘Frau Goldman. Good afternoon.'

The younger one, Ava, kept her eyes downcast, as if she shouldn't be looking at them, let alone talking to them. Eliana stayed quiet, as did David, but her parents replied and said good afternoon in reply. She knew David was watching them and she wondered how he felt, seeing them live so normally while their own lives were being stripped away from them. He'd been such a fun-loving brother when they were younger, but over the past years she'd noticed him becoming quieter, no longer as quick to smile as he'd once been.

The girls hurried past, and Eliana knew her face had flushed a deep red with anger. Only months ago, she'd sat beside Ava in class. They hadn't been close friends, but they'd always gotten along well, and they'd often walked home together. But Ava had been one of the girls who'd stayed quiet when her teacher had refused to let Eliana swim in the school pool, lest she contaminate the German water, whispering about Eliana and the other Jews as they passed by. When Eliana had been the last Jewish pupil in their class, Ava had shyly glanced at her when she'd been alone without her friends, but otherwise ignored her along with the rest of the children, and she certainly hadn't spoken up for her when the boys had taunted her and called her a dirty Jew as she'd tried to sit quietly and eat her lunch, tipping her food so that it spilled all over her lap. The silence from her former friend had hurt even more than the taunts, when all she'd needed was one girl, one other human, to stand up for her.

But the worst day of all had been when they were walking home from school, and she'd seen Ava pasting posters on all the lamp posts of happy, smiling little girls, to encourage schoolchildren to join the youth groups. Ava hadn't done anything directly cruel to her, hadn't called her names or pulled her hair like some of the others had, but it was the fact she hadn't spoken up for her or continued to be her friend that hurt the most.

Which was why she very much doubted that Herr Müller would be any different. Why would he risk anything to be kind to them? Her own father might be right that he wouldn't allow any violence or disruption in their apartment block, for the sake of his family living there, but he could easily have them thrown from their apartment entirely. And then what would they do? Or what about when his family went to their beautiful country house? Perhaps he would wait to come for them until then?

But as they passed the Müllers' apartment, Eliana saw that Hanna was standing by the door, and she forgot all about Karl Müller and what he might do. Hanna's cheeks were flushed and she was out of breath, as if she'd been running, and that was when she called out to her.

‘Eliana?'

Eliana paused, looking to her mother before taking a few tentative steps towards Hanna.

‘Take this,' she said. ‘I'm sorry for what is happening.'

Hanna passed her a package wrapped in brown paper, and when they reached their apartment, quick to lock the door behind them, Eliana pulled at the string and unwrapped it. Inside, she found a small piece of meat, an entire loaf of bread, a thick piece of cheese and a small jar of jam.

‘We were right to trust them,' her father said. ‘At least we have food to last a day or two.'

Eliana nodded. At least we have food. They hadn't been successful in finding any on the way home, the lines closed to Jews – and if there was a loaf of stale bread left at the grocer's or bakery, she doubted they would have given it to them, even in exchange for gold.

‘This is for tonight and tomorrow,' her mother muttered. ‘But what do we do after this?'

Six months after the night of broken glass, Eliana huddled beside her family in the dark in their apartment. Her father comforted her mother, who seemed to do little more than cry most days. And then there was David, who was becoming more restless with each passing week in their permanent state of confinement.

‘We should have left, we should have left when we still had the chance,' he muttered, standing up and beginning to pace, as he did most evenings.

‘You make it sound as if emigrating is so easy,' her father said.

‘It would have been easy last year, or the year before that!' David said. ‘Papa, you know we should have gone then, and now look at us. We're prisoners in our home. We will starve here before we manage to leave now!'

‘At least we're not prisoners in a camp,' Eliana said, bravely, raising her voice, hating hearing her brother and father argue.

‘What do you know of camps?' her father asked.

‘I know that all of the women from our synagogue who remained in Berlin have been taken. They were rounded up and taken to a place for women.'

Her mother began to cry again, and Eliana turned away. She couldn't keep comforting her, couldn't even bring herself to look at her mother in so much pain.

‘I am going to see Herr Müller,' Eliana announced.

Her father turned and looked at her as if she were mad. ‘You are not leaving this apartment.'

