Chapter 10: Kelley

Chapter 10

Kelley

It’s as if someone else takes over my body as I fling myself at Thad. This is so unprofessional, way out of line, and I shouldn’t be putting this on him. But there are only so many red flags a bull can resist before it has to charge as fast as it can.

It’s as if the promise of an NDA, complete secrecy, has stripped away every worry I usually have when it comes to sex. Sure, I’m still worried about his experience, but at the same time, I’m so unleashed I don’t have time to dwell on it.

Somehow, I find myself straddling Thad’s waist, with my lips on his, his tongue in my mouth as I desperately swallow his moans.

He tastes like chocolate, smells like the outdoors, and makes sounds like a porn star.

My hips thrust and rotate, trying to get closer, trying to find the friction I crave. I want his dick against mine, rubbing and teasing.

I take back what I said about not needing sex. It turns out I do. And I need to have sex with Thad … uh … Still-Don’t-Know-His-Last-Name. Like hell I’m going to stop and ask. Not when I’m like this.

I’m in this. Wholly and completely. The only word I can think to describe it is liberated .

I’m not in my head. I’m free to do whatever I want and everything that I crave without the worry of the world criticizing me for it tomorrow .

While my mouth continues to devour him, tangling my tongue with his, my hands do their own exploring. He lets me run my hands over his chest, under his shirt, and when my fingertips brush over his nipples, which turns out are pierced, Thad shudders.

Up until now, he’s let me do my thing. I’ve been in control. But I guess I’ve found his weakness because in the next second, he stands, me wrapped around him and his arm supporting my back. I throw my hands around his shoulders to steady myself while he carries me through to my bedroom and kicks the door closed behind us.

He lowers me to my bed, still kissing me, but when he tries to lift up, I wrap myself around him tighter.

Thad pulls his mouth from mine and places open-mouth kisses along my jaw and down my neck. “I want all your clothes gone, but I can’t do that if you’re permanently attached to me.”

“I wish I could help you with that, but I can’t.”

“You can’t, or you won’t?”

“Won’t.”

Thad’s smile lights me up inside as he stares down at me. “Just think, the sooner we get rid of our clothes, the sooner you can be inside me. Or me inside you. Your call.”

My legs drop from around his waist, and my hold on him loosens. “Fine.”

Thad snorts and stands tall, stripping layer after layer off, while all I can do is watch and drool as every inch of skin is exposed.

His chest tattoo, which is always covered by his shirts except for this tiny sliver, takes up most of his torso, and it’s so intricate it creates an optical illusion of a hole torn in his chest. His heart, while roughly anatomically correct, has red baseball stitching through it. From the tear seam over to his other pec is an angel wing.

I sit up and run my fingers over it.

His nipples are pierced with silver barbells, and his muscles are insane. I’m not a small guy, and while I might not be as jacked as some players, I’m still heavy. I can see how he carried me so easily now though, with his bulging biceps and rock-hard abs .

“I’ve noticed you haven’t started taking anything off yet,” he says.

“I’m too distracted.”

“Distracted or getting in your head again?”

“Distracted because of all the hotness going on.” My gaze runs from the top of Thad’s head where his hair falls in thin wisps across his forehead to all the way down where he’s no longer covering any part of his body.

His thick cock is long and angry-looking. He’s so hard, the tight, velvety skin making my mouth water. And when he wraps his long fingers around his length and starts stroking himself, I almost short-circuit.

“I’m not touching you again until you’re naked,” Thad says.

I frantically undress and throw my clothes everywhere, trying to get naked the quickest way instead of what’s probably the most efficient. All the while, I keep my eyes locked on Thad. At first, I don’t dare tear my gaze away from his hand that’s working over his cock.

A bead of precum dribbles out, and he uses it to smoothen his strokes.

“There,” I say. “I’m naked. Now, touch me.”

“Where?”

I throw my head back in frustration. “Anywhere.”

“What do you want me to do?”

Everything. Anything. “Just fucking fuck me. Please. My mouth, my hand, my ass, I don’t care. I need your cock, and I need it any which way you’ll give it to me.”

A split second later, he’s back on top of me. Only this time, he captures my wrists and lifts them above my head, gripping both with one of his giant hands.

“Have you ever bottomed before?” he asks.

And while I say, “Yes,” he must sense my hesitation about it.

“But …”

“What?”

“I’m waiting for the but. What happened? Couldn’t relax enough? Couldn’t get off?”

“That. The, uh, second one. It was fine, he was fine, but I couldn’t?—”

“Did you at least get to come after he did?”

I shake my head.

“Okay, we’re going to fix that up first.”

“Fix what up?”

