7. Tabby

SEVEN

TABBY

T he morning sun filtered through the thin curtains, rousing me from sleep. I stretched languidly, my muscles pleasantly warm. I hated to admit it, but Nate had been right. I did need to rest. That night at Walt’s two weeks ago had crippled me. As much as I’d like to say it didn’t hurt to sit across from a man I’d had a relationship with, it did. No, it hadn’t been love, but it had been something . At the very least, I should have been respected.

But he couldn’t even give me that. So, I took the days off that Nate had offered me and focused on school and making plans. I’d returned to work this week refreshed and with a new plan.

One that didn’t rely on anyone else. I was the one to decide to have this baby, so I needed to put all my energy into building the best life I possibly could for us. First step, purchasing a car. I couldn’t depend on Nate to pick me up and drop me off every night like he’d been doing this past week. But I had to admit, it was nice not having to worry about transportation, especially as my energy levels seemed to fluctuate with the changing weeks of this pregnancy.

And sure, Nate’s charming yet irritating tendencies didn’t hurt. I’d been looking after myself for so long, it was nice to have someone else do it.

Plus, the baby apparently liked it too. I’d felt it move a few days ago, while I’d been working. I’d frozen mid-pour, the beer spilling over the glass, and Juanita sent me back to the office. Of course, Nate was there, mother-henning me until I told him I’d felt it. Then he stared at my torso for a good minute. Our work T-shirts were unisex and loose, and I’d always found ways to make them more formfitting, but ever since I’d found out I was pregnant, I’d been wearing them baggy, hanging over the waistband of my pants.

I’d snapped my fingers in his face to bring him back to earth, and then he had handed me a sleeve of Oreos he’d been keeping in one of the desk drawers, cleared out of anything except snacks for me. He’d even labeled the drawer. For Tabitha. Any other hands in here will be cut off.

So, the two of us had stood there in the office while I nibbled on the cookies, waiting, and when the baby moved again, I’d let Nate place his hand on the side of my stomach to feel it. He’d gotten that faraway stare again, but I hadn’t minded. I’d understood.

Ever since, the baby seemed to know when he was around, poking me as if it wanted attention. Not much different from Nate.

As long as I’d known him, he’d always been against having kids of his own, yet he had been pouring himself into this kid’s life. It didn’t make sense to me, but I appreciated it anyway. He wasn’t only my boss; he was my friend. He had my back.

Standing up in front of the mirror, I smoothed my hands over my bump. It had popped overnight. Not very big, but noticeably there . I wouldn’t be able to hide it anymore.

And a wave of awe and trepidation crushed me. Happy to have been given another opportunity like this but afraid I would suffer the same loss as my first pregnancy. Although, before I could get too into my feelings, a knock sounded on my bedroom door.

Ming-Yue stood on the other side, coffee cup in hand, glasses in place, appearing to be headed off to the lab. “Some guy’s here.”

That guy was Nate, and he was way early.

When we’d talked about my car situation last night, I’d told him I was going to purchase one today, and he’d somehow weaseled his way into the task. “How’re you gonna get there without me?” he’d asked, and then, “Don’t you want a second opinion to make sure you’re not buying a lemon?”

I hadn’t been able to argue. While I’d had my driver’s license since sixteen and my motorcycle license since twenty, I had never owned my own car. To say nothing of purchasing one. Even with all the research I’d done over the last few weeks, it would be nice to have someone there with me, so I’d agreed.

But now, he was here, and I was in my pajamas.

“I’ll be down in a few minutes,” I told Ming-Yue.

“I have to go, but can he stay here alone with you? He’s not going murder you, is he?”

“I heard that!” he hollered from downstairs. These walls were paper-thin. “And she could murder me if she really wanted.”

“It’s true,” I said, to which Ming-Yue shrugged.

“Okay. I’m going. Bye.”

I rushed off to the bathroom, hearing Nate downstairs offering Ming-Yue a cinnamon roll and promising he was not a murderer. I laughed as I brushed my teeth, taking that light, fluttery feeling into the shower with me, where I shaved and exfoliated, making up for the extra scrub by not washing my hair.

I figured I’d take a few of my new maternity purchases for a spin and dressed in super-comfy leggings and a long-sleeved mint-green shirt that displayed the bump proudly. Downstairs, I found Nate in the kitchen, exploring.

“What are you looking for?”

He answered with his back to me, a cabinet open in front of him. “Mouse poop.”

“ What ?”

“Yeah,” he said conversationally. “I noticed a crawl space on the side of the house.”

“Why were you looking at the side of the house?”

He went right on, ignoring my question, opening and closing each cabinet. “So then I took a walk to the back and found a distressing hole right where the gate meets the corner of the house. I checked it out, and it looked like there was a nest in there.” He circled around. “You got a basement?” He stopped his mouse rant and stepped toward me, smiling. “Good morning.”

