15. Is That An Anaconda In Your Pants?

IS THAT AN ANACONDA IN YOUR PANTS?

EVERETT

I kissed Penelope.

I kissed her, and the world didn't end. In fact, it felt like it was finally beginning.

When I pulled back, Pen's eyes were wide, her lips slightly parted. A drop of beer had transferred from my shirt to her cheek, and I wiped it away with my thumb.

"Ev," she whispered, her voice shaky. "What... what was that?"

"Shit. Sorry, Pen. I did that all wrong. Let me try again." I lowered my lips to hers, almost touching but not quite. "Pretty Penny, can I kiss you? Please? I might go crazy if I can't, but it's up to you. It's what you want."

"That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever asked me." Her words tickled my lips and my heart. "You don't even need to ask, because I definitely want you do kiss me again."

"I do need to ask, sweetheart." She deserved to be treated like the queen that she was, and I'd make sure she was every single day, even if she didn't think it was necessary. "Enthusiastic consent is the sexiest thing from any woman in the world, but it's even better when it's you."

I was going to kiss her again. And then again, and again. But she needed an answer to her question.

I took a deep breath, knowing that whatever I said next would change everything. No more hiding behind the guise of being her teacher. No more pretending I didn't feel what I felt every time she smiled at me.

"That," I said, my voice rougher than I intended, "was something I've wanted to do since the moment you asked me to teach you how to date. Maybe even before."

Pen blinked, processing my words. "But... but you've been trying to set me up with other guys. You organized this whole speed dating thing."

I let out a chuckle, even as my skin heated up for her. "Yeah, well, turns out I'm not as much of a love guru as everyone thinks I am. I thought if I could just find you the perfect guy, these feelings would go away. But watching you tonight, seeing how amazing you were with all those men... Pen, it was driving me crazy."

"So when you said you were hoping to go to the awards show..." She tipped her head and gave me that quizzical look I so enjoyed.

"I was going to tell Simone that I couldn't go with her because I was hoping to take you." I ran a hand through my hair, grimacing when I felt the stickiness of the beer. "But then you dumped a drink on my head before I could get the words out."

Pen's face flushed a beautiful shade of pink. "Oh god, Ev, I'm so sorry. I thought... I assumed..."

I pulled her close again, resting my forehead against hers. "It's okay. I probably deserved it for being such an idiot for far too long."

She laughed then, a soft, breathy sound that made my heart skip. "We've both been idiots, haven't we? Because that day at the coffee shop where you met Simone? I, uh, set that up. I was trying to help you find love, because Jules said you wouldn't play well if you weren't in love."

I almost choked on my own laugh. "You what?"

I was both going to torture my little sister and buy her a fucking pony. "First of all, the saying goes that Kingman men play better when we're getting laid,"I teased, then sobered.

"But, Pen, I need you to know... You aren't some one-night stand or fling to me. I have real feelings for you. Feelings that Declan is going to want to murder me for, but I'm willing to face his wrath for you."

Pen's eyes shimmered in the streetlight. "I've had a ridiculously huge crush on you for a while. I even had some, umm, dreams about you."

"Oh god, please tell me they were sex dreams, Pen. And then tell me everything we did in them so I can do it all to you for real."

She bit her lip through a smile, but her face went serious after. "I just... I didn't think someone like you could ever be interested in someone like me."

I frowned, cupping her face in my hands. "Someone like you? You mean someone smart, funny, kind, and sexy as hell? Pen, you're amazing. Any guy would be lucky to have you in their life."

"But you're the only guy I want," she said softly.

And just like that, I was kissing her again. This kiss was different from the first—less desperate—but no less passionate. It was a promise, a beginning.

When we finally came up for air, I knew I didn't want this night to end. "Come home with me," I said, the words tumbling out before I could second-guess them.

Pen's eyes widened. "So we can act out my sex dreams?"

I nodded, suddenly more sure than I'd been about anything in a long time. "Hell yeah. I want to be with you, Pen. No more lessons, no more pretending. Just us."

She bit her lip, considering for a moment, then smiled. "Okay. But you might have to give me a few more lessons. I've been told I'm not very good in bed."

"Pen." I shook my head and lifted her chin with my knuckles so she had to look at me when I told her the truth she needed to hear. "I don't know what kind of absolute dumbasses you've been dating, but later, I will use every bit of my fortune to hire angry honey badgers to neuter every single one of them. I have absolutely no doubt that not only are we going to be great in bed together, I'm betting you're going to rock my fucking world tonight."

