Chapter 9: Thad

Chapter 9

Thad

Toying with Kelley is fun, though not as fun as his striptease this morning. Okay, it wasn’t exactly stripping, but with the way his pajama pants kept slinking lower and lower as he raised his arms over his head, it might as well have been. Miles and miles of tanned skin were bare to me. And that tattoo? Ungh, I wanted to run my tongue over each letter, making him forget whoever CA is.

He said he’s never had a serious relationship, but why else would you tattoo initials with an arrow through them? Might not have been serious, but it looks like heartbreak to me.

All day, I push and push to piss Brady off, knowing he has somewhere to run to—into the arms of those hot men he has waiting for him. When he finally gets to breaking point, it’s lunchtime, and he makes some bullshit excuse about wanting to go for a walk to get some fresh air, leaving Kelley and me alone.

Only when Brady goes and I throw myself on the couch next to Kelley and smile at him, he doesn’t smile back.

“You okay?” I ask.

He averts his gaze. “Uh, yeah. Fine.”

He’s so not fine.

“Did I cross a line trying to get Brady out of here?”

“No. No, not at all. I knew what you were doing.”

“But it still got in your head, didn’t it? ”

“Maybe.”

“Okay, then we stop. When Brady gets back from his ‘walk,’ we’ll quit the snark and be friendly. Tell him I had a lobotomy.”

That gets me a smile. “It’s honestly fine. There are the things I know to be true that my brain tries to tell me are not, so it gets mixed up in my head sometimes. As long as you haven’t gone back to hating me.”

I shake my head. “I shouldn’t have even suggested we keep it up, and now I feel guilty for making you question it.”

“Gah.” Frustration radiates from his tight shoulders. “I really shouldn’t react to it the way I do. I need to let it all roll off my back.”

I press my lips together because I agree that’s what he needs to do, but growing thick skin isn’t as easy as acknowledging how thin it is to begin with. “Say the word and I’ll happily drop the whole thing, but I could maybe help you with learning how to do that.”

“Do what?”

“Not let it get to you. I’m not an expert by any means, but I’m the opposite of you. People can criticize me all they want about my sexuality, the way I look, the massive chest tattoo that is that little bit too big and peeks out the top of all my work shirts. But when it comes to baseball, my talent, or the fact I couldn’t make it, that’s when I have issues letting go.”

“It sounds like we each have what the other needs,” Kelley murmurs. “But short of actually giving you a lobotomy to try to steal that confident part of your brain, what are you suggesting?”

That’s the last thing I expect to come out of his mouth, so I can’t help but laugh. “I have the sudden urge to call Brady back in case you’re about to bring out surgical tools.”

He waves me off. “Eh. I wouldn’t know which part of the brain to dissect anyway. You’re safe while I don’t have any internet to google it.”

Again, I laugh. I like Kelley’s sense of humor. A couple of days ago, I wouldn’t have thought he even had one of those. Though, a few days ago, I was too blind to my jealous rage to really see.

“Could it be possible you might come around if you’re desensitized to it?” I ask. “If there was a way for you to know for certain that I was not judging you or criticizing you, do you think you could learn to not let it get to you?”

“How do you propose to do that though? I knew this morning, and I still panicked, thinking everything you said last night didn’t actually happen.”

And now I feel even more guilty. I rub my jaw.

He continues. “I know it did , but that irrational part of my brain likes to question everything. I’m working on it, but it’s a long road.”

It must be difficult to know you’re being irrational. Like, you know it. It’s the truth. But your brain keeps telling you it could be a lie. I’ll admit I have no psych experience other than all the sports psychology coaches have drilled into me over the years, but surely there would be something we could do to get him past it.

“I still think we should drop it, but if you want the help, I’m your man. I don’t know if you know this, but I’m not always this happy guy. I’ve been known to be an asshole on occasion. Shocking, I know. Hard to believe.”

Kelley fakes shock. “No, you? Really? Here I was thinking you deserved a humanitarian award for all the nice things you’ve said and done to me.”

“It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

“How noble of you.”

“I am very nobleous.”

“Noble … ous. Yes. Definitely a word. That you just said.”

I smile. “Would you believe I graduated college with a 4.0 GPA?”

“Holy shit, really? That’s like?—”

“A lie. I didn’t. No way. I was a standard 3.0 all the way. I did the bare minimum in the required courses so I could stay on the baseball team and excelled in all the sports management ones without really having to think.”

Kelley playfully shoves me. “I totally believed you.”

I rub where he shoved me, but not because it hurt. It didn’t. It … wa s something else. Him touching me. His smile. That spark again.

