1. Why Does It Have to Be Snakes?

WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SNAKES?

EVERETT

T here are three things that I love in life.

Family.

Football.

And making a woman come...so hard they forget their own name.

And to be honest, family and football aren't even a close second.

Don't get me wrong. I absolutely adore my family. I like that they come to me to be their love guru. Family game night with all my siblings and my dad is a deep passion, especially when I win. I would drop everything if any Kingman ever needed me.

And football? Well, football is life.

But what's life without a well-loved woman warming your bed to make it all the better?

I'll tell you something I don't love. The fucking anaconda in my pants.

No, I'm not talking about my dick, despite the nickname I happen to know the entire crew of Mustangs cheerleaders call me. I mean the actual, yellow-spotted snake flicking its tongue at me while curled up in my discarded jeans from last night.

"Why does it have to be snakes?"

I skirted all the way around the edge of my kitchen, sprinted across the living room, and bolted out the sliding glass door into my backyard. At least this time I had a robe on. How embarrassing would it be to have to yell at the neighbor kid butt naked?

"Billy! Billy! Come get your pet snake out of my house before I go all Indiana Jones on it." I'd already done my best Indy impression by running the fuck away from the giant ass snake in my house.

I couldn't actually see the kid, but I knew he was there by the telltale football being tossed up and down like every morning. Billy was in the pee-wee league this year and if his snake didn't strangle him in his sleep first, he might get good since he was always practicing in his backyard. "Who is Indiana Jones?"

"Who is...?" Kids today. Nobody made them watch the classics. My dad had a love of all things movies. If it wasn't family game night on Sundays, it was movie night. Best way to keep eight rowdy kids occupied, for a few hours anyway. "Never mind. Just come get your damn snake."

"Yes, sir."

Oh gawd. I was a sir? I mean, kudos for the respectfulness and all, but I was only twenty-five. I didn't deserve sir status until I was at least forty, right? Or unless I had a cute little subby girl in my bed. She could call me sir all she wanted. "It's just Everett or Ev, kid."

Billy scrambled his way up their side of the fence and plopped down into my backyard. "No, sir. My dad wouldn't like that."

His dad didn't seem to like much, but he did like the Mustangs. Probably why Billy was always practicing. I knew what it was like trying to please your old man. Except mine was always proud of all of us no matter what or how we did.

I pointed at my open back door and the kid jogged inside, returning quickly with his snake dangling around his neck and shoulders.

"Keep that snake out of my house for a week, and you and I can toss the ball around next week, okay?"

"Sorry, sir. I'll try my best." He hefted his snake a bit more and she flicked her tongue over his ear. I shivered out the heebie-jeebies that gave me. "She's a sneaky one. I didn't even know she was loose again. She sure likes your house a lot."

"Yeah, I've noticed." This wasn't the first time I woke up to a surprise snake in my house.

Billy climbed back over the fence, and I swear that snake looked back at me longingly and flicked its tongue at me. I'd stick out my tongue back at it, but it would probably take that as a taunt and come slithering back to wrap itself around my head and crush my skull.

Bleh-wheh-eh. Shiver.

Fucking snakes. How anyone had one for a pet was beyond me.

After starting my morning with the extra workout of snake wrangling in my blood, practice was going to be a cake walk. I got dressed and loaded up my gear. Declan and I were carpooling today, so his fiancée, Kelsey, who I would admit to having more than a little crush on, and her assistant, who I would not admit to having any sort of crush on whatsoever—because she was totally off limits—could have my car.

I headed across the street to his place and sauntered in the front door, left open for me. I tossed the keys on the counter for Kelsey and went searching for my brother."Dec? You ready to go?"

That's when I saw Penelope, and my heart stopped.

She was lying motionless in the middle of the living room floor, covered in a writhing mass of—god damn it—snakes. Hundreds of them. My brain short-circuited, fight-or-flight instincts warring with each other.

"Pen," I croaked out. My utter fear of snakes was going to have to shut the fuck up, because I had to rescue a girl in mortal peril.

I shook out my hands, bounced on my feet and squealed like a scared baby bird as I dove in, my hands frantically sweeping away the serpents. "Hold on, Pen, I've got you."

"Everett?" She was moaning or crying or dying right in front of my eyes. I ripped a handful of snakes from her face and her sobs rang in my ears or... wait, was she... laughing? I paused, a handful of suspiciously lightweight snakes in my grip, and looked down at Penelope's face.

She was grinning up at me, eyes sparkling with mirth.

"My hero," she said, giggling. "I think you can stop choking the snakes though."

I blinked at her, finally registering that the snakes in my hands were fake and made of rubber. The floor around us was littered with faux reptiles of assorted colors and sizes.

