Chapter Eleven

"W e're having a Spring Fling at our vineyard next month, and I'd love for you to come." Darryl's voice boomed through the speakers on the desk phone as he rattled off a date in May. Keegan and Cash were a good thirty minutes into the phone call with the vintner, though the conversation was mostly one-sided. Every time Cash opened his mouth to speak, Darryl was off and running again. "It's an annual event to kick off our wine season. Folks get cooped up after the winter months, so we always have a good turnout. We invite top regional chefs each year to wow us with their culinary skills, and guests enjoy live music. Does that sound like the kind of shindig you're thinking about hosting once you've established your alehouse?"

"What you've described sounds wonderful. We're still trying to decide on what kind of vibe we want for Hooch and Honey."

"Perfect," Darryl said. "The Spring Fling is sold out, but I can leave two tickets for you with my event coordinator."

"I will be in Denver that weekend," Cash said, "so I'll send Keegan and his plus-one in my place." The boss waggled his brows, and Keegan had to fight back a laugh. By the time he returned from Kerry's house the previous day, everyone had seen the video of the big rescue and Kerry stripping down to his underwear. The crew had guessed the source of his errand and had shot knowing smirks and lecherous winks at him ever since, but this was the first time the boss acknowledged Keegan's rendezvous at Kerry's house.

"Terrific!" Darryl boomed through the connection and jolted Keegan from his thoughts. "I'll just put down two guests from Redemption Ridge. No need to overcomplicate things."

"Sounds great, Darryl," Cash said. "I appreciate you taking the time to speak with us today. I admire your business model and your ethos."

"It's my pleasure, Cash," the jovial man said. "I'm not one of those guys who thinks every person on this earth is his competition. The table's big enough for everyone. I think it's pretty cool that you'll produce your mead and craft brews from ingredients you grow on your ranch. I want an invite to your grand opening."

"Sure thing." After a few rounds of niceties, Cash disconnected the call and gave Keegan his full attention. "What do you think?"

"Me? I've only worked two shifts at the Feisty Bull. I've barely dipped my toes into hospitality."

Cash chuckled. "What do you think about having events like Darryl described? Live bands and special cuisine to celebrate occasions?"

"I love that idea," Keegan admitted. "I just don't know how to implement any of that." Just thinking about it made his chest tighten.

"You don't have to," Cash replied. "I'll hire architects to design the layout of the spaces in the vineyard. An event planner will organize the celebrations from top to bottom and book the best chefs. You'll be the charming one who works the front of the house and assures our guests are happy."

Keegan exhaled. "I really want to make something special of this opportunity." His heart raced whenever he thought about it. Not as much as when Kerry was near, but fast enough to let Keegan know this was something he wanted. "I just need to work through my insecurities."

"And I'm here to help you do that," Cash replied. His cell phone rang, and he checked the caller ID. "It's about time he called me back."

Keegan took that as his cue to go.

"Hey, Kee," Cash said before he reached the door. "Your potential is limitless. You're intuitive, kind, and smarter than you realize. I'm determined to help you believe these things about yourself someday."

Keegan was too choked up to speak, so he just nodded before he stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind him. He wanted to have the same faith in his abilities as others did, but he hadn't achieved that level of confidence yet. Keegan saw glimpses of his promise occasionally but still considered those instances to be flukes. Maybe he would bring it up with Brendan during therapy later.

Someone had placed a stack of mail on his desk while he was in the meeting. He was used to seeing business correspondence, but the top envelope was addressed to Keegan. There was no return address on the plain white paper, but he would've recognized Miriam's loopy handwriting anywhere. He'd expected this day ever since he filmed the web series interviews about the abuse he suffered from his mother and the monsters at Salvation Anew. Keegan wasn't sure how long it would take for word about the interview to cycle to her. Miriam had fled with the other rats when the ship started to sink. He had no idea where she'd landed, but he would've bet money that some of the most fanatical ex-members would've formed a secret faction to keep the movement alive.

No one was more zealous than Miriam Scott, who manipulated her gay son into conversion therapy by threatening to disown him after reading text messages between Keegan and his secret boyfriend. People who'd never been abused would question why Keegan didn't walk away from him. He was glad they couldn't comprehend his choices because it meant they weren't caught up in a vicious cycle of abuse. It meant they hadn't faced homelessness and starvation because their only parent thought they were an abomination. Keegan could've gotten help if he'd been brave enough to ask his boyfriend for help at the time, but he'd been too scared to defy Miriam.

And he'd paid dearly. Starvation was the kindest form of abuse he'd survived. He had begged her for help, but she turned her back on him. When the leadership decided the only way to cure Keegan's sickness was to force him to have sex with one of the ladies in the cult, Miriam had chosen the woman and expected Keegan to thank her. He'd refused and had suffered more physical and verbal abuse than he'd believed possible. But he had survived her. He got to live in the sunshine while she had to hide in the shadows. He surrounded himself with love while she festered with hate. He broke the cycle. He won. Keegan needed her to know it.

The former Salvation Anew members had too much hate in their hearts to not keep an eye on things happening at Redemption Ridge and in Last Chance Creek. Keegan had known his interview would draw her ire, but he did it anyway. His association with Redemption Ridge was public knowledge, making it easy for people to find him. He did it anyway. Miriam would never miss an opportunity to berate his failings and for speaking out against the men she deemed godly. He did it anyway. Keegan knew he'd never get the apology he deserved. But he did it anyway.