It shines in his eyes as bright as the sun outside.

I slink back on the couch. “Maybe we should work on your gullibility before toughening your psyche.”

“I’ll think about it. It would be nice to not stress over not knowing what’s being said about me.”

“Is that why you can’t have a phone around you? It’s not that you have to know, but you can’t sit there and not know?”

Kelley nods. “It’s so annoying, and I do hate myself for it. It’s like I’m addicted to seeing it? Good and bad. Sometimes even the well-meaning messages and comments will set off my anxiety, and I know this. Yet, I can’t stop myself from looking. It’s a sickness. Literally.”

“Have your therapists given you anything that helps?”

“I’ve been given tools to manage it, and mostly they work … in public. By some miracle, I’m able to hold it together in front of others, but by myself? Alone with my thoughts? That’s scarier than a haunted house on Halloween.”

“Aww, are you scared of those kiddie haunted houses? That’s a bit cute.”

“It’s not so much the ghouls and scary music. It’s the fully grown-ass adults dressed up like demons or zombies who are able to stand so still you think they’re a mannequin and then suddenly jump out at you. I, uh, might have punched one of them one time and then was asked to never return to the State Fair when I was seventeen.”

Okay, that’s a lot cute. “Note to self. Don’t try to jump-scare you.”

“Good plan unless you want a black eye.”

“Ooh, you should give me a black eye, and then when Brady gets back, he’ll freak out about leaving us alone and stress about telling his uncle what happened.”

“And how will that encourage him to go out to see his boyfriendy people more?”

“It wouldn’t, but it would be fun to watch him squirm. ”

“Question. Do you like to emotionally torture all your friends?”

“It’s not friendship unless it’s toxic.”

Kelley cocks his head, his lips pressed together. He can’t tell if I’m being serious or not again. “You know, I have the number of a great therapist. If you need it.”

I burst out laughing. “I assure you, I am joking. It would be fun messing with Brady, but you’re right. We’re trying to be nice to him, seeing as he’s lucky enough to be getting fucked every which way ’til Sunday while we’re here.”

Kelley shifts, palming one leg of his jeans down as if needing to adjust himself without actually touching the part that’s too … tight. “I still don’t know how the idea of sex with two people is appealing to you, but you do you.”

I’d rather do you , my mouth wants to say, but I don’t let it.

“He’s got the right idea though. Spending the long hours out here in the middle of nowhere having multiple orgasms to pass the time …” I really shouldn’t be saying that, but I can’t help myself.

And even though Kelley Afton has that deep, tanned skin, a blush is visible as it creeps up his neck, and I know I’m going to keep teasing him.

I want to move in and kiss my way across his pink-stained jaw, but I have to refrain. At least until he gives me the go-ahead. If he’s even interested.

I should be focusing on my career and not the sexy client sitting next to me, but, well, I don’t seem to have a professional side when it comes to Kelley. If I’m not insulting him, I’m wanting to have sex with him.

Or maybe I want sex because I haven’t gotten any in a long while. Who knows? All I know is that I want Kelley.

Right here. Right now.

As I stare down at what I’m assuming is a really thick cock, if the way his pajamas showed it off this morning was accurate and his pants are tented, I can’t help thinking he’s on the same page. But having a bodily reaction and actually being interested are two completely different things.

“Are y-you … are you implying … uh, with … me?” He can’t make himself look at me as he asks.

“I was actually thinking Doris from the front desk might be up for a party.”

His head snaps in my direction, and I laugh. He makes this way too easy.

“Fucking with you. Again. She’s not my type. Gay all the way. Though good ol’ Doris did have some masculine qualities about her, so maybe if I was desperate enough.”

Kelley smiles. “You’re fucking with me again, aren’t you?”

“Old people deserve some love and sex too.”

“I’m sure the groundskeeper, her husband, can do that for her.”

“Damn, she’s married? There goes my chance.”

Randomly, Kelley asks, “Do you think the guys Brady’s with are married? They seem older, and?—”

“You’re not, like, jealous, are you?” That’s when it hits me. “Oh. Oh ! Do you have a thing for Brady?”

“No,” he says way too quickly. “I’m … thinking about dynamics. How a relationship like that works.”

“Well, I’m no expert. I can tell you how sex between three people works, but relationships? No clue. Actually, I don’t know how relationships work between two people, so I can’t help. I thought you said it would be too daunting to have to please two people, so why are you curious?”

