Chapter Sixteen

H olly could barely contain her aggravation as she prepared to travel to Bond Street that morning after breakfast. Gavin had taken his leave with Jasper to settle her brother at his old Marylebone residence without so much as a goodbye. Well, that was just as well. She didn't wish to speak to either of them, particularly if they were busy congratulating themselves for making such a careless mistake.

The nerve of Gavin! Jasper was still a child, completely unfit to govern his own life, let alone anyone else's. And it didn't have anything to do with his age. Katrina was born the same day and was vastly more competent than her twin brother. Jasper simply didn't have the maturity to be given an entire residence without supervision.

It bothered Holly to no end that Jasper had somehow gotten his way once more. Not because she didn't wish the world for him but because he had never learned to handle disappointment properly. He was always bitter and sarcastic as if the world had done a great injustice to him and only him. It was infuriating, to say the least.

Still, some of her hoped Gavin knew what he was doing. Holly truly wanted Jasper to become a successful, happy man. She knew a time would come when she would have to let him stumble as he undoubtedly would, but at this point, he was more likely to fall flat on his face. She lacked the ability or the money to pull him back from the brink of failure, and she hoped she wouldn't need to.

Thankfully Katrina didn't give her such issues. Never had a set of twins been more different than Jasper and Katrina. Waiting for her sister in the foyer, she was surprised to see Katrina come down the stairs, accompanied by Marnie. Holly tried not to grimace. Surely she wouldn't be coming with them again, would she?

"Holly, Aunt Marnie has decided that she is in the market for new gloves," Katrina said without a hint of aversion. "She doesn't have any for the St. James Palace."

Holly kept her face blank though her insides shook.

"I didn't realize Miss Winscombe would be accompanying us to St. James."

"Yes, I'm sure you would rather I stay locked up here," Marnie said, brushing past her. "But at least one of you Smyths has learned some manners. Miss Katrina here has invited me."

Holly's eyes widened as she looked at her sister, who silently shook her head as they followed Marnie out the door.

"Did she?" Holly asked.

"Yes, and it was with a dutiful heart that I accepted. Surely there isn't anyone better than I to instruct this young lady on court life. I've been attending Queen's ball since the very first. Now, of course, since our King no longer has his queen, the ball is being hosted by Princess Elizabeth, but she is quite dedicated to maintaining the old traditions in her mother's memory. So, it is a good choice of your sister to call on me for my services."

"A blessing we were not aware of, I'm sure," Holly said as she climbed into the carriage.

For the entire ride to Bond Street, Marnie delighted in telling the two about all the times she had attended the annual debutante event. She spoke of her favorites which somehow always coincided with the most successful lady of the season, and named several choices marked with favor by others who had not lived up to their names. She also mentioned several disappointments and famous errors she had witnessed over the years and how each person had fared afterward.

Holly tried to catch Katrina's eye but she seemed entirely engrossed in everything Marnie said. She continued talking as they entered Miss Piedmont's establishment to pick up their ballgowns. Once finished there they went next door to the glove and fan shop. Marnie's recitation continued unabated, but to Holly's surprise, Katrina seemed genuinely interested, leaving Holly wandering about the shop idly as the two chatted.

Lifting a silk kerchief laid out on a dark-grain wood display table. Holly traced the fine cloth through her fingers as she watched the two pick out gloves. Perhaps Katrina had found something amiable about the old woman, though Holly wasn't sure how that was possible. Still, she might try to befriend the old woman, if only to minimize Marnie's hostility towards her, mainly when she brought up John.

Holly sighed at the thought of her friend. She had so many questions. Ever since his death, it seemed she was bombarded with mysteries, and every day, she seemed to get further from the truth. Holly wanted to ask him about his sister and why she was so hellbent on keeping the coffers full. Was it because he really hadn't provided an adequate allowance to support Marnie and Gavin? That didn't sound like him at all—but she knew the relationship between the siblings had been strained, and perhaps anger had driven John to behave uncharacteristically. John had even mentioned once that he didn't enjoy the London season much and rarely visited the town during the spring and summer for fear of running into his sister. Holly thought avoiding an entire city for one person was silly, but then she'd supposed that John had his reasons.

