Chapter 12: Kelley

Chapter 12

Kelley

Whatever daze Brady’s in, it’s gone by the time we bring him cocoa. Thad’s changed into dry, clean clothes now, but he still looks uncomfortable, which of course means my brain immediately jumps to thinking he regrets what we did, that we almost got caught, and he never wants to mention it again.

But then I remind that negative voice that when we were in the kitchen, Thad was all for this plan of getting Brady happy again so he can leave to be with whoever those two random dudes are.

“So, what happened while I was out?” Brady asks.

“I napped,” I say again. I’m getting the impression he was completely zoned out when he got back, and hey, I’m not going to complain.

“I thought I saw a bear,” Thad says. For the second time. I was hoping he wouldn’t bring that up again because it’s almost as absurd as his asshole-sunning excuse.

“A bear? No shit.” And yep, Brady seems as though it’s the first time he heard that too.

“Are you okay?” I ask. “You’re a little …”

Brady slumps. “Okay, fine. I snuck my boyfriend here, and I’ve been slinking off to see him.”

Boyfriend. Him. Singular.

Maybe we misread what we saw the other night. Or they’re open .

“Why aren’t you with him right now?” Thad asks, obviously sticking to the we know nothing plan. “If you’re worried we’ll tell your uncle, we won’t. There’s nothing to do around here, and if I had someone to have sex with, I’d be trying to sneak time away with them too.” Thad’s blue eyes meet mine, amusement shining in them.

“He’s gone,” Brady says, and it almost comes out like a petulant child.

“Okay, when you say gone, please tell me you mean back home and not in a ‘you got in a fight, and now we have to bury a body’ kind of way?” Thad’s joke is funny—well, I think so anyway—but Brady doesn’t laugh.

“Long distance sucks.” Brady grunts and slinks back on the couch, using the backrest as a pillow.

“From here to New York?” Thad says. “It’s a couple of hours. Calm down.”

Brady shakes his head. “I knew the—him from college. In California. He could only get away from work for a couple of days.”

It’s almost visible the way Thad’s heart sinks. I wonder if I’m as transparent. I also didn’t miss the way Brady almost said them instead of him.

“So, that’s what you meant by he’s gone?” I ask. “He had to leave?”

“I’ll get over it. I always do after he leaves. It’ll just take a while to get out of my funk. I might actually go have a warm shower to reset.” He stands, but before he leaves the room, he turns to us. “Please don’t tell Uncle Damon that I brought a boy on a work trip or that I’m even seeing anyone to begin with? This whole long-distance thing is hard enough without my entire family finding out and pressuring me to introduce them and wah, wah, wah. We’re not even technically together. We’re … see you whenever we can and fuck anyone else when we’re not together type thing. Not that I do …”

“We won’t tell anyone,” I say.

“You can trust us,” Thad adds.

Brady narrows his gaze at Thad, as if he’s hesitating to trust him. That look alone should tell me that having sex with Thad and trusting it won’t get out is na?ve of me, but I’m trying not to freak out, and if I let those kinds of thoughts run free, I’ll be breaking down by dinnertime.

“Seriously,” Thad says. “If you get fired, Damon will start paying more attention to the other interns, and I’m hoping to skirt through this internship without any drama or spotlight brought on me.”

Maybe this is why Thad never made it in baseball either. He wants to ride the middle. He doesn’t have the drive to be the best, just good enough .

I can’t tell if it’s a good mindset to have or if it’s what’s holding him back. Not that I can talk about having the most supportive mindset. All my brain tries to do is sabotage everything good in my life.

Brady disappears into the bathroom, but Thad and I are silent until the water’s running and we’re more confident he can’t hear us.

“Well, that puts a wrench into our plan,” he says.

“Does this mean Brady’s going to be around us twenty-four seven again?”

“If the walls weren’t too thin, I’d say I could sneak into your room after Brady’s asleep, but he’s a light sleeper, so even the sound of me getting out of bed would wake him up.”

“So, that’s it, then?” It’s a question, even though it comes out as more of a statement. The one time I’ve been able to have sex the way I want, free and uninhibited, I get told it won’t happen again.

