Chapter 15

15

Shelby

"Am I bugging you?" I ask Dani over the phone.

"Nope."

"Are you sure? I don't want to get in the way of you and Nathan."

"Stop. If I couldn't talk I wouldn't have answered."

"Am I crazy?"

"You're just full of questions, aren't you?"

"Dani…"

She laughs. "Yes. You're absolutely crazy."

"I moved today, Dani. I moved. I just up and moved."

"Sometimes you need to do stuff like that. Just throw it up into the air. What's the worst that can happen?"

"You don't want to know what I'm thinking."

"Fair. How's Oakley?"

"Sound asleep in my bed. Can you believe that?"

"Scared in the new place?"

"No. I… I told him to sleep in my bed tonight."

"Shelby. Seriously?"

"I know. Is it wrong that I kind of wanted him to be worried? What is wrong with me? He just came in here and took it all over. Oakley, I mean. He loves it. He loves the space. He loves his bedroom. Faust had the entire bedroom decorated before we showed up. As a surprise."

"That's… really sweet," Dani says.

"I know. He's got this balance and it's somehow perfect."

"You need to put Oakley in his bed, Shel."

"I know that. This is a lot. I'm feeling a lot."

"You know I'm always there for you, right?"

"Of course."

"Well, maybe instead of talking to me you should be talking to Faust."

I close my eyes and swallow hard.

The thing about that, Dani, is that if Faust and I end up alone we're going to fuck. I know it. Something already happened!

"I think you're worried about things possibly working out."

"I'm worried about my son."

"Sounds like your son has someone who is ready to be a father. Maybe things are complicated with you and Faust but you can't let that go anywhere near Oakley."

"With that said, you should come check this place out. It's really nice. I feel comfortable here."

"Good. Open your laptop and type words."

We say our goodbyes and I place my phone on the counter.

I turn and look around.

The apartment is beautiful.

It's big but not too big. It's comfortable. It feels like home. And it's quiet. Really quiet.

It's intense to think about…

The guy I met at that dinner party, right? Years ago. He was the only one wearing jeans. I'll never forget that. Black jeans. A white shirt tucked in. The second I saw him, my jaw dropped and I grew more flustered than I had ever been in my life.

I grab my bag and take out my laptop, then sit at the dining room table. I open my laptop and my manuscript waits. A mostly blank page. A great story waiting to be finished.

The cursor blinks. And blinks.

And. Blinks.

I stand up and look toward the master bedroom.

Then I hurry toward the front door and open it.

I just need to go next door, for a second, just to see…

"Faust," I whisper as I see him standing in the hallway.

He freezes. "I was just coming to check up on you and the kid. Everything good?"

"Yeah," I say, almost breathless.

He's coming to check up on us. On me. On our son.

My heart races. No. My heart pounds.

Faust steps toward me.

His hands touch my hips.

Then his grip tightens.

He pulls me against him and lowers his mouth down to mine.

My knees instantly buckle. I can't believe this is happening again.

I kiss him aggressively this time though. I've been wanting and aching for another kiss of his.

I end up clawing at his face, not wanting to scratch or hurt him, but… fuck…

Faust picks me up and starts to walk toward my new apartment.

I stop kissing him. "Oakley is in my bed."

"Isn't he too old for that kind of stuff?"

I flare my nostrils and push away from Faust. "I'll let my son do whatever makes him feel safe. You ripped him from his home. You think he's going to just jump into a new bed and be happy?"

He actually was… I told him to sleep in my bed tonight. Maybe I'm the one who is unsure of this…

"Let's not talk about ripping apart people's lives, sweetie," Faust says.

"Oh, fuck you, Faust," I growl.

I turn to go back into my new apartment.

"Yeah, goodnight to you too, sweetie," he says.

He storms away.

I want to slam the door as hard as I can but I don't want to wake Oakley.

I walk to the dining room table and sit down.

Now I'm more determined than ever to finish this book.

I'm not sure why that suddenly matters.

I'm still technically on the hook for the rent on the other apartment.

I stare at the laptop screen.

Then I look to my left.

The shared wall I have with Faust.

The entire thing is absolutely insane.

I shut my laptop and call it a night.

I find Oakley sprawled out on my bed.

I know what I have to do next here.

Carefully, I scoop Oakley up from the bed and cradle him. It breaks my heart that he's not a little baby anymore. My mind throws a million memories at me.

By the time I get Oakley tucked into his new bed, he starts to wake.

"Mommy…"

"You're in your bed now," I whisper. "Get some rest. Love you, Oakley."

