Chapter Eight

A s the carriage swayed back and forth over the uneven dirt road that led to London, Gavin couldn't help but steal another glance at Holly, sitting straight back against the carriage wall opposite him. After several hours of travel, he found it challenging to feign much interest in the landscape rolling by. Still, he couldn't just openly gawk at her, not with Lady Violet and Katrina in the carriage. Besides which, he found it difficult to meet her eye. Gavin knew Holly was less than pleased with him.

He had acted like an idiot, kissing her in the brewery and leaving afterward, but he had been dumbfounded by his reaction to her. Getting out of her presence had been the only thing he could do to stop himself from taking her right there on the dirty floor of an empty building.

What had possibly possessed him to do something so rash? It wasn't as though he were some inexperienced, young lad. He had a string of former lovers who could attest to his patience regarding lovemaking, and yet all reason and sensibility had vanished the moment he held her in his arms.

It had come over Gavin suddenly, the burning need to have her, but if he was being honest, those feelings of desire had started the first moment he saw her. Her voice had plagued his dreams since coming to Kingston House. Whenever she spoke, her lyrical vocals reverberated in his very soul. Her blue eyes and walnut hair were a striking combination, in his opinion, and he couldn't quite recall a more attractive woman, but the tone of her voice seemed to hypnotize him every time.

Moreover, there had been a growing desire to care for her, especially when it became clear that she had little faith that he would or could. Was it because she was his wife? Or was it something else that drove him?

Questions that need to be answered , he thought as a substantial rain began to fall once again, the droplets slamming against the carriage roof and walls as they drove on. He supposed he could break the silence by mentioning that Mr. Mannion had written him a letter, offering to buy Felton Manor for more than whatever the imaginary buyer had offered Holly. It seemed the old man had finally realized his shortchanging would get him nowhere, especially when he was desperate for the property. But Gavin doubted that his new, higher offer would change anything. When it came to her home, he knew no money could persuade her to sell. On the other hand, Jasper would likely be thrilled to learn about Mr. Mannion's offer, but Gavin wasn't going to tell him about it just yet. The siblings still had things to discuss, and he wouldn't betray Holly's confidence.

The carriage was tight between him and the three ladies, but he did not complain. He had tried for a while to facilitate some small talk, but his mind seemed solely focused on Holly and she had done little but ignore him since their meeting in the brewery. He guessed it was because she was angry that he had left without explanation, but he wondered if it was better this way. The further she kept herself away from him, the better off he was. Less contact meant fewer mistakes.

Still, he couldn't help but steal a glance at her from time to time. The trip to London would take two days, and they had plans to stay the night at an inn, the Carriage and Crown, that sat nearly halfway between Kingston House and London.

At first, the silence seemed welcome, but as the hours passed, Katrina also became restless, and she began asking questions during the second leg of their journey.

"Are we to stay in Mayfair? I've heard that's the most fashionable neighborhood, but that there are many fine houses in other districts as well. I believe Marylebone is also nice, though I certainly have no reference for judgement."

"My own house is in Marylebone, but we'll be staying at the Berkeley Square residence. Bairnsdale Terrace."

"How exciting," Katrina said, turning to her left to see her sister. "Isn't that exciting, Holly?"

"Yes, very," she said, sounding anything but excited.

Katrina frowned at her before turning back to Gavin.

"I remember you saying that you'd only just arrived in London a few weeks ago, after your tour of the continent," she pressed. "I've never left England before."

"I highly suggest it," Gavin said, stretching out his legs as best he could. "The world is vast and beautiful."

"We haven't had the funds to travel to London, let alone the continent," Holly said quietly.

Katrina's shoulders slumped at her sister's practical talk, but Gavin wouldn't let her have the last say. Leaning forward, he spoke directly to Katrina.

"Traveling is a wonderous thing and I for one appreciate it. If only to get a different perspective on the world, it would be worth it, but then there is so much one can get out of it."

Katrina opened her mouth to speak, but Holly's voice hit his ears first.

"It's a wonder you came back to England at all then."

Was that annoyance in her tone? Wanting to tease her, he spoke.

"Well, I couldn't very well let my wife miss out on all the adventures."

The word "wife" seemed to catch everyone by surprise. Holly glared at him but refused to speak. Katrina, who had appeared hopeful that a conversation might evolve, looked defeated as Gavin sat back. She settled back in her seat and stared out the window as the skies turned darker. Two hours later, the driver was calling out, and Gavin peered out the window.