Keegan picked up the envelope and bounced it in his hand. The correspondence weighed next to nothing, so she couldn't have said much. Acid churned in his stomach as he debated opening the letter or just putting it through the shredder so that he could have the last word. If he didn't open the envelope, he'd wonder for the rest of his life. With a heavy sigh, Keegan removed his letter opener from his desk drawer and sliced it open. After a few deep breaths, he pulled the sheet of paper free and read it.

I wish you'd never been born.

Two years ago, Keegan would've agreed with her. Hoping for a merciful death seemed like the only opportunity he'd had for freedom. But he'd escaped that hellhole. He'd learned the beauty of found family. Keegan had people who championed his recovery every step of the way. And he'd danced with Kerry that fateful night eighteen months ago, and those three minutes changed his life. He hadn't just survived the monster; he was fucking thriving despite her.

Keegan turned his chair and fed that toxic vitriol through the paper shredder. He watched until the last of the note disappeared and the high-pitched whir of the motor stopped. "Never again, Miriam."

The cycle was over.

"What's going on with your face?" Brendan teased.

Keegan raised his hands and felt around his mouth, cheeks, and chin. "What do you mean?"

Brendan circled his finger in the air and gestured to Keegan. "I asked what else is new with you after you told me about the letter from Miriam, and you gave me Joker lips."

That made Keegan laugh. "You've heard me mention Kerry before, right?"

"Once or twice," Brendan teased.

Keegan suspected the number was much higher. "Well, he and I…we, um…" The inability to express himself was interesting. Sexuality had been a major part of their conversations. Keegan had talked about his loneliness and horniness and other humiliating things with relative ease. Why couldn't he tell Brendan that he'd not only had sex but had it with the guy he'd been pining after for nearly two years?

"I won't judge you," Brendan said.

"I know." But he might suggest it was a bad idea or urge caution.

"You don't have to earn my approval," Brendan added.

"I know that as well." Keegan took a deep breath, then said, "We had sex. Fantastic sex. And I didn't feel shame afterward. I wanted to do it again." A rush of emotions surged inside him, pushed against his ribs, and filled his eyes with tears. "He sees me. Really sees me. Kerry understands how fiercely I need to be in control of my destiny, and he supports that. I've never wanted anyone the way I do with him." Keegan frowned as he considered his next words. "I don't think anyone has ever wanted me as intensely as he does."

"And it's scary?" Brendan asked.

Keegan nodded. "It's terrifying. What if it doesn't work out? I could lose Sven too. What if I swing and miss and end up back where I was before?"

"Before you met Kerry or before you started therapy?"

Keegan shook his head. "I'll never be the person you first met."

Brendan's expression was neutral, but his words held a lot of gravity when he next spoke. "You're the same person, Keegan. Therapy didn't erase all the misery you've endured. It's helped you process what you've been through and provided you with tools to build a stronger future. A failed relationship or heartbreak might set you back a little, but no, I don't think you'll end up in the same headspace as when we first met."

"I'm stronger now."

"You are," Brendan agreed. "Being frightened is natural. Trying to create a life where you're never scared or challenged isn't feasible. It's better to identify your concerns and work through them, but you don't want to start off any new relationship or journey with a defeatist attitude." Brendan glanced at the clock. "We don't have a lot of time left, but I'd love to hear how your relationship with Kerry has grown. The last I heard, you were hopelessly pining after him."

Keegan chuckled. "The story will probably take longer than we have."

"So hit the highlights," Brendan encouraged.

"Just remember you asked for it." Keegan began with Sven's botched matchmaking, and Brendan got a huge kick out of Sven's method. He listened stoically as Keegan described the locker room conversation and their family dinner confrontation, but his lips twitched a few times as if he found them amusing. Brendan didn't find anything to laugh about when Keegan recounted his date with Danny. He interrupted a few times to ensure that Keegan wasn't harmed—physically or emotionally—before encouraging Keegan to continue. The timer went off, signaling the end of the session, but Brendan gestured for him to continue. He seemed charmed by Keegan's reaction to the news story and the thirsty reporter's comments.

"And I had an ‘oh my' moment of my own when Kerry answered the door naked." Keegan's face heated when he realized what he'd said. "I didn't mean to get that descriptive. But yeah, we had sex. I didn't hate myself afterward. And we're going on our first date after my session with you."

"I'm really happy for you, Keegan," Brendan said. "And I have to wonder why you're still talking to me if you've got a hot date."

Keegan laughed and stood up. "I'm out of here. See you next time." He was still smiling to himself as he exited the building and walked to his truck. Even though his session had run over, he finished earlier than he'd told Kerry. He pulled his phone out and texted Kerry to see if he needed anything from town before he headed over.

Kerry replied immediately. Just you. I'm home now so come over. I can't wait to start our date.

On my way!

To touch Kerry, to taste him, and have those muscular arms wrapped around him. To embrace his queerness and go on his first real date. Keegan shifted the truck into Drive and pressed the gas. "I am queer. I am worthy. I am beautiful. I am loved." Keegan smiled as he pulled out of the parking lot. "And I get to see Kerry naked! Talk about thriving."