“No matter what, we both come. Doesn’t have to be together, and it doesn’t have to be during anal, but either way, this will end happily for both of us. Got it?”

“I don’t care how I come. I just want to fucking come.”

“Good. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to torturously drag this out though. If this is the only chance you get to have anxiety-free sex for however long, I’m going to try to give you everything I’ve got. I’ll bring the small arsenal of tricks I’ve learned, having been sexually active since high school, and by the end, I’m going to make you scream.”

“You already make me want to scream. Scream at you to hurry up.”

Thad smiles. “I don’t suppose you have supplies around here, do you?”

“Lube in the nightstand. Uh, no condoms though. Didn’t think this would be happening here.”

“I’m good without a condom if you are. Health-wise, I mean.”

“Me too.” I protect myself in other ways. Gone are the days of condoms being the only form of safe sex.

Thad reaches over me to the nightstand and feels around. “Did you put your sex lube on top of the Bible? Ooh, you’re going to hell for that.”

I pretend to pout because I know he’s messing around. “You told me you wouldn’t judge. What if I get off on Jesus looking down on me while I fuck my own fist?”

Thad grunts. “The thought of you doing that while I’m outside that door watching TV makes me want you to do it later tonight. When Brady’s back. I’ll be the only one who knows you’re doing it. And Jesus, of course.”

I laugh. “Eh, I doubt he’d tune in for that. Of all the sins organized religion pushes on people, I’m going to be going to hell for a lot worse than jerking off.”

“True. It would probably be for something more like this.” Thad sits up, resting back on his knees, and brings my legs up over his thighs.

For a moment, I’m worried he’s going to push right into me, no lube or prep, but all he does is bring our cocks together. He lubes up both of his hands and wraps one of his large palms and long fingers around both of our cocks. Because of the angle, they’re not completely in line, but when I shuffle down a bit further, it helps.

My ass is off the mattress completely, basically resting on his thick thighs, and when he reaches between us, he works his hand underneath my balls so his wet fingers can press against my hole.

He wasn’t kidding when he said he has an arsenal of tricks, and we’re only getting started. The way his hand feels against my shaft, while also having his hard cock pressed against mine, that’s sensory overload enough, but with his fingers teasing my rim at the same time? I’m scared I’m going to blow before he gives me what I really want.

Am I nervous that he’s made big promises and won’t be able to deliver? Yes. If he can make me come through ass play, I’ll be happy, but I won’t lie, if it’s still not as great as my past experiences, I might read into why that is and feel like something is wrong with me.

Logically —and there’s that word again—I know that not everyone likes it, and like he said, if I don’t come that way, he’ll get me off another way, and I trust him to do that. But I think there’s something about the social expectation about gay men and fitting a certain stereotype that I should be fighting. Instead, it’s like I want in on the secret. I want great, unapologetic sex where I’m not in my head and I can truly let go and be myself.

I want Thad to fill me up.

As if reading my mind, he presses a finger inside me, sliding all the way in, brushing against my prostate. My toes tingle, and my breath catches.

“You’re doing so good,” he murmurs .

“It feels good,” I say. I’m not even lying. But the last time I tried this, it also felt good. I just couldn’t get across that finish line. That guy was also closeted, so I could relax with him because he, too, didn’t want anything to get out, but I was in college. We dated for a few months, and by dated, I mean we fucked a couple of times, but every single time I bottomed, which wasn’t that many, I couldn’t come, and it would end in awkwardness. I got the impression it was an ego thing for him. It wasn’t his fault I couldn’t come; it was mine. I guess it can be a bit disheartening if you can’t bring a partner pleasure, but I never once blamed him. It was me. Even though I should’ve felt safe with him, I didn’t. I never have.

This is the closest I’ve been to completely letting myself go.

“You’re disappearing on me,” Thad says. He releases our cocks and puts his hand next to my head while he lowers himself closer to me. “Are you getting in your head?” His finger is still lodged inside me, but he stops trying to stretch me with it.

“A little. I want this to be good for you. And for me.”

His soft lips land on my cheek. “Don’t worry about making it good. Focus on what you feel. If you feel good, I’m going to feel good. I promise.”

I bite my lip. “I want you to fuck me.”

“We’ll get there, but I want you inside me first.”

His finger leaves me, and then he reaches for more lube.

“Why?”

“Why are you fucking me first?”

“Exactly. What if I come way too early?”

“Then we flip, and I fuck you until I come. We don’t need to keep score. We don’t need to time anything. We can do what we want in any order we want.”

I don’t know where the expectation that you have to orgasm together came from, but a huge emphasis is put on men to outlast their partners. But Thad’s right. What’s to stop me from coming and then focusing on him? Absolutely nothing.