"We're here," he said, glancing up at the building. Fat droplets rained down, distorting the warm, cheerful glow of the inn. The number of carriages and horses Gavin saw outside the building made him wonder if they weren't the only ones wishing to reach London early. "And the storm hasn't let up." He turned to Holly. "Best cover your heads with your shawls."

Holly nodded tightly and turned to her sister and Violet, who were rearranging their coverings. As quickly as they could, Gavin hopped out of the carriage, helped all three ladies down, and hurried them across the courtyard to the safety of the overhanging roof. Gavin followed but slipped and fell flat onto his front on the muddy ground.

"Oh dear!" he heard Holly say as he cursed silently. Standing back up, he tried to wipe his muddy hands onto his jacket, but it proved a poor idea as the entire front of his body was covered in mud.

Holly gave him a sorrowful grimace, but she turned back towards the door, and they all stepped into the cozy tavern room.

The interior was abuzz with the lively conversation and noises of any well-run inn. Silverware clanged together, and plates and glassware rattled and clanked against rough wood tabletops as patrons were served their meals. The soft yellow hues of the oil lamps set the room in a cheerful glow. The scent of roast chicken, potatoes, and herbs filled the air as they walked along the edge of the room. Several travelers stopped mid-conversation to watch them walk by. Two men, in particular, watched the ladies far too intently for Gavin's liking.

Glaring at the men, Gavin escorted Holly, Katrina, and Violet to the barman.

"Rooms, sir?" the white-haired man asked cheerfully. "I'm sorry, but I cannot fit another tonight."

"I've reservations," Gavin said, earning him a surprised glance from Holly. "Bairnsdale. And I'll require a bath brought up to my room, obviously."

"Hmm, of course, sir," the short man said, staring at the mess that was Gavin's outfit before leafing through the pages of his leather-bound ledger. "Aye, here we are. Two rooms, one night." He cupped his hand around his mouth. "Molly! Show these guests to rooms one and two." He faced Gavin once more. "My wife will show you upstairs."

"Thank you," Gavin nodded as he raised his hands, effectively herding Holly, her sister, and Violet through the busy tavern again.

Their driver had come in from the rain, carrying two valises under his arms and another two in each hand. He met them at the bottom of the steps leading up to the second floor, where the innkeeper's short, plump wife stood, waiting for them with a wide smile.

"This way, my lord," she said, gripping her skirts as she climbed the wooden staircase.

Upon reaching the top landing, the woman reached for the first door on her left.

"Here's the lord and lady's room," she said before taking another step to open the next door. The driver placed Gavin and Holly's bags in their room. "And one for the young ladies."

Gavin noticed that Holly's back went rigid as Katrina and Violet moved toward the second room. He had intended for Holly and her sister to share. They had kept separate rooms in Kingston House, and it hadn't even occurred to Gavin that they would require more than two rooms since Violet had joined their company. If possible, he would have secured another room at that moment. But the innkeeper had just explained that no more rooms were available.

His jaw clenched. They would just have to push through it. It was only one night, after all.

"Thank you," Gavin said stiffly to the innkeeper's wife. "Might we have some trays of food brought up?"

"Of course, my lord," the woman said before turning and rushing off.

Holly looked at Katrina. "You will be alright?"

"Yes. Good night," she said, with an exaggerated yawn, just as their driver came out of the room and followed the innkeeper's wife down the staircase.

"Yes, good night," Holly said, entering the first room.

Gavin followed, closing the door behind him.

At first, neither moved, seeming unsure how to go on, but after a moment of breathing to steady his erratic pulse, Gavin walked towards the fireplace, taking off his jacket as he did.

"What are you doing?" Holly asked suddenly.

He paused and turned to face her.

"Undressing."

"Why?"

"I don't suppose you think I should be dressed for my bath."

"You're planning to bathe? In here?"

The corner of his mouth pulled up at her questions.

"Well, I'm considering it. I am covered in mud."

"Oh, well, yes," she said, her eyes dropping over his body. "I suppose you are."

Her discomfort was evident, and for a moment, Gavin considered waiting until London to bathe, but then that would be ridiculous. He reached for his travel bag and pulled out a small bar of Pear's soap. If he had learned anything in his travels, it was that one should always have a bar of soap and a decent pair of boots.

