Chapter 17

Arabella cursed herself when Michael dragged Philip out of the room, and a silence descended on the three left inside. She should have known. A hot tide of despair and shame washed through her. She had been hopelessly fooled once again and felt as worthless as she ever had. And Michael had witnessed all of it. Worse, he had been party to the facts even before she had. She wanted nothing more than to be alone, to see them all gone, so she could withdraw and regroup and face her future, empty though it seemed.

Grace was the first one to move, pouring a glass of brandy and handing it to Arabella whilst gently leading her to a sofa and sitting down next to her. "This is no reflection on you."

Arabella laughed bitterly. "Is it not? He managed to take me in, not once, but twice. What kind of fool does that make me?"

"You were not taken in this time," Grace said gently.

"Oh, I was."

"But you said you had decided to refuse him." Mr Betez came and sat on the other side of his niece.

Arabella looked down. "That was a lie. In some respects, at least."

"You were going to marry him?" Grace was clearly shocked.

"I was very close to agreeing. I thought he would be the only one who would ever want me, and I was fully aware that it was more about my money than myself. I was resigned to the fact that his was the only offer I was ever going to get. How pathetic does that make me sound?"

"It does not sound anything of the kind," Grace gently scolded her, stroking her back in soothing circles. "You were bound to be drawn to him. You had loved him once."

"You are being very sweet, but the pathetic thing about it is that I was really beginning to dislike him, yet I was willing to consider his proposal," Arabella said. "That is how desperate I was not to be the only one left an ageing, ugly spinster."

"Do not speak that way!" Grace exclaimed. "You are nothing of the sort."

"I am. I promise my words are not said to force compliments, but this is very different from the last time he made a fool of me. I am not going to do anything foolish, I know in both instances that I have had a lucky escape and will deal with my loneliness in a more productive way. You were right, Uncle, I should be looking after my land and my tenants, and that is what I am going to do."

"That is music to my ears." Mr Betez smiled at her. "Michael will be the perfect help until you are ready to either appoint your own steward, keep him on, or even take over the stewardship yourself. I know you would be capable, even from the little Michael has said."

"I will not be requiring Mr Follett's assistance," Arabella said stiffly.

"Come now…"

"No, Uncle, you will not force your will on me this time. Mr Follett might be good at his job, but in some respects, he is as bad as Philip, being with me because of money. He is only being as good as he is because he is paid an excessive amount."

"That is not true," Michael said from the doorway, hand still wrapped in a towel. "Generous pay or not, I would have always worked to the best of my ability."

"That be as it may, I am not prepared to have you in my home when you have been chosen by my uncle." She turned to Mr Betez. "I will be appointing another steward, and you are to take Mr Follett with you when you return to London."

"Fine. I think it is the wrong decision, but I will do as you wish."

"I do wish it." She did not look at Michael but heard his sharp intake of breath when her uncle agreed to her demands. That she had felt a tug in her insides at what seemed like distress on his part, she pushed to the side. She would not have him on her premises, even though she recognised that she was aiming some of her disquiet unfairly in his direction. He had not been like Philip, but she stung at what he must think of her. Pushing her shame to one side, she was reacting in the only way she knew how – to isolate herself.

"In that case, I suppose there is nothing keeping us here," Mr Betez said. "I do not suppose there is any chance of that wastrel coming back, is there?"

"No, sir," Michael said. "He would be a fool to do so, and he has nothing to gain by returning. His duplicity has been discovered, and he cannot achieve his aim."

"Tell Sullivan to keep a gun at the ready, just in case," Mr Betez said to Arabella.

"I will."

"I am sorry we had to come with such bad news."

"Do not worry about it." Arabella shrugged. "It is for the best."

She ignored the look of confusion and worry her uncle shot at her but was surprised when Michael spoke up.

"There are a few things that I need to inform you of before I go," he said, words tumbling over each other.

"Write them down and leave it for me." It was strange how easily she could fall back into being the cold, aloof mistress of the house. She wondered if this was her true self; she could fall so easily into it when she felt as if her heart had not only broken but had shattered into too many pieces to ever be repaired.

"It would be easier and quicker if I went through them with you. Could I have just ten minutes of your time? Please?"

"Ten minutes will not delay us. I will go and pay Mrs Johnson a visit; she always has something nice in the oven," Mr Betez said, rising. "It is good to start out with a full stomach, especially with the poison some of these inns serve, trying to pass off as food. I swear to goodness that pigs would turn their noses up at some of the slop I have been served."

Arabella reluctantly followed Michael into the study and stiffened when he closed the door.

"Please do not do this," Michael said.

"Do what? Take control of my own life?"

"Please do not send me away."

Arabella folded her arms, ignoring the feelings that gathered at his words. Forcing herself to maintain her resolve, for she had decided that going forward, she would never believe any sentiments from a man. "Why not? Are you afraid of having to take on a lower-paid position?"

"No! As I said, it has nothing whatsoever to do with the money."

"Yet you have accepted it."

"Of course I have! None of us wishes to starve! Accepting a well-paid position does not mean that I do not care. This position is important to me. Very much so."

"That is nice to know. It is clear that you have brought me here under false pretences. You have nothing of importance to tell me, so I suggest we return to the drawing room."

"I am begging you, please do not send me away. I know I have hurt you by my actions, and I hate that. I would have done anything to have spared you such pain. I can understand your wish to be rid of me, but I cannot stand the thought of never seeing you again."

She was affected by the desperation in his voice, but she could not allow herself to be moved by him. There was only one thing left for her to do. She took a deep breath, knowing that to make him hate her was the only sure way of ending this, and it had to end, for she could not risk being hurt by him. Philip had hurt her deeply, but she was fully aware that Michael could destroy her, and she could not take that risk. She was going to hurt him, which did not rest easy, but it was the only way she could think of to protect her heart.

"Why? Do you think I would be vulnerable enough to consider you as a replacement for Philip?"

"No, I would never presume…"

"You are not completely stupid then," she said, putting her hand on the doorknob. "I do not wish to see you again, just as much as I do not want to see Philip. The sooner I can forget about you both, the better."

"Do not compare me to him," Michael ground out.

"Why not? Do you think you are better than him? You could not trust me to make the right decision? You had to run off and find a reason that I could not marry him and return with my uncle, showing that you had his backing while Philip did not."

"It was not like that. You know me well enough to know that I would never act in such a calculating way."

"Was it not? He has had to be thrown out, my reputation is in tatters again, and I have been a fool not once but twice and could not see it myself. You must consider that I needed rescuing like some pathetic damsel in distress."

"That is all wrong."

"There you go again, thinking that you are in the right, and I do not understand. Well, understand this. I want you off my estate within the next half hour, and I never want to see you again. Is that assertive enough for you to believe me?"

"Yes."

"Good, now leave me be."

"I am truly sorry, for I have loved being here with you."

Arabella did not say anything but remained standing until Michael left the room. Their hands touched briefly as he moved to open the door, her hand still on the doorknob, but she snatched hers away.

When he had gone, she leaned against the desk, shaking at what she had just done. She was not sure she would ever feel happiness again, and she had inflicted it all on herself. She was, and always would be, an utter fool.