And Marnie was a particular reason. Now that she'd had the chance to spend time with the woman, Holly could well understand how someone might go to great lengths to avoid her. Holly would do so herself if she had the opportunity. But instead, they had all been thrown together, and she supposed she should try and make the best of it, especially now that they would likely remain in each other's lives.

Coming around the display table, Holly heard Katrina asking which shade of orange she might use as a ribbon, holding two different trimmings on either side of her head.

"Which contrasts better with the shade of my hair?" Katrina asked.

"This one, I think," Marnie said, pointing to the thicker ribbon. "Always best to go with bolder accents as opposed to the bolder gown. It catches the eye without drowning out everything else. A tip shared with me by the Duchess of Wellington."

"How very interesting," Katrina said thoughtfully.

"Over there," Marnie pointed to a cupboard against the wall. "See if you can't find a pair of gloves with tangerine thread."

Katrina did as she was told, and Holly stepped gingerly into her spot. Lowering her voice, she leaned in.

"It's very kind of you to share your knowledge with my sister. To be sure, neither of us would have been very prepared for St. James Palace."

"No," Marnie said. "You wouldn't have been." Holly nodded, unsure what to say to break through to the old woman when she spoke suddenly. "It might have done you a bit of good, had you had a season."

Holly lifted one of her shoulders before dropping it.

"It was not meant to be, I'm afraid. There's little room in the ton for poor country gentry."

"No, and yet you've managed to catch yourself a baron."

Holly tried not to make a face but turned fully to face her.

"I am sorry, Miss Winscombe, that you have been disappointed in the great hopes you had for your nephew. I can't imagine it's been easy for you, raising him as you did on your own. And with so little help."

Holly was baiting the woman, but she was eager to learn all she could.

"It wasn't easy," Marnie said slowly. "But it was my duty."

"I know about that. It was my duty to raise my Jasper and Katrina when our mother passed away."

Evidently, it hadn't ever dawned on Marnie that she and Holly had both raised children that hadn't been their own. As if seeing her for the first time, Marnie's expression lightened as she looked at Holly with a new appreciation.

"Then you know the weight of it. You know, I was the eldest as well."

"Were you?"

Marnie nodded.

"Indeed, I was. John was two years younger than me, but Joseph, Gavin's father, was ten years my junior," she said, the faintest of smiles touching her wrinkled lips at the memory of her youngest brother. "We doted on him as a child, John and I. He was so even tempered. Such a darling boy."

Holly smiled, charmed to learn about Gavin's father as Marnie continued, her brow pinching together as her eyes went out of focus as if watching a long-forgotten memory play out before her.

"A darling boy, but he didn't have a strong constitution. He was often sick. I wanted to protect him from the world, but John insisted otherwise. He was so sure that Joseph could do anything, be anything, that he never accounted for the risks if he should be pushed too far."

Holly's smile faded as she tilted her head.

"Too far?"

Marnie nodded slowly as if in a daze.

"It was John who insisted that Joseph travel with him on some wicked, depraved holiday on the continent. Joseph fell ill and returned home a short time after. He never recovered. Gavin had caught whatever illness had taken his father and for a time we didn't think he would make it either. But then he did, and I promised the Lord that I would take care of him… but John had other ideas. He argued that as he wouldn't have any children of his own, Gavin was his heir and should be raised by him."

Holly frowned.

"John wanted Gavin to come live with him?"

"Yes, but I couldn't let him do to Gavin what he had done to Joseph. No. Joseph's death was a punishment for all the gambling and carousing under John's dissolute guidance." She shook her head as if trying to shake away the memory. Turning to face Holly, her brow puckered. "John was a wicked man."

Holly's brow pinched together. She doubted there had been a wicked bone in John's entire body, but Marnie seemed too deep in her beliefs to be convinced otherwise, and Holly couldn't see that there was anything to be gained by arguing. Taking a deep breath, she pressed on, trying to sympathize with a woman who had lost her brother.