"What the actual hell?" I fell back on my ass, tossing the remaining snakes at Penelope's head. It was going to take hours running drills to burn off the enormous amount of adrenaline pumping through me.

Penelope sat up, fake snakes sliding off her like the world's weirdest blanket. She reached for me, grabbing onto my shoulders, and damn if I didn't lean into her touch. Her face had dropped from hilarity to empathy. "Sorry, Ev. We didn't mean to scare you. Kelsey and I are taking pictures for social media, you know, to hint at her new album drop."

I ran a hand through my hair, feeling equal parts relieved and foolish. "Right. Of course. Because that's a totally normal thing to do on a Wednesday morning."

"Says the guy who just dove into a pit of snakes to save me," Penelope teased. "That really was very heroic."

Declan walked in with Kelsey and looked around the remnants of his living room, taking in the damage after the snake tornado. There were several hanging from the chandelier and every lamp in the place was knocked over by snake torpedoes.

"Whoa," Declan said, taking in the scene. "What'd we miss?"

Kelsey's eyes lit up. "Oh my god, did you get action shots? This is going to be perfect for InstaSnap."

Penelope laughed. "Even better. Everett just tried to rescue me from certain death by rubber snake. It's all on camera."

Declan nearly choked on his coffee. "Ev? Mr. I-Can't-Even-Watch-Snakes-On-TV did all of this to that pile of fake snakes?"

I took a shaky-ass breath. "Hey, I thought she was in trouble."

"Aw, that's sweet," Kelsey cooed. "Terrified of snakes but still willing to save a damsel in distress."

"I'm not terrified," I protested weakly. "Just... you know, snakes are dangerous."

Penelope stood up, brushing off the last of the fake snakes and offering me a hand up. "Well, scared or not, I appreciate the rescue attempt." She patted my arm, sending an unexpected jolt through me. "Your secret's safe with us, snake charmer. And by us, I mean me, Kelsey, and the Besties. I'll be sure to tag you in the post on InstaSnap."

I rolled my eyes and took her hand. A little zing went up my arm and it took me a beat too long to let go. "Yeah, yeah. Dec, we better get going or we'll be late for practice. Kels, keys are on the counter."

I headed right out the front door, giving the lot of them the bird for trying to murder me with fake snakes. Was the universe trying to tell me something this morning? If it was, I had no idea what, and snakes were not the way I wanted to be informed.

I glanced back into the living room from the doorway at Pen. She was arranging the fake snakes around her again, laughing at something Kelsey said. My heart literally skipped a beat. Because of the snakes.

Not because Penelope's cheeks were flushed and her eyes sparkling, or the fact that she caught me looking and winked at me.

I hopped into the passenger side of Dec's truck, still freaked the fuck out. We pulled out of the driveway, and the girls were visible through the window, laughing as Penelope arranged more of those rubber abominations. I stared until Dec chucked me on the jaw to force me to close my mouth, which I didn't realize was hanging open.

Because... snakes. Not drooling or anything.

"You okay there, bro?" Declan asked, a smirk playing at the corner of his mouth. "You look like you're lusting after my fiancée. Or, you know, a bunch of fake snakes."

"Ha-ha," I deadpanned. "You're hilarious. Let's just get to practice."

My brain kept replaying the scene like I was watching game tape the whole drive. The fear, the adrenaline, the way I'd dove in without a second thought. It was ridiculous, really. If it had been anyone else lying there... Well, I probably would've run screaming in the opposite direction.

Snakes, man.

But it was Penelope.

I had to do something.

I shook my head, trying to clear the image of her all pink and giddy from my mind. Nope. Not going there. Penelope was off-limits, end of story. She worked for Kelsey, who was marrying my brother. Almost a sister-in-law. She was practically family for crying out loud.

Declan would murder anyone who looked at Pen wrong.

I. Was. Not. Looking.

By the time we reached the practice field, I'd almost convinced myself I was over the whole snake fiasco. Almost.

"Alright, Kingman," the running coach bellowed as soon as I stepped onto the field. "Let's see if you can catch as well as you wrangle snakes."

I groaned and glared over at Dec who was stretching and grinning his face off. If I didn't end up with some kind of a snake-themed nickname by the end of the day, it would be a miracle.

And everyone thought he was nothing more than a grump. Dec was a big old gossip is what he was. I blamed Kelsey for that. She brought out the fun-loving side of him again.

They were sickeningly in love, and it had happened just like it should have. Love at first sight. I mean, to be fair, everyone probably fell a little bit in love with the world's biggest pop star on sight, but Dec had been hit by lightning.

Our dad had said that was exactly how it happened for him with mom too.

We should all be so lucky.