“We have mice?”

He slid a small pink cardboard box my way. “I brought cinnamon rolls from the bakery on Aster. It’s right across from where the new place is gonna be, and?—”

I snatched the box from him. “Mice!”

“Hey, hey, hey,” he cooed, shuffling around the small kitchen island to seat me at the table. “It’s okay. You can give the landlord a call and get somebody down here to take care of it.”

My landlord managed a bunch of properties around the college. Didn’t care much for upkeep during the academic calendar since most college kids didn’t care.

Nate swirled his finger at my face. “What’s the face for?”

“Nothing.”

He eyed me dubiously and pulled his cell phone from his pocket, tapping something into it, all the while I imagined mice crawling over me. I shuddered, and Nate held on to my shoulder. “All right?”

“Thinking about the mice…” I gagged.

“Yeah. I’m taking care of it.”

“How?” I opened the bakery box, momentarily forgetting about miniature pests and inhaling the delicious cinnamon and sugar scents of the warm and still gooey buns. I dove right in, peeling one of the rolls off the paper. When the first delicious bite hit my tongue, I closed my eyes, the flavor pure bliss.

Nate made a kind of tortured grunt, and I fluttered my lids back open to find him glowering at me. I licked my fingers, talking around the pastry. “What?”

He merely shook his head, full attention on my mouth.

“What?” I repeated, completely garbled.

“I know a guy,” he said after a moment when he dragged his gaze up to mine. “Stop making those sex sounds while you eat.”

I didn’t often blush, but I was happy he spun around to face the cabinets because I felt myself go beet red.

Nate picked up a glass and thoroughly examined it, as if still searching for traces of mice. But our house was clean. Ming-Yue and I were both neat freaks. He finally opened the refrigerator for the jug of orange juice he’d had delivered a few days ago and poured me some before setting it in front of me.

“Why?”

He sat back down. “Why should you stop making sex sounds? Because it’s distracting, and I keep forgetting what we’re talking about.” He slapped two napkins on my sticky fingers. “Now, please, use a napkin to wipe your mouth before I forget where the hell I am.”

I rolled my eyes, hoping I wasn’t blushing again, and wiped off my mouth and my hands. “I meant why are you doing all of this for me?”

He propped his elbows on the table and fisted his right hand in his left, tipping his head side to side, thinking about his answer more than I assumed he’d need to.

In the meantime, I studied him—and the wild lock of hair that drooped over his forehead. I’d always thought he was handsome. If you liked that brown-haired, blue-eyed, bearded-jaw thing. But having him sit here in front of me with sunshine streaming in through the window, he was beautiful. Or maybe it was because of all the ways he’d been taking care of me lately.

I couldn’t ignore him or how I’d always thought he was the ideal guy. Funny and caring, reliable yet layered. The problem was he’d always gone from woman to woman, and I’d been nursing a broken heart for a long time. By the time I’d recovered, I’d found Har—He Who Shall Not Be Named.

But at this particular moment, I couldn’t ignore how the tips of my fingers tingled with the need to touch Nate’s trimmed beard, tease him about those few grays coming in, trace my thumb over his lips.

And of course, I couldn’t ignore the soft patting at my belly.

When I scooted back from the table to rub over the spot, Nate’s eyes expanded. “How’s the tadpole doing? Jumping around a lot?”

“I think it’s the juice. Likes citrus.”

“Like Mama.”

The support group I had joined for grieving mothers espoused we were mothers, no matter where our babies lived, but without that weight in our arms, it was a hard concept to accept. How could I be a mother without a child?

But this time…

My nose stung, and I stood up for something to do. That was when Nate threw his arms out. “Whoa! Look at you.” He hopped up from his chair, stopping me from throwing my trash away. He always waited for permission to touch my stomach, and when I nodded, he gently cradled the bump. “Look at this.”

“Sort of appeared overnight.”

He rubbed here and there, and the thunderstruck look on his face never ceased to amuse me. Gone from thinking babies were gross to pure astonishment. “You’re seventeen weeks, right?”

When I nodded, he muttered something that sounded like “pomegranate.”

“What did you say?”

“Oh, uh…” His face flushed pink. “Reminding myself about an article that listed fruits you should be eating.”

I didn’t believe him. Well, actually, I believed that he read the article because he was an overbearing ogre hidden under a Sam Malone, but make it millennial costume.

I had a hunch something else had made him turn pink. Something the honest-to-a-fault guy didn’t want to admit out loud, and I’d never been more curious.

As he backed away, his gaze journeyed over me, from the messy bun at the nape of my neck to my socked feet and back. “You’re glowing.”

The unexpected compliment warmed me from the inside out. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m not,” he insisted, tucking an errant strand of hair behind my ear. His fingers lingered a moment, gently caressing my jawline before dropping away. “You’re beautiful.”