The drive to my house was a blur of stolen glances and tentative touches. My fingers and thumb caressed Pen's thigh as I drove and pushed her dress up higher with every mile. Touching her like this felt surreal, like a sex dream I was afraid to wake up from. But this was so much better than any sex dream.

We pulled into my driveway, and reality came crashing back in the form of a frantic woman pacing on my front porch.

"Is that... Billy's mom?" Pen asked, squinting through the windshield.

I nodded, a knot of dread forming in my stomach. If Billy's mom was here this late, something was wrong. And given our history, I had a sinking feeling I knew what it was about.

We got out of the car and approached the porch. Billy's mom's face was a mask of anxiety, her eyes darting between us and the front door.

"Mr. Kingman, thank goodness you're here." She ran a hand through her already messy hair. "I've been trying to reach you for hours."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Thompson, we were at an event." One that I was hoping to continue sooner rather than later. "What's going on? Is Billy all right?"

She wrung her hands. "It's that dumb snake of his. He's escaped, again, and... and I saw him slither into your house. I'm so sorry."

The world tilted sideways. Snakey. In my house. My skin crawled at the mere thought.

"Are... are you sure?" I asked, my voice embarrassingly high-pitched.

Mrs. Thompson nodded vigorously. "Positive. I've been waiting here, hoping you'd come home. I even tried calling that nice snake wrangler lady, but she's not answering either, and I think I remember that she's out of town for Christmas."

Bile roiled in my stomach and maybe I groaned. Pen must have noticed because she squeezed my hand reassuringly.

"Okay," she said, taking charge. "We need to go in and look for her. She can't have gone far, right?"

Mrs. Thompson and Pen looked at me expectantly. I swallowed hard, trying to quell the panic rising in my chest. "Right. Yeah. We should... we should go in and look."

I fumbled with my keys, my hands shaking so badly I could barely get the door open. As it swung inward, I half expected to see Snakey coiled on the welcome mat, ready to strike.

But the entryway was empty. Silent. Which was even worse.

"I'll check the living room," Pen offered.

"And I'll look in the kitchen," Mrs. Thompson added.

They both turned to me, waiting. I opened my mouth, but no words came out. The thought of walking into my own home knowing that slithery demon was in here somewhere, probably in my fucking bedroom...

"Ev?" Pen's voice was soft, concerned. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head, unable to lie. "I... I can't. I'm sorry, but I just... I can't go in there knowing she's loose."

Understanding dawned in Pen's eyes. She squeezed my hand again. "It's okay. We've got this. You wait out here, alright?"

Guilt and relief warred inside me as I nodded. I watched as Pen and Mrs. Thompson ventured into the house, feeling like the world's biggest coward. I was going to turn that fucking snake into a pair of boots. Or maybe a purse for Penelope.

Shit. No I wasn't. Billy loved his stupid snake.

The minutes crawled by like hours. Every rustle, every muffled exclamation from inside the house had me jumping. I paced the porch, alternating between peering anxiously through the windows and staring at the front door, willing it to open.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Pen and Mrs. Thompson emerged. Their expressions told me everything I needed to know.

"We couldn't find him," Pen said gently. "We looked everywhere, Ev. He must be hiding really well."

I almost blurted out the question of whether she'd checked my pants, but Mrs. Thompson would probably take that as a very inappropriate innuendo, and I didn't need more gossip about me and Pen floating around the neighborhood.

Mrs. Thompson nodded. "We'll have to wait for the snake wrangler. I'm so sorry, Mr. Kingman. I feel terrible about this."

I waved off her apology, my mind racing. I couldn't stay here. Not with Snakey on the loose. But I couldn't ask Pen to leave, not after everything that had happened between us tonight.

In a split-second decision, I turned to Pen. "You should go home. I've got a plan."

She looked like she wanted to argue, but something in my expression stopped her. She nodded, kissed me on the cheek, and headed across the street.

As I watched her pop inside Declan's front door, I took a deep breath. Time for Plan B.

I just hoped Dec wouldn't mind an unexpected houseguest.

