Chapter 16

16

Faust

I stand in the shower with my hand wrapped around my thick cock. I can feel the fucking thing throbbing in my hand.

As my teeth grit hard, I open my hand and I step into the water.

It has nothing to do with not wanting to jerk off in the shower at the gym. I don't care about that. It has everything to do with Shelby.

Driving me crazy again.

Leaving me tossing and turning all night last night.

Making me so damn pissed at her yet I need her close. I need to get to know my son. I can never get back years that don't exist anymore so all I have is the future.

I woke up early this morning and ordered breakfast for her and the kid.

I snuck it into the apartment. It left me wondering if what I had done was a romantic gesture or just… fuck.

Part of me wanted to go into the bedroom and tear the covers off her body - along with her clothes - and just fuck her.

That is exactly what sent me right to the gym.

I've done all I could so far to ease my mind.

Lifting. Running.

Showering…

Contemplating jerking off just to chase a load of my cum down the drain and tell my mind to shut the hell up.

I don't want to stroke my own cock into submission.

I want… her.

I want Shelby.

I want to watch her hand try and grip me. Try and stroke me. I want to watch her soft, sweet lips kiss the tip of my cock before her mouth takes me.

I run the water cold. Icy cold.

I stare at my feet.

She's gotten into my head again. Just like before.

Even if she doesn't try to do it on purpose…

… Shelby always finds a way to blow up my life.

I study the last game some more.

My eyes move from the screen to the wall.

To the screen.

To the wall.

I shut my laptop, stand up and walk out of my apartment.

Just as I'm about to knock on the door of my new neighbor I remember our son is in bed. He's got school tomorrow.

Speaking of that…

I text Shelby that I'm outside the door.

After standing there for a minute without a response - phone or door - it seems like a good silent response to just call it a night. I have a key to get in if I really wanted to…

The door opens a little and a sleepy eyed Shelby stares at me.

"Hey," I say. "Everything good here?"

"I dozed off on the couch while trying to get some writing done," she says. "What are…"

"Kid still sleeping?" I ask.

"Yeah."

"Is he nervous about tomorrow?"

"Why would he be nervous? It's his normal school. For now. I guess I need to figure that out. Depending on…"

I place my hand to the door. "Shelby."

She opens the door some more and I step into the apartment like I own the place.

Oh, right, I do own the apartment.

"There are a lot of options for school for him," I say. "You can pick whatever one you think is best for him. Doesn't matter. I'll make sure it happens."

Shelby suddenly moves up to her toes and reaches for my face.

My hands instinctively grab at her sides.

We always fit together, huh, sweetie?

"Thank you for everything you're doing, Faust. I still think this is fucking crazy."

"And I don't? You showed up and…"

I catch myself.

I look at the door to the bedroom where my son is sleeping.

"Just not the way I would normally spend a night before a big game," I say.

As soon as the sentence is out there, I feel the sudden hatred pouring from Shelby.

"What's wrong?" Shelby asks. "Need your dick sucked the night before a game?"

That jealous and vicious side of her has a way of making me feel insane yet making me want her even more.

"You have an issue with my personal life?" I ask.

"I don't know, Faust. Are you going to parade women in and out of your son's life?"

Now I curl my lip. "You mean the son I never knew about? That son? I'm not sure you're the one here who should be throwing comments."

"You moved me next door to you."

"There isn't someone waiting to come over and suck my dick ," I say to her. "By all means though, sweetie, the floors here are very easy on the knees."

"Wow, you've found an almost nice way to tell me to get on my knees and suck your dick, haven't you?"

"Well, if you're done typing…"

"You might own this place, but if I live here legally and willingly, then it's my place. Which means I can tell you to leave and you have to listen to me."

The jealousy pouring off her is wild. She's seething. She looks ready to slap me yet she looks ready to cry.

Is she really that worried about me fucking someone other than her?

If we're being honest here, Shelby and I only slept together once. That was it.

One night. One time.

Yeah, I had to taste her body that night at her now old apartment, but so be it…

"Flip it around, Faust," she says. "What if I parade a long line of men in and out of here, huh? How would that make you feel? Huh? Want to hear men fucking me? Want to hear my groans and moans? Huh?"