We stared at each other, tension crackling between us. Part of me wanted to lean into him, to let myself be swept up in the moment that had been simmering between us for longer than I cared to acknowledge.

But the wiser part of me knew that was a bad idea. He didn’t do permanent, let alone babies.

Clearing my throat, I brushed past him to throw away my trash and put my cup in the dishwasher, making sure to leave no crumbs for the evident mouse empire that had taken up residence here.

Nate followed me down the hall to the front door, where I stepped into my boots. “So, what’s up with you and babies?”

His grin was positively delighted. “ You are asking me a personal question. I am honored.”

I ignored him, tying the laces. “Don’t make me regret it.”

“There’s not much of a story. I don’t mind babies. I love my buddies’ kids. They’re all basically my nieces and nephews.” He shrugged, hands in his coat pockets. “Just never wanted any of my own. Don’t think I’d be a good dad.”

I straightened and slipped on my coat, considering him. Then I gave in to a quiet laugh as he plucked his black beanie that had recently become mine from the hook and tugged it on my head, making sure my ears were covered.

I thought he’d be a wonderful dad.

Before I could ask him a follow-up question, he changed the subject. “So, you know what you’re looking for today?”

“Yeah, I’ve got a couple in mind, depending on the price.”

“Okay.” His trademark smile settled on his face. “Let’s see what we can do.”

I locked up behind us. “I don’t like the gleam in your eyes.”

“Oh baby, you’ll be thanking me later.”

I didn’t understand what exactly he meant until he opened the glass door to the sales office and slung his arm around my waist, his hand over my hip in a grip that could only be described as possessive.

“What are you doing?” I elbowed him away, but he pulled me tighter to his side.

“Play along,” he whispered, head ducked down, beard scraping along my jaw in a way that sent shivers down my spine and settled between my legs. I momentarily lost my place in space and time, only to be hauled back by the salesman.

“Hi, my name is Matt. How’re you doing today?”

“Great, thanks,” Nate said, shaking his hand.

Matt, who appeared to be in his late forties, propped his hands on his hips, hopeful. “You here to buy a car today?”

“I hope so.” Nate’s thumb skated over my hip bone. It didn’t matter that I had on at least three layers of fabric. He might as well have been caressing my naked skin.

Matt nodded between us. “Excellent. You’re in the right spot. Why don’t you tell me your names and a little bit about what you’re looking for?”

“I’m Nate,” he said, moving me in front of him, settling a proprietary arm across my collarbone, “and this is my wife, Tabby.”

I was stunned into silence.

He kept right on going, cupping his hand over the side of my bump. “And this is the reason we’re here.”

Matt’s face lit up. “Congratulations. I’ve got three at home myself, so I know what it’s like. Is this your first?”

“It is.” Nate bent, lowering his face to mine. “And we’re so excited, right, honeybabe?”

I had the urge to mush his face with my hand and burst out in laughter at the same time. A mixture of a groan and giggle left my throat as I nodded along with this silly game.

Nate kissed my cheek. “I need something safe for my gorgeous wife and our little tadpole here, but we need it to be affordable.” He stood up to his full height, the weight of his arm too much, forcing me to lean against him. He supported me, his chest to my back, his fingers burrowing under my open coat to rest on my shoulder. “I’m sure you can understand what it’s like trying to manage everything, especially with your brood at home.”

Ugh. Nate was just so goddamn likable.

Matt motioned for us to follow him to his desk, where he showed us the framed photos of his kids and promised he’d get our “little family” settled into something nice.

“See?” Nate laced our fingers together as we walked out to the lot, Matt aiming us toward a Subaru that could “grow” with us.

“See what? How we’re suddenly married?” I hissed, holding on tighter to him in the cold.

“Yeah. People love a good love story. So, buckle up, buttercup. Hey, yeah, I really like this one,” he said to Matt as he kept me physically connected to him at all times while he and Matt discussed four-wheel drive, tires, and miles on the car. I was more interested in where the baby seat might go and how I would feel driving it.

“What do you think of this one, honeybunch?” Nate asked, and I barely held back from rolling my eyes.

“I want something a little smaller. I’ve been looking online, and I know you have a few compact SUVs.”

“Sure, sure. I’ve got a RAV4 here.” He led us a few rows over to the silver automobile, and Nate nodded.

“Oh yeah. All the moms drive this.”

I tilted my head up to him. “How would you know?”

“You jealous?”

I didn’t know how or why, but yeah.

He snickered, pulling me into him, my back to his front again. I fit perfectly underneath his chin. Nate and Matt exchanged some questions and answers about the car, but once again, I’d been rendered mute. Pretending to be husband and wife with a baby on the way, it was a game. But the way he held me didn’t feel fake. It felt very real.