He shrugs. “Exactly that, I guess. Wanting to understand. I’m not judging. More … fascinated? I think I’d be too jealous to be able to share, but that doesn’t mean I’m not interested in knowing more.”

Damn, being so jealous he couldn’t bring himself to share? That’s hot. It shouldn’t be, but oops. Finding toxic behavior attractive probably says a lot about who I am as a person.

“So, you’re a one-man type of guy?”

Kelley licks his lips. “I will be. When the time comes.”

“The time comes …”

“Where I’ll let myself have a relationship. You know, when I’m stable, have job security, a solid contract for financial security, and am not a total nervous wreck.”

“Sooo, when you retire? What are you going to do until then? What about your needs?”

“I had my ways back in college. Discreet guys. My hand. Countless sex toys bought anonymously online and shipped in innocuous packaging. Those last two also helped a lot in the minors and this last year.”

If I’m doing the math correctly, and I think I am … “You haven’t had sex since college? Is that, what, four years?” My words are probably way too loud, but luckily, this whole resort is practically vacant.

There’s that blush again. “I-I’ve had orgasms. They count.”

“They do, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with not having sex for that long, but just like you not understanding threesomes, I can’t understand four years without. I’d go insane.”

“Hey, maybe that’s why my mental health has only deteriorated since playing in the minors.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to imply?—”

“It’s okay. Technically, you’re not wrong, but words like ‘insane’ or ‘crazy’ can get to me sometimes. Yet, I find myself still using them to describe myself. Go figure.”

“Yeah, but that’s you. You know your intention behind the word. You don’t know others’, but I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“You’re getting really good at this apology thing.”

“And you’re getting really good at diverting attention from what’s really important.”

Kelley frowns. “What’s that?”

“Sex. Duh.”

“Trusting someone not to sell their story is more important to me than feeling the weight of a man on top of me.”

Withholding for sex for that long purely because he can’t trust anyone makes me feel sorry for him. Sure, sorry. That’s why my cock is rock hard and begging me to make a move.

“What about the weight of a man contractually obligated to keep the details a secret? ”

“What do you mean?” he asks.

I clear my throat. “All employees of King Sports have to sign NDAs for each individual client. There’s a contract that literally says I can’t talk publicly about you. And if I can’t help you out with overcoming your social media anxiety, at least let me help you with this. Four years …”

“You’re sweet. I think. But I don’t mind. I guess I don’t have a high sex drive.”

“Possibly. Or you could be on the ace spectrum or?—”

“No. I’m not. I’m very sexual. I want it, but I don’t need it. If that makes sense. And the thought of hooking up sometimes makes my anxiety worse because I’m scared of what happens afterward.”

“You’re scared of cuddling?”

Kelley’s smile—damn that smile—is everything. “I’m scared of it going bad. Articles, tabloids, public backlash, sponsorship issues, loss of income, focus on baseball, failing—oh look, we’ve reached catastrophic level by having a simple one-night stand.”

It’s only in this very moment that I realize how much I’ve taken for granted in my life. Even the simple act of finding someone attractive, having sex with them, and then forgetting about it the next day.

Kelley doesn’t have that. He’s never had it.

“Let me be that guy for you,” I blurt.

“What guy?”

“The guy you can drop your guard around. The guy who, no matter what you do to me, can’t tell a soul.”

“You could still tell people in the office.”

“And risk getting fired? Fuck that. I can’t speak publicly, or King Sports will sue me, and I can’t tell anyone at work, or I’ll get canned.”

Kelley bites his lip. He’s contemplating it, at least.

“You can tell me to back off, not to go anywhere near you, and say no. I don’t want to pressure you, but I will point out that it’s a win-win situation. You get to have anxiety-free sex and break your dry spell, and I get to have sex to pass the time in this hellhole.”

There’s a really long pause, so long I think he’s going to chicken out, but then he says, “It wouldn’t be completely anxiety-free. I might have had sex before, but I had no idea what I was doing, and it’s not like I’ve been with many guys. What if I’m bad in bed?”

“If that’s the only thing we have to worry about, we’re good to go. I’ve got us covered.”

“Cocky much?”

“Nope. I’m confident enough to know that you don’t have much to compare me to, and chances are I can outfuck anyone who left any doubt in your mind that you could be anything but amazing in bed.”

“But how do you know?”

I lean back more and put my arm out to run along the back of the couch behind his head. With my free hand, I rub over my aching cock. “Because of what you do to me just by being in the same room. You don’t even have to touch me and I’m hard for you.”

Kelley sucks in a sharp breath, and when I glance over at him, I know I have him right where I want him: desperate.

He’s on me a second later.