I waited seven whole minutes until I grabbed my go bag, packed for the hotel for tomorrow night. It might be Christmas Eve, but Coach Shananagan was still adamant that we slept alone the night before a game. He did give us a bit more leeway and had a whole Christmas Eve party for the guys with kids where he dressed up as Santa and gave out presents. The guy might be tough on us, but he loved kids.

Ten long minutes after Pen snuck back into the house, I stood on Declan's porch, my bag slung over my shoulder. It was well past midnight, and I felt a twinge of guilt as I knocked on the door. I sent him a text to say I was coming over, but he didn't even read it. Desperate times called for desperate measures, and a loose snake definitely made me very desperate.

After what felt like an eternity, the door swung open. Declan stood there in his pajama pants, looking confused and slightly annoyed. Kelsey was behind him in nothing but one of his t-shirts. I'd definitely interrupted some sexy times.

Sorry, not sorry.

"Ev? What the hell, man? It's the middle of the night."

I tried for a casual smile. "Hey, bro. So, funny story..."

Five minutes later, I was sitting on their couch, recounting the evening's events. Well, most of them. I left out the part about kissing Pen and inviting her back to my place. Because I didn't need to get murdered tonight.

"Let me get this straight," Declan said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "There's a snake loose in your house, and now you want to crash here?"

I nodded, trying to look as pathetic as possible. "Just until the snake wrangler can come when she gets back after her Christmas vacation. Please, Dec. You know how I feel about snakes."

Declan sighed, but I could see the corner of his mouth twitching. "Fine. You can stay in the basement. I just finished renovating it so Kels can have a home studio, so try not to break anything, okay?"

Hells to the yeah. "Thanks, man. I owe you one."

Just then, we heard footsteps on the stairs. "Dec? Kels? What's going on?"

My heart skipped as beat as Pen appeared, dressed in pajamas with her hair up in a messy bun. She looked like she'd been in bed, but her eyes were alert as they met mine.

"Ev?" she asked, surprise coloring her voice. "What are you doing here?"

For a moment, I forgot how to speak. She looked so soft, so beautiful, and all I wanted to do was pull her into my arms and kiss her senseless.

Later.

Declan, oblivious to the tension, answered for me. "Apparently, there's a snake on the loose at Casa Everett. He's going to crash downstairs until it's sorted."

Pen's eyes widened in understanding, and Kelsey gave her a disconcerting look. "Oh. That's... okay, that's cool."

I cleared my throat, trying to regain my composure. "Yeah, I hope you don't mind me invading your space like this."

She shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips. "Not at all. I probably wouldn't have even known you were here until tomorrow morning, right?"

Declan yawned, stretching his arms above his head. But Kelsey folded her arms and tapped her toe. "Well, now that that's settled, we should all get some sleep. And Jules wants to take the girls shopping for the gift family gift exchange in the suite on Christmas."

This was the perfect distraction for Kelsey. "It'll be your first one with us. You're going to love it. You all get to have a whole-ass Christmas party while we play."

Pen nodded, her eyes flickering to mine. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Great," Declan grinned. "Hey, Pen, remind me to tell you about the bedazzled jockstrap Ev got for Christmas a few years back. It's a classic Kingman tale."

Oh god. Older brothers were the worst. "Dec, I swear to God..."

Pen laughed, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "Oh, I definitely need to hear this story."

Declan chuckled and started heading upstairs. "Tomorrow, I promise. Now everybody go to fucking bed. Ev, you know what the blankets and shit are."

Declan had to practically drag Kelsey back up the stairs, and I swear she wagged her finger at Pen. God, I hope she didn't suspect. As their footsteps faded, Pen and I were left alone in the living room. The air between us crackled with unspoken words and barely restrained desire.

"So," I said, taking a step closer to her. "Fancy meeting you here."

She bit her lip, looking up at me through her lashes. "Seems like the universe wants us together tonight, one way or another."

I reached out, tucking a stray curl behind her ear. "Maybe we should stop fighting the universe, then."

Pen's breath hitched. "We definitely should."

In one swift motion, I picked her up into my arms princess style, capturing her lips in a searing kiss as soon as she wrapped her arms around my neck. She melted against me as she kissed me back with equal fervor.

When we finally came up for air, I rested my forehead against hers. "Want to go break in Declan's fancy new basement?"

"Why, Mr. Kingman, is that an anaconda in your pants or…?"

Oh Jesus. "Too soon, Pen, too soon."