‘I am,' she said, lifting her chin. Her father wasn't used to defiance from her, but she'd been thinking about this for days, and she wasn't going to let him stop her. ‘You were right to trust him, Papa, and we all know where those food packages are coming from.'

‘The fact that their daughter is giving us food—'

‘She would not be able to keep giving it to us without at least her mother's permission,' David said. ‘I agree with Eliana. If we are to find a way to leave Berlin, Herr Müller might be our only chance. If not, how many weeks or months will we last here, before we are discovered? What if the Müllers move away and we have no way to access food?'

Eliana rose, deciding then and there that she was going to take herself downstairs to ask him for help. She knew that she could be arrested, that she could be taken to the camps like the other women or that her family could be killed, but there was only so long they could rely on food parcels. And only so long before their apartment was raided. Jews weren't allowed to own property – everything had to be taken from them – but for some reason, theirs hadn't. Yet.

She walked the flight of stairs and then bravely knocked on the door, standing back to wait. Eliana kept glancing behind her, worried that the Müllers might have a guard now, given Karl Müller's rank – that someone other than him might discover her.

The door opened, and it was Frau Müller who opened it. Her eyes widened, but she never said a word, other than to call for her husband.

Eliana had never had a proper conversation with Herr Müller, other than to say hello at parties when she was younger, or to greet him as they came or went from home, and so when he came to the door in his terrifying SS uniform, she almost wilted before him.

‘Herr Müller,' she said, her voice trembling. ‘I would like to ask for your help. My family must leave Berlin, for our safety, and we cannot do it without assistance.'

His eyes narrowed, and he stepped forward, looking out of the door and down the hall as if to see if anyone could be watching or listening. But of course the Müllers' house took up the entire floor, and there was no one coming up or down the stairs.

‘Please, we need your help. We are still living together as a family, but there are hardly any Jews left, and—'

He stepped back, his eyes meeting hers for the briefest of moments, before he shut the door on her. Eliana's entire body trembled, emotion rising in her throat, tears filling her eyes, as she stood there alone in the hallway. She half expected the door to open again, for Hanna to give her a parcel as she had that day in November, but no one came.

What have I done? Perhaps he didn't even know we are still upstairs? Perhaps he doesn't know his daughter has been helping us?

All Eliana could think was that, somehow, her desire to help her family might have risked their entire existence.

Four days later, there was a knock at the door. They were all sitting in the living room, trying to pass the time by playing cards, so when the noise sounded out, they all froze.

‘Should we hide?' Eliana whispered, jumping to her feet and holding out her hand to her mother.

They all looked at one another, and her father quickly nodded, so she and her mother ran to a bedroom, hiding among coats and dresses in the wardrobe, their backs pressed to the wall just as another knock rapped against the timber.

‘Would they knock if they were coming for us?' Eliana whispered. ‘Wouldn't they just kick the door down?' They had pushed a large piece of furniture across the door, to try to stop any intruders, but they all knew that would only hold an angry mob for so long. Their plan had always been for her and her mother to hide, for her father and David to confront whoever came through the door, and she hated that they were prepared to sacrifice themselves.

Her mother didn't answer, she only clutched her hand tighter, her breath raspy as they stood in silence.

They were close enough to hear muffled words, and Eliana knew that her father had opened the door to whomever it was. They must have only been hiding for minutes before David came looking for them.

‘Who was it?' Eliana asked, pushing past a heavy fur coat to emerge into the room. ‘What happened?'

‘It was Herr Müller,' he said, his eyes shining with a light that Eliana hadn't seen for months now. ‘Eliana, Herr Müller came to see us.'

‘Is he asking for us to turn ourselves in to the authorities?' her mother whispered.

‘No,' her father said, coming in behind David. ‘He's going to help us.'

‘But he closed the door on me the other night. He didn't even say a word when I begged for his help.'

Her father looked perplexed, shaking his head as he seemed to think through what had just taken place.

‘He wants Eliana to go to their apartment tomorrow afternoon. His eldest daughter will dress her in her clothes, and they will leave the apartment block together. Herr Müller will be driving his own car tomorrow, and will take Eliana to their country house.'

‘In Bogensee?' her mother asked.

‘Yes.'

‘How long will she be there for?'