"I suppose it would have been difficult for you to let Gavin go, to be raised by John."

"He tried to take Gavin from me once. Threatened me with legal action, but I told him that if he dared bring me to court, I would expose him," she said with a definitive nod.

Holly stared at the old woman, conflicted. She understood the desire to protect one's family, especially a child in one's care. Still, in doing so, Marnie had lost her relationship with her other brother. She had succeeded in retaining guardianship. But at what cost?

Gavin hadn't known a happy home with Marnie growing up; he said so himself. It seemed her bitterness had boiled over once she got the better of John, which also explained why the old baron hadn't had any contact with Gavin during his formidable years. Because Marnie had made sure that they wouldn't be close.

A tiny worry began to break over her as the comparisons between Marnie and herself became more apparent. While Holly had never meant to suffocate Jasper, she started worrying that her concern for him was overzealous. He was still foolish, but perhaps she shouldn't try to hold on to him as much as she did, lest they find themselves in a situation where she and Jasper never spoke again.

"It was John's own fault. Had he never stolen Gavin's father away from me—"

"No, no, I understand," Holly said, her hand coming up, even if she didn't quite agree. "I guess I'm just confused. Why would John refuse even to provide adequate financial support for you and Gavin?"

Marnie's eyes shifted downward, and though Holly couldn't be sure, it seemed she was hiding something.

"Yes, well, some people have a harder time with managing monies," she said, her tone strained, turning around. "Where has that sister of yours gone off to?"

She skirted away, leaving Holly to wonder what she meant by managing monies. Had she had trouble managing her accounts? Holly knew from experience with Felton Manor that mistakes could prove costly… but she still got the sense that there was more to it than that.

Holly had a suspicion that she hadn't learned everything she could from Marnie. At least, not yet.

The remainder of the morning was spent gathering the final touches needed for Katrina's debut at St. James Palace. Holly and Marnie didn't speak much for the rest of the trip but were sure to beam at Katrina whenever she asked a question or solicited one of their opinions. Her excitement for the season was palpable and contagious.

With their shopping excursion finished, the carriage was loaded with the final boxes of necessities. Marnie continued to school Katrina in everything she thought was important while Holly's mind turned thoughtful.

Upon arriving home, the grey cat Pauline stood on the bottom of the staircase, dutifully watching the women as they entered.

"Oof, that rotten animal," Marnie said, waving her hand at it. "Shoo. Begone."

"I quite like cats," Katrina said, handing boxes to one of the maids who had come up to help them. "But this one isn't terribly friendly, is it?"

As if the cat understood and wanted to prove her wrong, it stepped off the stair and slowly walked toward Holly. Marnie skirted away from it quickly, evidently still wary of the animal since it attacked her.

"Keep it away from me," she said, cowering behind Mr. Spieth, who shielded the old woman as if he were some gallant knight.

With the tip of her tail switching back and forth, the cat approached Holly's feet and sat down, looking up at her. She half expected the creature to rub against her leg, but it only sat there, watching her.

"Peculiar little thing, isn't it?" Holly said, bending down.

She stretched out her hand to pet the top of her head, but instantly it swatted at her, missing her by a hair as Holly jolted back up.

"It's a menace," Marnie hissed.

Holly could barely disagree, but that was hardly the poor cat's fault. It had been locked away alone for ages. It probably wasn't sure how to be around people. Supposedly the entire staff had learned to avoid the animal, which made Holly feel sorry for the little thing.

Walking around the cat, Holly, Katrina, and Marnie went to their rooms with their purchases. Holly set her gloves, stockings, and hairpins on her dresser before changing for dinner. After several moments, she heard Gavin's arrival. Staring at the wall that separated their rooms, she ignored the impatient yearning to see him.

They had decided to have a quiet dinner that evening since the debutante ball at St. James Palace was to take place the following evening. Her nervousness surprised Holly, especially considering she wasn't even being presented. Still, it was an extraordinary event, especially for a country miss.