Damn.

This sucks.

“Probably for the best anyway,” Thad says. “I can’t jump out that window again.” He shifts where he’s sitting, wincing at the same time. Is that why he’s been looking like he’d rather be sitting anywhere but here?

“Shit. Did you hurt yourself?”

“Mostly my pride, but yeah. I think I’ve bruised my hip and possibly sprained my ankles. I don’t think they’re broken because I can still walk, but—” He lifts up the legs of his pants, and his ankles are both swollen.

“Ouch.”

“They’re not too bad.”

It’s inappropriate, but I can’t help laughing.

“My pain is funny to you?”

“No, not your pain. Just … it’s all a bit dramatic, isn’t it?” I laugh some more.

“Dramatic?”

“Getting caught post-orgasms, sneaking out a window like we’re having an affair. Hurting yourself. Lying about seeing a bear.” It sounds ridiculous.

Thad finally thinks so, too, because his laughter joins mine, and then it’s one of those wild-ass roller-coaster rides where it’s impossible to stop, and every time we lock eyes, we lose even more control of it.

I’m in tears by the time Brady is out of the shower.

“What are we laughing at?” he asks. He’s only wearing a towel, and while his body is impressive, it’s nothing compared to what I saw a mere hour ago.

And what are we laughing at? Something about windows and orgasms.

“Kelley here has realized that while you’re going through real heartache, he’s over there fretting about online trolls. He’s gaining something called perspective, and he thinks it’s funny.”

Man, I wish that’s what was happening. I wish I could accept the ridiculousness that is my anxiety sometimes. I also wish it didn’t hurt when Thad calls me out like that, but I know not everyone can understand what I experience.

It’s hard to describe, and to someone who can’t relate, it does sound a bit ridiculous. I hate it.

I will say, though, Thad certainly found a way to shut my brain off to all of it. To get out of my head, I have to think with my other one.

“Perspective is always nice,” Brady says and goes to his and Thad’s room, closing the door so he can get changed .

“Sorry,” Thad whispers. “It was the first thing I thought of.”

Okay, so maybe he does understand. I force a small smile. “Hey, at least you didn’t say we were laughing at a bear. In the middle of winter. Let’s hope Brady doesn’t click that bears are all hibernating.”

Thad shrugs. “Maybe I’m just a dumbass when it comes to bears and I actually saw Bigfoot. Or the groundskeeper. But I also think Brady’s not thinking about it too deeply. He’s too distracted.”

“Yeah. I haven’t seen him like this before.” I lean in. “Is it bad that I kind of like he’s not this completely put-together early twenties phenomenon? He was starting to give me a complex with how in control he seems.”

“Oh, tell me about it. I think he has to be though.”

“Because of who his family is,” I agree.

“At least we don’t have to worry about that,” Thad says.

“Hooray for growing up poor?” I lift imaginary pom-poms.

“You know what I mean.”

“I do, but could you imagine the amount of pressure both Brady and his brother had growing up? I just wanted to make it so I could take care of my family. I didn’t have the added pressure of living in someone’s shadow.”

“Damn. The world really is ending. I think we have something else in common.” Thad’s smirk is so fucking sexy.

We don’t have long left here before we have to go back to our real lives, where I’ll have to be responsible for myself and won’t have anyone confiscating my phone or internet from me. I want more of that freedom Thad gave me. I want more of that distraction where I’m so blissed-out that I physically cannot think of anything else but his dick.

I don’t care how it happens, we have to find a way to ditch Brady so we can hook up again. I would do anything to escape the hundreds of little thoughts that are constantly running through my head.

Thad is the only person who’s managed to achieve what years of therapy hasn’t. And I’m not delusional enough to think his dick is a magic cure, or even that it’s him, but it’s the first real break I’ ve had from it all in a really long time. I hope one day I can find someone who will make me feel as secure in myself as he does. I want the safety of being able to let go without any of the worry that comes afterward.

I want to find my person.

I know Thad can’t be him, but he’s perfect for what I need at this point in my life.

He might not be Mr. Right, but he’s the perfect Mr. Right Now.