‘He said they will keep her safe. I didn't ask him questions.'

‘What of the rest of you?' Eliana asked, fear rising in her throat as she thought of being safe in the countryside while her family stayed hidden in the apartment, of them being parted.

‘He said he will do what he can for all of us, but that it will take time.'

‘I can't go,' she said. ‘I won't leave you all.'

‘Eliana, you have to go,' David said, staring at her from across the room. ‘We'll be fine, but if you have a chance to leave, to be safe...'

‘He's right, you will go,' her father said. ‘You must.'

She blinked away her tears and wrapped her arms around her mother, squeezing her eyes shut as she tried her hardest not to cry.

‘Father, Karl Müller is rising in the party ranks. Are you certain this isn't a way to lure us out into the open?' said David.

‘Son, if he wanted to arrest us, he'd have sent men to storm our apartment. We have no choice but to trust him.'

Eliana knew he was right; there was no one else they could turn to, and if the Müller family could help them, then they had to believe the offer was genuine.

‘He said he'll try to get the rest of you out, too?' she asked.

Her father nodded. ‘He did.'

Then she would be ready tomorrow. If he managed to get her to safety without any trouble, then she had to believe he'd find a way to return for the rest of them.

‘You need to tell them, Papa,' David said, as he sat down on the bed, his head hanging. ‘You need to tell them what else he said.'

‘Papa?' Eliana asked. ‘What did he say?'

Her father was the one with tears shining in his eyes now, and he sat down beside his son, as if his legs could hold him no longer. ‘He said that there are terrible things happening to our people, that the violence has escalated. Some Jews have still been managing to emigrate, but he doesn't know if we'll be able to leave. He thinks it's too late.'

‘So we are stuck here? We will have to live with this hatred forever?'

‘He fears that the Nazi ideology will spread through Europe quickly, that we must flee to America if we can. He doesn't think we'll be safe anywhere that Germany can reach.'

They all sat in silence for a moment, before Eliana stood. ‘I shall pack a bag, so I'm ready for tomorrow.'

Her father shook his head. ‘He said not to take anything. You are to appear as a friend from school, and you will walk from the building to the waiting car so that no one notices you. You mustn't carry anything that could identify you or make you look suspicious.'

Eliana understood, but as she looked around the room, at all of their beautiful furniture and possessions, she wondered how they were to survive if they couldn't have any reminders of who they were. Of who they'd once been.

‘We shall all keep jewellery on our bodies,' her father instructed. ‘We will take everything we can, everything of value, so that we have something to sell, even if we have to hide it in our undergarments.'

They were all silent again, the uncertainty of their future hanging heavy. And Eliana couldn't stop wondering if Herr Müller would keep his word and come back for the rest of her family, or if this might be the very last time they would all be together.

‘We must be strong,' her father said. ‘Others have lost their lives, families have been ripped apart, but we are survivors. We will do whatever it takes to stay alive.'

‘David?' Eliana said, looking to her brother, wishing they could both go together, finding the very idea of parting from him even harder than leaving her parents behind.

They'd been through so much – they'd walked to school together and held their heads high despite the jeers; they'd steadfastly continued their studies when they'd been forced to stay home; they'd whispered their plans for the future late at night, the countries they could move to, far away from Nazis – and now, after all of that, they were to be parted.

When their parents left the room, she went over to him, dropping to the floor beside the bed. He moved to sit beside her, their shoulders touching, knees bumping together.

‘He said that there are tens of thousands of men incarcerated,' David whispered, ‘and that there is a new camp just for women, called Ravensbrück.'

‘What do they do there? Why do they take the women there?'

‘I don't know. But he said he doesn't think any of the women will ever come back, that it is a place of horrors.'

Fear tangled like a knot, nestled deep in her belly.

‘You must go, Eliana, and then you must fight for us. But you have to make sure he comes back for us, because I can't be here for long without you, and we can't let them take Mama to that camp. I would rather die than know that she was incarcerated there.'

‘I will never stop fighting for you, David,' she said, throwing her arms around him and burying her face in his shoulder. ‘I will fight for you and for Mama and Papa until my very last breath.'

‘And I you,' he said. ‘I would rather die than let anything happen to you.'