Like I belonged at his side, his palm against mine, talking about everyday things like gas mileage.

By the time Nate brought me back to reality with a push to sit in the driver’s seat, Matt had retrieved the keys. The three of us took it for a short spin, and I liked it. It had been a while since I’d driven a car because I’d been riding my bike everywhere, but I didn’t have much issue, save for getting used to the height difference.

“I can see everything up here,” I mused, and Nate reached his hand over, squeezing my thigh with a pleased smile.

“You look good, sweetie pie.”

From the back seat, Matt pointed out different buttons on the dash, though I didn’t pay much mind, attempting to ignore the five-finger imprint Nate had left on my leg.

As I pulled back into the lot, Matt asked how I liked it, and I told him I thought it was great. But before we could go on, so I could get into the budget, Nate pointed at a blue van. “Ooh, honey cakes. We gotta take that beauty out for a drive.”

I frowned at him. “I don’t want…”

He gave me an almost imperceptible shake of his head before turning to Matt. “Prince Charming had a few different ladies try on the glass slipper before it finally fit, right?”

“Right.” Matt chuckled. “Bet you’ll love this one.”

As Matt preceded us to the van, I poked Nate’s side. “What the hell are you doing?”

“You can’t take the first offer. If he knows you don’t need any convincing, we won’t have any wiggle room on the price. I know what I’m doing, hm?”

I heaved a sigh and let the two of them chat about the minivan with three rows of seats and in-floor storage as I attempted to stay warm. While Matt skedaddled back to the office for the key so we could test-drive it, Nate held my cold hands between his, blowing on them, rubbing the backs as if starting a fire. “How are you feeling?”

“Good.”

“Don’t lie.”

“I’m cold. It’s windier than I thought it was going to be.”

He nodded and folded me up, rotating us so he blocked all the wind.

Damn chivalry.

“We’re almost done. I’ll take you out for lunch.”

“You don’t?—”

“I’m hungry for a burrito. You can get a veggie one. What do you think?”

Seeing as how he remembered I wasn’t currently eating meat, and he kept me so warm, I couldn’t deny him. “You know, you’re very good at this.”

“At what?”

At all of it. Being my friend. Being there for me. Being my pretend husband and baby daddy. But I didn’t tell him any of that. Saved by Matt. “Okay, who wants to take the wheel this time?”

Nate snatched the key faster than a dog stealing a treat. “Called it!”

I snorted and hopped into the passenger seat, enjoying the heat from all the vents he pointed at me. This time, I was allowed to watch him drive, his fingers curved around the wheel, arms relaxed, smiling as he spoke to Matt in the rearview mirror. So at ease with himself and with our game, it was easy to believe it.

To want it to be real.

“You look good,” I murmured to him, earning a gigantic grin.

Matt agreed. “This is a real dad vehicle right here. Imagine how good you’ll look pulling up to soccer practice in this.”

“Yeah, imagine,” I teased, but instead of the laugh I thought I’d get in return, Nate’s eyes filled with something I couldn’t read, though it sent goose bumps down my arms.

He hummed thoughtfully and reached for my hand, lacing his fingers with mine. He brought them to his mouth, his lips brushing along the back of my hand when he said, “I can.”

I didn’t dare to hope.

After these last few weeks when everything felt so precarious, I couldn’t hope.

Every choice I made from here on out would affect the rest of my life and the life of the person growing inside me. I couldn’t bear to make the wrong decision. Or, worse, hang my hat on something that wasn’t real.

When Nate parked the van back in its spot, I excused myself to use the restroom. I needed a few minutes to remember who I was and what I was doing before going back out, determined to buy the car I wanted without getting lost in the scheme Nate had invented.

Except, by the time I met them, Nate and Matt were shaking hands. As if the deal was done.

What the fuck?

I stormed up to them, intent on tearing into Nate, but he caught me around the waist. “You’ll be happy.”

Matt motioned to the two of us. “I know how hard it is starting a family.”

“And he offered us a very generous deal,” Nate finished.

“I knocked two thousand off the sticker price and took care of the taxes and tags. We’ll also be putting new tires on the RAV as well.”

For the third time today, I couldn’t speak. He’d done it. Nate’s dumb plan worked. “Wow. Thank you,” I choked out. “Thank you so much.”

“Your husband tells me this will be your car? We can sit down and get all the paperwork taken care of. Do you need a snack or anything?”

“No, I’m?—”

“I see a little table of snacks over there. Is that for customers?” Nate asked, steering me toward Matt’s desk.

Matt nodded. “Help yourself.”

Once I was seated, Nate peeled off and returned a few moments later with a pack of Goldfish. And that’s how I signed on the dotted line, with Nate smiling down at me, opening a packet of kids snacks.

Son of a bitch.

I had a problem.

Because hope had taken root deep in my chest, already threatening to bloom through every part of me.