"Love you too," he says in the sweetest little boy voice and rolls to his right.

He reaches for Bongo and hugs his favorite stuffed animal tight.

I brace myself for another night of sleeping alone.

Just me and a big bed. Alone.

This whole thing feels crazy. And weird.

I've essentially thrown my life into the air at the command of my son's father.

Why?

Because I'm trying to make things up to Faust?

Or do I secretly enjoy having him boss me around because it makes me feel safe?

Oakley wakes me the next morning, standing at the side of the bed holding Bongo . With his free hand, he rubs his right eye. He yawns.

"You're still sleeping," he says. "Are you sick?"

"No," I say. "Just tired."

"Were you writing your book last night?"

My son's voice is hopeful.

I swallow hard.

I lie with a nod.

"Breakfast?" I ask as I start to sit up in the large bed.

"I'm starving," Oakley groans. "I feel like I can't walk…"

I tilt my head. "I love the dramatics. Now go crash on the couch or something. I'll figure out food."

Oakley takes the hint and leaves the bedroom.

I just want to crash back down and sleep for three more days.

I force myself to stand.

I stretch. I yawn.

I grab my phone and see a text waiting.

Unread.

From Faust.

My body tightens and I perk up.

And I mean I literally… perk… my nipples knot up.

Warmth spreads throughout my body.

I suck in a slow breath, demanding that feeling go away.

Breakfast is at the door. At the gym. I'll be over later.

I read the text a few times, getting more irritated each time I read it.

… I'll be over later…?

So now I'm at the mercy of him just showing up whenever he wants? Why? Because this is his apartment? Is that the game here?

I've never met someone who can drive me insane the way Faust does.

One simple text message and I'm analyzing it like it's the secret code to living forever.

I leave the bedroom to find Oakley sitting up on the counter, a hash brown inches from his mouth.

"Guilty," I call out.

"I'm starving," he groans.

"I'm just kidding. Eat up."

Fucking Faust.

He was in here. He was in the apartment while I slept.

It sends chills up my spine.

Sure, he brought breakfast. Looks like there's eggs, bacon, toast, pancakes, French toast, hash browns, orange juice and coffee… a meal far bigger than what both Oakley and I would normally eat for breakfast.

It's a nice gesture.

But.

He was in here.

He got food and then opened the door. Walked inside. Put it on the counter.

Then what?

What if…

I swallow hard and reach for one of the coffees.

"This is so good," Oakley says.

"Well, you enjoy eating on the counter. I'm going to grab a quick shower. When we see Faust later make sure you thank him for this."

"He's nice. Right?"

"Yeah," I say.

"Why is he here now?"

The question is like an icy knife being plunged into my heart.

"Adult stuff is hard, Oakley."

"You always say that," he says and then chomps onto the hash brown.

I take my coffee and get the hell out of his line of questioning.

The poor kid must have a million questions in his head. I'm supposed to be ready to answer them at all times.

What am I doing instead?

Locking the bathroom door and turning on the shower.

I strip naked, avoid the mirror, and step into the hot water.

I reach for my coffee, take a sip, and allow myself to admit this moment right here is definitely like heaven.

There's only one problem - as soon as I close my eyes I can't help but think about Faust in the apartment. While I was asleep…

I place my coffee outside the shower and instantly bite my bottom lip.

There's a flood of guilt that washes over me. Just about the same as the hot water.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes once more.

I remind myself that everything is okay. Everyone is safe. Happy. Fed.

I need this moment to myself.

My right hand slips softly between my legs and I curl my fingers.

In my mind…

Faust enters the bedroom. I'm sleeping. He walks up to the bed and moves the covers away from my feet. My legs. Away from the lower half of my body.

I'm on my back, wearing nothing but a t-shirt. It's not covering much at all.

Oops.

Faust touches my inner thigh.

"Yes," I groan as the shower water hits me.

Faust's fingers move between my legs.

Thick, hard, strong, heavy fingers.

They don't play either. They don't tease.

They plunge.

They fuck.

Faust's fingers are deep. He knows where to touch, how to touch, and what kind of movements to make…

I catch myself whimpering in the shower. My knees bending. My hips bucking.

It never happens this quick for me when I do this on my own.

Usually it's just fun to play. Fun to relax a little. Remind myself that pleasure exists and does feel good.

But this? Just because I thought about Faust for a minute?

Holy hell…

I cover my mouth with my left hand. My eyes are wide.

I can't stop touching myself right now either.

It just feels too good.

I come. Hard.

Then I stand under the hot water, a big smile planted firmly on my face.

Not a bad way to start a day at all.