Thad pours more lube on his fingers and reaches behind him, his eyes fluttering closed while he fingers himself.

“Did you want me to?— ”

“Have you ever prepped yourself?” he asks. “Used toys?”

I should be confident as I say, “Yes,” but my voice trembles.

“Have you come while using toys?”

I nod.

“Okay, so the other guy you bottomed for either didn’t know what he was doing, or you were too uptight to come because you were too anxious. So while we do this, you need to focus on me, and I’m going to constantly remind you that you can let go and take what you want.”

I might be in my head a bit, but I’m not anxious. At least, not when it comes to Thad telling the world.

“If you want me to fuck you, I want you to prep yourself for me,” Thad says. “I want you nice and relaxed and stretched further than you think you need. That way, when you are ready for me, you won’t be worried about anything but feeling me move inside you.”

He’s not saying anything deliciously filthy, but his words sound like sin to my ears.

He places lube in my hands and then climbs off me, getting on all fours—well, three of four while he reaches behind him and continues to prep himself. I watch his face as I do the same to myself, feeling like every time I push a finger inside my body, he reacts to my touch. Which makes no sense, but because we’re doing this in tandem, it feels as though I’m doing it to him, not myself.

I’m an expert at making my hole wide enough for the singular thin toy I have hidden in my house, but I’m going to need to really stretch it if I’m going to be fucked by Thad’s thick cock.

“How are you holding up?” he asks, his voice breathy. “Because I gotta tell you, I need you filling me soon. Please, Kelley. Fuck me.”

I don’t even care if I’m not ready yet; he is, and that’s all that snaps into focus when he asks me to fuck him.

I’m not nervous. My anxiety is low. So when I get behind him and line up my cock, I don’t hesitate to push inside. His heat surrounds me, his long moan fills my ears, and it’s as if something deep down inside me unlocks.

I do as he tells me to and focus on what I’m feeling while I move inside him. I feel everything. I tune out the worry of how good it is for him because, like he says, after this, I can make him come another way. I let myself go. With each thrust, I make it harder, faster.

I pay attention to his reactions, how he fists my comforter in his hand, how his breathing becomes erratic.

Warmth builds in my gut, and an impending orgasm threatens to flood my body, but this is too good to end it now.

“Fuck,” Thad chants over and over again. “Kelley, if you still want me to fuck you, you have to slow down. I’m so … I’m so close.”

As tempted as I am to keep going and to feel him fall apart on my cock, I want him inside me more. So I slow down. I pull out of him to the tip and then slam back inside. Over and over again.

The change of pace makes my skin break out in goose bumps. My skin is flushed, I’m sure I look out of it, and it feels as though I’m drunk.

Drunk on sex.

Drunk on Thad.

I slam back inside him one more time and then stay there for a moment. I run my hands down his back, exploring all his muscles, and then I lean over him and kiss his shoulder blade. “That’s all you get. It’s my turn, and I know exactly how I want you. Roll onto your back.”

He does, and then I straddle him.

“Are you sure you’re prepped enough?”

I arch my back. “Why don’t you check for me?”

He reaches behind me and sinks two fingers inside my hole. “Mm, you might need more. Ride my fingers before you ride me.”

With him making sure I’m comfortable, that I’m ready, and with the way he’s bossing me around but also letting me take what I want … I’ve never trusted anyone in the bedroom the way I have trust in him.

His fingers feel so good, but I crave more.

“Give me more,” I say.

He adds another one, and while the sting of stretching is there, it’s in a good way. So fucking good.

“I need you,” I rasp. “I need your cock.”

Never before would I have said any of this to someone, but it falls out of my mouth with Thad.

Thad removes his fingers and then grips his cock, guiding it to my hole. As I sink down on him, I feel so full. So stretched.

Thad grips my hips tight and waits for me to start moving, and the second I do, he thrusts up into me. Every pass, every time I rise up, he grips tighter and then slams upward. We meet over and over, and I have to hold on to his chest for leverage.

A warm flush travels from my face down my back, and it lands in my groin.

“You going to come?” Thad asks. So in tune. He can tell I’m close.

I keep going. “I need … Need …”

“Tell me,” he says.

“My cock. Touch my cock.”

He does, and then it only takes a few strokes for me to spill over. I keep rotating my hips, keep taking his dick deep, and as I empty onto his stomach, my ass pulses around his cock.

Thad lets go of my cock, and his cum-covered hand goes back to my hip. “Fuck, Kelley.” He thrusts up once, twice, and then the third time, he stills. He grits his teeth to the point a vein in his neck sticks out.

I didn’t know sex could be like that.

Thad lifts his hand and cups my cheek. “You okay?”

I smile down at him. “Never better.”