He glanced at Holly as he did so and noticed a faint pink shade creeping over her cheekbones and the bridge of her nose. The added color to her cheeks made her look lovely, and Gavin's heart thudded loudly in his chest. Why he always found himself suddenly aroused by that blush, he did not know, but he tried his best to ignore it. Instead, he decided to focus on making amends for walking out on her in the brewery.

Still holding the soap in his hands, he took a step towards her.

"I want to apologize for abandoning you in the brewery the other day," he began eyes on her. "I assure you, you did nothing wrong."

Her eyes squinted.

"Yes, I am aware."

His mouth quirked up again. He hadn't expected that.

"What I meant to say is, I shouldn't have put you in a position where you might have thought I was taking advantage of you."

Holly stared at him and then dropped her gaze.

"That is considerate of you, I suppose." Silence. And then, "But I did not think you were taking advantage of me."

"No?" he asked softly, stepping towards her.

"No," she said, her hands raised slightly at his advance. "But I am glad you stopped it. We should refrain from participating in any… physical sports."

He stopped his steps, his brow lifted. He hadn't expected such frankness from Holly on a subject most ladies would be uncomfortable discussing. It made him curious.

"Have you, well, participated in such sports before?"

Holly's eyes widened as the pink of her cheeks deepened.

"Absolutely not," she said quickly, shaking her head.

Gavin swallowed his pleasure at her answer. He nodded, though.

"You've a rather easy way of speaking about it, is all."

"Well, I'm not a child. I'm aware of the world and how it works, even if I've never…" She shook her head, looking briefly uncertain. "All I'm saying is, that I believe we should refrain from kissing one another. I fear it will only complicate matters when our annulment comes to fruition. Don't you agree?"

Not in the slightest.

"Yes, of course," he said as a knock sounded on the door.

Turning, he opened it as two maids entered with a pair of food trays, setting them down on the small square table in the corner of the room. A round, steady-handed man entered behind them, carrying a Parisian sponge bath, which he placed on the floor in front of the fireplace as Holly moved to take her seat at the table.

"Apologies, my lord," the man said. "But all our hip baths are occupied at the moment."

Gavin pursed his lips in displeasure but nodded, eyeing the steam rising from the water. He would have to use a cloth to clean himself as it was more the size of a bucket than a bath. The servants exited the room, and he began to tug at his dirty cravat.

"Well, you are in luck, Holly. You don't need to fight the urge to watch me bathe completely naked," he said, walking towards the sponge bath.

The very next moment, though, he heard her laughing. Turning, he saw that she was holding her hand to her chest, laughing as she gazed at him. The sound of it undid him, and at that moment, he would have pledged allegiance to any god that would give him the ability to make her laugh for the rest of his life.

Why was the ability to make her laugh so intoxicating? He didn't understand this yearning to make her smile, but her laughter curled around him so that it confused him. Frowning as he tried to comprehend, his train of thought came to an abrupt halt when her hands came up to distract him.

"No, no, you misunderstand," she said, swallowing her laughter. "It's just…You're completely covered in mud and they…" She tried to stifle her laughter. "And they barely gave you enough water to clean your face."

As soon as the words had left her lips, she fell into a fit of giggles again.

"Yes, terribly amusing, that," he said dryly, trying to sound annoyed even though her laughter made his chest swell with feeling. He would have to make do with what he had.

Undoing the ties at his wrists, he pulled the mud-covered shirt over his head, then took up one of the folded cloths the maids had carried in and began scrubbing his face, ears, and neck. He moved the warm, wet cloth through his hair, scratching his skull as he did so. The repetitive sloshing of water became the single noise in the room as he scrubbed the soap into the cloth, lathering it into a bubbly wash before moving it all over his neck and chest. Halfway through his cleaning, he turned his head over his shoulder to see if Holly was eating, but she was perfectly still, watching him.

She sat on one of the tiny stools around the table, eyes on him as he continued his task, if slightly slower now than when he had begun. He was intrigued when she didn't turn away as he cleaned his chest and torso with the wet rag.

"Eat something, before it gets cold," he said, causing her to jump slightly.

She cleared her throat.

"Yes, of course," she said.

She refocused on the dinner tray before her as Gavin finished cleaning his upper body. Now, he was presented with a problem.

Usually, he would strip completely. If he had been alone, he probably would have eaten his food naked before falling asleep. But with Holly a handful of feet away from him, he couldn't. As mature as she was, he was sure she had never seen a man completely naked, and while that pleased him, he had to keep in mind that she had led a sheltered life. He had no wish to shock or upset her.