She's stepping closer as she speaks to me.

I've got a million reasons to be angry with her and now she's poking at my nerves. Scratching at my nerves. She wants to piss me off and make me jealous.

Honestly, why the fuck would I care about her sex life?

Yet here I am now, grabbing at her hips, lifting her up off her feet. I turn and put her against the wall next to the door. I'm far from aggressive but I'm also far from kind and calm.

"You do whatever the fuck you want, sweetie," I growl, "but you do not do it in front of my son."

" Your son ?"

"That's right. My son."

"I guess it's a good thing we're neighbors then. I can send him right over."

"Don't fuck with me, Shelby. You've done enough already."

Shelby scoffs. "If you think for a second I'm even… you know what? Never mind. Get your hands off me, Faust. Go home."

"What?" I ask. "What did you want to say just now?"

Shelby hesitates. Big time.

Her chin quivers ever so slightly. She's fighting back a whole bunch of emotion right now.

"You really want to know something about me, Faust? How horrible of a person I really am?"

"Sure. Is it worse than what we've done?"

Shelby thrashes a little and I place her back on her feet.

She slams her hands against my rock-hard chest and wiggles away out of my reach.

"I've never been with anyone since you," she says with her back to me. "Not once, Faust."

"What are you talking about?"

Shelby looks back at me.

I feel like I'm thrust into the past.

The way her eyes shine and some of her hair is in her face.

My heart rate doubles. Instantly.

"You and I… that night…" She swallows hard. "That was the last time I… you know …"

"No, I don't know, Shelby. Speak the words. Say the fucking words."

"Yeah? That's what you want? Fine." She turns around and faces me again. "I haven't been fucked since the night you and I hooked up. The night after your girlfriend's funeral. The night after my best friend's funeral. That was the last time I've felt a man inside me. No fucking. No dating. Nothing. Want more details? No man fingering me. No man eating me between my legs."

"That's not true," I say.

"Whatever you say, Faust. There's been nobody since you. Being pregnant has a way of chasing away a lot of guys. And I didn't feel comfortable with that."

I grit my teeth.

The image of some man touching my Shelby while she's pregnant with my son… it makes me want to knock this apartment building down with my bare hands.

"Then after having a baby, there's no time. Not to mention my body… everything is…"

She turns away again.

I move toward her and grab her hips.

I pull her against me.

"Don't you dare try to say something nice to me," Shelby says. She wiggles and steps away again. "You want to know something, now you do."

My mouth opens.

I'm ready to tell her that I haven't truly had someone in a long time either. That for me to enjoy the company of a woman it requires contracts, agreements and silence. It's all planned out. Beginning to end. There's nothing spontaneous or sexy about it. It's all instinctual kind of stuff.

I'm ready to tell her that I still can't get the taste of her delectable pussy out of my mouth. She's stained me. Tattooed me with her honey.

"I won't say a word about your body, sweetie," I tell her. "At least not until I get my hands on it again."

She looks at me and her cheeks are bright red.

She must think I'm an idiot. She didn't want me to look or touch her stomach when I nestled my tongue between her legs. Of course she didn't. She's worried about her body. But again I wasn't given the chance to spend the entire pregnancy and thereafter to tell her how perfect and beautiful she was. How beautiful she is right now.

That's the thing with Shelby.

She makes everything fucking complicated.

I close in on her again and kiss the top of her head, then wish her goodnight.

I know she's safe here. I know my son is sound asleep and safe too.

That gives me comfort but not peace.

Once I'm back in my apartment, I sit down and open my laptop and watch more hockey film. My eyes don't look at the screen. The film is just imagery flashing.

I'm staring at the wall separating me from Shelby.

I can't stop thinking about her not being touched. Not being fucked.

For, what, seven years? Probably longer…

Meaning it's been more than seven years since the woman I said I love you to died. And it's been more than seven years since I slept with that woman's best friend… and got her pregnant.

Maybe I'm a terrible person. But I really don't care.

I know what I want.

I know what I need.

I know what I'm going to have… no matter what.