Holly paused in dressing and started at the door connecting her and Gavin's room. She was surprised to find she had been eager to be in his presence all day, even though she was still annoyed with him for inserting himself between her and Jasper.

Remembering that, she turned away from the connecting door and opened the door into the hallway. Except she didn't get very far. Standing in the hallway, leaning against the opposite wall, was Gavin.

A flutter went through her as she saw him, and he pressed himself off the wall, stepping toward her.

"Hello," he said, his voice a balm to her agitation.

"Hello," she said softly.

"May I have a word? In private?" He nodded towards her room.

"Of course," she said, gesturing him in.

Once he had entered, she closed the door behind them, ignoring the rising giddiness she felt in his company. It was silly, she knew, to be so infatuated with someone. Perhaps she was embarrassed to admit it, but her feelings for Gavin continued to grow. She could no longer choose to have or not have emotions for him. No, now her affection for him had taken on a life of its own.

Turning, she watched as his hand reached out of her vanity table, lightly touching a series of objects, such as a hand mirror and a pin she had decided not to wear that evening. His fingers landed on the wooden box that held the jewelry that John had left her and paused.

"You know, you never received a ring."

"Excuse me?"

He turned to gaze at her, his hazel eyes tinted with something she couldn't pinpoint.

"For our marriage."

"Oh," Holly said, shaking her head. "I did. Or rather, I was offered one."

Moving about the room, she headed towards a table at the edge of her bed. Opening the tiny drawer, she pulled out an old reticule. Fishing out the slim gold band John had given her, she brought it over to Gavin and held up her open hand. The small ring sat in the middle of her palm.

Gavin examined it, and to her surprise, he picked it up. After a moment, he stared at her.

"It's a tiny thing. I wonder why he didn't give you something grander."

"I don't think the timing allotted allowed him to be grandiose," Holly said, reaching for it. Gavin let her take it. "Besides, John was more than generous with what I was left here."

Gavin turned around, eyeing the jewelry box.

"Yes, John was generous to certain people."

Though he didn't sound bitter, Holly knew he harbored an old wound on that score. However, after discussing with Marnie that day, she wondered how much John's generosity had been bestowed on them when Gavin was growing up. Perhaps the shortages in their household accounts were more due to Marnie's mismanagement than John's lack of generosity?

She opened her mouth to inquire, but then Gavin spoke.

"Still, I should like to have a new one made. Not to detract from your friendship with my uncle, or anything. But…"

A minor, knowing ache pulled at Holly's heart.

"Yes," she said, vaguely aware of what he was trying to express.

Though they had started off as strangers, their relationship had developed, and he wanted to honor it by giving her a proper wedding band. She was rather pleased with that thought, and she smiled.

"As for what I wanted to talk to you in private about," he said after a moment. "I've set up your brother in Marylebone, in my old apartments."

Holly's smile faltered.

"Oh. Well. That's fine, I suppose."

He took a step towards her.

"Do you understand my decision though?"

"Yes," she said, dropping her gaze as she moved around him. "Yes, I do. You're giving him the chance to prove he can be responsible. Although I doubt giving him all the freedoms in the world will teach him anything except excessiveness. I can only imagine that he'll be mortgaging Felton Manor at the hazards table by the end of the week."

"I've not given him anything a young man cannot handle."

She gave him a knowing look.

"He's a boy."

"He's not though, Holly," Gavin said, walking towards her, effectively cornering her between a pair of chairs and her wardrobe in the corner of the room. "And trying to keep him so will only cause him to resent you."

She thought back on her conversation with Marnie from earlier. She certainly did not want to make the same mistakes, but it was still difficult to believe in her brother. She shook her head.

"His only idea to get out of his debts is to sell the one thing that, given a little time and care, could support him his entire life. He has no foresight."

"It's because he's young, but he can still learn."

"And you think you're able to teach him?" she asked, unable to keep the disbelief out of her voice.

Gavin's expression remained blank.

"Might you let me try, before concluding that I've failed?"