So far, no lightning strikes for me.

We ran drills, prepping for our next game, and I threw myself into the practice with some extra fervor. I needed to work through this adrenaline and a different sort of buzz under my skin. Each catch, each sprint, each play was a chance to burn off some of this weird energy.

Snakes and lightning strikes. What the actual fuck was going on in my head right now?

"Nice catch, Ev," Hayes shouted as I jumped and snagged a pass out of the air. "You snaked right through those defenders."

I flipped off my little brother, but I was also grinning, finally settling into practice. The thrill of the game I loved refocused my mind. This was where I belonged. On the field, with my team, doing what I did best. Well, besides modeling underwear and making women forget their names with my head between their legs.

The way she'd look up at me, bedhead of red curls, calling me her hero. The feel of her hands on my shoulders. The wink she'd throw my way as I left.

"Focus, Kingman." Coach's voice snapped me back to reality just in time to avoid getting beaned in the head with another pass.

Shit.

I shook my head, annoyed at myself. So much for that focus. I was distracted as shit, and it was ridiculous. Penelope was just a friend. A sisterly figure. Someone I absolutely should not be fantasizing about in any way, shape, or form.

And yet...

Nope. No. Absolutely not. If my head was going anywhere, it was not between Penelope's deliciously thick thighs. Dammit. I needed my head in the game.

After practice I'd pull out my black book of a phone and get a date. Or better yet, pop down to Peachy Creek and find a bar or a club and find myself a whole bevy of chances to get struck by lightning. Or at least get laid.

Everyone knew Kingman men played better when we were getting laid. And I always played great.

"Head in the game, head in the game," I muttered to myself as I jogged back to the sidelines for a water break before my next turn to run the play of the day. "Get it together."

I was Everett Kingman, the guy who could charm any woman with a wink and a smile. The last thing I needed was to get hung up on the one woman who was absolutely, unequivocally off-limits.

I gulped down some water, splashed some on my face, and noticed the cheerleaders lining up for some new social media thing the PR team was doing with them. I could probably talk any one of them into a quickie in the locker room if I wanted to.

In fact, I had done it more than once in the past couple years playing for the Mustangs. A couple of them even gave me cute little waves. Football players and cheerleaders went together like peanut butter and jelly.

But for once in my life, I was craving something a little more grown up. Something red hot and spicy. I rubbed my chest, already getting heartburn.

Fuck my life, or rather my love life. If I was any one of my brothers, I could just gather the fam and get some advice. But I was the one they all came too, and there was no way in hell I was going to any one of my family members for help with this particular problem. Declan would find out in two-point-two seconds flat, and then I'd get flattened. Bunch of gossipy gossips and not a one of them could keep a secret.

Except maybe my baby sister, Jules. She could be a vault when she wanted to be. But that was a big if.

No, I needed to solve this myself. There wasn't even anything to solve. So I had a little crush on Penelope. She wasn't the one . I'd have known.

Best to just push her out of my mind, go out and meet some new women who might be my one and only.

"Hey, Ev," Chris called out to me and sent a spiral right at my chest. "I hear you've got a snake in your boot."

Just what I needed. More older brothers to find out about the snake thing and tease me about it for the next twenty-some-odd years. That's how long it had taken to get him to stop telling all seven of the rest of us kids that there was a lion in the toilet who roared when we flushed.

"You're wrong. There's a snake in my pants." If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I started singing, "My anaconda don't?—"

Chris chuckled and held up his hand for me to stop. "Do not finish that line, or I'll get the whole song stuck in my head the rest of the day."

Hayes jogged over and grabbed himself some water. "Hey, Anaconda. Can you come over to game with me and the twins this weekend? Isak's out, dad's orders."

Christ. There it was. Anaconda.

Guess I was lucky my new nickname wasn't something cringy like Cobra Kai or Sir Hiss.

Hayes, the twins, and Isak had quiet the following on their video game live streams, with sponsors and everything. Since Penelope had started playing with them too, she brought in the Bestie crowd, so their viewer numbers had quadrupled. She fit in with them just like a little sister, giving just as much shit as she got. It was cute AF.

I wasn't going to hang with my little brothers. Not when Sundays were prime ladies' nights for me. If we won, everyone wanted to be with a star. If we lost, everyone wanted to comfort the star. It was the perfect time to find a love connection and forget all about a certain redhead. "I don't think so, kid. Who else is gonna be there?"

Maybe he was planning on putting on a show for this new girl he was pining after. I would like to see that.

He shrugged and frowned like I'd just asked who I was picking to win the bowl game this year. "Just Flynn, Gryff, and Pen, like usual."

Just as I thought. The last place I should be. "I'll be there."