Still, he couldn't go to bed with his lower body still covered in mud.

Undoing the front buttons of his mud-cover pantaloons, he was quick to remove them and his short under breeches. With a speed he hadn't known he possessed, he wiped the rest of himself down and pulled open his valise, removing a pair of long trousers.

To save Holly some embarrassment, he pulled them on as well as a clean shirt before turning towards her. He came around the table and took a seat, noting that she had barely eaten.

"Is the food bad?"

"Oh no," she said, not meeting his eyes as she tore a piece of bread in half.

Curious, he tore his own bread and dipped it into the medium-warm beef stew. The scent of sweet carrots, peas, onions, and potatoes wafted up, and he ate it, only then realizing how famished he had been. He ate heartedly and was nearly finished when he noticed that Holly had finally eaten, at least, a portion of her meal, though far from all of it.

"Are you not hungry?"

"Not terribly, no," she said, tugging at the damp collar of her dress.

Gavin's full attention focused on her fingers. When she noticed where he was looking, her hand dropped. He had been so focused on his undressing that he hadn't stopped thinking that Holly would have to undress as well.

"I suppose it getting late," Holly said, her eyes not rising to meet his.

"I suppose," he said, watching her.

After another minute of silence, she nodded and stood, as did he. She paused when she saw him stand.

"Um…I'm not sure… Well…"

"If you need me," he said, moving around his chair to stand before her. He lifted his finger and gestured to the corner. "I'll be over here."

A wave of relief came over Holly's face.

"Thank you, Gavin," she said as she moved past him, and Gavin froze.

It was the first time she had called him by his name, and the way her voice wrapped around the letters made him hard and soft simultaneously and in different places. He couldn't understand how a voice could make him rigid, but he knew he would give her the world if only he thought she'd accept it.

What a dangerous situation to be in.

He reached into his mudded coat pocket and pulled out one of the last lemony mint candies that he had devoured these past few weeks. Unfolding the tiny confection and popping into his mouth, he wondered if he would be able to discover the mystery sender, or if not, if he would at least be able to find the store that produced them.

The rustle of her undressing behind him, only a few short feet away, may have also contributed to his growing discomfort. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her scurry onto the mattress, and by the time she said, "You may turn around," she was already beneath the covers, tucked into the corner of the bed, sheets pulled up to her chin.

He smirked, unable to stop as he moved around the room to turn down the oil lamps. He knew she was nervous, and as difficult as it was going to be sleeping next to her all night without touching her, he didn't have designs to ruin her.

"You know, there's no reason to be worried. I've no intentions of ravishing you tonight."

Holly's fingers curled around the top edge of the sheets and pulled them down an inch.

"You don't?" she asked, and his brow lifted. "I mean, good."

"Good," he answered.

Crossing the room, he lifted the sheets and climbed into bed. Gavin thought the space between them was impressively vast for such a small bed, and he wondered if it might decrease through the night.

Holly made a throaty noise, and he paused.

"Yes?" he asked after a moment.

"It's just… May I ask why?"

"Why what?"

"Why you don't have designs on… well, that?"

Gavin was glad it was too dark to see her face because he doubted she would have been able to bring herself to ask him if she could see his eyes. He laid his head back on the pillow, staring into the darkness above him.

"Do you wish me to?"

"N-no!"

Low laughter rumbled in his chest.

"No, I suppose you wouldn't. Which is precisely the reason I don't have plans to do so." After silence, he added, "You didn't think I would force myself on you. Did you?"

He felt the slight lift of her shoulder against the blanket that covered both of them.

"I wasn't sure."

He frowned.

"Because we kissed?"

"Oh no," she said, sitting up slightly. "Not because of that. I just… I don't know. I thought that since we're technically married, you'd want to, well, do that. Regardless of my feelings."

He turned to face her, the light from the fire illuminating only part of her face.

"Your feelings are at the forefront of my mind, and I hope you are aware that anyone who would disregard them would not be worthy of you." She was quiet, and so he continued. "The truth is, Holly, I would very much like to take you." Her sharp intake of breath only emboldened him. "But seeing as we're seeking an annulment, I'm afraid I have to agree with your previous statement. It isn't wise to touch one another."

"Oh," she whispered softly in the darkness, and Gavin had to bite his bottom lip to ignore the pain in his groin.

"Good night, Holly."

"Good night," she said before adding, "Gavin."