Holly swallowed. She didn't want to believe that Gavin would fail, but her brother had proven time and time again that he wasn't mature enough to conduct himself or his own affairs. But what could she do? Gavin seemed determined and she needed to trust him.

She dropped her head and shrugged.

"If you genuinely think this will help Jasper, then I don't suppose I can stop you."

Gavin's hand appeared beneath her chin, lifting her head up, and their eyes met.

"No. But I'd rather have your support."

She inhaled mint and lemon and sighed. It was unfair how that scent had become something she craved. His desire for her backing was touching.

"Very well."

He smirked, and without preamble, he leaned forward and kissed her. Holly was instantly separated from all her worries and cares as he wrapped his arms around her. Good Lord, he kissed her with such yearning that she was sure her toes were shaking when he pulled back.

Despite knowing dinner would be served momentarily, and she really should finish getting ready, Holly leaned into him instead. She curled her fingers beneath the lapels of his coat and pulled him towards her, leaning back until she felt the wardrobe door behind her.

Lifting her chin slightly as he kissed down her throat, she spoke.

"We're going to miss dinner."

"Good."

She rolled her eyes, smothering a smile.

"They'll know why."

Gavin pulled back and stared down at her.

"I should hope so."

Holly laughed as Gavin continued making easy work of her gown.

"Might we go to your room?" she asked softly, earning her a questioning look. "It's warmer there."

"As you wish," he said.

Holly had imagined she would walk to his room, but the next instant, Gavin bent over and hoisted her up into his arms.

"Gavin!" she gasped as he walked her across her bedchamber. "What on earth are you doing?"

"Fulfilling your request."

"I can walk."

He shrugged as he opened the door between their rooms.

"Can you? How interesting."

Holly had to stifle a laugh as he crossed the threshold. He was impossible to argue with sometimes, particularly when he was determined to do something his way. But Holly had to give him credit. She had never felt so secure as when she was with him, which was indeed a testament to the sort of person Gavin was. He did not brood, nor did he treat her or her family with a heavy hand. He was thoughtful and gentle, though he could be mischievous occasionally, just as he was at that moment.

Gavin walked around the edge of his bed and dropped her gently onto the counterpane. Holly's gaze fell on the stack of black books lining the wall beneath the window for a moment. John's journals.

Gavin followed Holly's line of sight and sighed when he realized what she was looking at.

"Have you started to read them yet?" Holly asked as Gavin began to undress.

"I flipped through a few, but the earlier ones are not very interesting," he said, shrugging off his coat and then vest. "I've actually been looking for some specific information."

"What information?"

"Something your brother mentioned."

"Oh?" Holly said. "What about?"

The corner of his mouth pulled up, though his gaze didn't meet hers.

"Something about how my uncle mentioned that we should meet. Jasper said John brought it up last summer."

"Really?"

"Yes, but so far I've only found something pertaining to last year's house party. The former Duchess of Combe showed up unannounced?" He shook his head as he began to crawl onto the bed. "It's not exactly exciting."

"That happened last summer," Holly said, scooching back. "You must read further back."

"Further back? Why?"

"Because," Holly said, suddenly unsure.

Should she tell him her theory?

"Because why?"

She shook her head. She wouldn't tell him what she had learned that day, about John wanting custody or her theory that he might have been more generous with his allowance than Gavin had been led to believe. Not when she still wasn't sure she had the whole story.

"I only knew John for a portion of his life and I must confess, I'm terribly curious about his early life," she said as Gavin advanced. "I think you should read them and tell me about it."

"You're welcome to read them yourself."

Holly shook her head, an idea forming. Hesitantly, she stepped back up and looked directly into his hazel eyes.

"I want you to read them," she said softly. "And tell me what's written."

Gavin tilted his head, watching her with a curious, sultry stare.

"Is this about those supposed wicked stories he wrote?" he asked, and Holly nodded. Whatever she could do to get him to read them. Gavin smirked. "Very well. Then I'll start them tonight."

Pleased, Holly leaned forward, kissing him. His hand came up and held her mouth to his, and Holly became breathless.